About Last Night: Wednesday

Mini Caps of Rescue Me, Losing it With Jillian, Pretty Little Liars, The Hills and The City

Rescue Me: World B Free

We’ve already seen our antihero Tommy Gavin hit rock bottom many times on Rescue Me, so for the premier of Season 6, Tommy has hit the bottom-est of bottoms: he is dead. When we last saw Tommy, he was lying on the floor of his bar, slowly bleeding to death. Uncle Teddy and the rest of his family were SO FED UP with Tommy’s destructive alcoholism that it was time for an intervention, in the form of some bullets, and death.

It turns out Tommy isn’t totally dead, though, because he gets revived at the hospital. While he was out, he managed to have a vision of the afterlife. At first it looked like the good kind of afterlife vision, where you get to see all your dead relatives and friends, but it soon turned into the horrifying kind: Firefighter Hell, which is an eternally burning building from which it’s impossible to escape. When Tommy regains consciousness, he faces the possibility that he could be headed for eternal damnation. And the real world has turned out to be no less bleak. Tommy’s living relatives have finally decided to stop enabling him OR trying to help him, and are now indifferent to anything he does. It looks like changes are a comin’ for Tommy, and this time he’s truly on his own.

With the little time left over from Tommy’s story, the season premier sets up the other storylines. The FDNY is contemplating shutting down 62 Truck–apparently, they have a problem with how whenever the guys go out drinking, somebody winds up dead. It looks like the guys are going to have concoct a variety of hair-brained schemes to save the firehouse. Maybe bake sale, or a charity strip-a-thon. Tommy’s daughter Colleen is beginning her own descent into alcoholism. I’m guessing that while Tommmy ultimately won’t be able to reform himself, he’ll at least sort of save Colleen from his own miserable fate. Finally, it looks like there just might be a rekindling of Tommy and Sheila’s on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again romance! I hope those lovebirds can make it work this time.

Oh, also, I stuck around for FX’s new sitcom, Louie. You should check it out! Mr. C.K. deserves a hit.

Pretty Little Liars: SlifeGoesOn

It was announced this week that ABC Family ordered 12 more episodes of Pretty Little Liars, bringing their season one total up to 22 episodes. In light of this news, last night’s episode had a lot riding on it in my eyes. And while it wasn’t nearly as juicy as last week’s installment (lesbian lip lock!) it still packed quite a punch!

The girls finally got wise about their “text”-book stalker, and tried to cut “A” off at the source by blocking all unknown numbers on their cell phones. But like any good menacing stalker, “A” remained one step ahead, and found some creative new ways to communicate with the the girls and terrorize them.

Intrigue took a backseat to emotional character development in most of the storylines. Blondie tried to reconnect with her long-lost father who was suddenly back in town. Buggy was wracked with guilt for never telling her mother about her father’s affair, and she irrationally took her anger out on Mr. Fitz. Lezzy’s insecurity about her own sexuality had her running hot and cold with Maya as she forged a relationship with her new lab partner, Toby Cavannaugh.

Schnoz seemed to me to the be the most interesting this week. Her decision to steal her sister’s history paper has suddenly blown up in her face, now that her professor has submitted it for the Golden Orchid, a national historical writing award. You can literally hear the screws tightening around her! And her decision to steal her sister’s fiance has led to similar complications … now that some unknown assailant is videotaping their late night rendezvous!

Stay tuned for the full recap!!

Losing it With Jillian: Bluzgirl

This week we join Jillian in the very rural Springfield, Tennessee where she meets the Vivio family on their…farm? Estate? Dump site?. Laverne and Mark and their boys, Jeremiah, Caleb, Jedediah and Elijah, 800 cats, 42 dogs and a swarm of bees all need Jillian’s special brand of madness to help get them back on their oversized feet. Seriously, they’re all over 6 feet tall and Elijah is only 13 years old! Apparently, the only farming they do here is beanstalks. And like most families featured on this show, the weight is not the only issue. It’s a symptom, not a cause. OMG, I have learned so much from J-droid…*sniff*.

Dad had to get rid of his roofing business because he has heart issues. Football is a huge thing for the Vivio family and here is where some of the problems start. Young Elijah is not a football player, even though he is built like Refrigerator Perry. He’s scared to tell his Dad this because his Dad does not communicate well. Or maybe his Dad will be the crap out of him. So, J-roid decides that between the vomit-inducing (seriously) work-outs, there needs to be a lot of talking too.

There is a bridge on their property that got washed out with a flood and J-roid grabs a hold of the idea that if the family builds the bridge back up, they will once again be united, happy, healthy, wealthy, successful, and triumphant. Geez, J-roid…it’s just a bridge over a dirty creek. But as with everything we see on this show, J-roid is the King Midas of health and happiness and we can all once again laugh and cry and thank the Lord she does not have our address.

The City: Hypnotoad

For the first time ever, the Roxy/Whitney drama is better than the Erin/Olivia drama! I know! So, there’s this Canuck pop star that no one’s ever heard of, and yet a thousand people show up to her concert. Thing is, Kelly thinks it would be totes important if Lights (that’s the name of the pop star. Seriously.) wore some Whitney Eve stuff at her concert, and puts Roxy in charge of that. Uh-oh! Thing is, Roxy does a darn amazing job at trying to get Lights to wear some of Whit’s stuff, even though it clearly isn’t her style. At all. Lights does wear a Whitney Eve blazer . . . and immediately throws it on the stage floor after wearing it for 10 seconds. Whit is pissed! So pissed, in fact, that she starts a huge and completely asinine fight with Roxy. Okay, so first there was Erin from last season, now there’s Roxy. Will Whit need a brand spanking new “best friend” for season 3? Especially since the show totally isn’t getting cancelled?

Over at Elle, there’s a Martha Stewart show segment with Robbie from Elle. Olivia goes to a designer and pulls an outfit. Said outfit is a hit. And that’s pretty much it. Fascinating, eh?

The Hills: Hypnotoad

Everyone goes to Costa Rica. On a whim. On a private jet. I hate them all. Hate so hard. And you know what? This is the most boring episode of The Hills since, I don’t know, the entire first season. Lo isn’t there, probably because she’s back home being responsible. I hate sticking up for Lo, but that seems to be the way things are this season. Stacie’s there, though, since Costa Rica is the only country in which she hasn’t gotten crabs, so she can’t pass up the opportunity. Goals!

They all surf and ride four-wheelers and jump into a waterfall pool, and Kristin makes out with a local bartender and Brody tries not to act jealous. It doesn’t work out. Audrina and Justin have a deep conversation about their relationship, using the 15 words in their vocabularies to talk about . . . absolutely nothing. I feel kind of bad about how short this “About Last Night” is, but honestly? Not a damn thing happened. Worst. Episode. Ever. But stay tuned for next week, kids — there’s some Mama Montag drama! It’ll be great, I swear!