Mini caps of Millionaire Matchmaker and Biggest Loser
Millionaire Matchmaker: SexyPanda
And we’re back! Back to the stupid decisions that supposedly-rich people make in the name of marketing–wait, I mean, love.
Well, our first bachelor is a gay dude who’s really skinny and picky and menschy, even though I don’t know what that last word really means. It just fits, doesn’t it? He wants a rich hottie who apparently hates the world as much as he does. Tall order. Patti does her best, and we feel awkward watching the outcome.
Then we have the bro-mance motherfucker who can’t leave his posse’s side for more than ten minutes without having a complete system failure. Like, without a gaggle of penises and Bud Lights nearby, this guy cannot function. As such, he totally blows his date with a really sweet girl who was otherwise right up his alley. His loss. Hope she’s not still having nightmares about him sticking his tongue down her throat to the chants of his buddies.
There’s more–let’s talk later this week, shall we?
Biggest Loser: Bluzgirl
This week on a mini Biggest Loser, our contestants are shuffled off to Camp Pendleton to spend a week training with real Marines. Immediately after last week’s weigh in, where Adam got the boot, Allison looks way too happy as she introduces 1st Sgts Gonzalez and Corona to the remaining contestants. They have no time to pack their things and are immediately thrown into big military vehicles to head to Camp Pendleton for the week. There they spend the next several, running and training and yes, eating, just like real Marines. They get yelled at a bunch and have time limits on their bathroom breaks—riveting. The big challenge this week is a huge obstacle course, run as teams. “Leave no one behind” is the screaming mantra. Which works okay for the Blue team, but not so good for the Black team as they consistently have to drag Wheezy and Anna with them to complete each portion of the challenge. In the real Marine world, their slow butts probably would have been left behind and “Leave almost no one behind” would have been the new mantra. They end up far, far behind the Blue team, but they do finish. The winning Blue team received phone calls from home. Cue: tears and London (Aaron’s son, in case you forgot).
At the weigh in, the numbers stink. Apparently, the Marines are more about discipline, teamwork and actual saving American’s freedom then you know, losing weight. Some highlights from the scale: Jesse gains 2lbs. Elizabeth (Wheezy) gains 1lb and Frado gains 4lbs. He swears there was absolutely no game play involved. Jillian may or may not agree with them, but you know what? It really doesn’t matter as the Black team now has to vote off one of its own. And it is no shock the Black team votes out Anna–the newest and apart from Wheezy, the weakest member of the team. Anna does great at home and once again, our nation is safe and a little less obese. Yay, us! Details to come…