About Last Night: Survivor, Marriage Ref, Models of the Runway, American Idol

Last night in TVland, people survived, Madonna showed up on TV without a new baby or a new child groom, models tried to figure out what the four elements are, and America peed all over the grave of American Idol.

Actually, please don’t vote ever again you jerks.

Survivor: Schoonie

So while everyone at the Villains tribe does Tai Chi with Coach, Russell sneaks away and finds the hidden immunity idol. Fortunately for us, his only ally is Parvati, so here’s hoping he’s probably still screwed because he has no friends. During the reward challenge, James hurts his knee, and despite the fact that he can barely walk, gets to remain in the game anyway. At the immunity challenge, James actually contributes for the first time ever by guiding his blindfolded teammates, but the Heroes are still unable to overcome anything requiring teamwork, so the puzzle portion screws them again. Faced with the option of getting rid of Tom for being in the minority and getting rid of James for having one leg, JT decides to show some loyalty to his original alliance and get rid of Tom. Boo!

Marriage Ref: Chooch

Yes, I was one of them. I admit it. I watched “Marriage Ref” last night, just to see Madonna. I’ve only seen photos of this elusive beast and I really wanted to see for myself if her face is so tight with botox it won’t move anymore. It moves and she looked great. Not only that, the show was great. Larry David and Ricky Gervais rounded out the panel of “marriage” experts and they were hilarious. The three of them embraced the show and really had fun with it and so did I. Their pure horror over the fact that a woman kept her dead husband’s fake leg over her new hubby’s objections, was priceless. Larry David declared, “They’re so moronic, I don’t want to help them.” Then Gervais chimed in, “This is the weirdest show I’ve ever been on.”

The icing on the cake came when a couple was having problems because the husband had an overbearing mother, who called him fat and a “yellow-bellied” coward. She also looked down her nose at the wife, calling her an uneducated girl. The best part is, the guy’s a psychiatrist! David couldn’t understand why the guy even came on the show, exclaiming it to be professional suicide. Gervais again spoke up, saying he was wondering the same thing about himself “being on this show.” Madonna bantered back and forth with Larry, proclaiming him a misogynist, which he considered a compliment. He shot back that she hates men and she replied, “No… I hate you!”

Her biggest complaint was each of the couples’ ugly couches. She hated them all, saying at one point to “get rid of the couch and keep the iguana” that the one pair was fighting over. It would have been great if she had bought them all new couches at the end of the show. Ref Tom Papa had a hard time containing these three, who continued to bicker during his address to the viewing audience. This allowed him to proclaim, “Not nowww Madonna!”, something he never thought he’d ever hear himself say.

I think if the right guests are on, I’ll tune in again. I did watch the half-hour “premiere”, after the Olympics and thought it was pretty good, but never thought it would make it as a one-hour show. I didn’t even watch the following week. I don’t know how long it will last, but last night was probably it’s best.

Models of the Runway: PottyMouth

Yet AGAIN, I have no idea what happened on last night’s Models of the Runway. My MOR induced narcolepsy kicked in as soon as I saw the words “Moments Before”. But I’m fairly certain I can predict what happened.

Let’s see…well, first we saw AGAIN which designer got aufed. Then that designer went to the see the models, receiving hugs and sad faces before clearing the room for the winner. The winner entered the backstage area to applause, hugs from his/her model, and all the other models jumping up to kiss ass in the hopes that if their designer should drop them said winner would pick them.

After that things began to really pick up. The models went to see Heidi and talk about the challenge and how they thought the designers did. And Heidi would have had a surprise for them. Hmmmm…..I wonder what challenge inspired surprise she concocted this week? Oh! Maybe they went to an Earth, Wind and Fire concert! Or maybe Burning Man. Seaworld?

Anyway, they head on over to Anoxeria Apartments to prepare, and after they go where ever it is that Heidi decided to send them they’ll return to AA to fast or throw up in preparation for the elimination ceremony.

I’m going to predict that Emilioth pickth Holly again, and everyone thill thinkth he’th a prick. And then one model will go home.

Am I right? Come back for the full recap and you can find out with me!

American Idol: Flipit

Sometimes, you wonder why we even have the right to vote. Look at the news. It’s depressing. But we can’t blame congress for the injustices that occurred last night on American Idol. There hasn’t been anyone to get too excited over so far this year, so why the upset? If they all suck then who really cares who goes first? Well, true, but some are definitely worse than others. There have been tiny little seeds of hope growing out of some of the kids’ performances, and there has been some truly irredeemable crap. The irredeemable crap won the day. People have been complaining that this is the worst season of Idol yet. I don’t know that I necessarily agree with that. Jordin Spanx did win this thing after all and she was in the top 2 with WiggyWiggy. So the second worst? I don’t know, they all have their high points (Kelly Clarkson) and low (almost everyone else on that season), but I do know that this seasons gonna be way harder to watch now. On the bright side, it will be way more fun to write about!! I’ll have plenty of time to rant about all of this in my recap, but for now, FU voters!!