Alcatraz Recap: I Got That Boom Boom Pow

KA-BLOOEY!!!

Happy Valentine’s week, Gasmii! What’s that? You don’t celebrate Valentine’s for seven days straight?!? What’s WRONG with you?!? JK, I don’t even celebrate the stupid occasion for more than five minutes, myself. I woke up on Tuesday, briefly murmured ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, I guess,’ to my husband, and then promptly forgot all about it. Stupid Hallmark holiday.

Anyway, hope you’ve had a week filled with unnecessarily grandiose gestures and decaying flower water…because now it’s time to get down to brass tacks. Ladies and gents, I bring you Alcatraz episode 6 – Paxton Petty.

We begin back in good ol’ 1960, with a young Emerson Hauser hurling off the side of the SFPD ferry as it pulls into the island prison’s dock. I totally feel for the dude – I get HELLA sea sick. He should try some of those patch thingies.

The first thing that hits me is that Emerson Hauser is actually an SFPD cop, not an Alcatraz prison guard as I’d been assuming – which makes sense, since none of the baddies up to this point have recognized him (nor did Guy Hastings, our only returned guard). Yep, Hauser is just a lowly cop who happens to pull ferry duty quite often, lugging new prisoners out to the Rock on a regular basis.

On this trip, Hauser immediately notices the sole female in the group waiting to greet the new prisoner – it’s Dr. Lucille Sangupta, of course. She’s wearing enough liquid eyeliner to make Amy Winehouse TOTES jealous. His wide-eyed stare is pretty indicative of the start of a massive crush, so I think our previous guesses as to Hauser and Lucy’s past relationship are about to be proven correct.

Warden James greets the new prisoner, Paxton Petty – a smarmy looking guy who set off a few bombs on the mainland. It also seems that he’s left an additional bomb hidden somewhere in the city, and the warden informs him that they plan to get that information out of him ASAP. And since we’ve seen plenty of evidence of the warden’s skill at breaking convicts, methinks Mr. Petty is in for a pretty unpleasant stay.

The gang starts to leave the dock, but before they go ten feet Hauser shouts out, ‘does the lady need a ride back to the mainland?’ This stops Lucy in her tracks, and she looks insulted as all get-out.

Uh, seriously? You’ve just set feminism back, like, 20 years.

Luckily for Hauser, Lucy quickly puts away her amused/ticked off face and decides to make nice with the young cop. She approaches him and offers him a mint to help with his seasickness. As he reaches for one, she does as well, causing their hands to briefly connect.

SHE TOUCHED ME!!!!!

Sure looks like a blooming romance to me!

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! In present day, Hauser is playing some old-school tunes on an old-school record player for the comatose object of his affection. A doctor enters and asks if Lucy had ever discussed a DNR (that’s a ‘do-not-resuscitate’ order to anyone not in the know) – a visibly upset Hauser asks the doc if she’s implying that Lucy is at death’s door. Instead of answering, she places her hand consolingly on Emerson’s shoulder, and THAT certainly can’t be a good sign.

Elsewhere in the city, folks are enjoying a beautiful day at Pine Street Park. Dogs are cavorting, ladies are laughing, and OHMYGOD BOMBS ARE EXPLODING EVERYWHERE!!! (see picture at the beginning of this recap) As the smoke clears, we see people lying everywhere, some dead, some just missing various body parts. All I can say is, there better not be any maimed doggies, or else I’m totally quitting this show.

Seems the producers realize that people are far more disturbed by hurt animals than they are by hurt people, so there’s plenty of bloody human leg stumps but no sign of any blown up animals. Whew.

Our dynamic duo show up at the scene, Madsen making brief eye contact with a suspicious looking young fellow wearing a backpack – we know that it’s Paxton Petty himself, but of course, Madsen doesn’t – though you’d think that by now she’d have started pre-researching these damn Alcatraz inmates. Too bad Doc wasn’t the one who looked over, since he would’ve totally ID’d the bastard.

The twosome quickly run into Emerson Hauser amidst the carnage, and he asks the duo what sort of bomb they think could cause this kind of damage. Hurley realizes that it was land mines, and therefore blurts out, ‘it was Paxton Petty!’ at the exact same time that Hauser does. Rebecca asks Hauser if he’s familiar with this case, but instead of answering directly, he tells them that Petty blew up three locations back in the day (with a rumored fourth that was never found). Because of this, Hauser is convinced that Petty isn’t done blowing shit up just yet.

He instructs the duo to track down Petty while he runs off to pinpoint the location of the next attack. Left to their own devices, Doc uses his iPad as a visual aid while he relates the full Paxton Petty story to Madsen. A Korean War vet who was suspected of land mine-ing a bunch of Korean schoolchildren, Petty was court martial-ed and eventually released – only to start bombing the shit out of the good ol’ U.S. of A. We all know THAT can’t be stood for, so Mr. Petty gets caught and carted off to the Rock. What a winner.

Doc brings up a picture of Petty, and when Madsen looks at it, she has her very own ‘D’oh’ moment.

Aw, crap.

Madsen quickly scans the lingering crowd, just catching sight of Petty as he high-tails it out of the park. She immediately gives chase, and surprisingly enough, she keeps up with him, even with those stunted little tiny dwarf legs of hers.

She draws her gun and shouts, ‘EVERYBODY DOWN!’ Paxton stops in his tracks, but instead of putting his hands up, he activates the land mine which he just happened to be carrying in his right hand and rolls it down the hill toward Madsen. She dives behind a parked car just in time to avoid a messy, chunky death.

Ears ringing, Madsen looks around in a daze, but Petty is long gone. Bummer. After being checked out by an EMT, she asks Doc about the mines – Doc tells her that the SFPD back in 1960 thought that Petty stole them from the Presidio back when he was staying there. Madsen remarks that the Presidio isn’t a base anymore, so where could he possibly be getting the land mines NOW?

Doc suggests whoever gave Cobb his sniper’s rifle, or Jack Sylvane his handgun, might be to blame…the mysterious person who ‘un-froze’ these guys, just like Captain America. Madsen cuts him off before he can get rolling on this comic book dork rant, but he might be on to something there…

Madsen is up and moving – she’s spotted an old friend, a bomb squad dude she refers to as ‘psycho.’ Charming! At least we get to see her freaking smile for a change…wow, it appears that Rebecca Madsen has a soul after all, guys!! Who’da thunk it.

Of course, a LOT of ladies would smile at THIS guy.

Her buddy mentions something about having nine lives, and I’m already worried that this will be a one-episode stint for Mr. Mehcad Brooks (otherwise known as Eggs from season two of True Blood, in case you didn’t read the minicap).

The trio gazes down at the collected shrapnel from the explosions.

MAN, she’s short.

Eggs tells them this stuff is OLD, so they know Petty is probably using the same equipment he was fond of back in 1960. Madsen takes a few pics for posterity’s sake.

Over at the city morgue, a lovely female attendant is recording notes about one of the bomb victims, who I must say looks DELICIOUS.

Roasted Leg of Man, anyone?

The dynamic duo shows up, and apparently Rebecca and the morgue attendant are old buds – gosh, she’s got all SORTS of friends we weren’t aware of! Glad we’re finally getting to see a little bit of our main gang’s lives for a change…

The attendant takes off her gown, revealing a Sandman t-shirt that gets Hurley all nerd crush-y. I look forward to the day they finally give him a real romantic interest instead of vaguely hinting at it from time to time. Of course, she’ll probably just end up being shot by Harold Perrineau anyway.

WAAAAAAALLLLLT!!

Madsen asks to see the stuff that the attendant has plucked out of the charbroiled body on the slab, and she’s treated to the sight of a tiny piece of metal that looks like part of a military medal, complete with laurel wreath design.

That shit must have HURT, yo.

Nothing like being blown up by a land mine filled with the equivalent of tiny Chinese throwing stars!

Doc tries to throw some moves at Nikki the morgue attendant, but though she seems slightly flattered, she also doesn’t seem overly interested. Poor Hurley. He should’ve gone after that florist a few weeks ago.

Back at Alcatraz HQ, Emerson Hauser rustles up an old steamer trunk with his name stenciled on the side. It’s full of interesting things, like his old SFPD badge -

Kinda hard to make out – is it 9021?

And a very interesting (and highly unusual) stack of passports and foreign cash.

Remind you of anything?

Perhaps Ben Linus’ magic drawer full o’ money?

Okay, okay, no more Lost references for this recap, promise. Sigh.

Hauser digs another item of interest out of the trunk – a picture of him with Lucy approximately 50 years ago. Uh huh. He then pulls out a file folder chock full of goodies about our baddie of the week, Paxton Petty. There’s Petty’s mug shot, and an intriguing piece of paper -

Hm.

It seems to be a poem or song lyrics – I looked up ‘Little Brook in the Woods,’ but no dice. The words circled are snow, beard, and grace – and it looks like the words ‘Twin Tree’ were also marked for some reason.

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! In 1960, Dr. Beauregard is practicing some good ol’ fashioned torture techniques on Paxton Petty, in an attempt to make him divulge the hiding place of his final bombs. He’s being repeatedly submerged in an ice water bath, which some spas make you pay good money for.

Lucy is also on hand for this excitement, but she doesn’t seem to be down with Dr. B’s methods. He says that he’s never had a man in this tub who hasn’t broken, but she tells him this guy is ALREADY broken – what they need to do is fix him. By removing his memories, perhaps?

Unfortunately for a PO’d Doc Beauregard, Warden James decides it’s time to give Doc Lucy a shot at the prisoner. ‘The talking cure,’ as he calls it…I’m curious to see just what that entails, cuz I’m pretty sure it ain’t gonna be a cushy couch and a fireside chat.

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! In what looks like a present day Army surplus store, a gentleman is telling our dynamic duo that the shrapnel fragment is indeed a military medal – a Silver Star, to be exact. A medal which was rewarded during the Korean War, not so coincidentally. You see, Paxton Petty served in the Korean War, and apparently he thought pretty highly of himself for doing so, as he wrote all kinds of letters to the government asking where the hell his Silver Star was. Letters which he wrote in MILITARY PRISON, which might go a long way toward explaining why he wasn’t showered with awards when he got back to America.

Madsen asks the shop guy where someone might find a genuine Silver Star – he tells them that it’s the third highest medal you can receive, and therefore they’re either left to a soldier’s family or buried with his body…not something you’d find lying around on eBay or Craigslist, in other words.

But that’s okay, because at the word ‘buried,’ our twosome realize where Petty might be getting his Silver Stars from – the Presidio graveyard.

And speak of the devil – over at what I assume is the aforementioned Presidio graveyard, Paxton Petty is diligently scrubbing down a Silver Star, presumably for use in a future bomb. Just then, an unassuming security guard stumbles upon him, causing Petty to promptly skewer him through the chest with some sort of sharp object. Note to self: do NOT accept job as security guard/park ranger/dog walker in San Francisco – it seems they’re always getting killed/beat up/blown up.

During what looks to be the following day, the dynamic duo are wandering through the Presidio graveyard, telling the caretaker that the guy they’re interested in worked graveyard duty there back in 1952-54 while he was being court martial-ed. The caretaker, of course, thinks that this means they’re hunting a murderous octogenarian.

Uh huh.

The caretaker points out the area of the cemetery where you’d find Silver Star warriors and takes off, because he’s a weirdo who didn’t bring a coat and he’s freezing his wittle hinny off. Doc and Rebecca check out the graves, but none of them look disturbed – no recent Silver Star robberies here.

Stumped, Madsen asks Doc about those mines Petty stole from the Presidio back in the ’60s – he claims that no one ever found Petty’s stash, even though they searched all of the surrounding tunnels and etc. Madsen, spotting a nearby mausoleum, guesses that perhaps Petty hid the mines where no one would think to look – so the duo head over to check it out.

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! In 1960, that smirky bastard Paxton Petty is getting the kind & thoughtful treatment from Dr. Lucy – wrapped in a blanket, sipping a cup of tea, he sneers at the warden and tells him that THIS is how to get people to give you what you want. Of course, we don’t believe for one second that this dude is going to willingly give up one iota of information to Dr. L.

He tells her that he’s heard about the ‘mind games’ she plays in this room, and that he’s not going to take the little white pills she’s so thoughtfully placed near his teacup. Upon hearing this, Dr. Lucy calming explains that those aren’t pills – they’re mints. She drugged his tea. BOOYA!!!!! Damn, that was pretty kick ass. Lucy’s a little darker than she first appeared, that’s for sure.

She tells Petty the drugs were a sedative to ‘help him relax.’ A big orderly starts to administer to the prisoner, and I have to say, I don’t like the looks of that machine in the background.

Somehow I don’t think that’s a wine fridge back there.

As Lucy rattles off Petty’s personal history to him – enlisted in the Marines at 18, served in the bloodiest battle of the Korean War, not a recipient of the 14 Silver Stars awarded to that particular battalion – she’s strapping him to his chair with some wicked-looking leather buckles. From what she’s saying, it looks like Paxton Petty had been something of a war hero – he cleared several frozen mine fields all by himself, clearing the way for the rest of the troops. Yet he STILL didn’t get himself a shiny Silver Star.

She asks him if he was scared, and he says no. Lucy then says that any reasonable person would’ve been scared of a field full of land mines, and that because he WASN’T, the other Marines punished him for it. Because he was clearly looney-tunes. Petty tells her that even the women and children were bad guys over there – they weren’t kids, they were little soldiers. So he took the initiative and put a bunch of land mines in a village full of kids, just like any war hero would do. Ugh.

As he’s relating this story, Lucy places a device on his head and sticks a rubber guard in his mouth…yep, this is NOT going to be pretty.

Just go to your happy place.

Lucy instructs the orderly to start Petty at 55 volts, and before you can say psychopath, Petty starts jouncing and bouncing in his seat as the electricity courses into his brain. Once the first shocks abate, he begins to hum – Lucy removes the rubber guard from his mouth in order to hear him more clearly. The warden and Doc Beauregard watch, bemused.

Is it just me, or are this guy’s glasses ALWAYS crooked?

Later, Dr. Lucy invites none other than Tommy Madsen into her office – she made a recording of Petty’s song, which appears to be in Korean – and Tommy Madsen ALSO served in the Korean War. Lucy seems to think he might be able to tell her what this song is…but he tells her that he wants his own information in return. Tommy wants to know why he, a perfectly healthy young dude, is constantly hanging out in the infirmary, having quarts of his blood removed.

Lucy seems startled by this, so at this point, at least, it appears that she’s not in on whatever schemes are being plotted deep in the bowels of the prison. She tells him he’s got a deal, so he gives her the scoop on the song.

It’s a Korean lullaby – apparently when they placed land mines, they would use song lyrics to help them remember where they had placed the mines so they wouldn’t blow themselves up. One word in every sentence was a clue to the location of each mine. The American soldiers used this method as well…and I think we might know what that note was that Hauser had inside his Paxton Petty file.

Sure enough…CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM!…Hauser is examining that very same note, the one with the words snow, beard, and grace circled – and twin tree underlined. When he looks up Paxton Petty’s bomb locations from back in 1960, guess what he finds?

Aaaaaaaaaahhhh, yes.

So that explains the note…but we still need to find out where Petty is hiding his NEXT bombs. Hauser does a search on the lyrics from the note…and finds out that, ta-da – there is a SECOND VERSE.

Dude, this song blows.

Hauser quickly realizes that the word “Pines” in the first sentence of the second verse likely refers to the Pine Street Park, where Petty almost blew up a bunch of poor, innocent dogs, remember? So now I guess all that’s left is to figure out exactly WHICH words in the remainder of the song refer to his next locations. That doesn’t seem particularly easy, but I’ve got a feeling Hauser’s gonna figure it out nice and quick.

Back at the Presidio graveyard, Madsen and Doc are about to enter the crypt, which they realize has a broken lock – a lock which was broken FROM THE INSIDE. Creeptastic. Doc thinks this means that this mausoleum is where Petty ‘came back’ from the past – tres interesting!!!! I like the thought that not everybody is waking up on Alcatraz – plus, it would nicely address the problem we had last week with nobody realizing that all of these dudes were reappearing on the island. Nice job, producers…nice job.

Doc and Madsen make their way down into the depths of the tomb, where they find paint on the floor and near the one of the individual crypt doors, which they pry open. Inside, they don’t find a corpse…rather, they find a bunch of spray paint cans, land mines, and rubber tiles.

And a Zodiac guide, hmmmmmm?

Rebecca has a flash of insight – those rubber tiles are playground turf! Petty must be planning on planting some mines at a local kids’ playground, the bastard.

After a commercial break, we see that SFPD have been at work in the mausoleum, thereby discovering the body of that poor security guard, which was hidden in another of the individual crypts.

Becky’s pal Psycho is there, and he tells her and Doc that the cops received a note from the bomber, who demanded $651,000 in return for information on where he hid the rest of his mines. He also included a certain Korean ‘poem.’

Just then, Rebecca’s phone rings – it’s Hauser, wanting to know the updates, which Madsen gladly recites. When she reaches the part about the spray paint, he demands to know what color it was – she tells him tan, sandstone. Super annoyed, he says that’s two different colors…and my love for Sam Neill grows.

He instructs Madsen to cross-reference her playground location info with the word ‘windward,’ but neglects to tell her why, which drives her batty. And then he hangs up on her, which I totally find hilarious. Madsen tells Doc to look up the list of parks and search for the word ‘Windward.’

Back at Alcatraz HQ, Hauser does his own search, looking up the terms ‘sunset’ and ‘sandstone.’ What he comes up with is Sunset Beach – looks like he’s found Petty’s next location! Right back over to the Presidio, where Doc has discovered a Windward Elementary school…so just like that, we’ve got two locations – so off to the races we go!!

Doc and Madsen head off to the elementary school, dragging Psycho – who’s name is actually Tanner – along with them. But it’s a dead lead – no land mines anywhere in the park. Madsen decides to call Hauser to tell him he’s a dummy, but when she does he just instructs her to stay put at the park, without telling her why – again.  haha.

Hauser, meanwhile, is at Sunset Beach, where he quickly spots a figure moving stealthily around the sand – it’s Petty, and he’s planting a whole new crop of land mines for some innocent dogs to run across. Hauser pulls out his gun and approaches Petty, and when Petty realizes he’s there, he doesn’t move – he simply puts his hands out in a ‘cuff me’ gesture.

Hauser takes three more steps toward Petty – and CLICK. Oops. He’s stepped on a land mine…crap crap crap. Petty pulls out his own gun (and his f-ing SMIRK) and tells Hauser to hand over his cell phone and pistol. Poor Hauser.

Later that night, Doc and Madsen are still stationed at the playground when they see someone arrive – Paxton Petty, I presume, toting along a whole mess of land mines for the kiddies. As he’s digging his first site, Madsen approaches him from behind and tells him to put his hands in the air. He complies, but smarmily asks if she’s with the old guy in the suit – of course, Madsen immediately knows who he’s talking about.

Petty calls Madsen a peach, and she kicks his ass to the ground. After cuffing him, she attempts to call Hauser – and is shocked to find that a phone is ringing nearby. Searching Petty, she finds Hauser’s phone in his pocket and demands to know where he is. To which Petty only replies, ‘tick, tick, tick.’ What an asshole.

The dynamic duo drag Petty’s ass back to Alcatraz, where they toss him into a gross old cell. They want to know where Hauser is, but Petty wants his bombs back. He also tells them that Hauser is probably dead already. Pleasant thought.

Petty also wants to know what happened to him…just like everyone else, it seems that this whole jumping-in-time thing is a mystery for him, too. He claims to have gone to sleep a week ago in his cell – and woke up the next day to find it was 2012, and he was inside the tomb at the Presidio. So our biggest question is – did someone place him there, or was that where he was ‘transported’ for some reason? Is that what’s happening to all of the reappeared guys?

Madsen runs off to try to figure out where Hauser went, and Doc chats up Paxton Petty in his cell. Doc theorizes that this whole reappearance thing is quantum in nature, and he tells a nice little story about a water bug and a stick to prove his point. Seeing right through this, Petty says, ‘you don’t know what happened, do you?’ Doc concedes. When Petty asks if ANYONE knows what happened, Doc says somebody must. LOL.

In the lab, Rebecca finds Emerson’s notes and starts going through them. When she sees the second verse lyrics that Hauser has written down, she recognizes two of the circled words as the locations she’s visited – Pine and Windward. What she’s stumped by is the second word – Sunset. Just then, she looks down as her sandstone paint-coated fingertips, and she makes the connection.

I do NOT wash my hands enough.

Back at the cells, Doc asks Petty why he wants $651,000, and Petty tells him that the government owes him for taking his Silver Star and pension. Petty then asks who the hell Doc is, to which Doc replies that he wrote a book about Alcatraz. Petty wants to know if he was in Doc’s book, but Doc tells him that he wasn’t…which has to be a lie, right? After all, Doc knew who Petty was right away, so he obviously researched him…and he was on the Rock at the right time period.

Anyway, Petty gets all pissy and tells Doc that he SHOULD have been in his book, because he was muy importante – the warden and his lady shrink gave him the royal treatment. Diego looks stunned – there weren’t any lady doctors on Alcatraz! But before Petty can make the big reveal, Rebecca shows up to tell the fellas where they’re heading – Sunset Beach. She figured out the whole lyrics/sandstone paint thing, which really pisses Petty off. Then again, he seems like an easily pissed-off kind of guy.

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! In past Alcatraz, Lucy is circling words on a piece of paper – apparently that was HER note that Emerson Hauser had in his steamer trunk. She’s the one who figured out the lullaby lyrics, after all. The warden enters and congratulates her on her discovery, and she tells him that she thinks she’s found a clue to the location of the still-hidden fourth bomb – the words ‘twin tree’ in the fourth line of the song.

She tells James that she’s already called the clue in to the SFPD on his behalf, which delights him to no end. He then calls in Dr. Beauregard, who’s been lurking in the corridor, and tells him to compliment Lucy. Dr. B tells her she’s a genius, but there certainly doesn’t seem to be any love lose between these two hard-asses.

Warden James departs, but before Dr. B can do the same, Lucy stops him and asks about Tommy Madsen and his mysterious blood donations. Dr. B just tells her to mind her p’s and q’s and stay out of his business.

This guy is a DELIGHT.

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! The dynamic duo, Paxton Petty in tow, arrive at Sunset Beach to find Emerson Hauser still standing on his land mine – pretty impressive for a guy his age. I’ve got terrible balance myself, so I probably would’ve bought the farm ages ago.

They call in the bomb squad, and of course Tanner is one of the responders – does this guy work around the clock or what?? While he’s busy trying to disable the land mine, Hauser and Rebecca have a little heart to heart. He tells her that he’s never found the ‘twin tree’ location, and she realizes that he’s been searching for it all these years – he tells her it’s because he made a promise to a friend. I can’t WAIT until she finds out that Lucy is a ’63!!! I gotta believe it’s gonna happen sooner rather than later.

Tanner pulls Madsen aside to tell her that disarming this mine isn’t going to be an easy feat. Petty proudly announces that it’s a loop, that he’s designed it specifically so that hot shots like Tanner can’t just flick the off switch. But Tanner assures him that anything that’s put together can be taken apart…and now I’m REALLY worried about this dude’s future.

Tanner’s got a plan. He heads back over to Emerson and tells him he’s gonna need to step off the mine quickly and cleanly, and immediately head behind the protective wall that the SFPD has built nearby. Rebecca, understanding that Hauser won’t be able to move quickly on his own – his legs must be HELLA asleep by now – insists on staying close to help him get behind the wall.

On the count of three, Madsen and Hauser haul ass while Tanner slips a knife on top of the mine’s plunger and holds it down. Everything seems hunky-dory, and Tanner gets to work disarming the bomb. He snips a couple of wires, but as soon as he stands up proudly to exclaim, ‘got it!’ – KA-BLOOEY!!! The mine detonates any gosh darn way, and poor Tanner falls to the ground with a bloody piece of shrapnel through his forehead.

So much for the protective suit.

That bastard Petty gets all smirky again, while Madsen stands in shock and grief nearby. Man, this bad guy SUCKS.

Hauser approaches Petty and tells him, ‘A couple of things…you just killed a good man, and my legs hurt.’ Then he promptly shoots him in the thigh. OH MAN!!! I am telling you – you have GOT TO LOVE SAM NEILL!!!!!!!! That was awesome-town.

Hauser tells Petty that they’ve decoded his song and dug up every mine he’s ever planted, but Petty knows better – he knows that there’s still a missing bomb. But Hauser lies and tells him that the ‘twin tree’ location went off 20 years before, and that not a soul was hurt, which INFURIATES Petty.

Of course, this is just what Hauser was aiming for, since it causes Petty to forget himself and rattle off the location of the bomb – Mount Sutro, where he planted the mines near the walking path that everyone used to get to the top. But Hauser tells him that land was sold to the city, and that no one has been up those paths in 50 years…’but thanks for telling me where to dig.’ HHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAA!!! Take that, you little smarmy prick bastard!!!

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! Back in the past, Emerson Hauser is working at the police station. He’s got a visitor…Dr. Lucy, who asks him if he’s found ‘twin tree’ yet. He tells her he hasn’t, and she informs him that she’s here to help. He asks, ‘in those shoes?’ She smiles coquettishly and tells him that she thought they could start by him asking her out to dinner.

ME-YOW!!

CLANK-RATTLE-SLAM! At the hospital, Hauser tells the unconscious Lucy that he found the twin tree location at last, and that the bombs there were disarmed without anyone being hurt. ‘So much death from something so small,’ he laments. Inspired, he quickly rips all of the tubes and leads off of Lucy’s body and carries her out of the hospital.

Over at quasi-Alcatraz, Hauser shows up with Lucy and places her on Dr. Beauregard’s operating table/morgue slab. Beauregard looks shocked – this is NOT the face of the cocky son of a bitch that loved to torture inmates back in 1960.

Uhhhhhh…say wha?

Emerson Hauser then says one of the most interesting things we’ve heard on this show yet: ‘You know her methods, right? FIX HER.’

What the F??? I thought her methods were using electroshock therapy and counseling to erase memories and ‘heal’ broken prisoners – what the hell was she working on that could save a woman that’s been in a coma for three weeks after being shot in the heart???

Intriguing!! I must say, I was glad that this episode delved into the lives of Madsen, Hauser, and Lucy a bit more than usual…it’s about time we got some freaking back story and emotional life!!! Too much focus on the baddie of the week makes this show start to feel like ‘Law & Order: Mysterious Island Unit.’ I need more over-arcing mystery and personal connection to the main characters if the producers want me to REALLY fall in love with Alcatraz. This ep was a decent start, but I hope they continue to move in this direction…

What are your thoughts this week, faithful watchers? If you missed any of the past recaps, you can find them all HERE. Looking forward to hearing from you – see you next week!

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