About Last Night: Tuesday

Mini caps of Gossip Girl, The Event, Money Hungry, and Thintervention

Gossip Girl: SlifeGoesOn

Gossip Slife here. Thankfully, the writers of Gossip Girl brought everyone home from their tour de France, and they even decided to bring back Eric, Dorota, Penelope, and Whoregina Sparks. Now that the gang’s all back, (minus that skanky Little J) it’s time to get back to basics: keys, class, cocktails, couture, and cattiness!

Chuck came home with his new “fall accessory” Eva on his arm and tried to get her acclimated to his world. And although Lily welcomed him back with open arms, Roofus and Eric were less than thrilled to see the Basstard. Meanwhile, Blair decided to give Eva a chilly reception as well.

Roofus broke the bad news to Dan that Milo isn’t his son, but Dan wasn’t ready to give up fatherhood so quickly. Manessa used Whoregina’s disappearing act to her advantage and offered to move in with Dan and help him raise Milo! But Whoregina’s sudden return from St. Barts threw a monkey wrench into everyone’s plans.

Slutina and Blair started their first day at Columbia, hellbent on joining some never-before-mentioned exclusive club called Hamilton House. Unfortch, the key-master turned out to be the scheming Juliet, who only granted admittance for one, further driving a wedge between S and B. The hijinks culminated in yet another classic catfight, this time in the middle of DVF on Fashion’s Night Out! LOVE! Stay tuned for the full recap!

Money Hungry: SexyPanda

This week on Money Hungry, a troupe of elephants in tutus comes by to do celebrity makeovers on the contestants. Peanuts feature prominently in the makeovers. Each contestant wins a brand new Bentley Continental GT, and one of them is murdered in a little-known VH1 blood ritual.

Or, the contestants participated in a physical challenge, with one team winning and one team losing. Then they talked about how to vote and how to work out. And then they voted. And then they weighed in. And then someone went home.

You pick!

Thintervention: SexyPanda

I admit that I was dozing during some of this episode, so this mini-cap will be a bit…abstract. Anyway, the group does a basic training workout in a park while it’s maybe raining a little. Some do well and some poop out. Guess who! Some actually get injured, too. Yay!

Nikki and Jeana get the special treatment this week, each for being insubordinant in her own way. I don’t think Jackie got through to either of them.

Then there was another physical challenge, this time involving fire-fighters and their gear. (Heyoooo!) Some do well and some poop out. Then there’s a boring therapy session and a weigh in. I know you’re dying to read 6+ pages about the details of how all this went down, and you will! Later this week!

The Event: Dangerously

Last night on the event, we learned where the plane went…kind of. So after it disappeared in a blinding flash of white, it reappeared somewhere over the desert! Michael, who may more may not have ever flown a plane before, manages to crash land it in the desert with 0 casualties! Over the horizon come helicopters! Michael survived, and tells him to gtfo before the choppers get there. He runs off into the desert!!

We got some flashback to show us how things ended up as twisted as they were by the end of last week. Please let this be less time-hoppy.

Yeah, it’s not. Well maybe it is a little. I’m having trouble deciding. Probably because my brain is more occupied trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

Sean, after escaping the plane, passes out in the desert, and ends up in the hospital. He begs the nurse to call the police for him so that they could look for his girlfriend, and the cops recognize him as the guy who killed his bro buddy!! But he didn’t! And so the FBI show up and arrest him!

Mr President is pretty pissed at Sophia for lying to him. Simon Lee is clearly one of the others, which are revealed to be extra-terrestrial. Weasel puts Simon in charge of the anti-alien task force, and strangely the first place he heads is Arizona. Political commentary, anyone?

Well, after two episodes, I not only have any idea what The Event is, nor do I know what else the hell is happening on this show.