About Last Night: Wednesday

Mini caps of Rescue Me, The City, The Hills, Losing it with Jillian, and Pretty Little Liars

Rescue Me: Saint Clare of Assisi

The whole idea with Tommy Gavin is that he’s amazing at fighting fires and a complete idiot when it comes to relationships. And because Tommy is still on medical leave from the shooting, the only way he can kill time this week is by trying to fix his personal life. Oh boy!

Right now he’s focused on the kids. (Because pretty much every adult he knows has written him off for good). His first daughter Colleen has become a full-on, raging alcoholic. His nephew Damien doesn’t seem to be taking his firefighting responsibilities too seriously. And Katie—sweet, innocent Katie—might be entering herself in blowjob contests at school. Since Tommy has no idea what do to about any of this, he spends this episode trying to talk to them, feeling awkward, making things a little bit worse, and ultimately abandoning these situations for another time. And the Herculean effort required for Tommy to accomplish even this much leaves him so depleted by the end that all he can do is drink. But don’t worry, it’s not a permanent backslide. He’ll get to fixing the alcoholism eventually, probably.

It looks like we have some excitement coming from the other characters, too. Threatened with the house closing, the guys at 62 Truck have to prove their worth to the FDNY, so they’re headed for a showdown with their biggest rival over who gets to save people from burning buildings; Tommy remains suspicious of Franco for getting close to his wife; and it looks like next week is the week Peter Gallagher shows up. Did you know Peter Gallagher was going to be on Rescue Me this season? He is. The school of hard knocks will be in session. Tommy Gavin is ready to be talked tough to, and Peter Gallagher was made for talking tough. Stay tuned!

Losing it With Jillian: Bluzgirl

On “Losing it with Jillian”, Jillian visits the Yavapai-Apache Nation in Camp Verde, Arizona to work with the Plunkett-Marquez Family. She works with Coralie (mother) who also sits on the tribal council for her tribe (a real one—not a Probst one). Coralie believes if she and her immediate family can make changes to be healthier, they can influence the entire tribe to be healthier. We meet her Mom who has diabetes and her son, Brandon, who at 15 years old already weighs 253 pounds and is pre-diabetic. Delight (not the chocolate or afternoon kind) is Coralie’s sister and she’s a total mess in the gym. Yes, they have a gym—this is not a whole wheat spaghetti western. Coralie’s the real driver of the family but everyone kind of wants to bail out. And then J-droid sees what they eat and goes a little apes**t. Enriched flour! The horror! Geez, Jill—it’s not like they’re eating puppies and baby chicks—it’s freakin’ flour. But then they make a dough and deep fry it in lard. Oh, man—it’s almost State Fair time and I can’t wait. Is it wrong I’m always starving when I watch what these people eat?

The rest of the tribe gathers to greet her and she manages to offend the entire nation by throwing away food at a party thrown for her. I’d say Jill has a very tough time gathering these people together as she has come across literally the only Americans who have no desire to be on a reality show. She flies in her doctor from Los Angeles to talk about the dangers of diabetes to a no-show crowd. Probably should have left the party food alone, Jill. After two disasters, a flailing Jill meets with one of the tribe’s elders and actually apologizes for her actions at the party. After receiving his forgiveness, she amazingly has much better luck with the rest of the tribe at her organized walk. And of course, since this show actually aired, there is much success at the end of the program with the Plunkett-Marquez family. And so we learn, to err is human; to forgive is the head guy’s job.

Pretty Little Liars: SlifeGoesOn

So, I forced my friend Val to watch this week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars with me, and I am happy to announce that we have a new convert to summer’s guiltiest pleasure! Last night’s episode did not disappoint when it came to hijinks or hilarity. In fact, snaps to the writers for the extra sharp dialogue and some choice zingers that brought many an LOL out of Val.

“A” is back in the girls’ lives with a vengeance! Not only have they “come to their senses” and unblocked A’s number, but “A” has seriously stepped up their game and is now breaking into homes and shooting footage of the girls from inside their own closets!

Blondie was forced to don a hideous kitten smock and work at a dental office to foot the bill for wrecking Sean’s car. While at the medical plaza, she had a terrifying run-in with Jenna, the snarky blind girl, who just so happened to wear the same fug shade of Jungle Red lipstick as “A”!

Shnoz had a totally random storyline about playing tennis with her dad, but it did yield a new, blue collar love interest for her. Meanwhile, Lezzy was getting her flirt on with Toby. But wires got a little crossed Shakespearean-style when Blondie got a picture message from “A” of Lezzy making out with Maya, and she tried to throw a little support at her friend’s budding new relationship.

Buggy was busy juggling family dramz and her extra-curricular activities with Mr. Fitz. Fitzy’s college buddy caught wind of their affair and tried to dissuade him from pursuing things. Fitzy was all for throwing caution to the wind … until he came across an incendiary text from “A” on Buggy’s phone and tossed her out!

Stay tuned for the full recap!!

The Hills: Hypnotoad

After last week’s lackluster episode, the show really turns up the heat this week! Although, totally not. Damn, is it any wonder this show is ending? Can you believe there’s one episode left? Are you thanking your deity of choice that that’s the case? I’m praising Jeebus right now for the end of The Hills.

Kristin spends almost the entire episode whining about how Brody hasn’t talked to her since Costa Rica, and when she invites him over for some wine, she finally finds out why: He’s dating “someone else.” Who may or may not be a faux-punk, entirely mediocre Canadian pop star. So she calls up Lo and starts crying about how much she loves Brody, and it sucks. Really? Kristin was infatuated with Brody? Because I totally never saw that this season. Also, Steph goes out on a date with Jeff Spicoli and they hit it off for some reason, most likely because they both drink sodas when they go to bars. Oh, and Lo’s boyfriend Scott tells Lo that he wants them to move in together, but she has a rule about not living with someone until she’s engaged. Whatever.

Mama Montag comes for a visit! Yay! She spends some time with Holly, and they both cry about how much of a heinous excuse for a human being Heidi is being to the both of them. Take a hard look, Heidi — you’re making an incredible, loving, and compassionate mother — who gave birth to you! — feel like she’s “mourning the loss of a daughter.” Shame, Heidi. Immense, horrible shame. And you know what? Audrina’s not in this episode. At all. Which totally bodes well for her spin-off! One more episode, and then we take this horse to the glue factory, kids.

The City: Hypnotoad

Roxy’s totally serious about moving out of Whit’s apartment. So serious, in fact, that she goes looking for another apartment. Which costs $4,000 a month. Which is ludicrous, if you ask me. But Roxy can’t afford it, so she asks her dad Ken Olin for some sweet Thirtysomething residual money. But Daddy Ken’s all like, Ummmmmmm no. All of this, of course, drives Whit and Roxy further apart, and they fight a lot. In public. In front of Kelly. And in a scene that totally seems like a season finale, Roxy leaves to go live with Sammie for a while.

There’s a photo shoot for some Twilight chick over at Elle. I’ve only seen the first movie, and I’m still recovering from the dry-heaves, so I have no idea who she is. Erin asks Whit for some clothes for the shoot, which is great, and the TwiChick loves one of Whit’s blazers, which is great, but Olivia has a golden stick up her ass, which is not great. Olivia goes out of her way to not mention Whit’s clothes in an Elle.com interview. Petty stupidness, thy name is Olivia Palermo. Olivia also tells Joe that she’s going to Japan, and maybe she can do some stuff for Elle over in Japan. Because she’s been so successful in America. Of course, Erin and Seth are thrilled at the prospect of Olivia leaving for Japan. And you know what? So am I.