American Idol: IceQueen
Well, well, well Idol… you make me enjoy your show two nights in a row! What’s up with the commitment to quality, creative programming?? OK, if American Idol is still sitting on your DVR and you want to watch it, stop reading now because it was a doozy of a show. Seacrest lets us know from the beginning that 30 million votes came in and the outcome is probably gonna floor you.
But first — remember how Seacrest pointed out on Wednesday night that Randy hadn’t accused anyone of being pitchy all night? Turns out it’s because JLo brought in her skeletal husband to show the kids how to use the “ears,” those giant things they stick down their ear holes so that they can hear the mix on stage. So this week they could finally hear themselves and the instruments and not just the sound of Steven Tyler snoring at the judge’s table.
Now that everyone can hear, the Top 11 perform “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” And Naima and Paul haven’t quite figured the “ears” thing out, yet. Way to bring down the group performance, ya’ll. At the end, they bring out Stevie Wonder to do “Signed, Sealed, Delivered.” Then Stevie sings “Happy Birthday” to Steven Tyler who turned 356.
Later, Lauren, Pia and Scotty are called on stage. Ryan tells them to pack their bags… because-they’re-going-on-summer-tour! After that Sugarland performs and it’s pretty cool but also a little awkward because they’ve clearly dressed Jennifer Nettles in the style they think “the kids are wearing” these days and it’s all colorful and tight and then she starts rapping and it’s like, oh ok, it’s a country music lady who also fancies herself a rapp-ist.That word really needed an extra “p” and hyphen — just to be on the safe side.
Next we learn that James Durbin loves wrestling and uses his love of wrestling as an excuse to romp around and play grabass with Stefano. Seacrest calls James and Paul on stage and I think to myself “Paul’s in trouble.” But then Seacrest says neither one of them are safe. And then Hulk Hogan comes out to “Eye of the Tiger.” And everybody’s like “what’s going on?!?!” Hulk says James and Paul are safe… but Ryan isn’t. Then he punches Seacrest in the face. And then he rips off his tank top.
Jacob, Thia and Stefano are called to the stage next. Thia and Stefano are in the bottom three and Jacob is safe. Naima, Haley and Casey are called to center stage. And Naima is safe. She seems a little surprised. And then Haley is safe and she can take her sassy side ponytail back to the couches.
So we’ve got Thia, Stefano and Casey all in the bottom three. Before we find out who’s safe, Jennifer Hudson has to come out and sing her song about a drug-dealing thug who promised to become dependable, but left her out in the cold. She’s got former Idol contestant George Huff singing backup for her, offering hope to failed Idol contestants everywhere.
Okay, Thia’s safe, Stefano is safe and Casey has to sing for his life. He starts “I Don’t Need No Doctor.” And this is where things get really crazy. The music stops and Randy’s waving his arms and Tink’s walking around the middle of the set and Steven says they’re keepin’ their Casey! And Casey goes all pale and starts breathing shallowly and for a second I’m seriously, seriously worried about him, especially when he collapses into Ryan’s crotch, but then he’s cussing and running all over the place and hugging his mom and he survives. He survives to sing another day AND the American Idol summer tour will feature all 11 of these crazy kids.
Whew. So that’s what happened. Crazy, huh? So everyone can feel good until next Wednesday, when two people will be up for elimination.