Last night on TV, Lost left us all alone, but The City returned so at least we had something to get all intellectual with and theorize over.
This is totally Jacob, you guys.
Dancing With the Stars: HappyHousewife
Well, there go all of my yeast infection jokes…the voters are finally getting it right-Weepy Vagina was sent home. And in true WV fashion, he wept. Like a little girl. As he was voted off of Dancing With The Stars. Geez, it’s not like this was his last shot at primetime TV….oh wait, yes it was.
We were also treated to Melissa Etheridge shilling her new album (at least it was someone with real talent) and some dude who plays a guitar really well. They also brought on some physiology specialists to remind us that the pro dancers are indeed superhuman-they can jump higher than us, spin faster than us, and look better in sequins than us. Gee, could it possibly be because we waste three hours a week sitting on our couches WATCHING them perform? Hm.
Niecy was in the bottom two with WV-I hope this isn’t a sign of what’s going to happen next week. Also, I heard on Twitter (what? it’s a legitimate source) that Perez is lobbying to get on next season, and also that Pam was running around naked at an after party. Puke, and yawn.
What a difference a week off makes. This week’s 90210 takes us 2 months into the future. The future, Mones? Yes, Gasmii, the future. Besides the advent of flying cars and robot maids, we get some relationship drama, high stakes gambling and one-dimensional acting. OK, so even in the future, some things don’t change.
So what’s going on 2 months later? Naomi’s still doing time for her crimes against Cannon. Silver finds another reason to pick a fight with Teddy. Annie and Liam get a little wet. Dixon plays with a full deck and loses his marbles. Oh yeah, Jen’s back. I can’t help but think her arrival might have had more of an impact if we hadn’t already seen it in the previews.
Last night on V a whole bunch of stuff happened, and none of it involved secret meetings in hallways, so yay! High School Musical Kid wants to live with the Vs. Space Alien Bait decides this isn’t a very good idea, and not for the obvious reason, having to watch him eat. Morris Chestnut threatens to leave the show. Oblivia takes mule headed obstinateness to a level never imagined before. Anna sicks one of her super solders on Moe C and Oblivia, and we get our first taste of what I like to think of as “Lizard Vision.” 2.0 gets his tater fixed and starts snooping around asking questions about the Fifth Column. The Good Guys have to decide if they are morally comfortable with torturing and killing extras, and poor old Soap Opera Priest has to talk into a marble again, and all sorts of other stuff I’ll tell you about in the full recap.
Lost wasn’t on? WEEK RUINED.
After months and months of waiting, it’s time for us to see Whit-Whit’s fashion show! But before that, it’s a whirlwind of activity as Joe Zee sits Olivia and Erin down separately to figure out what’s wrong. Besides, you know, the fact that they hate each other. So Joe gives Olivia a new job at Elle, and tells her to bury the hatchet with Erin. Erin’s totally on board with that . . . um, except only maybe kind of. And probably only for this episode.
And Whit’s apparently a spokesperson for some kind of space age zit-zapper, because they show two commercials with her shoving the product in our oily faces. Whit has to book models and makeup designs and make sure patterns are correct and choose looks and shoes and coordinate with the fashion week sweat shop ladies. But don’t worry — Roxy’s totally willing to help out. With the music. Such a helper! The runway show goes off without a hitch . . . or does it?! Yeah, it pretty much does. But we get to see Whitney’s parents! And Kelly Cutrone totally cries!
This week’s episode went a little less Moulin Rouge and veered a little more traditional musical. Which was refreshing. And difficult, considering I already think of this show as a tall sweaty glass of lemonade and iced tea… To moi, Arnold Palmers are the perfect drink. Sour, sweet, a tiny bit bitter, and caffeinated to boot. Glee never fails to find the right balance of music, comedy and emotion, no matter which takes center stage. So even though this week’s episode seemed higher in emotional caffeine, the lemonade was sweetened with softer music, and I drank that shit up.
Lines O’ the Week:
(Only four made the cut!)
â€¢ “Ladies, what we have here is a grade ‘A’ dilemma” A Sue Sylvester opening with a Kurt and Mercedes CUT TO.
â€¢ “I’m pretty sure my cat’s been reading my diary” – Brittany
â€¢ “Okay fellas grab a gal or grab another fella if that’s the way the good lord made ya,, cause it’s a couples skate.” -April Rhodes
â€¢ “One of his eyes went all funny and he had a stroke right in front of me.” -April Rhodes.
Song O’ the Week:
â€¢ “One Less Bell To Answer” duet with April and Will. So sad. So sweet.
Five breath Mini-gleecap (Sans commentary… Okay, maybe a little bit)
Annnnnd big breath!
Sue Sylvester tells Mercedes she has to lose 10 pounds before a reporter from Splits Magazine comes to their big show the following week. She also padlocks the gym so she can hog the gym for Cheerios practice. Finn finds out that his mom is dating Burt Hummel. Know who that is? You should cause it rhymes with his son’s name, Kurt Hummel… In search for a new rehearsal space for New Direction’s, Will goes to a roller rink and discovers his old crush now a lush, (that rhymes too) April Rhodes. Over some onion rings, Will tells April he’s getting a divorce and he’s looking to sublet his apartment. April says she interested (clearly in more than just the apartment) and they make plans for her to take a tour the following night. April has access to all kinds of money now cause she’s the mistress of a dude that owns a bunch of strip malls.)
Breathe! Annd inhale!
Finn approaches Kurt and asks if he knew about their parents doin’ it and stuff. It’s no accident that they met. Kurt set them up. On purpose. Cause he still has a crush on Finn. In glee, the kids don’t seem to appreciate that Shue’s arranged for a totally tubular roller rink rehearsal space. Kurt, helps Shue out and sings “A House Is Not a Home,” so everyone can settle into their own place. But Kurt is really just trying to tell Finn that his house isn’t a home without Finn. Finn feels the same way, but about his dad. (Who died in Desert Storm, btw.) The song ends with a private tear from Kurt. Awwww!
At Shue’s place, April shows up with an overnight bag and a Burt Bacharach CD. Reluctantly, he lets her stay on the couch. April puts on Bacharach’s “One Less Bell To Answer,” and they sing a duet about how lonely they both are and April croons her way into Will’s bed. Nothin’ happens though. Just a sweet moment at the end, when Will reaches out to hold her hand. Meanwhile, Kurt’s dream family is out to dinner and he’s super excited until Finn and his dad start to relate to one another over guy talk. After dinner at the Hummel’s, super hurt over their dude bonding, Kurt tells his dad maybe it is too soon to date…
Breathe! Annnnd inhale.
In the cafeteria, Mercedes suddenly starts seeing everybody as giant food and faints. She’s rushed to the nurse’s office where Quinn (who’s becoming sweeter and sweeter but not because she’s a giant piece of cake) gives Mercedes a granola bar cause “she’s been there,” and convinces Mercedes not to give into Sue’s starvation regimen… A glee rehearsal isn’t too productive at the roller rink and Shue tells April it’s not only gonna not work out with glee but also with her living in his apartment.. He also gives her another don’t be a dumb drunk anymore talk for the second time… Kurt and Finn agree to put an end to their parent’s relationship. Finn tries to throw his dad’s ashes away on purpose in front of his mom. They have a super sad we need to move on talk…
Exhale and inhale. Once more. You can do it. (If you’re getting dizzy though, stop. It’s only a recap.)
Out of mutiny, Mercedes commandeers the big Cheerios’ performance and sings Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful” in front of the whole school, including the reporter. To her surprise, the reporter gives Sue receives high praise for being a visionary, and including every shape and size cheerleader… Burt Hummel and Finn have a man to man where Burt tells Finn he’s not gonna try being Finn’s dad but he loves his mom. Finn is so touched, he asks him to watch a game together and Finn even lets him sit in his chair. Everything seems right until Kurt is shown in the background crying over their bonding… April tells Will, she’s heading to Broadway with her hush money from her strip mall boyfriend’s widow. She’s also bought the auditorium for them. They bring it home with “Home” from the Wiz.