About Last Night: Olympics, Undercover Boss, Desperate Housewives

Last night, the Olympics came to a close, White Castle’s meat remained a mystery, and Bree got herself a creepy stalker who wears too much lipstick.

And no, I don’t mean this guy.

Undercover Boss: Alejandra

Last night on “Undercover Boss,” White Castle, purveyor of the finest steamed mini-burgers this side of Krystal, documents their CEO as he uncovers slacking supervisors, employees terrified they’ll lose their jobs over refraining from following proper burger assembly protocol, epic Kentucky hairdos, and the difficulties of operating conveyor belts it seems all CEOs on this show share. If you like White Castle, I highly recommend you tune in because there’s absolutely no investigation into just what the hell is really in those, grey, rubbery, squares of meat that make people like me eat them in multiples of four. Whatever it is, I’m sure it isn’t legal or healthy, but I will continue to live in blissful, willful ignorance as long as possible.

Tom and Lynette totes forget Penny’s birthday, sealing her fate as the least cared about child since Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. And/or Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. And maybe that poor kid who was in Home Alone 3. And to add insult to injury, Lynette writes the wrong freaking name on Penny’s b-day cake! WTF, Lynette?! Penny obviously runs away, and I said good on ya, Pen. I’m sure the crack addict trailer park the foster care system puts you in will be much better. I’m serious – I bet it’s better.

Also, Susan pretty much makes Roy propose to McC, and then Roy’s all, But I still want to play the field, maybe, even though I’m 80 and the last time I felt anything down there was in ‘Nam! And so, he kisses Susan. I don’t know why either, but there you go. L’il Celia Solis gets a plot-line this week! For about 30 seconds, though – she comes down with the chicken pox, and since Gabby’s never had it, she’s carted off to the Gay House for a Gay Week of Gay Fun! Cocktails! Gossip! Dancing! Fashion! More cocktails! And then some sobering revelations that aren’t as fun as drinking cosmotinis while dancing to Donna Summer albums.

Bree is fed up with Tad, who was hired to help her out and turns out to be a complete idiot. But she’s saved by an incredibly creepy dude who wants to help her out. And not in some Nell-Carter-Gimme-a-Break kind of way. No, more of a Jennifer-Jason-Leigh-Stab-Your-Boyfriend-in-the-Eye-With-a-Stiletto-Pump kind of way. Seriously – guy gives me the icks. And what about Katherine? She’s a lesbian! Or is she? She is! Well, maybe. But totally! Except maybe. Just a little.

Olympics: Chooch

What better way to end this year’s Olympic games than with the best hockey game EVER? I didn’t have the opportunity to see the whole game, but I did catch the 3rd quarter & the sudden death overtime & I was totally swept up in the excitement. The best part is, I didn’t care who won. I was just as joyful to see Canada win as I would have been if Team USA won.

The past two weeks have been awesome TV. I’m a huge Olympics fan, not so much a sports fan. I didn’t even care that my regular shows went into repeats for the duration. I thank the other networks for freeing up my time so I could see it all. So much happened….

The Georgia luge guy gets killed in practice on the first day. At least it was determined that the track was way too fast & slowed down, but too late for Nodar Kumaritashvili. I was totally surprised to see the snow spray painted blue so the athletes could see the tracks. Never saw that before & made me think of it as a cheat sheet.

Figure skating had it’s best season since Tanya Harding hit the ice. The girls showed the guys how to skate & not fall down. They also showed how to win with grace & not go home & make their own medal. I cried my eyes out when Canada’s sweetheart, Joannie Rochette’s mom died suddenly & she found the strength stay in it & went on to win the bronze medal.

Snowboarding god, Shaun White’s coach said “fuck” on live TV after they realize he had the gold medal won, even before he made a second run. His teammate Scott Lago got spanked & sent home for conduct not acceptable, when TMZ posted a picture that looked like a girl giving him head. When he got home, he told all that would listen that he had been set up & the American Olympic officials should have backed him up.

Lindsey Vonn’s break-neck speed on the downhill, winning her gold, was awesome but so was her little fight with fellow teammate Julie Mancuso, who won lots of silver medals. The girls just couldn’t stay off twitter with their snide remarks… Rowwr…! Male counterpart, Bode Miller finally gets his head out of his ass & wins gold too.

Of course, my DWTS darling, Apolo Ohno won his 7th & 8th medals, breaking the US record for most won in the Winter games. Johnny Weir, although he didn’t get a medal for figure skating, still had the limelight, when sportscasters questioned his gender on live TV. Johnny rose to the occasion & proved he was much more intelligent than the 2 of them put together. Bravo Johnny, you go girl! I also loved the fact that the Canadian girls hockey team celebrated their gold medal win the right way…. laying down on the ice, cracking a beer & having a cigar! Bravo too, to Shani Davis, for being the only black athlete in the Winter games… at least the only one I saw. Girls truly did rule in this Winter Olympics!

The closing ceremonies were much more to my liking than the opening day ceremonies were. I loved the blow-up beavers & balloon mooses (meese?) My biggest thrill was seeing my all-time favorite Canadian rise up out of the floor, in the center of the arena, William Shatner! His jokes were a little flat at times, but the crowd loved him. He was followed by Second City TV’s Catherine O’Hara, who’s jokes didn’t go over too well either, except for this remark: “I don’t care what language you speak. When you pee your name in the snow, we know who you are!” The standing ovation went to the #1 celebrity, in both the US & Canada, Michael J. Fox, who clearly stated: “If I’m watching the U.S. and Canada play hockey, I’m sorry, I’m wearing a Maple Leaf on my sweater.” After a great song from Neil Young, the flames were extinguished & a video montage of the city of Sochi, Russia was played, announcing the 2014 home of the next Winter Games. If you are wondering when the summer games are, they will be in 2012 & hosted by London, England.