About Last Night: Desperate Housewives

Last night on TV, the Racers took a break and the Housewives came back to our Sundays.

Did Cherry hit anyone this week? Find out after the jump!

Desperate Housewives: Hypnotoad

INT. DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES WRITER’S ROOM:

CHERRY: Oh, crap, I forgot that we have a new episode next week.

WRITER #1: Wait, what? I thought the season was over!

CHERRY: Apparently not. So, we need to come up with some crap for the next episode, like, fast.

WRITER #2: We could bring back Edie . . .

CHERRY: I swear to god, I will slap you so hard –

WRITER #1: Oh, hey, let’s just start wrapping up that strangling plot.

CHERRY: Wait. The what?

WRITER #2: Remember? Like 6 months ago? Julie was strangled and then someone else who we didn’t care about got strangled and like died or something?

CHERRY: Oh. Right. Okay, let’s just start wrapping that one up, but let’s not even bring it up until the last 5 minutes of the show and make sure that we annoy every single fan of the series by making someone completely innocuous the strangler, and let’s write it in such a crappy way that it’s completely not satisfying. At all.

WRITER #2: So, we’ll just pretty much write like we did for season 5?

CHERRY: Bingo. Pass me the ho-hos.

WRITER #1: We’re out of ho-hos. (PAUSE.) Oh crap, you’re totally going to slap me now, aren’t you.

END.

Yup, you heard it kids – the identity of the strangler is finally revealed. And it’s a bland background character that you’d never expect, most likely because Cherry and co. literally decided who it was the day before the shooting for this episode began. Hey, thanks for the clues, douchebag! And also, other stuff happens.

Stuff like: Bree fires Andrew because he’s snooping around Sam’s life and starting a whole vendetta thing. And then a totes important dinner for Bree is ruined because someone sabotaged her spare ribs. Was it Andrew? Was it Sam? Was it Betty Applewhite? Well, no, not the last one. I mean, that would just be stupid.

Speaking of stupid Russian whores, Lynette is obsessed with finding some dirt on Irina before the wedding, so she pals it up with a woman from the I.N.S. Turns out, Irina’s got some ‘splaining to do! Bob and Lee are having trouble conceiving a child, I think probably because neither of them has a vagina or a uterus, but I’m no gynecologist. Thank god! So Gabby is all, “You can have my eggs!” But Carlos gets all pissed off and borderline homophobic about it, and then Gabby changes her mind when she realizes that she wouldn’t be the one raising the kid. All of this is NOT good for Bob and Lee’s relationship.

Patrick Logan arrives in town to stalk Danny and Angie and to prove he’s (so far) the most boring bad guy ever. And in this week’s patented Plot So Uninteresting That No One Cares About It, Mike’s truck gets repossessed and he Susan fight over money. Again. And once again, none of the men take their shirts off.