About Last Night: Tuesday

Mini caps of Skins, The Bachelor, Pretty Little Liars, and The Event

The Bachelor: IceQueen

Spoiler Alert: I’m going to tell you guys who Brad proposed to last night. I have to do it. It’s the only interesting thing that happened. We literally had to watch Chantal drink a cup of tea for awhile last night on The Bachelor, so it doesn’t leave us much. So if you haven’t watched it yet and are here to titillate and tease yourself… stop reading after paragraph six.

So. The Bachelor starts last night and Brad is in Cape Town, South Africa doing what he seems to do best: standing out on a balcony and pensively look off into the distance. He’s gazing at the landscape, letting his mind go completely blank, when his family comes crashing through the brush. They’re ready to meet the bachelorettes. Joining in the grilling will be Brad’s mama Pam, his twin brother Chad (!) and little brother Wes. Also Chad and Wes’s wives, who I can only tell apart because they have different color hair. Their names are Prima and Donna, or something like that, but I’m never sure which is which….

Chantal is up first and with her energy and sparkle and overt love for Brad, she makes a great impression on the family. She stands up to a grilling from the brothers and manages to give Pam a decent answer when Pam questions how she could be in love so quickly. Basically, everyone gives Chantal a thumbs up.

The next day Emily meets the family and fairly quickly they get into the whole daughter/deceased fiance thing and the whole family’s in tears. (By the way — Emily and Brad are the worst storytellers ever. Had I not seen the past 10 episodes, I would have had no idea what they were talking about.) The family loves Emily, of course, and after she leaves they tell Brad she’s the one. Prima & Donna, the sisters-in-law, tell Brad that Emily will be a better fit because she’s a mom and they can relate to her, whereas they’d only hang out with Chantal if they needed a drunken night away from their kids and husbands. Thanks Prima & Donna. I forgot the point of the show was to find you a new friend.

We’re not quite done yet… Brad has another date with each woman. He takes Chantal swimming with some sharks. Later, Chantal gives him a gift. It’s a map she drew and she labeled all of the places they’d been on their journey. He likes it because it has drawings and pretty colors on it.

The next day, he takes Emily on a rather predictable helicopter ride and they go sit on the Cape of Good Hope. Emily talks to him about how difficult it is to have a child. How all the fun goes out the window when you have a kid. Brad tells her he’s cool with it, but it becomes the focus of the night, and he leaves angry.

By the time the final rose ceremony rolled around, I was really unsure where this was going. Chantal arrives first. What does that mean?? Why haven’t I watched this show before?? Oh, it means she’s getting dumped. She seems pretty shocked and really sad. I don’t like that she has to stand there for a long time and cry while the camera zooms in on her red, puffy eyes.

Emily’s up next and Brad has quite a speech prepared for her. After all the stammering and gasping for air, he finally gets on one knee and proposes. Emily accepts. Yay?

I say yay? because in the very special third hour of this monster show, Chris Harrison reveals that, while Brad and Emily are still “together” they have already broken up, called off the wedding, and Emily isn’t ready to move to Austin. So I’m sure we’re in store for a really happy ending from these two.

In the recap… I’m dying to talk about the giant bracelet Emily wore when she went to meet Brad’s family. Did anyone notice that?? Also… Brad’s temper and Channy’s new love. See you then!

The Bachelor Forum thread is here.

The Event: Dangerously

Last night on The Ev3nt, things started happening!! Maybe I’ve been too hard on this show in recent weeks…well, the one recent week, and a few prior episodes from last year. Who knows? I don’t want to hate the show…and I don’t really hate it…but what’s that they say? “An idle mind is the devil’s playground?”

Anyways, as I stated previously, last night was an interesting episode!! That’s a huge win! So, what happened, exactly? Well, for starters, Mr P had a dream that he was being too soft, and then that Sophia took over and Stevie B executed him. So then Mr P woke up screaming and his wife finally came back from whatever closet they had locked her in, but only for long enough to comfort him. I still think she’s an Other. Anyways, Mr P vows to be more of a hardass from now on, and rips into fat white not-Rocketman general for fucking up at Inostranka and letting Stevie B get away with half of the detainees. He then changes his stance on Sophia’s Others from “they’re probably bad but we must deal with them tactfully” to “Eff them, blow that shit up.” Except Weasel, so moved by Maya’s self-sacrifice last week, steps in and says that he thinks maybe Sophia is good after all.

Sophie and MFB capture some deformed lookin guy who was working with Stevie B, and who was in charge of obtaining power for their massive teleporter that will bring all of the Others from far,far away to Earth. He kinda looks like Sloth from Goonies…Sophia presses him for info, but he won’t talk. MFB earns that “F” once again and learns that Stevie is planning on using their teleporting abilities to steal the uranium from a power plant!

Sophia calls and tells them that Stevie is trying to teleport uranium bars out of a nuclear power plant in or around Southern California. I looked it up, and it appears that either the writers got lucky or did their homework, because such plants do exist! Sophia tells Mr P that the last time Stevie tried to use their powers to teleport uranium bars out of a power plant, it was in Chernobyl. Crap. She tells them that the uranium rods must be teleported out of there ASAP and hidden somewhere within a strong magnetic field. Mr P believes her, and orders it to be done.

Well, that turns out to be a very bad idea. The truth was that Stevie had no way to teleport the uranium out without blowing up the western half of the country, including himself maybe? So he used Sloth to plant the seed of doubt in Sophia’s mind, who passed it on to Mr Pres, who ordered the bars to be moved, at which point they’re ambushed by Stevie’s people because they apparently didn’t think that maybe a full military escort would be advisable. I mean, they’re taken out by like 8 people. Oh well, Sophia is clearly not involved in this, and is rather distraught and calls Mr P and tries to convince him of this, and he tells her if she’s really on his side she’ll ‘turn herself in.’ She hangs up on him, and I have to say she doesn’t seem to be doing herself any favors.

Lastly, we get a tiny bit of Shleila action…well, they’re in different places now…Leila is moping because Sean ran off, and Sean goes to a bar to get a beer, ends up talking with a pretty girl, which of course means that her huge ass boyfriend is going to also be an alcoholic redneck, but Sean tries to walk away. The guy wants a fight, however, so Sean beats the unholy crap out of him. He heads to his sister’s (?) and breaks in to steal some food, but she’s home. He tells her all that’s happened and that he’s got to go to Mexico, and she’s like “wtf you’re running away instead of saving the world?” And he’s like “oh, lol, I didn’t think about it like that.” So then he runs away from her house, and tracks down Vicky! YEESSSSSS!!!!

The Event Forum thread is here.

Skins: LadyStardust

Basically Tina is dealing with three guys this episode: Chris, Dumbass Teacher (DT) from the camping trip, and her cute neighbor from across the hall.

With Chris, Tina is struggling with his immaturity. I guess she doesn’t want to fuck in treehouses for the rest of her life. All of Chris’s friends know about him and Tina, so of course the whole school eventually finds out. So now no one respects her and it’s just a matter of time before the school finds out and fires her.

She tries to break up with Chris, but he refuses to accept it and throws her a party for her birthday. However, it ends up being more of a party for Chris and his dumb teenage friends to do drugs and destroy things than for poor Tina. Chris tries to man up and help keep some order, but it doesn’t really work. He ends up having to end the party early and he has sex with Tina again.

With the next door neighbor, Tina has the opposite problem. She’s the one who is too immature. She has zero adult friends and doesn’t really know how to act around them. It’s kind of sad.

She finally ends up asking him out on a date and they go to a fast food restaurant and she tries to molest him in her car in the strip mall parking lot. Between that, the fact that Tina uses the word “like” every two seconds, and has a car dash full of condoms, Neighbor decides he’s not interested in dating a teenager.

DT is just an irritating dumbass as usual. He tries to impress Tina with some model steam engine or something. It gets stolen so he searches all the lockers…blah blah. Turns out Chris stole the steam engine thing and DT finds it when he wanders into Tina’s apartment and sees it on the nightstand while she and Chris are having sex. This is why you should lock your door, especially if you’re doing illegal things.

Anyways, Tina ends up breaking up with Chris for the 3828th time. Then she goes to school and gets arrested in front of her entire class because DT turned her in. The police question everyone and they all (except for DT) deny any sort of sexual relationship between Chris and Tina. Wow, it’s a good thing they didn’t question anyone who WASN’T friends with Chris.

Oh, and Tony’s still an ass. In case anyone was wondering.

Come back later in the week for the full recap! We only have one more episode left after this one.

The Skins Forum thread is here.

Pretty Little Liars: VirginiaApple

Gotta love it when the season finale is approaching! I hope you’re not afraid of clowns, Gasmii, although if you weren’t before you might be now. Founder’s Day in Rosewood might feature less death than Founder’s Day in Mystic Falls, but it’s just as creepy. Poor Spencer has to learn this firsthand when someone who may or may not be Ian traps her in what might as well be an upright coffin in the middle of a funhouse. Of course, Ian is the one who “saves” her, so he looks good for everyone else, but how exactly in the hell did he find her? Actually, how long was she gone for people to even realize she was missing? Also, there was more Ian/Spencer awesomeness this episode with some Melissa thrown in as well. And despite being told to stay away from Toby all episode by both their families, after her rescue Spencer can’t help but run away from her family and into Toby’s waiting arms.

Hanna find out that Jenna sent Caleb on a search for a key, which no one understands until Emily’s confusing lesbian feelings cause her to have a flashback about Ali giving her a snowglobe… which just so happens to have a key hidden inside. The girls use the key to open a storage locker, which has nothing but a Tweety bird lunchbox inside. They open the lunchbox and find a thumb drive, which just so happens to have spy video of them going back for years. Also, Caleb leaves and Mona rips up his goodbye love letter to Hanna, causing Hanna to think he’s abandoning her just like her daddy did and feeling massively hurt.

Meanwhile, Emily tries to help Paige begin the process of coming out, but Paige isn’t ready. This is evident when Paige skips the meeting she set up with a Coming Out Specialist from another school, but Emily shows up for moral support and ends up hitting it off with the very pretty closet door opener. Paige gets jealous, and Emily tells Paige she’s not interested in having a secret relationship. Angstia finds out that Fitzy had been engaged to his college girlfriend, but he got dumped. Because this revelation was a result of Angstia finding a picture of this previous relationship, Fitzy decides that the real reason she is upset is because they can’t take a “couple” picture. Neither of them seems to think that the problem could possibly stem from the fact that she is dating someone who has been through an ENGAGEMENT while she is still in HIGH SCHOOL. But I digress.

Come back for a double recap before next week’s season finale!

The Pretty Little Liars forum thread is here.