About Last Night: Wednesday

Biggest Loser: Bluzgirl

So, BL tried to scare the fat off my thighs by threatening to bring back even more people. Or I guess, not really “back”, but in addition to. So a team we’ve never even met or heard of joins the teams at the ranch for a special weigh in. They are part of the show, but in a different way. Thigh fat stays, but nice try, BL

The pop challenge losers this week required one of the four teams to shuffle off the ranch and surprise, surprise! They get to stay in a gorgeous resort home by themselves. They also get to shop, get massages and go out to eat and blow off their trainer. Just guess how they did at the weigh-in? There is a massive Easter egg hunt that involves a Golden egg and that special egg holds special powers for the person who finds it. Or…does it? Exactly how much power do you want to have in a game where people are voted off. My answer: As much as I could get, so quit your whining. This episode moved pretty darned fast, so before you know it, the contestants got to watch a movie (privilege? punishment? You decide….), visit a middle school (okay, one team did) and that’s about it. At the weigh-in, it turns out that fate is the most golden egg of all and another contestant is sent packing…

Join me for more details later!

Teen Mom: Alejandra

Jenelle gets busted and it turns out that Kieffer was a way worse egg than we all thought (can you spell c-o-c-a-i-n-e?), and they get sent to jail.  Jenelle gets bailed out, but Kieffer doesn’t.  And the poor idiot girl is heartsick after two days and bails his loser ass out.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Chelsea(‘s dad) has Adam’s car towed and all the shit in the garage removed.  Adam of course self-righteously hits the roof, but that doesn’t make his car or shit reappear, so he leaves after throwing around some baby stollers and misses Aubree’s first birthday party.  So muthafuckin’ CLASSY.

Kailyn and Jo get their custody agreement down on paper and are at each other’s throats the entire time.  It’s really uncomfortable and vicious, and I’m so glad they’re not together anymore.  Here’s hoping they can be civil at some point, but it sure doesn’t look like it’s happening any time soon.

Finally, Leah and Corey get married and it is SO AWESOME!!!  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  Also, Leah?  Most beautiful teen bride in all the land:-)

Dancing With the Stars Results: TheNooch

The results show. Why they can’t just squeeze the results into the Monday night 2-hour program I will never know. So far, the best solution ABC has come to is to air a 2 hour dance show, have an hour long recap the night after because no one can be responsible for remembering such important events in a 24 hour period, and THEN stringing us out for yet another hour so that we can finally know who goes home.
The results show is super special though because we get to see DWTS behind the scenes. We find out insider information like Kendra’s B.O. problems, Kirstie’s desire to eat her partner and that Chris Jericho has a beast inside him.
On this special night of nights, we are introduced to the Dancing with the Stars Dance Troupe, which ironically has no stars in it. We learn that ABC had to hire dancers from Australia, Ireland and Russia because no one in America meets the impeccable DWTS standards. Only those with the thickest accents have the best moves.
Speaking of moves, we had a special treat with a performance from the extremely violent talented Chris Brown. How ABC can have him back on a show so soon, or ever again is a mystery to me. Also mysterious is how they are able to make people wait one full hour to get a piece of information that takes only 30 seconds to reveal.