About Last Night: Wednesday

Mini caps of Biggest Loser and Teen Mom

V: Saint Claire of Assisi

So, you know how I’ve been pissing all over this show for the past eight weeks? Well hey, this week’s penultimate episode wasn’t half bad. I’d even say pretty good! It’s almost as unbelievable as something that would happen on the show itself. So for now, no piss, or at least considerably less piss than normal.

The week we open on Anna, who’s unveiling the first stage of the New York Concordia Chapter, which comprises Earth’s first operational Blue Energy reactor. (They first introduced BE last season, but I guess it took a while to get it implemented because of alien bureaucracy. Even V’s can’t fight that). Erica looks on with suspicion, and soon Sid calculates that the reactor generates way too much energy for it to be intended only for the Concordia cultural center–one Blue Energy reactor can power an entire city. So something is up. And furthermore, the V’s plan to build over 500 reactors around the world. After a little more digging, Sid realizes Concordia’s true purpose: it’s a landing site for the V motherships. And the lingering question is, why 500 of them?

But for now, Erica and the Fifth Column need to stop Concordia from going forward, and they can’t very well blow up 500 of these things, so Erica comes up with an alternative solution: they will sabotage the New York reactor, causing a meltdown and then widespread public hysteria, a la Three Mile Island, which will hopefully stall construction of the reactors forever. And they select Sid to be the one to sneak into the Concordia construction site while they provide cover.

Lisa assists her new Fifth Column allies by acquiring some Blue Energy for Sid to throw into the reactor, but when Diana hears of the plan she’s horrified, as a meltdown would basically wipe out New York City. (Isn’t that, um, what meltdowns do?). Apparently Erica and co. hadn’t thought of that. So Diana dispatches Lisa to get Morris Chestnut to stop Sid from carrying out the mission. With Erica, Hobbes, and Jack on his heels, Morris catches Sid in the nick of time, and they all have to make a choice: ruin Anna’s good PR by blowing up themselves and millions of innocents, or spare the reactor and lose ground. Erica reluctantly opts not to commit genocide.

The decision backfires, as their interference with the reactor still causes a power surge that knocks out New York City’s electrical grid, providing Anna with an opportunity to step and restore New York’s electricity, thereby FURTHER improving her standing. Erica and the gang blew it, and Erica vows not to let her humanistic soft-heartedness get in the way going forward. But it looks like that won’t matter, as the episode ends with Sid looking to the night sky and spotting the massive V invasion fleet approaching Earth. That’d be the purpose of those 500 reactors worldwide, apparently.

Meanwhile, Tyler starts to have second thoughts about being such a dick to Erica. He starts to reconcile with his Mom, giving Anna no end of fits. Why won’t he just cooperate with her Evil Plans? Worse, the plan to rid humans of their soul has failed, and so Anna has to play her single remaining card: using her Bliss to control humans. It’s always been thought to be impossible, as the strength required would almost certainly kill Anna, but she Anna tries it out on a human test subject, miraculously, it works. Humanity can now be controlled. Anna then uses her Bliss on Tyler to keep him in her clutches, but Lisa spots this, and she runs to Diana with the news. That leads both the Lizard Queen-in-exile and the Lizard Princess to finally defect to the Fifth Column.

There’s another subplot w/ Chad and that Carrie lady who was hired to be the Parker to his Spitzer, where he torpedoes her career, but the V writers clearly just wanted to get rid of her, so whatever. You can read the full recap if you really want to learn more about that one.

I watched the “next week on V segment” at the end of the episode, and it looks like the season finale could be as crazy as this one was. Stick around for that, and in the meantime, full recap on Friday. Be there!

To check out the V forum, click here.

Biggest Loser: Bluzgirl

So now that Arthur is gone, will Biggest Loser be able to manufacture some more fairly useless drama? Well, yes and no. I mean they tried, but there are still way too many nice people on this ranch. Bring back the crack head twins! I honestly never thought I would miss the brothers who gained more weight at the ranch than I do at a casino buffet…So, this week the “spin” is each team has to pick a captain. Not only does this captain get a fancy “C” sewn on to their t-shirts and jackets, they get to make two vital decisions for their teams and without their team’s input. The first decision is to pick one person to do all the cooking for the rest of the team. Because calorie count and portion size are so important in weight loss, this was an important decision. Which is why Papa was so not in the house. On my watch? It would have been pizza and Chinese. Hence, the safety pin in my pants.

The other (and more important) decision is the captain picks only two people to work out with the trainers. The rest of their team is on their own. So, basically those two people get a whole week of one on one training with Bob, Jill, Brett or Cara (or some combo therein). One would think in a game about weight loss, this quality time with a trainer would be such a huge advantage, but no—we had a little whiny baby who of course, bitched about it. But then came to appreciate it. Awww…another BL moment. There’s just so many of them! The challenge was all about balancing in the mud and although it was kind of a blow out—the challenge winners struggled at the final weigh in. Another adult wanted to sacrifice his or her place on the ranch for one of the youngins, but jacked it up by winning immunity with the highest percentage of weight loss. HAHAHA! There aren’t many LOL moments on this show, but I must say, I chuckled mightily at the foiled plan. Only this show could make people cry for losing the most weight. Simply cruel and I love it. Come back for details…

Get to the Biggest Loser forum thread here.

Teen Mom: Alejandra

Man, EVERYONE was an asshole this week (except Corey and Leah, of course)! Kailyn makes the terrible decision to tell Jo about Jordan before she’s paid back the $600 she owes him for school. Luckily, Suzi continues on her upward trend and steps up with a place to live for Kailyn and some throwdown at Jo’s house.

Jenelle and her mother have another heart to heart about respect and whatnot, and in order to show her commitment to their promises of mutual respect, Jenelle drives to New Jersey with Kieffer on a moment’s notice. At this point, I think Jenelle might be an evil genius, just toying with Barbara as revenge for years of perceived child abuse.

Chelsea earned her stars this week by nagging the shit out of Adam when he has done absolutely nothing to show her that nagging his ass works. He is also even more of a dick than usual, staying out till four in the morning and refusing to do anything with Aubree but nudge her with his foot. The kicker? Eventually, he is the one who breaks off their relationship at the end of the episode.

And finally, Coreleah. There’s a wedding dress, good EmArAh news, baby rollover and nothing, NOTHING else is found wrong with Ali! Huzzah!!

Also, Corey’s mom is a giant MILF (well, not me personally, but you know what I mean).

Go the Teen Mom forum thread here.