About Last Night: Tuesday

Mini caps of Drag U and Money Hungry

Money Hungry: Sexy Panda

On last night’s hot mess of a premiere of VH1′s Money Hungry, twelve teams of two descended on a cheesy house in Cali to start their weight loss journey together.  And it was awful.   AAAAAND it was glorious.

I thought I was going to have a hard time balancing the snark with letting the contestants have some dignity.  I’m a sympathetic human, after all.  Well, eff that.  Most of ‘em relieved themselves of any dignity they had, and whatever was left, VH1 edited away.  Now it’s just a house full of fat folk caricatures.  There’s the huge bouncer, the fat camp veteran, and the plus-sized models, to name a few.  There’s also a team of doofuses who seem to be on the show for publicity, not weight loss.  It’s no surprise that everyone else hates them.

This is the Rock of Love Bus meets Biggest Loser, and yet it’s hardly the sum of its parts.  It’s a whole new world.  Put on your brave pants and come back later this week to wade through a lot of fat jokes.  (I’m sorry.)

Drag U: Bluzgirl

If RuPaul has taught us anything, finding your inner diva is a lot more complicated that slapping on some Oil of Old Lady and plucking the occasional chin hair.  Last night, the goal of RuPaul’s Drag U was to turn Blue Collar into Pink Pumps.  Basically, take women who have dirty, dirty jobs and make them glamourous.  Or clownlike, which is how most of these make-overs turn out.  And to add insult to injury, the guest judge this week was Kris Jenner of Kardashian “fame”.  Blech.

The professors for this transformation were Shannel, Pandora Boxx and the returning Ongina.  Shannel’s student was Laura, a 33 year old zookeeper.  And like most zookeepers I know, she is also a hula hoop dancer.  It’s damn near a prerequesite for the job.  Pandora Boxx has Jules as a student.  Jules is a 33 year old doggy day care owner who is trying to get her sexy back.  She used to be a model and even posed in Playboy, but now has let herself go.  And go.  And go.  Ongina’s student this week is Shannel.  Shannel is a 35 year old longshorewoman who is ashamed of her body and as we find out, scarred by years of being called a whore.  We’re never sure when that happened, but if it happened after the 5th grade, she really needs to get past it.

Because of the stupid guest judge, all the drag names end with “Kardashian”, because if anybody feeling low needs a reason to be happy about themselves, they should really call themselves that.  So, it’s Kiki, Kitty and Kornisha for our dragtestants.  There is hula hoop dancing, stalking around like a real kitty, and lots of tears, but our girls all draguate in the end!  Honors this week goes to Laura/Kornisha.  But personally, I think the whore and the fat centerfold rocked it too…