About Last Night: Thursday

American Idol: PottyMouth

Last night American Idol traveled to Vegas where the sixty-one remaining contestants broke off into duos and trios to desecrate perform a Beatles song of their choice. They were given twenty-four hours to rehearse as well as a vocal coach to help them out. Or berate them and tell them how awful they are. Fun times!

I have to tell you Gasmi, I absolutely LOVE The Beatles, so to hear some of these kids say they’ve never even heard a Beatles song? Kick their fucking asses out immediately. For real.

Other than a couple of good performances, I wasn’t too impressed. Of course only half of the two hours were devoted to that, so maybe there were more good numbers hidden in there somewhere. Maybe.

The second hour of the show was devoted to telling the forty people who made it past the Beatles whether or not they made it through to the top twenty-four. Always a RIVETING part of the show. What’s crazy is that they spent about an hour telling only five people that they got through. UGH.

Also? J-Lo has a breakdown so Randy and Steven will tell her how awesome she is at her job. She just doesn’t want to do this anymore you guys! Puh-lease. Someone needs to show her that paycheck she’s getting and tell her to shut the fuck up.

Come back in a couple of days and we’ll get J-Lo a tissue, discuss Gollum getting married, and oh yeah, we may even talk about some singing while we’re at it. Probably only for about half of the time. See you there!

ANTM: P-Baby Walker

America’s Next Top Model is back tonight in fine form if you consider an Ashton Kutcher reference in the first 30 seconds of your CW show fine.  Which I don’t, unless this is 2003.  Actually, it might be 1988 seeing as one of the new girls has a rat tail.  No seriously, a rat tail.  The Banks also referenced Shalom Harlow which made me feel super old.  Needless to say, The Banks and I are not on speaking terms at the moment.

In a move that I don’t totally disapprove of, Tyra decides to forgo all the casting bullshit of seasons past and picks the 14 girls right away from the group that shows up for the fake casting.  There is some Mean Girl behavior when Tyra makes the selected 14 believe they are going home and the ones that are actually going home think they are staying.  I’m all about fucking with people but holy cow Banks, these girls are already malnourished and on the ledge and you just gave them that extra nudge off of it, didn’t you?  In the 14, you’ve got your “fat” one who’s not so much fat as she is just out of shape, a quirky one, some generic blonds, a perky southern bell, and some exotic looking girls who I think are going to photograph well.  I’ll wait and give them the benefit of a second episode before passing even more judgment.

The selected 14 meet with guest judge Erin Wasson (WTF?) and photographer Russell James (WTF?) and are charged with the task of walking a runway in a giant clear beach ball that makes me reminisce for Jennifer Connelly and Goblin King David Bowie circa sexual tension-filled bubble scene in Labyrinth.  I guess it’s going to be another high fashion season with nary an MTV has-been or Kardashian in sight.  Who are these people?  Did I even spell their names right?  Do I care enough to Google?  In the words of a non white powdery 8-Ball, my sources say no.

Anyway Gasmii, check back in a few days for the full run down on our new cast of ladies, who the front runners might be, and who’s probably nursing some sort of eating disorder.  Also, Andre is no longer dressing in organza Snuggies.  It’s going to be awesome.

Law and Order: Flipit

OK to add to an About Last Night when I didn’t even watch anything is pretty lame, I’ll admit that right up front. But I got an email this morning from a reader named Heather (thanks lady!) reminding me that the Countess was on Law and Order Last Night! LOL! DAMMIT I FORGOT. Unfortunately, it’s super hard to catch a Law and order repeat these days, so I’ll just have to hope that I catch it. In the meantime, I would love it if you guys told me what she was like. xo