Last night, 90210 came back, Ben went towards the light, and a rich dude fell for a farmer. Come on in!
On this week’s Lost, in Sideways World, we get the impression that Dr. Benjamin Linus is a lonely guy who takes care of his elderly father (ROGER!!!) and despite being a smartypants, he is forced to neglect his precious History Club to cover detention because his boss, Principal Butthead, doesn’t like him very much. So Ben decides maybe HE should be principal instead! And it turns out that Alex is conveniently one of his students! And she is in this now defunct History Club! And she wants to go to Yale! And she tells Ben that Principal Butthead is having relations with the school nurse! Something that the always-manipulative-no-matter-the-dimension Ben uses to try and blackmail the guy out of his job! But when confronted with this blackmail, the principal says if Ben goes through with it, he’s not going to write Alex’s letter of recommendation to Yale! So of course, since this is the Sideways World, Alex > Ben’s own happiness, and she gets her recommendation and all’s well that ends well, except Ben is right back where he started.
On the island, Miles tells Ilana that Ben’s the one that killed Jacob, and it turns out that Ilana thought of Jacob as a father, so BIG SURPRISE there are more daddy issues! So then she ties Ben up, tells him to dig his own grave, and is ready to shoot him! But then Smokey shows up and tells Ben that he’s about to roll, but he’ll let Ben have the island if he can beat Ilana to some tree somewhere! So Ben bolts in a comedic fashion, and he gets there first with Ilana at his heels, and the two of them have a heart to heart in which Ben basically tells her how shitty his whole life has been, and how it’s all Jacob’s fault, etc etc and Ilana forgives him and they go and have a nice little musical montage with the rest of the Losties. We also found out that Richard can’t kill himself (thanks to Jacob) and he tried to get Jack to kill him as a favor! But when Jack lit the TNT’s fuse, nothing happened! Because he’s all special and stuff. Which he knows thanks to that whole Lighthouse fiasco. Then he cried and breathed heavily through his nose.
After making sure that America all but forgot about their show, The CW has decided to bring 90210 back from hiatus…three months later…opposite American Idol…right before Lost.Â Idiots.
Winter break is over and the gang’s back for another semester at West Bev.Â MelaNaomi’s giddy with anticipation over finally getting her chance with Liam.Â Silver and Dixon have both been thinking about that kiss they shared that ruined everything, but do they share the same feelings for each other?Â Becky and Harry are still dealing with the Kelly situation and, possibly, searching for relevance.Â And just in case we didn’t have enough storylines to follow, Annie and Navid both spent their breaks out of town and brought back some souvenirs.Â Annie got some fake lashes in Vegas and Navid went to Berkeley and all he got was a lousy bag of cocaine.
Millionaire Matchmaker: SexyPanda
This week on Millionaire Matchmaker, we have all sorts of sexual confusion, as Patti matches up a divorcee millionairess with either a man OR a woman. And not only a woman, but either a butch OR a lipstick lesbian. Whatever! Jeez, greedy/confused much? A few skate-arounds later, our bi-curious millionaire makes a decision about what motivates her privates.
At the same time, Patti’s hooking up a skinny widdle biddy millionaire with the farmer girl of his dreams. He claims to have never had a “serious” conversation with a black woman before. What does that even mean? Anyway, Patti shoves him in a dark room with RuPaul and calls it success. Just kidding! Come back later this week to see what happens!