About Last Night: Models of the Runway and the Return of Survivor

Happy Friday!! Last night, a bunch of girls starved themselves for work and another group of people starved themselves to win a game. Lots of hungriness going on Thursday nights. Come on in!

I hope my designer doesn’t get the boot.

Models of the Runway: PottyMouth

On last night’s Models of the Runway, Witchie Poo continued to create as much drama as possible. She succeeded by telling Megan she had a dream that Megan kept getting fatter and fatter and fatter. THE HORROR!!!!!

She also tells us she’s not here to make friends (yeah, you and every other asshole on a reality show, sista!), but then says she doesn’t understand why the girls don’t like her because she’s a really nice person. Why doesn’t she just cast one of her spells on them and force them all to like her? Stupid witch.

The real excitement of the evening is that the girls get to have a photo shoot at Marie Claire. In fact, it was so exciting that I fell asleep again!! I’m telling ya, this show is better than Ambien!

In the end one of the models has got to pack her bags and go. Wanna know who made the cut and who was kicked to the curb? Come back for the full recap!!

Survivor: Schoonie



Oh my god, I am SO EXCITED for this. Hey, it’s Colby! And Courtney! And Cirie! And Coach, who has somehow miraculously become totally rad! And Boston Rob, being even more awesome than he was before by making fire from two sticks while at the same time BEING BOSTON ROB!

On the minus side: Rupert is there. Hey, did you know that in he’s spent his entire life “trying to show that good will win”, which conveniently also means that Rupert always gets to win? Also on the minus side: Sugar, wearing god KNOWS what, crying and making idiotic faces that she thinks are adorable, because she is absolutely convinced that she is the cutest person ever. And hey, did you know that Russell is here, too? The second his stupid ass showed up on screen again, I was like, “Too soon.” He is the television equivalent of that one guy who has already tried to tell you a Haitian Earthquake joke.

So anyway, the 20 contestants fly in on helicopters and are immediately told that they will be competing in a reward challenge. The wrestling challenge comes early this year, and you know what that means, don’t you? Bring on the injuries! Stephenie’s shoulder gets dislocated and Rupert breaks his toe, but the Heroes end up winning the reward (flint) after Sugar scores the final point <em>topless</em>. Yeah, I will explain later.

Afterwards, the Heroes and Villains arrive at their camps. Russell immediately starts doing the same thing he did last time by pulling all the females aside one by one and trying to align with him. However, he makes the very critical mistake of doing this with Parvati, and we all know that he is not even CLOSE to being on her level. I seriously cannot wait for the part where she swallows him whole like a snake and then digests him with her amino acids.

Other things that happened: Coach has a total mancrush on Rob and also is going to make out with Jerri, which is either heinous or written in the stars, I cannot tell which. Boston Rob and Sandra become friends and I immediately want to invite them over to my house. They would be a perfectly acceptable final two in my book, not even kidding. Amanda and Cirie are worried that everyone thinks they’re aligned thanks to the Micronesia season, a perception they plan to erase by being with each other every second of every day. Sugar tries to bang Colby and he is totally grossed out by her, just as anyone with, let’s say, at least two of the major five senses should be.

The immunity challenge is a multi-stage, oddly designed relay race, which the Villains end up winning because the Heroes are unable to solve a puzzle. America does adore the simpletons. Comes with the territory, I guess. Sugar starts crying when they lose, in case you had forgotten that she likes to do that, because everything is all about her, all the time. Back at camp, the twin powerhouses of Tom and Cirie make cursory attempts to vote each other out, but ultimately everyone just finds Sugar too damn annoying to keep around, and she is voted out unanimously. It’s a pretty great start, frankly. Now, if they could just continue to vote people out in descending order of how annoying I find them, that would be awesome. Russell next, please? Rupert would also be an acceptable substitute.

Seriously, this is going to be AWESOME, you guys. Of course, now that I’m done getting excited about all of this, we can proceed to the part where my hopes are inevitably crushed by disappointment, just like all star seasons are supposed to do. See you all in thirteen weeks for Danielle’s victory party!