About Last Night: Tuesday

Mini caps of Gossip Girl and The Event

About Last Night: Gossip Girl

Gossip Slife here. Your one and only source for hilarious recaps of The CW’s trashy teen soap, Gossip Girl. I had much to be thankful for this year, but last night’s Thanksgiving episode of Gossip Girl did NOT make the list. I should have known that the good-episode-train couldn’t last forever, but it made an abrupt stop with last night’s turkey. In this hit-and-miss ep, (mostly miss) I found all of my senses offended: Blair’s wardrobe, (my eyes!) the over-wrought melodramatic scoring, (my ears!) and Dorota’s ugly, gurgling baby (my eyes AND ears!)

This episode had all the makings of greatness, and should have been a cake walk for the writers. But alas, the result was half-baked. Slutina awoke to find herself drugged up in some flea bag motel charged to her credit card, and everyone naturally assumed that she had run off and gone on another bender. Falsified photos on Gossip Girl (courtesy of uber-schemer Juliet) did nothing for Slutina’s credibility.

This being the holidays though, everyone suddenly found their missing morals, and went all soft and gooey on each other. Chuck and Blair put aside their differences to help Slutina. Dan gladly stepped into the role of knight in shining armor for his buxom, blonde ex. Elsewhere, Nate tried to bring his estranged parents back together. Even raccoon eyes Jenny tried to be a little do-gooder (before getting her ass booted from the show) by fessing up to her role in Slutina’s takedown last week.

Leave it to Manessa of all people to be the lone wolf still causing some mischief. Her betrayal of Little J was one of the ep’s few high points. And amidst cheesy nostalgia for pumpkin pie and french fries (aww, season one!) I did find it impressive that Juliet managed to successfully fool Slutina into thinking she needed to check into rehab for her drug relapse … however short-lived it may be. Stay tuned for the full recap!!

The Event: Dangerously

Last night on The Ev3nt, yet again very little new was unveiled. I love how now the plots, which were originally all headed towards each other in a promising collision course, are not going in their own separate directions to the degree that I actually forgot that Shleila was in this show at all.

Speaking of Shleila, that little adventure was about awkward as we’ve seen yet. It may only take one more Leila breakdown and Sean failing to comfort her for me to say “screw it” and leave you all without a recap. Ok, I kid…I’d never do that. But seriously. In an effort to make the assassin talk, Sean stabs him with a syringe. The guy freaks out and tries to run away before collapsing, and tells them to bring him to a nearby psych ward for help…but then he dies. Shleila obviously have to check it out, so they do, and after some shenanigans they eventually learn that the girls were being kept in the basement, but once they get down there, no one’s home! They find a bunch of files, however, that were burned. Except a few weren’t burned all the way! And it turns out that Abby’s dad is an other! And so is Leila’s! WOW!

In the Mr P vs the Siths storyline, Darth Hatter suddenly “forgets” everything he was going to tell Mr P as a result of the threat his wife passed along from Darth Flowers’s henchmen.

Back in the White House, suddenly a missile silo is discovered by US intelligence, in the tribal region of some country I’d never heard of and thus am assuming is made up. Or my knowledge of world geography is providing a perfect example of US intelligence. I’m not sure. Mr P scrambles some fight jets, but they don’t get there in time.

Back with the Others, Sophia, Simon, Stevie B, and Isabella have a little pow-wow and Sophia’s all like “I forgive you for the plot to kill me,” and Isabella is all like “I forgive you for making my bleed my own blood.” Then Isabella and Stevie run away together, and it turns out they’re responsible for the ICBM! And it launches! And instead of being a missile aimed at the US, it turns out it’s going into space, and launches a satellite! Which they then use to send what I can only guess is a distress call to “home.”

Great…and this was the last episode for a while, right? Now that we have NO idea what’s going on because they keep filling an hour time slot with about 4 minutes worth of info. Oh well…come back in a few days for more detailed musings.