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Wow. Last night was quite a night on the tube. LOST. It’s all we can talk about over here so hopefully this mini cap will tide you over until Ack returns at the end of the week with her full on take. There were lots and lots of questions raised, but the most important one here at the office is: What was with Desmond’s hair?
This week on LOST, we found out that Juliet banging on the bomb actually worked, and somehow the island sank to the bottom of the ocean, and YAY the Losties were all sent back in time! All our old pals (and somehow Desmond) on Oceanic Flight 815 landed safe and sound at LAX! The biggest problems they had were Charlie choking on some drugs, the airline losing Christian’s corpse much to Jack’s chagrin, and Kate pulling a fast one on the Marshal and escaping in a cab with
But because this is LOST we’re talking about, Jack, Sawyer, & Friends are ALSO still stuck on the island, but now in 2007! Confused? You’re not alone! Ben and Richard were also left wondering “WTF?” when Jacob’s enemy, i.e. the fake Locke, went and killed all of Ilana’s cronies AS THE SMOKE MONSTER! Juliet came back to life and then died, Sayid died and then came back to life, and despite visiting
Hurley, Jacob’s totally dead, and a bunch of Temple-dwelling other Others (including some of the Tailies) are super pissed about it!
American Idol: HappyHousewife
We’re almost out of the cesspool known as the auditions, yay!! The second to last episode of tryouts brought us to Denver, Colorado. home of the Broncos, Rocky Mountain Oysters, and generous judges apparently-from what I can tell almost every single person they let through was total crap.
The quartet of Gaycrest, Simon, Randy, and BITCH was joined by the one and only Fierce Bitch herself, Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham. Not only does this lucky skank get to polish Becks’ balls, she is seriously the skinniest person I have ever seen and surprisingly nice. I kind want to carry her around in my pocket so she can tell me I’m pretty and remind me “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” Love Vicky B.
We have sob stories involving single moms, bad wigs, premature babies, and child abductions! Plus the usual gamut of delusional queens who think they can sing. Aw. Hit me back for the full recap, coming soon!!
Millionaire Matchmaker: SexyPanda
So, Lost was awesome, right? I fucking love Locke/Not Locke. Love him to pieces.
Anyway, last night on Millionaire Matchmaker, Shauna Whackjob from last season came back to Patti for a second chance. She’s perhaps twice as batshit as before, but lulls everyone into a false sense of confidence when she agrees to undertake anything Patti has in mind. What Patti has in mind is stuff about getting rid of Shauna’s phallic energy so she can be wooed like a woman and stop being such a cougar. “Penis” is mentioned quite a bit. Shauna runs away from her studly date, Marc, because she thinks he looks like he’s 100 years old. Meanwhile, Patti is also working with an adorable hottie, Michael. He’s a surfer with a sweet smile and more than a million bucks in the bank. He’s a little shy, so Patti hooks him up with an outgoing chick who intimidates the crap out of him. Also, she raps. More on that later. Did Shauna get her shit together? Did Michael drop phat beats for Natasha’s next rap? Stay tuned!
Bad Girls Club: Cherie
Seriously? I have to do a mini recap on LOST NIGHT? That’s like working on Christmas Day!!! Ok it’s Bad Girls Club so I’ll make an exception. Seriously though, what the hell do you expect in this house?
I remember back when I had standards, like a couple of years ago. Ok a decade or so ago. I would never tamper with someone’s food in hopes they gained weight. I would never ever cheat on my boyfriend. Ok all that’s a lie but it’s what these girls like to do.
PegLeg looks like a tard at the club trying to get her freak on while BirdBeakBarbie tries to keep from molesting her playmate friend who looks like she should be on Kennel Club Weekly.
What’s the point of this show you ask? To keep sick people like you and me occupied. That’s right I am talking about YOU! And me. So anyway BirdBeak’s ugly ass friend is visiting and they make sounds in the night that do not sound like snoring. Especially since they were in the shower. And as Looney put it, “If there aren’t free drinks involved, kissing another girl is cheating.”
Also by the way, acting like a bitch over a $23 tab is weak. That would be the work of Batshit. Have I mentioned how much I hate her? She’s cheating on her boyfriend Formaldehyde. With anything that resembles a penis. Actually penis optional. Pulse optional. She’s just gross and I hate her so there.
Guess what? BirdBeakBarbie calls her delusional boyfriend and when he asks if she licked her PlaymateBarbie girlfriend she gets all mumbly and hangs up the phone. Then bitches about how hard it is to communicate. Yeah that might have been hampered by the fact that you said goodbye and HUNG UP ON HIM.
By the way I do love this show. I don’t know why. It’s an illness I suspect. If you share it with me then you’ll stay tuned for the full recap coming soon!