About Last Night: Wednesday

Mini Caps of Pretty Little Liars and Rescue Me

Pretty Little Liars: SlifeGoesOn

Wow! What a fan-friggin-tastic episode! Not only were there secrets and lies and flashbacks (oh my!) at every turn, but supporting characters, new and old, were just popping out of the woodwork.

The episode centered on the girls preparing for Alison’s (long overdue) memorial service / park bench dedication ceremony. Alison’s older brother Jason arrived in town sans parents (PS, where did her family move to?!) and basically took charge of the girls’ memorial service. Dick! He also turned out to be just as evil as his sister (if not more so) when he blackmailed Schnoz into silence by threatening to expose her as the arson ringleader instead of Alison.

While Schnoz felt the noose tightening around her throat, Blondie had to contend with an even more depressing tightening of the purse strings at home. Much to Sean’s dismay and her own embarrassment, she enlisted geeky Lucas into helping her hawk handbags online. She also had to contend with Officer Wilden, whose prime suspect now in Alison’s murder is Toby, since he called her that very night.

Buggy spent most of her time moping about her parents separation, then moped some more about having to go on a double date with Blondie, Sean, and his hot buddy Noel that she used to have a crush on. (Get over Fitzy already!) Meanwhile, Lezzy tried to get in as much date night snogging with her new girlfriend Maya before her strict father returns home from war in Afghanistan. (Way to stay timely, writers!)

The girls worried that Jenna would use the memorial service to expose their secrets, but she ended up delivering a heartfelt speech about Alison being a true friend to her after the fire. Guest star Ryan Merriman showed up at the eleventh hour as Melissa’s ex. (Yes, please!) We learned that Alison secretly wanted to die young, that she feared Schnoz, and that she had two identical friendship bracelets. Oh, and “A” destroyed Alison’s memorial park bench! Yikes!! Stay tuned for the full recap!!

Rescue Me: Saint Claire of Assissi

The past couple weeks I’ve been bitching about how Rescue Me is soooo formulaic, and it’s the same thing every week, and it’s tedious to recap, wah wah wah. And, uh, I guess I got what I wanted…because now Rescue Me is The Hangover? Awesome!

Now, the story begins with a sequence that looks like the standard Rescue Me fare. Tommy has slid so far backward he’s on a binge of indeterminate length. The ghosts of his past—Jimmy and Connor—show up, but Tommy is so wretched he lashes out at them, and it gets particularly ugly, even for him. But he winds up meeting Colleen for some pub crawling, and they have some fun father-daughter bonding, and then things get hazy. He finds himself at Sheila’s, and eventually he blacks out.

He wakes up in Janet’s apartment, of all places. It’s been destroyed somewhere between now and where we last saw him, and he is hung ooooover! He heads over to the firehouse to ease into his day, but when he arrives he finds everyone panicking. Nobody has seen Colleen since ten last night, except Tommy—and he’s about two cups of coffee and a breakfast burrito away from even remembering his last name.

They take him into the kitchen to jog his memory, (helped out by the hair of the dog that bit him), but he can only recall glimpses of the night before. They don’t indicating. But there are some weird clues scattered on his person: a cocktail napkin for a bar named “Henderson’s”; sand; a phone number for someone named Alice or possibly Jean. Everyone splits up to find her. They fear for the worst. This isn’t the first time Colleen’s life has been teetering on the edge like this, and it wouldn’t be the first time they lost a child. You get the sense that Tommy and Janet won’t survive losing another one.

So, it doesn’t have Mike Tyson or a tiger, and the person everyone is looking for could actually be dead, and it’s not a comedy at all, but basically, this one was The Hangover.

Thank you, Rescue Me.