About Last Night: Tuesday

Mini caps of Dancing With the Stars, The Event, and Beverly Hills Fabulous

Dancing With the Stars: The Nooch

It’s personal story week on Dancing with the Stars, because the stars need MORE opportunities to talk about themselves. Life is so hard for these stars. First, they go through (fill-in-the-“unique”-traumatic-event-here) and now they have to endure a grueling dance competition show. When I think about all the hardships they face on this show I just can’t help it, I start to cry. It’s a good thing I bought this weave last week so I have something to wipe up these tears.

Despite the emotional roller coaster, there were some amazing moments in the show; two in particular that made my year. It was absolutely worth the two hours of drivel just to see this reality TV GOLD! It’s true. I’ve seen the silver lining in DWTS’s drag-it-out-until-there’s-nothing-left-and-then-do-a-recap-world.
If you want to know what has me so tickled, stay tuned for my recap!

Beverly Hills Fabulous: NinjaStarr

In a sincere attempt to mend fences with Sean after last week’s cat fight, Elgin leaves Sean in charge of the salon while he goes to lunch with his ex-wife,actress Jackée Harry.

Actually, Jackée has Elgin for lunch, toying with his emotions and devouring any inkling of happiness he may have had when he woke up that day. Elgin surely isn’t dancing for Jesus after this meal. Thank goodness, Sean ordered up a collection of ready-to-wear fashions from Rodeo Drive in Elgin’s absence. When Elgin returns, he’s faced with a salon full of models in couture vogueing on an imaginary stage. Instead of popping an eye vein like usual, Elgin joins the fun.

Now, Sean is back to being Elgin’s pride and joy, but Lolita is at the top of his shit list. She gets Elgin involved in a hair battle with a Miami salon. A Tweet, two threatening phone calls, and three snaps and a circle later, everyone in The Elgin Charles Salon is ready to run with scissors–to Florida, that is.

Want to find out what would make a group of grown folks behave like eight graders at a junior varsity game? Read the full recap, available in a few days.

The Event: Dangerously

Last night on The Ev3nt…

Ok, before I even get into it…man, I think I was wrong about this show. Now I’m beginning to really hope it doesn’t get cancelled, because this shit got good.

Anyways, let’s see, what actually happened? Well, they reminded us that Stevie B is no longer. Sophia addresses her people, and tells them that the humans are no longer to be considered a “benevolent civilization.” She tells them that the oath is off, and that they’re going to bring their 2 billion people here, and they’ve gotta “make space.”

Then there’s the whole Sean and Vicky thing. Vicky’s French Connection (yeah, where was that nickname last week…) gives her and Sean the DL on how to get to Flowers. Sean releases Vicky from her bond, but she decides to go with him anyways. They head out to where Frenchy told them to go, and suddenly they’re ambushed. We learn that Sean can’t shoot worth a fuck, and Vicky is taken hostage.

Vicky is brought to Flowers, who tells her that he’s part of a long line of sentinels, here to protect humanity from The Others. Vicky tells him to go to hell, and Flowers tells his people to kill her. They decide to go with the whole “tie her up and burn the house down” ploy, because shooting her would leave no chance for rescue.

Speaking of rescue, Sean ambushes Frenchy with a freakin’ shovel, then ties him up and threatens to torture him if he doesn’t lead him to Vicky. Frenchy keeps playing the “I’m on your side” game, until Sean takes a hammer to his hands. Sean, being a bit new to the whole being a badass thing, treats torture like a sprint, but thankfully this guy’s super secret training didn’t prepare him for any kind of torture whatsoever, especially the kind dealt out by some kid who has no idea how to torture anyone. He tells Sean where Vicky is being held.

Oh, and then Simon tells Sophia he’s not cool with her plan, and then goes to MFB and appeals to his humanitarian (see what I did there?) side. MFB says he and Leila will go with Simon. The next day Simon is loading the back of his car with the garage open, like he’s just going to the beach, and MFB comes over and tells him that they’re not actually going with, and Simon is proper-fucked. Leila watches as he’s loaded into a car…

This is the point where the episode come to an end, with a cliff hanger like every episode before it. Oh…shit. So I left out the whole Mr P storyline that led to Simon being in the Others community to begin with. I’m not rewriting everything above, so here it is, albeit out of order. Mr P and Weasel decide it’s time to flush Simon out, except someone tips Simon off that he’s humped, so he leaves and goes to the Community.

Meanwhile, Mr P calls Va Madsen back in to ask for her advice on how to discretely screen everyone in America’s DNA. They decide to start with the White House staff as a pilot. I see the popularity of this going the same way as The Ev3nt’s…everyone loved the pilot, but when it hit it’s stride ratings started flagging, and by the time people realize it’s a good thing it may be too late…Oh, and Mr P’s wife refuses to be screened.