About Last Night: Lost, 90210, V, Millionaire Matchmaker

Last night, V exposed some secrets, Lost exposed some secrets, 90210 didn’t expose Tom Wopat, and the matchmaker exposed vulnerable rich homely guys to semi attractive women!

Be very gentle.

V: WaffleBoy

Hey there Gasmii, big, big things happening on V last night. It was a night of secrets being exposed, like when the gang went on a road trip to find a talking marble. Okay, that’s not really a secret, but Georgie got tortured by the V’s and then went to the big character actors’ heaven in the sky, which is not a secret either. God I suck at thesis statements. Come on waffleboy, you can do it…Oh! Space Alien Bait digs up some serious dirt that sends High Schoolo Musical Kid into a full blown tizzy. How serious? Well let’s just say FBI Mom doesn’t think immaculate conception should be strictly the Virgin Mary’s gig.

We find out some serious dirt from Morris Chestnut’s past, and Obilivia goes into his closet and comes out a little less Obilivia. Bailey 2.0 appears to be a shit weasel of biblical proportions, and Anna looks like poop before she puts her face on in the morning. And, we’re not even going to get into the girl with the crazy nail job, and Anna sitting in what looks like the hot tub at Plato’s Retreat. Anyway, it was a humdinger of an episode, and if you haven’t seen it yet, you’re missing out.

Millionaire Matchmaker: SexyPanda

Well, well, well. This week, on the season finale of Millionaire Matchmaker, we were subjected again to Zagros, who just can’t help but be a little disgusting. He was more genuine this time around, I think, but still cringe-inducing. His date was a rerun for us, too, and her new edit was pretty funny (for me).

Our other millionaire was your typical 47-yr-old bachelor, the sad collection of every mismatched Match.com date I ever had. He expected too much, offered too little, and settled for less than he really wanted. (Which is to say his DATE really settled, actually. But hey, he’s got $9 million.)

Come back! I’ll say something funny, maybe!

90210: Mones

Last night, 90210 didn’t have any musical numbers or island mysteries. There weren’t any great one-liners or even competent acting if we want to get picky. What did it have? Well…not much. But here’s what happened anyway:

Naomi and Rumer catapult their respective relationships into unexpected and unwanted territory. At the same time, Dixon and Ivy step theirs up a notch. Lesbianna and Navid give it one more try; this time as friends. Liam’s real dad comes back into the picture. Unfortunately, they didn’t cast Tom Wopat. Heads should roll for that one. Finally, Annie and Naomi bond over being horrible, horrible people.

Stay tuned…

Lost: Ack

This week on Lost, we found out that in the Sideways World, Hurley not only owns Mr. Cluck’s Chicken, but he’s this awesome philanthropist! Only problem? He can’t get a date! So his mom sets him up on a blind date, but she doesn’t show. Instead, Crazy Libby shows up at Hurley’s table and tells him that she knows him from another life, brothah! This upsets Hugo when he realizes that Libby was only on a Fajita Field Trip from the nuthouse. But then he bumps into Desmond whilst eating chicken, and Desmond tells him to go for it because apparently now Desmond is the new Sideways World Cupid! So Hurley goes to the institution and asks Libby on a date. They go to the beach, and when they get to first base, all of the sudden Hurley has his own flash of Island Libby and they both decide she’s not crazy after all! Then we see Desmond waiting outside Locke and Ben’s school, thinking he’s about to shoot an arrow into Locke’s butt, but instead he runs him over with his car!!!!!!! WHAT.

On the island, everyone was fighting about whether or not they should blow up the plane, then Ilana blew herself up, then Hurley blew up the Black Rock because Michael told him to!!! This show is DY-NO-MITE!!!!! Then Desmond was hanging out with Mocke in the jungle and they happened upon one of those weird Jungle Boys, and Desmond saw him but Mocke got pissed and told him to ignore the kid! Then Hurley figured out that the jungle whispers are actually the voices of all the people who have died on the island and couldn’t move on, like Michael! He’s stuck there because of what he did! Then Mocke brought Desmond to a well, and he threw Desmond down it!!!!! Then Hurley, Sun, Jack, and Lapidus all met up with Team Smokey and creepy looks were had by all.