About Last Night: Tuesday

Mini caps of Money Hungry, Thintervention, Gossip Girl, The Event

Money Hungry: SexyPanda

OMGIT’SFINALLYTHEFINALE!!!

Yes, kids, the finale for the show no one watches is finally here. It’s three teams duking it out for the final spot, the lucky folks who not only get their $10,000 back but ALSO win $100,000. I’ve had my guesses for a while now, and it turns out I’m right. There, I blew the surprise.

Anyway, on the final physical challenge, one contestant wipes out pretty badly on the bike. From previous shots, it didn’t seem like it was that bad, but it actually kinda was! Ouch! Not surprisingly, that team can’t lose enough weight that week to stay in the game, so they’re out. It’s down to two teams: one team you want to win and one team you’re like, “yeah yeah” about. In the final half-hour of this 1.5 hour finale, we meet the final teams’ families, and it’s a sweet segment that’s tooooooooo long. Finally, the winner is revealed and we can all go to bed.

NOT SO FAST FOR SEXYPANDA…

Thintervention: SexyPanda

It’s the same old shit with this show, I swear. There’s one in-gym workout where Jackie’s a terror, then there’s some group eating, then some one-on-one workouts, then a “special” workout off-site, then therapy and a weigh-in. Jackie looks good sometimes, and sometimes she doesn’t. Nikki and Jeana drink, Joe complains, and Bryan provides the comic relief Stacy will never, ever, ever be capable of providing.

What’s unique about this week is that Jackie brings in the lie detector test guy. We saw this coming from day one, and that glorious day is finally here. It’s a fun result, to say the least. Come back! I’ll talk about it all s’more!

Gossip Girl: SlifeGoesOn

Gossip Slife here. Your one and only source for hilarious recaps of The CW’s trashy teen soap, Gossip Girl. This week was a fairly typical offering. Instead of ever seeing the kids go to school, they all played dress up for Upchuck’s gala charity event. And it wouldn’t be a proper Upper East side party without lies, betrayal, backstabbing, scheming, love triangles, hurt feelings, bad puns, and really bad fashion, (I’m looking at you, Slutina and Manessa!)

Nate grew suspicious of Juliet’s slippery ways, and then confronted her about a text from some guy named Ben.

Slutina tried to mend her wonton ways, but try as she might, she couldn’t stay away from either Dan or Nate. This of course drove a wedge between the boys and their respective ladies. And just as Slutina thought she might finally make up her mind and land one of the guys, they both turned their backs on her – AGAIN. Must we keep riding this merry-go-round? Zzz.

Blair also tried to stay away from Chuck and Eva, but she couldn’t help but meddle as always. After a silly subplot involving a Cartier watch, she finally stumbled on to Eva’s very real and very DARK secret – she’s a prostitute! (I actually didn’t see that one coming!) The question then became: what will Blair do with this newfound info? Will she use it to destroy Eva? And is she doing it out of love or hate for Upchuck? Stay tuned for the full recap!

The Event: Dangerously

Last night The Ev3nt was substantially less of a mindfuck than we’ve experienced over the previous two episodes, mostly because the time-jumping thing is kept to a minimum. In this recapper’s opinion, this is a step forward for the series.

The episode begins with Sean carrying a bag of stuff into a motel room, where the chick FBI agent is lying bloody on the bed. Wait…what? Right, so we skip back two hours and see that the car they were all in got t-boned straight to hell as they were turning around, which of course killed the black agent, but Sean was able to drag the chick from the car, somehow salvage the police car just before it was destroyed in an explosion, and drive off and save her life with zero medical knowledge whatsoever.

Once she comes to, she of course tries to convince him to turn himself in, but he doesn’t listen and instead handcuffs her to the bed while he takes a shower, conveniently leaving her purse JUST within reach so she can call for backup. When backup arrives, he slips out the bathroom window and into the trunk of an FBI car so he can later slip into the FBI office and run a query on Vickie, who apparently has about 7 different aliases and thus finally convinces the FBI chick to believe him about his kidnapped girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Mr President makes an offer to all of Sophia’s people that they have imprisoned in Alaska that if one will come forward with info on who murdered the plane full of people, he will be set free. So, of course, someone comes forward with information, but before he can speak, he asks for his girlfriend to be released as well. And she is, but she stabs him! So everyone is still in the dark about the Others…

Vickie gets pulled over while transporting Leila because she has a busted tail light. The cop smells a rat, and decides to interrogate her, so she tries to bribe him, and then when he won’t take the money, she shoots him in the chest. Leila is still a prisoner.

The men who have collected all the bodies from the plane in Arizona, who are getting ready to stage them for a crash in Brazil, are wandering around the tent that they’re all in, and all of a sudden a girl wakes up. Then the rest of the people wake up, too! I guess everyone is alive!

WHAT THE %&^*(

See you all Thursday for the full recap.