About Last Night: Wednesday

Losing it with Jillian: Bluzgirl

Last night, Jilliandroid visits the Northern family in Tennessee. Confused? Their name is Northern. Like the TP, but much heavier. Dad (Patrick), Mom (Kim) and twin teen-agers (Ameer and Ameera) are struggling with Patrick’s job loss, weight gain, poor name choices and left over chicken wings. J-roid arrives to reach into the depths of their souls and their refrigerator and the transformation begins…

Patrick is immediately labeled a quitter and J-roid decides to break him down even further. Why? Because it is fun for her. Oh, and that’s how he has to start healing. He feels like a loser. His wife, Kim, is tired of shouldering all of the family responsibility and Patrick needs to be the one she can lean on. They work out, they rollerskate (yes, they do), they grope in public (kind of) and he refuses to dance.

The kids are scared about their parents’ health and more horrified they have to go rollerskating with them, but our little health vixen is there to make it all better. And boy, does she. Another inspirational story about how a person can feel like a deadbeat , J-droid makes him feel even worse but if you take that loser to a rolling rink, magical things can happen. Like couples skating. Yes, once again she is successful in turning around a family from the depths of unhealthy hell. They totally wouldn’t put it on TV if it didn’t work out.

Hello, “Cop Rock”…

The Hills: Hypnotoad

So, the big news is that Audrina and Ryan may not make it. Oh, I’m sorry. I said “big” when I should have said “obvious.” And/or “boring.” It’s Audrina’s birthday, and everyone decides to rent a boat for the evening to celebrate. Because they’re rich and they want to piss the audience off, because on YOUR last birthday, you got one card from your co-workers that they all signed and a $5 gift card to Target. There’s a big to-do between Lo, Kristin, and Steph about asking Justin Bobby to go to the party.

But before the big booze cruise, there has to be some drama, and all of it has to involve Kristin: Everyone decides to shake things up and go out to a club for once, where McKaela shows up with Allie (of course), and then Allie and Kristin get into a Big Ole Bitch-Off, where in my opinion, they both tie for first place. And then Kristin goes to meet Lo for lunch, and she of course runs into McKaela, and they both compare their Lady Brody Boners. Kristin wins that one.

At the boat party, during the three hour tour (the three hour tour) people drink and have cupcakes, and then Audrina sits down with Justin Bobby for a highly intellectual discussion about Dalton’s law of multiple proportions. Or, Audrina tries to say something meaningful while Justin Bobby stoner-talks about stupid crap.

The City: Hypnotoad

Whit has this big trade show where she gets to show all her clothes, and then people come up and say they want to put them in her store. Well, a couple people do, I guess. One of the people completely cancels an entire order, and Kelly’s like, Welcome to the world of fashion, beyotch!

Meanwhile, Olivia pulls some stuff for a Ke$ha shoot. Does it go well? I don’t know. Because my stupid cable went out for the entire scene. But don’t worry, it popped back up just in time for the commercials. Awesome.

And Roxy actually comes through for Whit! Like, she actually accomplishes something! I know! And then Erin and Olivia go totally Mean Girls on each other, and it’s awesome. So awesome.