About Last Night: Ghost Whisperer and Medium

Last night, Mones got skerd and Allison DuBois got some really bad extensions.

See?

Ghost Whisperer: Mones

It’s confession time. Rare is the day when I watch the Ghost Whisperer alone. It’s true. I’m so chicken shit I can’t even watch a primetime show about ghosts starring the chick with big boobs from Can’t Hardly Wait by myself. On the rare occasion when I do watch it alone, I make sure it’s bright and early and that I have hours of sunlight left in the day. Even then, I sleep with my closet light on. It’s OK, laugh.

That’s enough.

So last night, it was Melinda v. The Shadows in an epic battle over the souls of children. Julie Cooper from The O.C. stops by Same As It Never Was to sell all the items in her old house. When Ned heads over to pick up the goods, he nearly breaks his wrist when he’s tripped as he runs away from a raven that was hidden in the curtains. It probably had something to do with those chains he heard and that ball he saw then didn’t see. So really it was his fault for not bolting at the first sign of ghostery.

After snooping around, Melinda finds out that Julie’s daughter, Cassidy, who saw scary people in the house, died and didn’t go into the light. The ghost of an old woman, who has been at the house for years, has kept her from crossing and uses her to lure the ghost of recently deceased children to the house. The deal? She gives The Shadows the kids and they don’t take her old ass.

Despite pleas from Delia (who’s still freaked after almost getting blown to bits last week) to let this one go, Melinda takes on the old lady. Julie, Ned and Eli proved no help but it was Delia’s last minute change of heart that got Cassidy and two other souls into the light. All’s well in Grandview once again…but is it ever?

Medium: Flipit

It was blast to the past time on Medium last night. You could tell it was the past cuz Allison had some pretty plasticky extensions. They hadn’t really perfected those yet sixteen years ago. Part of me was happy that they didn’t go too overboard with the youth makeup, but I could have done without this shot of Joe:

Man. Imagine what those things look like in 2010.

The little pudgy weirdo daughter, my personal fave of the kids, opened the show up. She sat in the hallway watching Joe miserably take family pictures off the wall. “Won’t mommy’s feelings be hurt if she comes home and finds the pictures taken down?” Then Joe mumbles that he doesn’t think she’s ever coming home. DUNDUNDUUUUHN!

When Al wakes up from this nightmare, she’s in a way too pink bed an breakfast in 1994. She has cornstalk hair, but Joe looks the same. It’s their wedding weekend!! It’s awesome how Joe can look miserable in every single scene. Even sixteen years ago. We get to see Kathy Baker as Joe’s mom, but frankly she’s wasted on this show. You guys have Kathy Baker, have her break down STAT. She’s trained, you monkeys!

A distant cousin by marriage shows up at the rehearsal dinner, and Al realizes that he’s the guy she saw killing a missing girl in her dream. This poor actor is destined to play creepy rapist/murderers his whole career.

But hey, we can’t all be as handsome as Davalos.

Rawr

Allison doesn’t really know what to do with all this dream stuff yet, because she hasn’t had five seasons on NBC and a partial season on CBS to marinate yet. Thankfully, she has a Meemaw who shows up in her hotel room to tell her that it’s totes normal to see naked dead raped girls in the bathroom at your rehearsal dinner so chill. Al’s like um thanks for stopping by k?

She tries to tell Joe about her dreams and her premonitions because she just had a dream that in the future this creep kills their daughter (I’d hate for that kid to make it through an episode without a crying scene) but Joe’s all “SCIENCE! Two plus two is four! Four times four is sixteen! Water is wet and dogs poop three times a day like clockwork!” Yeah yeah, we’ve all heard it. But Allison hadn’t yet, so she’s depressed that she’s with a man who can’t understand her gifts. Did you know that Betty Draper from Mad Men dated Ashton Kutcher when she first moved to LA and he told her she couldn’t act so she should find another gig? It was like that. Leave Ashton, Allison! He’s just gonna marry some cougar anyways.

Right before the hour closed, Al had a dream showing her the exact parking spot at the airport where creepy cousin dropped the dead girl’s body off. Man, she’s awesome at dreaming money shots right before we’re left hanging. So after she sleep solves that one, she inexplicably apologizes to her dumbass fiance and begs him to marry her after all, which as we now know leads to many many nights of “maybe it was a dream! Clouds are made out of water!” The last scene is of Joe straightening family pics in the hallway. Allison’s home and happy and everything’s just fine. Then the kid acts like she’s smiling. See you next week!