About Last Night: Wednesday

Biggest Loser: bluzgirl

The Biggest Loser finale was all about the past (flashbacks), the future (flash forwards of the next season) and two winners. The Biggest Loser winner, taking home a cool quarter of a mil and the at home winner, taking $100,000. But before we get to the good stuff, we need to weigh in the 500 people who were on the show, so it was a packed two hours. Alison Sweeney does a hilariously bad job in this live format as she constantly tries to talk over a cheering audience. So, we have no idea what she said all night and were thankful the scale has really large numbers so we could tell what the hell was going on.

Ada unsurprisingly won the at home vote over Wheezy to compete against Frado and Patrick for the big prize. A bunch of people came out to be weighed in and I remembered about half of them. Thankfully, there were flashbacks of wiping out on treadmills and people crying and vomiting. Ah, good times. In the lead for a long time for the at home prize was Adam, who is still grieving over his deceased mother, but apparently has learned the advantage of crying a lot–salty tears weigh a lot. Needless to say, he looked really good. Jesse almost took out Adam but missed it by one pound. But we didn’t have to dwell on that, as Rick came out and wiped the floor with Adams sweat and tears with a total loss of 185lbs. Rick’s reign of 1st place lasted just 2 more people and then Mark came out. He was the last one voted out before the final four and now looks incredibly hot. He lost 213lbs and won the at home challenge! He still lives/dates/fornicates with his girl cousin so he’s got some work to do.

And now for the three finalists—Frado, Patrick and Ada all look great but it is about the numbers. And newly employed Patrick takes home the win with a total weight loss of 181lbs. Yay! Buy your wife some new shirts!!! All three worked really hard, but I’m glad Patrick won. Frado seems content to be healthy and he doesn’t appear to need the money. Ada has gained a new perspective on life and I was worried her Dad would take the prize money anyway. Patrick needed the money and now he’s do-able. So, good for him.

Millionaire Matchmaker: SexyPanda

Last night’s Millionaire Matchmaker was a little slow for me. Evidence? I fell asleep six minutes in, and I wasn’t even drinking. Anyway, I woke up from my long winter’s nap and rewatched the episode. Here’s the short version, to tide you over til later this week.

It’s a two-millionairess week again. One of ‘em is Judith Regan, queen of all media. She’s the one whose perfect man is an ugly gay guy (Bruce Vilantch). The other millionairess is some Botoxed catering company owner, who’s got a Boyfriend Wish List that would put Justin Bieber’s to shame. Patti goes beyond the usual mixer with with women, setting up a more intimate dinner party. Then the women go on dates. It’s not that exciting, but we’ll talk about it later, won’t we? OH, WE WILL.

The Fashion Show: Chickbomb

Last night, The Fashion Show whored itself out to the Real Housewives – of Orange County & New Jersey.  Given their minimal amount of camera time, there was little opportunity for them to behave truly horribly so it was basically a battle of who was more stupid and annoying.  And we do have some real frontrunners.   House of Nami chose to work with NJ, which left House of Emerald stuck with the OC.

CalTran is glorious throughout, immediately pointing out that the housewives need to “class up”, spending a good ten minutes insulting Outerspace Greenpeace David’s dress with gleeful abandon, and laughing at one of the NJ whores when she goes mafia on his ass over some chiffon.  But somehow, Nami manages to rise above a design session full of insults and dramatic doomsday pronouncements to take the win.  Which means Emerald are losers.  Again.  Are we lucky enough to excise one of the heads of the GoCi monster?  Find out in the recap!