About Last Night: Thursday

Recaps

By Staff | Thursday, March 3, 2011 | 11:07 am | 27 Comments
Tagged: , , ,
Posted in: About Last Night, Featured, Recaps

Mini caps of Top Chef and America’s Next Top Model

Screen Shot 2011-03-03 At 11.03.42 Am


Top Chef: J-Mo

Hey yawl! Ah’m sew jayluss thayat Fuleyeepit got tah recayap the eypisowud weeyuth Pawaluh Deen eein it, ah fayelt lahk ah woanna go deep-frah sum mayanayaze and peeyickles an wraht thiyis enTAHR miyini-cayap eein Suthairn ayacksint but that is already getting really annoying so I’ll stop.

WOW, what can I say about tonight’s episode of Top Chef. I laughed and cried and burped and farted and cried some more and then I was kind of a bitch but not totally, so I guess I was sorta like Sexist Pigshit, because that was his m.o. for the evening.

The QuickFire challenge tonight was almost like the famous Vending Machine challenge of Season Two, the chefs were put on a fairy, I mean a ferry, and stuck in the snack bar and told to make some gourmet shit out of tortilla chips and Cheez Wiz. Unfortunately for BlazeHawk, most snack bars don’t come equipped with liquid nitrogen, so he had to resort to using other chemicals, such as salt and Lemon Pledge. Also, the chefs had to make their dish in the time it takes to go from Brooklyn to Ellis Island. Which, for people like me who have never been to New York City, could mean they had anywhere from six minutes to eleventy-seventeen hours. I need to learn geography better. But I know where Beaumont, Texas is!

Anyhow, after some people made nachos and hot dogs and bun soup and popcorn with DOTS in it, the chefs disembarked at Ellis Island and were handed books containing their genie– genealo– genenelologo– FUCK, their family history. At this point we find out that LowFatSo and Sexist Pigshit are actually RELATED. Dear God, there was a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gramma LowPigFatShit at some point and now SexPig likes the fact that he’s competing with his cuz. He’s still going to burp and fart at her, but now he does it with love. Also, the chefs each get to see a family member (LowFatSo, SexPig and ChesTiffany get their moms, while BlazeHawk gets his wife and Beaker gets Mr. Hootie Hoo, who just happens to be GOR-JUSS!).

The Elimination Challenge is all about making a dish based on their family history, and the family members are all present at the dining table, so this was a little bit tense. And this is where the episode started spinning out of control and keeping me guessing, right up until the very end. Honestly, this is the first time in many years of watching this show that I was feeling all twisty and uncertain about who was going home and who was going to move on to the Finals (in the BAHAMAS). Check back in a few days for the recap (and just so you guys know… SPOILER ALERT… we discuss the outcome in the upcoming PodGasm). And thanks again for all the birthday wishes, the ‘Gasmii are the bestest!

America’s Next Top Model: P-Baby Walker

Last night on ANTM, we were treated to some house drama as well as a new way to store and marinate barbeque chicken. While it was no where near up to par as ANTM fights past, it will still decent to see Alexandria turn into a hosebeast when she was informed pretty politely by Dalya that it’s fucking disgusting to store raw chicken in a cereal bowl in the communal fridge. Also, Alexandria is fugly.

Which leads me to another point. There are at least 3, if not 4 or 5 girls this cycle who aren’t cute at all. As in, if I brought them over to my house if we were friends, Mama P-Baby would do the mom
thing where she says, “Oh, P-Baby, Sara is such a fun girl but she’s quite homely, isn’t she?” where it sounds like she’s saying something nice but in reality, she just called your friend ugly.

So anyway, raw chicken and ugly girls aside, the models go to this theater with a corny acting coach named Eugene (Eugene? Really?) and he makes them do this horrendously embarrassing exercise where they scream at stick figure drawings. It’s all ridiculous until Ondrei’s
turn berating the sticks.

The photo shoot involves some gnarly makeup, dark lipstick, and a bunch of bees which is a threesome I don’t want to be a part of. Check back in a few days for the full recap and to see who has the fortunate luck of being kicked off before this train wreck really gets
rolling.

About

27 Comments

  1. 1
    LAC
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Yeah, Mr. Hootie Hoo was a wowwy woww! But having seen him and Carla in person at our local Target (yes, girlfriend lives in our area), I could have told you that. And yes, she is very nice and gracious to stupid, sputtering fans.

  2. 2
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 11:46 am

    No way. I just had to write marketing copy for a Baymont Inn & Suites in Beaumont, Texas. Gator Country! Lucas Gusher!

    Sit a spell. Take ya shoes off.

    Earth is Carla’s adopted planet. Her people actually come from a small moon on the far side of Uranus. When she bugs her eyes out like that? She’s breathing. That wild thicket of hair is actually a sub-space radio transmitter.

    I think Padma’s on to her, though.

    Padma will lead the underground resistance. I will, of course, never, ever leave her side. And we will send those Uranusians packing.

  3. 3
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 11:59 am

    So, J-Mo, was it the pink spandex jumpsuit and gold bolero jacket that made Isabella likable?

  4. 4
    2muchbravo
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    OK notwithoutmytv. 3PM. Behind the gym. You better bring Miss Hathaway to protect your ass because NO ONE disses Beaker! She can Hootie Hoo with the best of those snobby CIA and FCI chefs.

  5. 5
    2muchbravo
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Oh, and I think the judges were finally forced to think with something other than their taste buds this time around. I was literally getting queazy up until the verdict was read it was so tense.

  6. 6
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    If there are guys like Mr. Hootie Hoo hanging out on Match.com, I just may have to open an account. I knew scouring craigslist was a bad idea. kidding! Nothing’s wrong with snookin’ for love on craigslist. If anything, it keeps me current on dating acronyms. P&P, D/D, TGIF..

    @LAC: When you saw Beaker in Target, I hoped you pointed out the tablecloths.

  7. 7
    zerocool
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Padma was just a little too excited about Match.com – the wheels were spinning: “looking for older, rich gentleman who wants a little spice in his life…”

  8. 8
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Padma should really check out Craigslist. All type of rich, older men hang out on there. Once, I even met a Congressman.

  9. 9
    JimbobJones
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Man, I was super-pissed about a couple of people who didn’t get eliminated in TC. Definitely a tense show.

    @zerocool — seriously, you think that men in the age bracket Padma is looking for would know how to use a computer? Or what one was?

    How the hell did Blais get a good-looking woman? She must really like flash-frozen food.

    I am surprised to have actually liked Pigshit a bit this episode. Blais managed to be a douche, still, so everything balances out.

    Shouldn’t the “make good food out of random crap” shows come EARLY in the season? It seems they’ve put a lot of the “non cooking” ones at the end.

    And one last thing — I’m REALLY happy for the person that one the EC.

    Hahaha — my Captcha code is “No SHiT” (NSHT)

  10. 10
    JimbobJones
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Did I just type “won” as “one”? Crap, I need to PMKAG.

  11. 11
    LAC
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Sarcas – LOL!! I was too busy looking like a goober to say anything intelligent.

    Craigslist got less interesting once they took away the hookup ads. Nothing funnier to do: some girlfriends, wine, and perusing those ads for giggles. And some of them got to the point – “need dick? Call me” and (bonus) a picture – hence, the need for wine…

  12. 12
    lestermaddox
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Blais was so pissy about the quickfire. Carla just made orange slices with stuff on top. Yeah, and you pulled out an MRE and made hot dogs with stuff on top. Does pulling an MRE out of your knife bag somehow make you special? Personally, I think it rather violated the challenge – the one that said “make something from the items you find in the snack bar”. Ugh – he was getting on my last nerve last night.

    Padma totally punked me at judges table – when she told a certain someone to “pack your knives” I was already jumping up to do my happy dance – and then she said “because you are going to the Bahamas” I was all NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Good thing the only one in the house to hear me yelling at the tv was the dog.

    All in all it was a good episode. I liked the family thing. They did say that Richard’s wife was there because his mother died a couple of months ago, but they didn’t say anything about Carla’s Mother – which makes me wonder why her husband was there instead.

  13. 13
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    I love how when everyone was saying goodbye to their loved ones, and hugging and kissing, Richard Blaise was trying to get reassurance about his dish.
    Wife: “I love you, honey.”
    Blaise: “Yea, but what about my dish?”

    I’m sure pillow talk in their bedroom is segg-zay!

    @LAC: My friends and I used to do that, too! Did they really take down the hookup ads? I heard about the escort services being removed.. although, I’m sure if anyone wants to ‘critique’ the full-frontals, they need not look further than the m4m ads.. or, there’s always Chatroulette. hehe

  14. 14
    Elmstreet
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Richard’s wife has an awesome ninja death glare (as displayed during the dinner). Anyone who can make Tom stammer like that gets a pass in my book. Maybe that’s why they were assholes to him during Judge’s Table.

  15. 15
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Richard’s wife has been frigid ever since he gave her glasswarts.

  16. 16
    Fan-Ann
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    LOL at sarcas. Sounds painful!

  17. 17
    ElmStreet
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    So do you take medicine to treat glasswarts, or do they freeze them off like other warts by using nitrogen?

  18. 18
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Of course, these are Richard’s glasswarts, so they can only be treated with liquid nitrogen. After treatment, his wife was made to soak in a tub full of MRE packs. I hear she’s healing nicely.

  19. 19
    Jimbob Jones
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Sarcas — “glasswarts” was a typo — she caught his “asswarts”, and couldn’t sit for a week. Sadly, one of the asswarts sprouted hair and became his head.

  20. 20
    2muchbravo
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    I caught the very end when they reran it tonight and Blaise was such a pussy at judges’s table. He was making all these pouty faces. I think Gail even mentioned it in her blog. And, I think the MRE was pushing the bar a little bit too. If someone else had done it, Blaise would have had a hissy fit.
    Sooooo happy for the EC winner! YAY! The previews for the finale look good.

  21. 21
    Sue sylvester
    Posted March 3, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    But where were you in retrospect to staten island?

  22. 22
    LAC
    Posted March 4, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Sarcas…maybe they didn’t. I thought it was all the sex related ads. I think there is a filtering thingie added to get those pictures under control. And I knew I liked you for a reason! LMAO!!

    I told you guys, Blais will take the fun out of anything. I imagine he sneers at “The Joy of Cooking”

  23. 23
    oodle_noodle
    Posted March 4, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    I think giving away a car in All Stars at this point, when so many of them had already won cars in their season (Richard, Carla) or this season (Mike) seems…superfluous?

    Damn this episode for making me like Pigshit a little. Maybe his grandma dying was what made him have such issues with women? DAMN YOU TOP CHEF FOR MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIS ASS!!!

  24. 24
    oodle_noodle
    Posted March 4, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    **Making ME make excuses for his ass. Blah.

  25. 25
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted March 4, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    Lester, didn’t Carla say something a while back about her mother passing away. Might have been during her season. Or am I just halucinating (again)?

  26. 26
    Fan-Ann
    Posted March 4, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    But the one who won the car hadn’t won one, or cash, and I don’t remember any trips. So, it seemed pretty great to me. It certainly took away the sting from having others collect so much loot in other quickfires. But as for the winner of the finale, my slogan remains Anyone But Pigshit!

  27. 27
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted March 4, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Ok I googled and it looks like I was halucinating. But I did find a really great article about Carla. It makes me like her even more. Who knew that was possible!
    http://www.washingtonflyer.com/departments/dining-dc/carla-hall-woman-taste

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