About Last Night: Tuesday

Mini caps of Gossip Girl, Thintervention, Money Hungry, and Drag U

Gossip Girl: SlifeGoesOn

Hello, my little Upper Eastside Gasmii. Gossip Slife here. This is your one and only recap of the scandalous lives of The CW’s trashy teen soap, Gossip Girl. Season 4 picks up three months after the shocking season 3 finale where Chuck screwed Jenny, Dorota gave birth, Blair banished Little J from Manhattan and dumped Chuck as he was proposing to her, Whore-gina showed up preggers with Dan’s baby, Serena and Blair jetted off to Paris, and Chuck got shot and left for dead in Prague. LOL. Sorry, it just sounds even more ridicks when you boil it down to the Cliff’s Notes version.

Three months later, and not much has changed. Serena and Blair are still vapid, boy-crazy shopaholics, just in a different city. Nate has inherited Chuck’s little black book, and is still a man-whore piece of eye candy. Vanessa (Jessica SNORE) is still a fugly whiner. And Little J is still MIA while Taylor Momsen explores a “music career” via slashed nylons and heavy eyeliner.

The biggest change is that Dan Humphrey has traded his brains for diaper duty, and has been playing house with Whore-gina in Roofus’ impossibly chic Brooklyn loft without so much as a paternity test! Whatta dummy! Meanwhile, Lily got a call from “Europe” to say that a body with Chuck’s ID washed up on shore, but fear not – our favorite Basshole is alive and well, just with a limp, a fake identity, and a new, milquetoast French girlfriend.

Thank god the show decided to snatch up the gorgeous Katie Cassidy from the now defunct Melrose Place reboot to play Juliet Sharp, a scheming new love interest for Nate, who I’m told will give Serena a run for her money! Mon dieu! Let the games begin! XOXO, Gossip Slife

Drag U: Bluzgirl

This week’s Drag U was so darned exciting just because my favorite hippie-turned-lezzy Mom was the guest judge! Meredith Baxter (bitch doesn’t look a day over 30, btw) was on hand to judge the Draguation performance. I love, love, love Elyse Keaton and used to wish my Mom was a hippie when I was young and falling in love with Alex P. Keaton. I still get misty when I hear, “At This Moment”…Poor Alex…

The show itself was titled “Mother versus Daughters” and featured Brandy, 33, (paired with a Tammie Brown); Tasha, 35 (paired with Ongina) and Mom, Connie, 56, (paired with Morgan McMichaels). Tasha, self-labeled the fat kid, has loads of issues with younger sister Brandy because little sis’ was the pretty one and used to being in the spotlight. Mama Connie walks with a cane due to arthritis and has just pretty much “given up” on being hot. Mama should have used that cane to beat the crap out of Tasha, whose negativity makes Ongina actually storm (or sashay dramatically) out of the Drag Lab. The horrors!

The ladies decide to turn their anger into beating the snot out of a pinata and channel that negative energy into a pretty decent draguation performance, lip-synching and putzing around to “I’m a Survivor” by Destiny’s Child. In the end, it was spotlight hog Brandy who stole the show and the top honors, forcing Mama cane and Pissed-Tasha off the stage one more time…I think the next time we see these two sisters, they’ll have hung up the wigs and taken out the claws…

Money Hungry: SexyPanda

There are only six teams left in the house, and alliances have already been failing left and right. Tonight, we watch the fall-out of the Slenderella’s treason, and even Team BBGG takes a hit or five for his dishonesty. It’s all a bunch of strategy, this show, which y’all know I hate.

The challenge this week involves balls at the Rose Bowl. Hey, have you seen fat people running before? No? Then you must be sure to catch a rerun. One team wins, and they’re immune. Another team comes in last, and they’re on the chopping block. Apples are bitten, weights are taken, and someone goes home. My heart deflates a little bit, if that gives you any clue. Come back, we’ll talk!

Thintervention: SexyPanda

Last week’s premiere of Thintervention was so impossibly slow and aching. I even fell asleep during the group therapy at the end, which may become a theme for me and this show. But never fear–now that we’ve all been introduced, these people feel free to let their freak flags fly, and it’s a little more entertaining.

That said, nothing spectacular happens this week. People work out, they complain about it hurting, and then they learn to eat things that are healthy. Then they talk about private things very publicly and cry, and then they step on a scale. I promise you that the actual show was slightly more interesting than that, so maybe you want to read my recap later this week. Maybe.