Mini caps of Top Chef and Celebrity Rehab
Celebrity Rehab 4: Swellmel
In last night’s episode, the patients discussed their aftercare plans and we finally got another crazy Janice meltdown caused by journal entries. Hmm Doug Funny never had any issues writing in his journal.
Janice – “Nants ingonyama bagithi baba. Sithi uhhmm ingonyama ingonyama!!”
Gummi Bear gets a health intervention from Dr. Drew and Co. Gummi Bear, of course, isn’t receptive.
Gummi Bear – “I’m not down with exercise unless it’s Olivia Newton John’s ‘Physical’ type of exercise.”
Check back tomorrow for the complete recap.
Top Chef: J-Mo
Hiya kids! Boy, the BF and I (and our two kitties) had a lot of fun watching last night’s episode of Top Chef All Stars. You wanna know why? NO QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE! I’m not kidding, those things are a bitch to recap because there’s always SO MUCH SHIT that goes on in that first 8 minutes of the show. Also, since the winner of last week’s QuickFire was Sexist Pigshit AND he got a fucking CAR, I think we can all do with a little rest from the possibility of THAT happening again.
No, instead this time around we jump right into the Elimination Challenge, which is very simple: the chefs have to go out on a boat and catch fish to serve in a dish that they will cook on the beach. They wind up doing their fishing just off the coast of Montauk point, which is waaaaay out on the Eastern tip of Lowong Oylund. Did you know that fishing from the back of a boat requires a lot of masturbatory-like movements of your fishing rod? Did you also know that OranJello is so scared of sharks that he won’t even go in a swimming pool? And can you believe that Sexist Pigshit is the one who makes an off-color comment that offends ChesTiffany? I’m kidding about that last one, of COURSE Sexist Pigshit offended someone. After all, his lips were moving.
This winds up being another team challenge, and coming on the heels of last week’s giant fuckaroo, nobody is very happy about it, especially those who get trio’ed up with Turdle and TurkeyHair. At least this time around there aren’t enough people for Turdle to hide behind, so she winds up having to actually cook something. She just makes sure to annoy us by complaining the entire time (she is really ballsy to do that so much when there are people so near her with KNIVES) and you will not believe the amazing and magical idea she has for a sauce.
Oh, and by the way, this episode winds up being ANOTHER DREADED DOUBLE-ELIMINATION. Which truthfully is a kindness to your local recapper, because they still have about 50-60 chefs left on this show and I think this may be the longest season ever. The biggest happy moment in the show? The winner of the challenge. The worst asshole moment in the show? Goes to TurkeyHair, who makes one of THE biggest dickmoves I’ve ever seen in my life and nearly makes one of my favorite chefs cry (for NO GOOD REASON). Please, no spoilers kids! Check back in a few days for the full recap.