Mini caps of Toddlers and Tiaras and Celebrity Rehab
Toddlers and Tiaras: DearCrabby
Hello Gasmii, Santa was good to us by bringing us the season premier of Toddlers & Tiaras and it does not disappoint. Is it me, or are kids these days in dire need of an ass-whipping?
This episode gives us a perfectionist who I can assure you will one day be a cutter, new-money trailer trash with twins (alliteration!), and a double-dipper in the T&T world, that little snot Mackenzie! Don’t remember? Let me help you…NI-NI! NI-NI! NI-NI! Yeah, I’ve got your ni-ni right here, you little monster.
At yet another Gold Coast pageant, these four kids compete for a grand prize of $1,000 and the chance to brag to all the friends they don’t have. Mackenzie’s mother looks defeated as her child continues to channel Satan (and once again, dad is nowhere to be found…probably because he has a second NORMAL family he likes to spend time with). Eight year old Danielle constantly calls herself beautiful and I can assure you she’ll be on that new show about strange addictions for eating cat litter or balloons. She’s a brat who has no sense of good sportsmanship – spoiler alert – just wait until you see her reaction when one of the twins kicks her ass in the supreme pan pizza division. Even after she won tons of trophies and crowns for other categories, she crashes and burns like a model airplane.
What also continues to baffle is the absolute denial these parents are in – about their kids’ “diva” behavior (it’s called bad manners and no discipline), about their kids’ abilities to become “celebrities” (not attached to any career or accomplishment a la Paris Hilton), and how much money is too much (new money trailer trash estimates she spent $250,000 on her one year old twins in pageants – thank God for those extended tax cuts!). I’d like to see a new show, Toddlers & Tiaras: The Reality Comes Crashing Down Years. Can you imagine the washed-up ni-ni? Now that would be entertainment!
Celebrity Rehab 4: Swellmel
In last night’s episode, Dr. Drew invites our addicts and their families to a lake house retreat.
“Dear Alex, re-enforce those sconces. Two years from now Leif Garrett will do rhythmic gymnastics during a Celebrity Rehab retreat and knock them off the wall.”
Then on a Hollywood outing rebel Leif Garrett makes a beer run for our rehabbers.
Leif – “No TV and no beer makes Homer go crazy.”
Check back tomorrow for the complete recap.