About Last Night: Shear Genius, American Idol, Real World, Launch My Line

The American Idol auditions are coming to a close, Launch My Line is coming to a close….lots of sadness. But thankfully, there are new beginnings too. Come on in!

American Idol: Moorels

American Idol finished the Audition Round strong last night with another memorable set of hopefuls! And by that, I mean they just barely managed to limp into Hollywood Week by recycling random auditions that were too boring to be included the first time around. It’s sort of like when you had a term paper or science project due that you forgot about until the night before, so you just threw together whatever the hell you had lying around and hoped no one noticed. Speaking of which, I should probably wrap this up and get back to work. But if you love evenings of Degeneres-hype (or, as I like to call it, Ellendorsing) and more montages than you can shake a dearly-departed Abdul at, then this was the show for you! Recap coming soon!

Last night on the Launch My Line finale (part 2, the end, for real this time!), designers freaked out about the final tweaks to their design…for a good loooooong time. Then the models got their hair and makeup done. (Are you riveted yet?!) Then they did a fashion show. Then the judges critiqued the designers’ lines. Then a winner was announced!

The best parts were A) listening to each designer’s bullshit speech before the models came out and B) seeing what Bravo D-listers and other Hollywood nerds actually attended the finale. Jaime Pressley was there!

I’ll be back soon to tell you more! (P.S. I approve of the winner!)

So, my brain is still a steaming pile of OMGWTFLOST and has been for over 24 hours, but I’ll attempt to focus on my own show for a bit:

This week on The Real World, we officially establish that this is an MTV mandated “finding yourself” season for the cast members instead of a fake job season. Callie gets an internship with a LGBT magazine, despite not knowing what LGBT means. What a strict hiring process. On a related note, her small town roots are showing like the dark underbelly of roots in her hair. She likes taking pictures of things and is going to continue to do so.

In sexuality news, Mike gets more comfortable with his sexuality, meaning he hits on guys and even has one sleep over. He’s a little torn, because he cares about the guy he left at home, but ultimately decides he needs to have fun and enjoy his time in DC while he can.

Pizza, which is supposed to be the Great Equalizer (according to Michael Scott, at least), instead ignites an argument between Odrama and Pandrew. Apparently she put pizza on his bed, so he retaliated by putting pizza on her bed, which somehow led to them wrestling and her screaming bloody murder while poor Mike is trying to sleep because oh yeah! He actually might have a responsibility/place to go in the morning. Apparently Pandrew wrestling with her while she was giggling like a school girl and not knowing how DEEPLY he was hurting her makes him unsafe to be around, so she heads to a hotel for the night. They don’t speak for a few days because she thinks he’s in the wrong, and he knows if he tries to talk to her he will simply get yelled at. They eventually reconcile because she crawls into bed with him while he is apparently sleeping and they talk, but she’s all offended afterward when he tries to cuddle with her AFTER SHE CRAWLED INTO HIS BED WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING. She doesn’t blow up this time though. Yay, progress.

Shear Genius: J-Mo

Last night was the premiere episode of Shear Genius Season 3, and I, for one, am royally pissed that Matthew McConaughey’s girlfriend (and baby dispenser) Camila Alves is the new hostess instead of former Charlie’s Angel, Jaclyn Smith! You know, Jaclyn may not be 24 anymore, but she knew how to give great hair flip with the best of them while firing a gun at bad guys. On the other hand, Camila barely speaks English, so I will be having lots of fun phoneticizing her funny accent.

Plus, there’s no more René Fris! Boo! Instead, we have to put up with asshole Jonathan Antin (whose sister Robin is responsible for foisting the Pussycat Dolls on the world, and whose gay brother Steve is best remembered for being in a film where he rapes Jody Foster on top of a pinball machine… and knowing what we know now, that’s just a great big DOUBLE ewie-ew!) However, on the PLUS side, Jonathan is super-bitchy and not afraid to tell people they suck. Or that he’s responsible for the hairstyles of the Pussycat Dolls. What he DOESN’T mention is why he no longer has his own show.

Tonight’s episode had us meeting all of our competing stylestants for the first time, and all the usual stereotypical tropes are on full display (we have the Punky Edgy Chickâ„¢, the Annoying Oddball Womanâ„¢, the Dirty Neck-Tatted British Guyâ„¢, the Sassy Black Girlâ„¢ AND, of course, the Douchebag Who Wears Sunglasses Indoorsâ„¢!) and their first Short-Cut Challenge was to turn a bunch of punk-rock chicks (with glue in their hair!) into soccer moms. One of them succeeds far beyond his wildest hallucinations and unwittingly recreates my favorite MADtv character evah!

As for the Elimination Challenge, there are going to be a lot of titties on display, which is extremely unsettling for a show that I usually count on to be about as heterosexual as the movie 300 with the sound turned off. However, the challenge involves making a hairstyle that will cover model’s chests as they walk the runway in bikini bottoms. Most of the girls wind up looking a tad Teen Wolf for my taste. Still, it was lots of fun, even if I had to leave the damned closed captioning on all night because Camila’s such a mooshmouf.

You dear sweet ‘Gasmii may not be aware of this, but I actually started my recapping career here at TVGasm with Season Two of Shear Genius, so if you’d like to see what last season was like, check out the archives here. The recap will appear in a few days, and I’m working on another project at the moment so be patient with me, K? I can’t wait, this looks like it might be a fun season!