About Last Night: Shear Genius and Real World

Last night, Tabatha showed up to raise some hell and the guy in the Panda hat got laid.

Shear Genius: J-Mo

On last night’s episode of Shear Genius, somebody died. Ok, I’m kidding, nobody was dead, but they had plenty of flowers in the ShortCut Challenge to throw a bitchin’ funeral (not to mention setting off everyone’s pollen allergies) and the stylestants were told they had to use the flowers in their client’s hair, but treat the flowers like they were MADE of hair, even though they were still flowers. Or something. All I know is, somebody gets called a drag queen, and people tend to take offense to that if RuPaul isn’t standing there grinning like a Glamazon.

For the Elimination Challenge there was a super-secret-special-surprise guest… FUCKING TABATHA COFFEY! Oh Miss Lady T, how I have missed you and your special brand of bullshit-busting. Please behead someone for our viewing pleasure. Preferably Cameltoe. Anyhow, the Challenge itself had to do with an Indian wedding that required 8 bridesmaids to have their hair made over between the ceremony and the reception. No one was allowed to watch “Slumdog Millionaire” for inspiration, either. This was a tough one, because many of the stylestants had “difficult” clients (for those of you who have worked in a call-center before, you can back me up here… Indian chicks DO NOT PLAY, bitches have no problem TEARING YOUR ASS UP if they get pissed off) so of course there are excuses aplenty for those that need them. I’ll let you guess who I’m referring to (here’s a hint: his name rhymes with “matey”). Also, BrigADumpy murders a defenseless dress. She’s going to get her pissy-hairy ass kicked by a bunch of Project Runway people for that. Oh, and our T-girl is going to get into a screaming match with BrigANoSheDI-ent. Sound like fun? If you’ll bring the beanbag chairs, I’ll bring the popcorn, K? Check back for the recap in a couple of days. Love, J-Mo

Real World: Virginia Apple

Well, I’m sure you’ll all be relieved to know that after last week’s apparent personal growth, this week order was restored to the Real World. Not only that, but several of the stories from this season reared their ugly heads last night, and the most heavily promoted moment of the season finally happened (sort of like the Real World’s equivalent of Snooki getting punched, except this one strangely did not come with a blackout or a disclaimer against violence).

First of all, Pandrew finally had a breakthrough and got laid. Twice. By two different girls. Each of whom had the same name as one of his female roommates. Between that and Josh’s girlfriend being named Ashley, all we needed was another Callie to complete the circle. Although I suppose Kelly Anne is close enough.

Speaking of Josh’s girlfriend Ashley, she morphed from a spunky blonde into an emo brunette and came back to visit. Her visit was bookended with Josh bringing other girls home. And in one hell of a douche move, he called her the night after she left to dump her so he could fuck his cougar friend guilt-free. I don’t even think MTV got creative with the editing on that timeline because various people actually said she had just left. Regardless, what a douche.

And finally, Emily and Ty’s sexual tension bubbled over into several fights that somehow culminated in Ty, who was schwasted, causing Humpty Dumpty to have his great fall. Unfortunately, the episode ends there, so we’ll have to wait until next week to see if the DC paramedics can put him back together again.