About Last Night: Tuesday

Keeping Up With the Kardashians: Swellmel

In last night’s second back-to-back holiday weekend episode, “The Body Guard,” Krimace gets a hot body guard. Sound familiar anyone?

“Crack is whack and don’t you ever forget that.”

Khlo-ho also attempts to teach Lamar how to swim without the aid of Mason’s swimmies.
Check back Wednesday for the full recap.
Bachelor Pad: Swellmel
In last night’s episode, after Wes and Krisily’s evictions, the bachelorettes face three immediate evictions in the morning. Remember Chris Harrison’s ominous words “At some point the numbers will even up?”

Chris Harrison – “The time has come to cut some spinsters. Holla!”

After the three women are evicted, the remaining contestants face this week’s competition: how well do you know your partner?

Check back Friday to find out which three women got the boot and who knows their partner the best.

The Spin Crowd: PottyMouth

Last night The Spin Crowd was focused on making someone famous. That’s right, some random billionaire hired Jonathan & Co. to make his girlfriend famous. After all, she has designed a swimsuit line, isn’t that press worthy?

But Jonathan’s the only PR firm the billionaire has hired. He’s also brought in a PR firm run by annoying twins to represent the swim line. They move in to Jonathan’s office so that they can coordinate their efforts, and proceed to piss off everyone in sight.

Come back in a few days for the full recap and we can discuss muzzles, billionaires, and the power of annoying to bring people together. See you there!

Money Hungry: SexyPanda

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in water, things got shady and crappy again. Oh, no no no, I’m not talking about the pool. I’m talking about the house–and more specifically, the stupid house vote and alliances and scheming.

While Penguin Tat was showing off his expertise about weight loss, eating, and exercise, his supposed ally, BBGG, was scheming with the Orphan alliance to vote Penguin Tat off. Team BFB also decided to jump ship, cuz they were made that the Bouncers didn’t give them immunity last week. I still applaud the Bouncers for that decision, by the way. And yes, I would have been voted to go home already, too.

So, some of these yahoos lost weight. Some gained weight this week. A LOT of weight, actually. (I’m sure it was water loading.) And someone went home. Come back later this week and we’ll tawk!

Thintervention: SexyPanda

You all watched Work Out, right? It was basically the Jackie Warner Show, and sometimes we’d see her employees futzing around and maybe we’d see a little working out with the clients. The focus was mostly on Jackie and her personal life, really. (Remember that awful girlfriend of hers, the Russian Chihuahua who’d bite her? I really hated her.)

This time around, the focus is still on Jackie, but instead of the show being a soap opera about personal trainers at a gym, it’s a soap opera about eight people who want to lose weight, and Jackie’s expertise in (hopefully) getting them to lose weight. If you were concerned about Jeana from RHOOC’s BMI, well, this is the place to be.

If every week is like the first, we’ll spend part of the show following the clients through a grueling group workout in a special location (this week was Laguna Beach), part of the show talking about food choices (with Jackie’s “expertise” making me reach for the Google ASAP), and part of the show following these buffoons as they go about their business at home. I don’t use the word “buffoon” lightly.

I fell asleep during the final weigh-ins on my first watch last night, but I won’t blame the show (yet). It was late, and I’m on muscle relaxers. But I won’t lie and say the show is very exciting, either. I think Jackie’s got a good idea of what it takes for people to lose weight, but the show isn’t about the numbers on the scale–it’s about these doofuses arguing and cheating and being smug assholes. You’ll see. (Did anyone else watch?)