About Last Night: Amazing Race and Channel Surfing

Last night on TV, someone made the Lesbians mad, King Henry came back to start more caca, and Breaking Bad is still awesome.

Sometimes, inaccurate portrayals are best.

Amazing Race: Bbitz

Last night on “The Amazing Race”, Team Such As did an AMAZING job of enraging the Lesbians more than any other team in the history of the race. I literally think blood will be shed off camera. This show NEEDS an reunion episode tell-all, hosted by ME!

Other highlights included the Lover Brothers taking a chance at a scary-ass fast forward, the Dicks getting dicked by a taxi driver, the Cowboys running a good race pace and Team Such As being gutted in the streets of Malaysia. Well – that part didn’t happen – YET. Stay tuned for a full recap of all the drum-beating, ice cream selling, zip-lining fun! And wear a parka – this is gonna get messy!

Channel Surfing: Chooch

Sunday provides me with the most entertaining television. Two of my favorite shows were on last night. I love them for their ‘edge of my seat’, “HOLY SHIT!… I can’t believe they showed that!”… mouth-dropping suspense & total disregard for human beings! Alas…there was no blood-letting last night. The season premiere of “The Tudors” had my dear King Henry VIII slobbering over his new child bride. Titties were bouncing all over the place as the new Queen frollicked in the mud & danced in the rain. The King, when not playing puppet porn, was also gearing up for war with France. At one point he ordered the executions of three men & the public dragging, then hanging of a young nobleman. I saw none of these events! I don’t like being teased. If there is to be a beheading, I better get to see it! I must say though, the King looks quite distinguished with his now slightly grey hair & beard. I can only hope that His Majesty hasn’t softened in his old age and still has a callous heart.

“Breaking Bad” is another “WTF?” show, but last night there was none of that. Is it just me, or have things slowed down to a crawl? The suspense & tension has been replaced with soap-opera drama of cheating & divorce. Blah! Let’s get to cooking some meth & killing skanks, crackwhores & big-ass drug dealers! Walt is so far up his ugly wife’s ass that he can’t see what’s right anymore. Poor Jesse is left to fend for himself, making 2nd-rate meth to get by. But I’m hoping “Better Call Sal” has a plan to get this dynamic duo back together & it better be soon.

The rest of my evening was a smorgasbord of viewing pleasures. I watched a cake literally “crash & burn” on Extreme Cake Challenge. Singing farts, silent but deadly farts, tooting trouser coughs, an official Fart Card & the death of an ex-wife were explored on “The Cleveland Show”. I found out that lesbians & beauty queens do not play well together, Singapore is breathtakingly beautiful & the cowboys are still in it on “The Amazing Race”. Donald Trump continues to amuse himself on “Celebrity Apprentice”. This season’s celebrities are a trainwreck though. Their personal lives are interfering with his TV show & he’s not liking it. To round out the night, the final “Undercover Boss” almost turned his stint in a candy factory into an “I Love Lucy” moment. He couldn’t keep up with the conveyor belt of chocolate pretzels he was suppose to be boxing up, calling out frantically for help as they hit the floor. A great ending for the season finale.