About Last Night: Wednesday

Mini caps of Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars, and Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen

Biggest Loser: Bluzgirl

Last night’s Biggest Loser reminded me why I don’t watch soap operas. Now, this show is normally over the top with the drama, but holy cow—it was almost painful to watch. Yes, we had kind of a fun challenge with an interesting prize—a night out in Hollywood and the losers have to clean the ranch. Well, the house and the gym. I don’t think they really had garbage detail on the road or weed pulling out by the trails. Or even swimming pool skimming…There was murdering of junk food and Rulon was confronted by Jillian about his late night snacking. Cara is scared of everything. Bob wears offensive t-shirts. Courtney worked alone with Brett all week, since Jen went home last week and she was fighting to save both of them.

If you watched the show, you’ll know there were at least three scenes that were so producer contrived, it was laughable. Well, we can at least laugh at them. These scenes included the night out in Hollywood, the cleaning of the house and the actual weigh in results. After all the BS, we still did lose a player. But did we lose a trainer too? Either way, it is now down to 9 people. Join me later for details…

Dancing With the Stars: BlueCanary

Another Tuesday, another star booted from the dance floor. After Monday’s emotional competition, the stars were left shaken and naked (metaphorically, for the most part), awaiting their fate at the hands of America. Last night’s episode dragged another brave soul from the glow of the disco ball and plunged them once more into darkness. This particular DWTS was probably one of the cruelest and most upsetting (to them) elimination episode we’re likely to witness within the series, because it marks not only the departure of the second worst competitor, but the revelation of whose personal story failed to touch the viewers in that most personal of personal places: the heart.

So don’t delay! Open your own hearts and embrace theses stars as the vulnerable humans they are. If you’ve been keeping up, you’ll have seen or read about the struggles and losses, perseverance and pain, commitment and touching love stories that shaped the lives of our dancers, and, indeed, sent their leprechaun shoes gliding over the parquet in tribute. Join us for the recap and discover whose trials and tribulations the judges and audience have decided matter less to them than the lingering whiff of a back-up dancer’s bespangled fart.

Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen: NotWithoutMyTV

Marcel and his crew have to cater a biker party—and, you’ll never believe it—they have just 48 hours to plan, create the food, and execute. The Power Plant, a local motorcycle dealership and producer of an Ed Hardy-rip off clothing line, is planning to host a party out of its garage. The owner, who probably gets pulled out of the boarding line at LAX for “secondary screening” a lot, wants Marcel and his Might Morphin’ Food.

The theme is classic American food a la Marcel. Macaroni and cheese (formed on super cooled pipes), chicken-fried steak (cooked on a Jarrid-built, unsafe-looking stove made from a motorcycle chassis), a root beer float (with no root beer and no ice cream—‘cause bikers aren’t pussies) and some weird chemical and temperature-stabilized version of s’mores.

The real drama is that Marcel’s personality finally appears to have pushed the catering crew one serving of spit foam too far. Too much swearing, too many passive-aggressive comments, and too little appreciation of the “unique skills” Jarrid and Devon bring to the team. (Jarrid fucks up two separate dishes this time, but he totally ate fire at the biker party.) Devon and Jarrid fume while Turkey Hair basks in the glow of the biker food-love. What will happen? A liquid nitrogen shower for the Marcel the coach? Check out the full recap and see!