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Friday, April 22, 2005
1:54 am
66 Comments
Apologies all around for the tardiness of this Amazing Race recap. Turns out I’ve spent the past day or so on my own adventurous journey, although a transcontinental flight from LAX to JFK (followed by a mixed bag of monorail, shuttle bus, and parental transportation) pales compared to the twenty-four hour train ride teams endured this week. Still, I now write to you from my mother’s laptop, a hunk of machinery so old, I half expect to find a steam engine on the back of it. As such, I have no spell check, and the keyboard has this annoying tendency of inserting “2″ into random words for no reason other than to drive me mildly insane. That being said, let’s revisit this very hairy episode (me holding pinky to mouth) of The Amazing Race.The episode began with newlyweds Rob and Amber receiving their next clue from Phil, who, as you may remember, was taking sadistic glee with his Pit Stop fakeout. Romber (I used to call them “Ramber” but I had to bow to the cultural zeitgeist) were told to head across the street to the Lucknow train station and board the train on platform two. Only then would teams receive their next clue. Oh, so mysterious. Part of me feared they were being sent off to join Phil Koegan’s black market sex-slavery ring, but then I remembered that no train could reach his Mediterranean island harem.
Anyway, various teams checked in at Phil’s mat (a euphemism used to describe the three foot radius around his manboobs), and as can be expected, most everyone was somewhat surprised. Ron was particularly disappointed, but I was relieved that he didn’t somehow relay the moment to another adventure in the military (“Learning that the leg wasn’t over was almost as disappointing as the time I was caught by Iraqis and held as a POW. Man, that was disappointing.”). Thankfully, Ron kept his army babble to a minimum this episode, but still, even with his relative silence, I couldn’t help thinking that military service is the new band camp. “This one time, in the military…”
Meanwhile, the plucky old duo of Meredith and Gretchen continued to power through their roadblock from LAST episode with the usual cheery aplomb. Eventually they delivered all the tea they needed (they even gave one lucky guy a bonus tea! Insert Gretchen coo of joy here.) and headed to the mat with the help of their friendly, mustachioed guide. Gretchen once again commented on how lovely and nice the locals were, an observation that was immediately followed by Meredith noting “I think these are gay guys in front of us.” Sure enough, their guide smiled back at the old couple as his male friend gently placed a loving hand on his back. “He was pretty cute, the one who was helping us,” said Gretchen. WELL, then it’s proven!
After a little jaunt through Lucknow’s Boystown (or Ladke-town, as its known locally), Meredith and Gretchen arrived chez Phil where our host happily told them they were the last to check in, BUT the race was still on. He then added “I’ll still take all your belongings though. Just for fun.” Actually, that didn’t happen, but what did occur was Gretchen letting out another of her trademark “Ooooooooh!”‘s. I swear, she must have been a Furby in a past life.
Anyway, all the teams arrived at platform 2 of the Lucknow station, only to discover that the train would be arriving many hours later. A time crunch? On the Amazing Race? Why I NEVER! Eventually, the choo-choo arrived, and everyone boarded, only to discover they’d be riding the rails for the next twenty-four hours straight. With little else to do, everyone found a sleeper car and caught some shut-eye. Sadly, this slumber was rudely disrupted by a creepy guy who seemed to be India’s answer to Pete Postlewaite. The man quietly glided up to each team, poked them awake, and then delivered the next clue which directed everyone to a local market in Jodhpur, the train’s ultimate destination. Actually, I guess it was at this point teams realized they’d be on the train for twenty four hours. Whatever. Point was, it was gonna be a long ass trip.
The next morning, teams seemed to relish the time on the train as everyone got a chance to kick back and socialize. Lynn expressed extreme discomfort at not having his facial creams and beauty products while Joyce wrapped Uchenna up in her headscarf and declared “You look like shiek!” Yes, it was a grand ole time on the train, and thankfully, teams reached Jodhpur before any puppet shows or charade games could bust out.
Upon arrival in Jodhpur (which at a population of 30 million people only qualified as a quaint hamlet in India), teams immediately scurried to the market which of course was closed until 10 AM the next morning. Not wanting to rough it out in the streets of Jodhpur, everyone checked in at a local hotel across the street and caught a few more zzz’s before the inevitable craziness the next morning. As they checked into their room, Rob and Amber immediately chummed it up with the hotel manager, Sanjay, who offered to be the team’s guide free of charge. Cut to CBS producers quietly stuffing $100 bills into Sanjay’s back pocket.
Meanwhile, out in the streets, some sort of wedding or parade was taking place. Alex and Lynn went out to observe when suddenly they were yanked right into the proceedings. “Next thing we know, we’re getting pulled into the middle, dancing with these men!” Lynn described. I sort of enjoyed the producers’ attempts to make India seem extremely gay this episode. Sort of a unique take. I wondered what the Detour would be: a choice between Greco-Roman wrestling or cabaret singing?
Actually, the Detour was quite different. Teams had to choose between Trunk and Dunk. In Trunk, teams had to transport a 600 lbs. elephant statue through the market. In Dunk, teams had to dye several sheets and find a hidden message. As usual, one was short but brutal while the other was long but easy. Ah, but that’s not all. Our old friend the Fast Forward reared its flourescent green head once again, and with any luck, it wouldn’t be wasted on a nonelimination leg. Phil popped up to alert us that in order to win the Fast Forward, teams would have to drive many miles away to take part in a traditional Hindu ritual. What teams wouldn’t learn until they got there was that they’d have to shave their heads. YES! Gotta love the Amazing Race. They’re trying it again! For those of you who may be uninformed, two seasons ago the producers set up the exact same Fast Forward, but when ultra-Christians/models/whiners Nicole and Brandon arrived, they immediately chickened out and returned to the Detour, only to be saved by a nonelimination round. Well, hopefully this time we’d get some shaved head action.
The odds were in our favor as both Uchenna and Joyce and Rob and Amber jumped for the Fast Forward. Man, remember the days of yore when there was a Fast Forward on every leg? There was rarely anything I liked more than watching two teams battling it out for the elusive ticket to success (a certain rug mission with Teri and Ian comes to mind — as do the NFL wives who inexplicably used the Fast Forward to advance from 5th place to 2nd place, in like the second episode of that season). Anyway, I was excited not only at the prospect of a Fast Forward battle, but given Uchenna’s already bald head, we knew he and Joyce would have the upper hand on Rob and Amber.
Sadly for me, Ramber decided to shun the Fast Forward and work on the elephant instead. Golden boy Sanjay proved to be slow as he led his reality stars to their Detour challenge. Luckily for them, Gretchen and Meredith were hardly the beacons of physical strength as they languished with their elephant. In one of their more bizarre follies, Gretchen actually climbed atop the elephant and commandeered the porcelain beast from on high. Didn’t really help much, in fact, I’d wager to say it actually hurt the team’s progress, but hey, it looked really cool. Then again, with Gretchen’s luck, you just knew that she’d go toppling out moments later and wind up with another gaping head wound. Thankfully, that didn’t happen, but with all the other teams off and running with their pachyderms, Gretchen finally declared “We have a bad elephant!” Actually, it’s more like they had a bad strategy seeing as how the only people helping poor Meredith push were several skinny children who surely were of little use beyond the producers’ constant need to make the old couple appear like holy apostles.
Actually, the oldsters weren’t the only ones mining child labor for the purpose of reality treasures. Rob literally grabbed kids by the arms and stuck them on the elephant, nearly scolding them for their passive desire to simply watch the chaos unfold in front of them. “It’s tough organizing Indian labor!” joked Rob, clearly not realizing that India’s youth might wish to be doing other things like, I don’t know, NOT pushing a stupid elephant statue around. Meanwhile, Amber was doing her part by knocking off pieces of the beast, namely its tail. Way to break the elephant, AMBER!
Nevertheless, Romber finally arrived at the “elephant parking” where they received their next clue: head to a farm. Okay. Sounds good. Rob, Amber, and Sanjay boarded an auto-rickshaw or tuk-tuk or whatever and headed out to the countryside for more adventures. Hey Sanjay, don’t you have like, I don’t know, a hotel to manage??
Hey, remember Ron and Kelly? Well, believe it or not, they were not only in this episode but ahead of the unstoppable force that is Romber. Unfortunately for them, their forward progress was severely stymied when their auto-rickshaw couldn’t sneak around Meredith and Gretchen, who had become a full on roadblock in their own right. As Meredith teetered on the brink of heart failure, Kelly snapped at the locals and demanded that they help him. Help him, damnit! Well, no language barrior prevents a woman scorned from getting what she wants. The remaining locals all rushed to Meredith’s aid and helped him move the elephant. At first I was touched by this gesture – the beauty queen helping the weezing old man. But then I realized she just wanted him to get out of the way. I guess it was all for the best — Kelly got to move forward, and Meredith got to not die.
Later, when the old couple finally completed the Detour, Gretchen expressed regret about riding in the basket up top. I could have helped push, she rationed. Yeah, something you should have figured out BEFORE you finished the whole thing. On the plus side, Gretchen did receive Alex and Lynn’s highest compliment, mainly that she riding the elephant looked “FABULOUS!”
Anyway, as usual, the fearsome foursome of Rob, Amber, Kelly, and Ron led the pack to the next clue which revealed the Roadblock. In this task, teammates had to hop in a camel chariot (Chamel? Cariot? Camelot!) and race around a track for two laps. Kelly had no problem getting those camel toes moving as she took off down the route like a bat – or dramedary – out of hell. Amber, meanwhile, met instant resistance from her camel which quickly meandered off the track to deposit its passenger in some prickly bushes.
Elsewhere in India, Uchenna and Joyce zipped along in their taxi as they nervously awaited the Fast Forward. Joyce momentarily fretted that she’d have to chop off her hair, but her hubby laughed off the idea, noting that she’d never have to do that. Yeah – reality shows would never force you into an embarrassing and uncomfortable situation.
The two eventually arrived at their destination, and jaws were dropped all around as they realized that they would, in fact, have to shave their heads. And by “they”, I mean “Joyce.” Uchenne tried to be Supportive Husband 2005 by asking if she really wanted to do this, and Joyce suddenly snapped like we’ve never seen her before, yelling/crying “LET’S GO!” Yes! Finally some female baldness. I was kind of bummed though because a) this would only really affect one person, and b) black women with shaved heads aren’t that odd looking. I kind of wish Romber had gone for it. Amber would have looked like the biggest activist of all time with her shaved head.
With little else to do, Uchenna simply moved to the side while the monks clipped away Joyce’s long braids (or dreads – I really didn’t get a good look). Every now and then, Uchenna made some preemptive moves just in case he wound up in the dog house later, but in general, these gestures seemed kind of patronizing, especially when he said, “Honey, I don’t want you to have to do this.” Um, the ritual has already begun. Half her hair is gone. It’s not like she was going to say “Okay, well, let’s do the Detour now!” Although… that would be pretty cool if she left only half of her head shaved. Then, at Halloween, she could be one of those “two-face” people – you know, normal attire on one half, crazy costume on the other half. Man, the possibilities are endless!
Eventually, Joyce emerged from the Fast Forward with a shaved head, and while the experience had been difficult for her, she slowly moved from crying behind her fingers to smiling with renewed resolve. And just in case we thought she was still mad, the producers were kind enough to pipe in the cheesy, uplifting music to guide our emotions. Must… Cry… Now…
Actually, I didn’t cry, but I was happy to see Phil return and introduce the next Pit Stop which was located in a castle or temple of some sort. Moments later, Kelly crossed the finish line with her camel and ripped open the next clue, which directed her and Ron to the next Pit Stop. Phil then popped up again to tell us that the next Pit Stop was still located in a castle or temple of some sort. Is there an echo in here? We know where the Pit Stop is, Phil. You JUST TOLD US! Don’t you love how I get mad at Phil when the real culprit is the editor? Way to make Phil your fall guy, EDITOR!
While Kelly had made short work of the Roadblock, other teams were not having such luck. Amber clearly had the most passive-aggressive camel simply because it acted stubbornly at first and then gave her a false sense of success by charging towards the finish line, only to grind to a halt and wander off the track again. Clearly this camel was not paid off by CBS. For a moment I had dreams of the other two teams catching up, and while Team Weho seemed adept at camel racing, Meredith was not. Surprise, surprise, the old guy’s camel up and sat down in the middle of the track, causing Gretchen to yell out “Talk nice to the camel!” Honestly, is she trying to get into Entertainment Weekly’s weekly TV quote list? Every episode, this woman has about four or five noteworthy comments. Anyway, Amber finally fixed her camel crisis and crossed the finish line with a healthy lead over the last two teams.
Alex and Lynn completed the Roadblock next, but they soon faced an entirely new obstacle as their cabbie drove them to the WRONG CASTLE! The two hopped out of their auto-rickshaw and scoured the location but quickly realized the lack of any Phil or PhilTraces meant they had made an unfortunate mistake.
Back at the right castle, Uchenna and Joyce checked in first. Surely they’d win a prize in honor of Joyce’s sacrifice, right? Right?? WRONG! Until they too appear on two seasons of Survivor, they are NOT entitled to any vacations!
Meanwhile, the race for second and third place heated up as Romber and Team Beauty POW ran yet another footrace to the mat. This time around, Ron and Kelly arrived first – by about a centimeter – and chuckles were had all around. Even Sanjay got into the moment, applauding happily on the sidelines. You know, Sanjay really sucked. He didn’t do anything helpful. There were times when Rob seemed to be leading him. This all leads me to believe that Sanjay is a con-artist from New Jersey whose real name is Roy.
Anyway, despite his whiney camel, Meredith managed to finish the Roadblock, and we once again were in the unagreeable position of having to watch two favorite teams battle it out for elimination. Eventually, Lynn and Alex’s castle mishap turned out to be fatal (well, detrimental – they didn’t die or anything) as the scrappy old couple snagged fourth place, much to their surprise.
Phil excitedly informed Meredith and Gretchen that they were the oldest couple to have made it this far in the competition, and blundering mistakes aside, I think we can all be pretty impressed with that. Then again, these two have benefited from other teams’s random mishaps. I kind of want them to run a leg really well for a change, maybe give the other teams a run for their money. But who am I kidding? It’s Meredith and Gretchen. With a near certain non-elimination round next week, we’re destined to have more tomfoolery for at least another two weeks.
As for Lynn and Alex, their elimination was bittersweet as they held back tears and babbled the usual spiel about how much they learned and how wonderful the people were and how great the experience was. It will be sad not having their colorful commentary peppering the show, but I guess now Uchenna and Joyce can step it up in the personality department. I mean, they’re affable and nice and everything, but seriously, give us something more to work with. At least Kelly and Ron shook out of their early season doldrums by complaining and whining. Next week’s episode looks sensational with Kelly stating that Ron’s POW status is a testament to his lack of commitment. Can’t wait to see her crawl out of that hole! Kind of reminds me of this one time in the military…
What do you think? Will Meredith and Gretchen every get it together?
TV Social
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66 Comments
Great recap B-side. Although longer than a chapter in a Stephen King novella. Goodness gracious you sure can write…on and on and on…
Ok, this is my opinion and I don’t know anything about any spoilers but i’m convinced that Ramber, Romber or whatever the hell you want to call them are going to win this race. Now I see why everyone think they shouldn’t be in this competition. They have an unfair advantage of being recognized from their previous reality shows. And it’s not that they are from previous reality shows its that they have either won or made significant waves in those shows that people remember them and want to help them. It gives them an unfair advantage. Anyways, does Rob reminds anyone of Tom on Survivor? These guys must be from the same neighborhood because they sound alike.
Kudos to Kelly for sticking it to Ron and how he got out of the military. He was a “POW”! Classic. And yay to Gretchen and Larry David for beating out the Gay Duo.
CBS must be airbrushing Phil’s crotch because it’s been inconspicously flat lately. And I’m pissed that JoyChenna didn’t win a prize for placing first. However Romber did win an all expense vacation to Hawaii for placing third. Those damn CBS execs.
America’s Next Top Fan -
I know – i have a problem. My posts are getting longer and longer. You should look at how short my posts were back in July.
Sadly, my undying need to comment on EVERYTHING has supplanted my desire to write manageable commentary. Must… condense…
You forgot to mention that Amber stated that Rob would never see a “scary movie” with her. Why? Is he embarrassed by the way he screams? Holy cannoli!!!
No! No condensing necessary – we don’t want you skimping on the gems.
This was fantastic as always.
I did want to mention, however, that the “porcelain beast” you mention was actually made of teak, so it must have been incredibly heavy and unwieldy on those rickety little wheels. I really felt for poor Meredith…who got to not die!
I’m sorry to see Lynn & Alex go, and sadly I don’t think Meredith & Gretchen will ever get it together enough to contend in this Race. But I would have paid cash money to see them do the Fast Forward. Poor Gretchen would have looked like a walking plague victim.
oh my, what an episode!! best one for a while!! i was gripped.
I msut admit though, i am completely amazed that gretchen and meredith have gotten this far, they are arguably the most inept couple i have ever seen! (JESUS WOMAN, GET OFF THE ELEPHANT!!). I suppose its not that bad though, at least Lynn and Alex are gone!!
As for the winner… I dunno who i want to win! I really like Romber desite your almost tangible hatred of them B-side and i think they are playing the game amazingly well and i wouldnt be opposed to them winning.
Hate ron and kelly, so boring… so very boring so i hope they go soon.
As for Joychenna, they have been a bit boring this season but now they are coming out of their shell i am really starting to be impressed. They are a genuinely loving couple that really seem to what to win this race to legitimately save their ailing marriage. As of this episode they also have my blessing to win the race.
So thats the empty verdict. As long as gretchen and heartattack meredith dont win its all cool.
B-side, don’t sweat your complete coverage in the recaps. I personally enjoy every last morsel.
I do have to call out Uchenna’s comment on the mat, though. He said that Joyce made “the ultimate sacrifice.” Wow, so what I’m hearing is that Joyce actually died during this leg. Drag. So, Uchenna, being the resourceful player that he is, managed to find Joyce’s long lost twin sister in the vast recesses of India and coerced her, not only to join him in the race, but to also shave her head and follow him to Phil’s Magic Carpet.
And yes, I’m moist with anticipation for next week’s installment. Kelly really has a legitimate shot at knocking Flo off of the Queen of Superbitch Throne. That’s a mighty achievement.
What no comment about Meredith dancing on the balcony during the parade? Too funny.
don’t listen to the haters, b-side. all of your re-caps rock.
well, there’s been a lot of talk about CBS conspiring to keep the rombers in the race, but no one seems alarmed that the charming but blundersome geriatric all-star team of meredith and gretchen keep skating by thanks to improbable ineptitude on the part of more competitive teams like lynn and alex, whom i thought would surely reach the final 4. and let’s face it, folks–that AARP marketing demographic is pretty valuable when it’s time to sell advertising.
it was a shame to lose lynn and alex–they ran the race hard, gave hilarious commentary (the cow-milking scene deserved a TVGasm video clip, b-side!), stood up to goons like ray and rob, and in general just had a great attitude. they were like kris and jon from last season, except they’re gay and not ridiculously good-looking.
thanks to joyce, however (who actually looks very lovely sans hair, which seemed kind of weave-ish to me anyway), there’s still one team that’s likable AND worthy left in the race.
can’t wait to see the fallout from kelly’s ‘you became a POW to avoid committment’ line. i nearly fell out of my chair on that one. it was probably just the product of accumulated frustration at having to listen to ron ramble on and on about the military, but jesus. two weeks ago she was calling the guy ‘redneck trash,’ and now this. i hope for kelly’s sake that the boys at the VFW hall in greenville, SC don’t know where she lives.
Ahhh, someone who remembers the incredible bitchdom that was Flo. That season inspired long (OK, like two-minute) debates between my husband and I over whether Zach was a long-suffering martyr who deserved to win (my husband’s view) or a spineless pussy who should have lost (mine).
Great recap, B-Side. I had a proud moment when you used the band camp/military-POW experience connection. I did the same thing last week when talking to my AR-obsessed co-workers last week. Of course, I was impressed with my one good zinger, but yours go “on and on and on” … in a good way! Seriously, love your sense of humor.
it was lynn and alex who went for the fast forward and then changed their minds, not rob and amber.
ATF – “Kudos to Kelly for sticking it to Ron and how he got out of the military. He was a “POW”! Classic.” Are you freakin’ kidding me?! You are actually giving kudus to this bitch!! I don’t care HOW much he has talked about being in the military and Iraq specifically. Absolutely NO ONE deserves a comment like Kelly’s.
“You BECAME a POW to get out of that commitment.” WHAT?! Yes, Kelly. Ron joined the military, was sent overseas to a war zone, decided he didn’t like it, ran out in front of the insurgents, begged them to capture him, show him on TV/the internet, plead for his life, and then hope that the military would bust in and save his ass. Yeah, that’s one way to get out of that little commitment.
On a lighter note, I never wanted Joychenna to win. Never really connected with them. But they had me hook, line, and sinker with the head shaving. Besides, they can take their cool million and buy her some more hair/dreads.
If Gretchedith make it to the final three, it will make for a very boring episode. They get lost in a paper bag! Go Ramber!!
First, the complete and detailed recaps are a necessity. I missed one episode this season and the recap made me feel as though I had actually watched it. And besides, your editorial commentary is a lovely blend of biting sarcasm and overstating the obvious, which we all do during reality television.
I’m very sad the gay guys are gone, they were my favs. And, they seemed so sad and shocked…what a heart breaker.
Meredith and Gretchen won’t win, they can’t keep squeaking out these near misses.
Do you know if CBS is aware of the speculation about their intervention regarding Romber? I would hate to see TAR become nothing but regurgitated Survivor contestants, I liked TAR because it was just a variety of regular, weird pairs with various relationships, not because it was some reality TV whores trying to suck on their 15 and half minute of fame.
I can finally say here what I said Tuesday night when Phil delivered the wonderful news that it was an elimination leg: Ding dong, the witch is dead! (Dead in the race, of course. Not dead dead. I don’t wish that on anyone, no matter how self-righteous and hypocritical they are on tv!)
That said, B-side your good recap had a major factual error. Rob and Amber didn’t go for the fast forward. In fact, they immediately discussed how they got burned last time they tried for the fast forward and said they wouldn’t make that mistake again. Lynn and Alex kind of went after the fast forward but changed their minds fairly quickly. It may have cost them a minute or two, but not enough to cost them the race, especially since they got so badly lost during the final trip to the mat.
I’m also upset at how the fake-out non-pit stop meant that an entire day’s worth of racing was rendered pointless. The train they had to go to after the fake pit stop left so late that everyone was essentially guaranteed to be on it together. The leg started over, so to speak, which means that a day of racing meant absolutely nothing. They have had too much bunching in the past few seasons of TAR, but this was too much.
You are right, RealityTV4Me… Kelly’s a bitch and doesn’t deserve any kudos for suggesting that Ron “chose” to become a POW to get out of his military commitment. I know his constant referals to being in the military have gotten old, but c’mon people, he was a POW for God’s sake.
And to you, B-Side… Don’t you dare shorten your commentary. I read and enjoy every single word you write! And by the way, welcome to NY!
B-Side, don’t you dare condense your recaps! I enjoy every word and wish they were even longer.
Joyce is gorgeous without her hair. You go!
I was sad to see the boys go; loved them! I would love to see Joyce and Unchenna win or even Gretchen and Meredith, just NOT Rob and Amber! Rob’s head would grow so big it would explode and get his gray matter all over Phil. Gross.
Well we can be sure to have at least 2 more weeks of Larry David and his mom. It’s gotta be a non-elimination round next week, right? I like the old people but I secretly want them to come in last one more time so that Phil can take away Gretchen’s back pack.
As for the head shaving, Joyce’s hair was miserable to begin with…she needed to start over. The saying is true couples really do start looking like each other after awhile. Or is that pets and their owners? I don’t remember.
Damn you America’s Top Fan! If you cause B-Side to shorten his recaps, you might want to watch your knee-caps… I will find you!
You have to love Team AARP. These guys come in second to last EVERY damn elimination leg. But why exactly did they choose to push the elephants??? Do the racers get a brief description of the challenge before they pick? The tie-dye shirts would have been less likely to cause a coronary situation. I remember a few episodes back, they chose the cave over shopping (we all remember how well THAT one worked out). Do these two have any clue how old they are????
Can you win an Emmy for a teaser? If so, kudos to AR producers–this one’s in the bag. The preview of Kelly trotting out the old “You’re afraid of commitment and that’s why you became a POW” line is already destined for Reality TV infamy, and the episode is still four days away. Best teaser ever!
Great recap, B-side. Very thorough and I like thorough so you make them as long as you want.
Well, another indication of the ever so subtle Romber/CBS conspiracy. I’m sure, with the televised wedding coming up, the last thing CBS wanted was for either of them to shave their heads. No doubt some quick-thinking exec sent the word down to Romber to skip the Fast Forward and then paid off Sanjay to make up for it. And we got another slice of the real Rob, the great manipulator. If he can’t charm you, he’ll strong arm you. It was pretty darn grim watching him grab those poor kids by the shirts and fling them against the wooden elephant, all the while yelling “PUSH!!!” I think if he had a whip in his hand, he would have used it on those unfortunate children. I can tell you, if he had grabbed MY son like that, he would have pulled back a bloody stump!
I felt so bad for Joyce but kudos and hats off (no pun intended) to her bravery and resolve. And shame on all of you for downgrading that bravery. Yes, its only hair and it will grow back but you have to understand, in black culture a women’s hair IS a big deal! (Doesn’t anyone watch Oprah?) So yes, she was very brave to pull off that scarf and submit to the haircut of her life. And may I also say she looked GREAT with a shaved head! You go, girl!!!
Sad to see Alex and Lynn go. For all their sniping, they were fun to watch and funny to listen to. But I still have JoyChenna to root for!
Kudos To B-Side for pointing out the apparent lack of usefulness with Sanjay. He probably gave some guidance, but much of the time he seemed to slow “his” teams down or not know any more than they did (which makes sense, because you can live in a city for years without knowing the kinds of things the teams need to know for some of the tasks.) The idea that CBS paid off Sanjay to help Romber is silly–we know that getting a local to help out is a favorite tactic of many racers, not just Rob, plus Sanjay would have been more helpful if he was a plant! He saw the tv cameras and figured it would be more fun than working the next day!
gretchen reached a new level of crazy this week!
cbs please give the women her meds back!!!!!!
of course she will have to smuggle the drugs in her bra next week, when they take away her shinny new backpack. But it’s all good.
Great re-cap b-side!
Just wanted to drop a little info… Like most of you I was shocked at what Kelly says next episode. But I was told by a friend whose husband is in the military that POW’s have a choice of returning to their tour or leaving the military early without any repercussions. Perhaps that is what Kelly meant. Granted, still hits him where he lives, but perhaps more of a dig about his “commitment”
Great re-cap b-side!
Just wanted to drop a little info… Like most of you I was shocked at what Kelly says next episode. But I was told by a friend whose husband is in the military that POW’s have a choice of returning to their tour or leaving the military early without any repercussions. Perhaps that is what Kelly meant. Granted, still hits him where he lives, but perhaps more of a dig about his “commitment”
The following is what I wished had happened….
Phil: Congratulations Meredith and Gretchen, you’re the oldest couple to make it this far in the race.
Gretchen: Oooooooh! Do we win a prize, like, i dunno, our possesions back?
Boo B-Side….this was your worst recap ever. I am usually on the floor laughing…this time I didnt even chuckle. Get off your mom’s laptop and back to true form.
“I guess it was all for the best — Kelly got to move forward, and Meredith got to not die.”
Hilarious. I understood about Joyce crying as they cut out her extensions and hair. She’s all gray up under there. But she’s so pretty and has a great face/head for baldness. I would have done it too and I do not have the bone structure at all.
I think that Ramber and Ron/kelly have been “hired” by CBS to draw in even more viewers….to add to the “excitement”. It is hugely unfair to the “regular” folks that haven’t had any exposure. I think that they have been “hired” to stay in the race till it nears the end….and then “something” will all of a sudden occur where they all of a sudden have a stroke of bad luck! and come in last.. and then it will be a race at the end with one of those couples(Romber or Ron/Kelly) and Joychenna. And Joychenna will win.
Or….Ramber will win and then CBS will immediately televise their wedding.(I think that’s why the wedding occurred last weekend in Bermuda so that they could edit it in time for the final show of race) how sweet?
I think that Ramber and Ron/kelly have been “hired” by CBS to draw in even more viewers….to add to the “excitement”. It is hugely unfair to the “regular” folks that haven’t had any exposure. I think that they have been “hired” to stay in the race till it nears the end….and then “something” will all of a sudden occur where they all of a sudden have a stroke of bad luck! and come in last.. and then it will be a race at the end with one of those couples(Romber or Ron/Kelly) and Joychenna. And Joychenna will win.
Or….Ramber will win and then CBS will immediately televise their wedding.(I think that’s why the wedding occurred last weekend in Bermuda so that they could edit it in time for the final show of race) how sweet?
To ANTFan… if B-Side’s recaps sucked, then I’d agree with you. Thankfully, they don’t. What I really like about TVgasm is that all of the writers (even the new guest writer… ahem) are obviously intelligent. I love the whole idea of high-minded (and funny) discourse regarding something so inherently stupid – reality TV.
Those of us who read this site are the people who shock our friends, co-workers, and mixed company when they learn of our affinity for “bad television.” They gasp as they daintily dab the panko crumbs from their lips, “YOU watch that stuff?! I simply can’t staaaaaand those shows.”
Whatever. B-Side’s lengthy and thorough recaps provide us something to point to and say, “See, dumbass, these shows ARE fun to watch and they ARE fun to discuss and I’m not the only person who feels that way.”
Keep ‘em coming, just the way you’re doing them.
Just one point about this episode; there was a captioned scene of Kelly (I think) saying to Ron after her camel ride, “That really hurt my butt.” At that I bet myself I’d be seeing that vidcapped with a nice little anal sex reference. But since I didn’t, I thought I’d share my private deviant thoughts with the rest of you.
Let’s see, what’s all my rants…….
I think Joyce looks great bald. I actually like her better this way. The braid thing wasn’t working for her.
For once I was mad at Gretchen. What the hell was she thinking riding the “elephant”? Duh!
I’m sad to see the boys go, I loved them & their comedic timing.
Me & my gf were so pissed that Joyce & Uchenna didn’t get a prize for coming in first. PISSED I TELL YA!!!
And last but not least, that POW comment has to be the best line ever.
B-side I don’t agree that your recaps are too long, they always add to my viewing pleasure……….
however, I DID have to reread your first paragraph more than once since I had you sitting on your mother’s lap not her laptop and that was creeping me out a bit
ANTF:
How can you scold someone for writing “too much”? A lot happened in that ep, so there was a lot to write about. And, may I add, thanks for not missing any highlights in this episode and for hitting your mark as always. Please don’t discourage B. I wish he would write more (and faster).
Joyce, so much better w/o the dirty weave. Black hair takes longer to grow because of the density and curl, so please understand that was a major thing.
SG-Dub, I so agree with everything that you said in your comments, and thank you for sharing deviant thoughts-they are my favorite.
Mindwah, the Romber wedding spectacular is already scheduled to be on CBS in May as its own sweeps event. The date is set. The question is, will anyone watch it seriously or will its only audience be mockers and gawkers?
Erextra, I’m sure you’re right about the meaning of Kelly’s POW comment (that he took a discharge post-POW, not that he voluntarily got captured to avoid duty.) It’s still ridiculous, because he fulfilled his duty already and didn’t ask to become a POW just to have his tour of duty shortened. I’m guessing she just wanted to hurt him and get him riled up, and she knew attacking his character by degrading his military committment was a good way to do it. We’ll see the fuller context next week, but what a brat.
Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I agree with everyone who thinks it’s silly that the show didn’t do a prize this leg. They set the prize legs in advance and had to know that whoever won this week was likely going to do it via the head-shave fast forward. That kind of determination should have been rewarded with a prize leg. Also, it seems like there have been far fewer prize legs this season than last. It seems like last time there were prizes just about every leg, not just one out of every 2 or 3.
anyone notice Ron getting so excited at the camel race he had to squeeze his crotch to keep himself from wetting himself
I was so impressed by Joyce’s resolve to just “DO it” when it came to shaving her head. She didn’t even blink an eye. A few little tears and she was done. I would have crapped my pants, and I have short hair anyway.
And perhaps, as it said on the sign at the fast forward that in the Hindu tradition, it will bring them good luck.
Now- I have a question about Gretchen in the elephant. I don’t think she came to that idea on her own…I recall one of the dudes pushing the elephant ( a local) telling her to get in. Did anyone else hear that?
Finally- B-side- PLEASE don’t condense….
Hey America’s Next Top Fan – it’s called, “nobody’s forcing you to read it!”
rock on, b-side! represent! in da HOUSE!
Damn, B-side…with the gushing support that you’ve received, I’m waiting for you to bust out in some Sally Field-esque speech!
Nonetheless, you can simply pat yourself on the back and go ahead…enjoy the moment and take a little swim in Lake You.
b-side, you recaps are always awesome!
No need to condense!
One of the few things Im excited to read every week!
Can’t you just picture that Gretchen Furby?
I really don’t want to picture any of Gretchen’s fur.
Maybe it was just me, but I didn’t see America’s Next Top Fan’s article length comment as some sort of malicious comment, just a fun little jab. Relax people, ANTF isn’t like one of those Constantine fans that comes on and tries to defend how sucky he is.
Anyway, Joyce did look good with a bald head, and I am sure she made herself even more endearing to all of the Race fans out there. Hopefully, CBS has the fix in because I am going to finish a bottle of vodka or three if Ramber or Relly win. (and I love Gretchen and Meredith, but don’t know if they have the chops to last).
brett:
http://cnls.lanl.gov/~staley/bunny/rabbit.2.gif
The official title of this picture is “White and Wiggly.”
Go ahead, you may curse me now.
Oh, c’mon Brett. It coos and chirps.
Great recap . Funny as hell. I was laughing the whole way through.
Hey J-Unit–I understand that ATF’s comment was good natured. But we were all terrified by B-Side’s response, fearing that he would try to be more concise in the future, thereby taking away from us the one thing we all truly live for more than anything: his endless lunatic ramblings.
I can just picture B-side (or as hes known by his real name, Ralph Farquhar the writer and creator of Moesha) sitting in front of his tv taking 8 pages of notes.
Some guy DEFINITELY coerced Gretch into the elephant. I just wondered why she didn’t notice Meredith about to croak trying to push her around all by himself!
No Phil Package this time, but I noticed a bit of man-hips going on instead. Hmm.
I wondered if Sanjay’s weight made the auto-ricksaw go a little slower than Ron/Kelly’s.
I could NOT believe my ears when they previewed Kelly’s comments about the POW stuff…though the explanation provided by erextra makes sense and perhaps it’s not as dastardly as we all think it to be. Still, holy shit, bitch!
It was indeed malicious, J-Unit. Read between the lines, for goodness sake :
“Although longer than a chapter in a Stephen King novella. Die B-Side, Die! Goodness gracious you sure can write…THE STAFF OF TVGASM WILL BURN IN HELL.. on and on and on…”
Do you see NOTHING malicious about that?
i concur with meeshie.
for once i am requesting that bside NOT streamline!
First,
Haaaaaaaiiiiiiii meeshie!
Second,
Don’t worry, it’s not like b-side is going to shorten his posts to be like Ryan atwood’s shallow vagina. That wouldn’t be funny.
Why is it only Ramber seem to win any prizes when they finish first? Other than Ray & Deana winning those two cars, it seems like everyone else is screwed!
to clarify my comments re: ANTFan… I didn’t see the original comments as malicious at all. I just used them to justify my own love of TV and TVgasm, that’s all.
It took some doing to get Gretch into the elephant. It’s not like there was a step or anything. I swear that one of those guys hands went right up in her.
I can’t imagine why she didn’t get down.
My theory is that there was someone else inside the elephant…waiting…wanting…Gross!
Speaking of prizes, who won the 20k each? I’d so rather have that! I remember hoping that the prizes would be cash through the whole season.
Love these AR recaps…the extra wait this week was killing me. Did want to point out that it was Lynn and Alex that seriously considered going for the Fast Forward and not Romber. But we will forgive that small mistake.
Can’t wait for next week to see why in the world that crazy Kelly made the POW comment. Please post your recap Tuesday night if possible.
congrats to everyone who has found a cute way to combine a team name. J-Unit should give you your own review!
Haaiii, J-Unit!!! OMG you know what this is :
“to clarify my comments re: ANTFan… I didn’t see the original comments as malicious at all. I just used them to justify my own love of TV and TVgasm, that’s all.
#52 of 55 Posted by: sg-dub at April 22, 2005 01:49 PM.”
This – is TVGasm LOVE!!! Folks, we have a winner.
#42, that is one stinky rabbit.
Phil:
Congratulations, Uchenner and Joyce as the winners of this leg of the race, here is a baby, which you can enjoy after the race.
sg-dub. Recaps don’t have to suck in order to be long. B-side is one of my favorite recapper and nothing he writes sucks! But long…maybe.
Let’s see. Let me put it this way. I’d prefer B-side write shorter columns but more of them. Notice how long it takes to get a Survivor post lately. Just my opinion.
meeshie, you’re right I don’t have to read it. But I will cause I LOVE IT. lol. Oh and good looking out J-Unit! (my other favority recapper)
I have a friend that has a lot of kids, someone once said – don’t you wish you had a smaller family wouldn’t it be easier? It might be easier but which kid would she give up?
Same goes for B-Side’s recaps, they could be shorter, but which gem of a sarcasm are we willing to give up? What would this world be like without such memorable moments as “I kelly the amazing race”? or “Kelly got to move forward, and Meredith got to not die”. I don’t think I want to live in that kind of world.
Keep em long and keep em strong B-Side!!
Bonggargler (#59), that comment was classic! Maybe if B-Side would have written a longer recap, he might have had room for that gem. I’m sure he thought of that one–it’s B-Side worthy…
That was Debbie and Bianca, punkrox.
Sorry, punkrox. I meant to write that my name is tv freak, not punkrox
tv freak,
Ah yes!!!! Beeyawnker. How could I forget?
Great that Uchenna and Joyce are finally proving their significant worth as racers…. they are continually positive and good to each other, and now damn good racers. I have to admit though… getting that upset about hair, which grows back, I didn’t get it…. if the race required someone to dig through fresh cow dung… they’d do it… without thinking about the embarrassment and de-humanizing fact that ‘we’re digging thru crap for money’. It’s only hair baby…. and you are just as beautiful without it.
Also glad someone else pointed out the advantage Ramber has had on several legs of the race, due to the fact that they are recognized and helped by ‘fans’. I don’t mind Ramber really,they ARE great racers and consistently good with each other… and I think they’ll probably win… but lets face that honest fact… they’ve been helped by those recognizing them…. a lot… when others have had to rely only on themselves.
for the record…
Yes, Kelly is an idiot, reading her bible while being a passive aggressive, cruel, unthinking bimbo. Please let her retire to her dream gated-community and self-righteous Soccer-Mom status NOW!
Viva TAR!