All In The Family

Amazing Race

By B-Side | Wednesday, September 28, 2005 | 3:49 am | 123 Comments

phileyebrowWell, it’s Tuesday night at 11:44 pm. I just got home from work, and I have a two hour premiere episode of Amazing Race waiting for me. Can you think of a better homecoming? Neither can I. But my excitement is tempered a bit. After all, this is that most egregious of seasons. You know what I’m talking about. Those two pesky words, “Family Edition,” are really scaring me. Will The Amazing Race jump the shark, or will producer Bertram Van Munster work his magic all over again?

In the interest of saving time, I’m just going to do a “liveblog” of the show this week (even though this is far from live at all). Time to jump in for another rollercoaster ride… (I hope).11:50 PM
Ah! New York City. And look! There’s Phil on the Statue of Liberty. Maybe someday, France will give New York a giant Phil statue too.

11:53 PM
Wow. Ferry attack! Did they really need five water taxis for ten families? This is highly inefficient.

11:54 PM
Time to meet the fams! First up, the Gaggin’ familiy? Oh, sorry, it’s Gaghin. Wow. I hate them. Mostly because they force their kids to run 5ks. And freakin’ Carissa can run a seven minute mile. I especially hate her for that. “What adult out there can run a seven minute mile?” asks Carissa’s mom. I don’t know. Maybe the ones who were forced to by their parents at an obscenely young age.

11:57 PM
Okay, I’m still fixated on this Gaghin family. First of all, I thought faux Dakota Fanning was bad enough. But then there’s her devious brother Billy who tells us, “Me and my sister Carissa will work as a team spying on the other teams. We’ll pretend to fool around while we have our eyes and ears open.” Isn’t it wonderful the values these parents have instilled in their children?

11:59 PM
Carissa says, “I might be small, but I am NOT shhtupid.” How about you’re shhh-annoying.

carissa092805

12:00 AM
Wow, I’ve been making fun of a seven-year-old. New low for TVgasm.

12:01 AM
Okay, the Linz family. They’re all in their twenties. Their motto: “We’re attractive.” We know they like to have fun because we see them tossing beanbags at each other. Oh those crazy Linz kids! Nothing like a good old fashion throw-the-beanbag fight. Nevertheless, during the interview, older brother Alex says, “Tommy and Megan are still in that educational phase of maturing and learning how to deal with an electric company and how to pay their electrics on time.” Alex, on the other hand, is part of that noneducational phase of maturing where he no longer knows how to use simple words like “electricity bills.”

12:05 AM
Next up, the Paolo family from Carmel, NY. Dad’s a garbage man. And he’s living the American Dream. This guy is awesome, and so is his wife (I always like the older people). Unfortunately, their sons seem like budding douchebags. We’ll have to keep an eye on them.

12:07 AM
Oh look! It’s the black family. I mean, the Black family. I mean, the black Black family. Basically, the only black team is the family Black. They seem pretty active. They do karate together. They wear tie-dye together. They even splash water together. Go Black power!

12:09 AM
Austin, the youngest Black kid (why does it sound so wrong when I write that. It’s their name!), says that he’ll do well on the race because “It doesn’t hurt that I’m kind of cute.” Awww. He really is quite cute. I hope he beats up that Carissa moppet.

12:10 AM
The Bransen family. A guy with his three daughters. And did I mention they are hilarious? Dad’s name is Walter, but one of the daughters notes that “We always call him Wal-der instead of Walter.” Oh, now that is RICH!

12:12 AM
Next up is the Weaver family. Widow and children from Florida. Oh. Widow = party foul. I’ll just bite my tongue for now.

12:13 AM
Did I mention how much of a downer the Weavers were? Dad worked at a race track and was sent out to pick up debris. A car came around the bend and struck and killed him. And Extreme Makeover: Home Edition missed these people how?

12:14 AM
Because it’s never a reality show without Boston accents, we now have the Aiello family. And let me tell you something. Paterfamilias Tony wears a wicked beret.

tony092805

12:16 AM
Wow, can we start this race yet? Nope, more families.

12:19 AM
We meet the Schroeders who seem okay, but the real fun is with the Godlewski family: four blonde sisters whose strength appears to be riding a mean merry-go-round.

12:20 AM
The Rogers family is the last, and uh oh. I think we found a possible villain. Dad says, “I’m the one that’s gonna be taking control. I think it’s a man thing. I think it’s a biblical thing. I truly believe that the man is the authority of the house.” Other things he believes in: killing puppies. Just guessing.

12:24 AM
Wow, could this be a gloomier Amazing Race premiere?

12:25 AM
Phil’s looking quite dapper in his striped shirt. I wonder if it has an attachable turtleneck collar.

12:26 AM
I love how Phil says “Good luck. Travel safe,” and then raises one eyebrow as if to say “And be RAVISHING!”

12:27 AM
Hey Carissa, why aren’t you at the front of the pack? I thought you could outrun most adults.

12:28 AM
Okay! First clue! And they’re going to… SoHo? To EMS? Hmmmm….

12:31 AM
The Paolo family nearly has a conniption fit when Dad can’t figure out how to turn right. I love these people.

12:33 AM
All I’m seeing are lots of women screaming and saying things like “Desperate Housewives!” Bear with me as I try to figure out who’s who.

12:36 AM
One of the Godlewski gals says to a New Yorker, “Hi! We’re looking for the town of SoHo.” Families or no families, Amazing Race always delivers with these sorts of shenanigans. Even better: these Godlewski women have crazy midwest accents. “We are doing an ahhsam jaaab girls,” says one of them. My ears are bleeding.

12:28 AM
Could this cast BE any blonder?

12:40 AM
Oh WEAK! All the stuff they have to buy at Eastern Mountain Sports is already laid out for them. Whatever happened to in-store scavenger hunts??

12:41 AM
Okay, now teams have to go uptown to a hot dog stand. I smell a very sketchy Roadblock…

12:42 AM
The Godlewskis strike again: “SLEEPING BAYAGS!!!” (sleeping bags)

12:44 AM
Man, momma Paolo is the best. Not only does she rock the neck kerchief, but she also does the stereotypical New York Italian thing by yelling, “ALL RIGHT! You said it a hundred times already! Give it a break!” She’s the bestest.

paolo092805

12:47 AM
Okay, EMS has officially turned into a disaster zone. Girls are shrieking left and right, displays are getting knocked over. It’s just how I imagine every autograph signing that Phil goes to.

12:49 AM
Must we see the Empire State Building every time we switch families?

12:50 AM
Oh good! ANOTHER cutaway shot of the Empire State Building. Almost forgot what it looked like for a sec.

12:51 AM
Why are these people taking the West Side highway to get to 90th street between Park and Lex? Oh that’s right. They’re IDIOTS! (Notice how I’m pulling my “I have a knowledge of Manhattan” card? Yeah, it makes me cool.)

12:53 AM
Daddy Schroeder has this to say: “Too bad we don’t have any handicapped children we could push into traffic to block traffic to help us get ahead.” All it takes is a crowbar and some painkillers…

12:55 AM
Awww. The Black family is so nice. Dad’s making sure his sons take in New York City. The only thing that could make this moment any better would be if Momma Paolo showed up on screen and ooh! There she is! And somehow she has endless patience with her ridiculous sons. “You know you’re cute when you get angry?” she says. You know what else they become when they’re angry? ANNOYING.

12:58 AM
My other favorite team, the Linz family, arrives at the hot dog stand first. They have to now cross the George Washington Bridge and travel ninety-seven miles to Washington’s Crossing in PA. Wow. Rural Pennsylvania. This season is too exotic for words…

12:59 AM
The hot dog guy hands a clue to Carissa. Later, he tells the camera, “She’s cute.” Yeah, and she’s also a robot.

1:02 AM
Weaver mom reads, “Your clue is in the historic park in Pennsylvania? I don’t know if that means the state of Pennsylvania.” Yeah, that’s usually what people mean when they say “Pennsylvania.” Kind of like how when I refer to California, I usually say, “California.” I know. It’s crazy.

1:06 AM
Poor Weaver mom. Totally overthinking this. “Pennsylvania may be a state.” IT’S A MYSTERY!

1:07 AM
She may not know about Pennsylvania, but she sure knows about Jesus. “Stick to the Lord. Do you know about the Lord?” she asks a trucker. When he says the Lord is his friend, momma then adds, “We’ll be spending eternity together!” Yay! Wait, this is sort of creepy.

1:10 AM
Hmmm… Don’t like the “Family Edition” route markers (they’re yellow and silver). Nevertheless, the Aiello family arrives first. They have to pick a boat and cross the Delaware River, grab a thirteen-star American flag, paddle back, and observe a flag-folding ceremony. Wow, the first hour isn’t over and already we’ve had rampant Jesus talk and patriotism. This is the most Red State-y Amazing Race yet.

1:14 AM
Addendum to the last comment: David of the Aiello family is a former Marine.

1:15 AM
I so want one of these George Washington enthusiasts to fall in the water.

1:18 AM
Aiello still in the lead. They get the next clue. Teams must now go to Philadelphia and find a park where they’ll camp overnight. So basically teams will have driven from New York to Philly. Gotta love Family Edition…

1:23 AM
Uh oh. The Gaghan family’s struggling on the river. Where’s Carissa’s seven-minute-mile now??

1:27 AM
Wait a second. How did the Linz and Godlewskis fall so far behind? I knew there’d be trouble when they were acting so cocky before. As long as the Paolo’s don’t get eliminated, I’ll be happy. Of course, none of this really matters since the overnight in the park will be a giant equalizer. I’ll just enjoy the ride.

1:29 AM
Uh oh. The Black family is going downstream. For the record, it’s been 90 minutes, and I’m less than halfway through the show. Fantastic.

1:33 AM
The Black family hands over their flag. So do the Godlewskis. Where the heck are the Paolos?

1:35 AM
Paolo update: okay, they’ve finally arrived at the Delaware. Best part of this? They not only have a fat doofus playing their “George Washington”, but he’s also sort of a jerk. Shut up, JERK WASHINGTON!

jerkwashington
What Sopranos extras do in between seasons.

1:37 AM
Paolo update: OH NO! Ma dropped the clue!!! This is like an Olive Garden commercial gone wrong!!!

1:40 AM
The Black family does a little cheer: “1-2-3-Black family!” I love puns.

1:42 AM
The Paolos don’t go back to get their clue, but they still make it to the park. Mrs. Paolo tells the Eagle Scouts, “Just so you know, both my boys were boy scouts when they were young.” And look at how nicely they turned out!

1:43 AM
Next morning, it’s raining, and wow, with her hair wet and matted, Carissa looks like the second coming of that little girl from The Ring. If I die in seven days, you’ll know why. By the way, I reeeeally hope Carissa’s not reading this.

1:45 AM
Okay, time for the next clue. Go a whoppin’ 92 miles into Pennsylvania and find a farm. Nothing says adventure like a modest trip on the interstate!

1:46 AM
Great. The Weavers are going all Jesus on us again. But I guess it helps. They arrive at the next clue first. Turns out it’s the Detour. Build or Buggy. Either build a miniature water mill or haul a buggy for a mile and a half. Ouch. That’s no fun at all. I’m already winded, and I’m just sitting here.

1:53 AM
Um, Jesus? I think you just screwed over your friend Mrs. Weaver. Yeah, the buggy got a little out of the control, and I’m pretty she just got run over. Yes, RUN OVER by a runaway buggy. Okay, now this show’s gettin’ good. By the way, don’t mean to be insensitive, but these Weaver parents really don’t seem to be doing so well with the not-getting-hit by vehicles thing.

buggyaccident

1:55 AM
Okay, I’m a jerk. These poor girls look positively shaken up. I feel bad. Let’s go back to making fun of the defenseless seven-year-old! Yeah!

1:57 AM
Oh that sucks. After all that work, the Weavers’ buggy gets jammed, and they have to make the water mill. You know, Jesus was a carpenter, right?

1:59 AM
Paolo update: Momma’s got an ant on her arm! But don’t worry. She’s okay! She’s okay!

2:01 AM
Okay, the building isn’t actually as hard as it seemed like. What’s more difficult is probably sitting in a buggy with the Linz family as they fart up a storm. Next to Mrs. Paolo, these are my favorites.

2:04 AM
For the first time all night, my heart warms to the Gaghins. Watching the parents haul their kids in the buggy, well, even crusty old jerks like me think it’s sweet. And speaking of the Gaghins, they just reached the end of the course, and they have to TURN AROUND and go back?? Wow, that really sucks.

2:09 AM
A blessing in disguise? The Weavers are in first place! Thanks Jesus!

2:09 AM
Okay, time for the Pitstop: the Rohrer Family Farm. It’s go time!

2:11 AM
You know, I love the Paolos, but I’m starting to think they’re all idiots.

2:12 AM
Uh oh. Walter — I mean, Walder — says he and his fam are heading in the wrong direction. This is followed by the always foreboding Amazing Race slow-mo reaction. Bad news for Wal-der?

2:14 AM
It’s been about five days since the last Survivor episode. I could use a little vomit on my TV. Conveniently, the Linz boy is ready to oblige. We only hear the puke though. And you call this reality TV? Pussies.

2:16 AM
Jesus brings them up, only to take them back down again: The Weavers are lost!

2:17 AM
The Grodlewski sisters are all freakin’ out in the car. Must… hit… mute…

2:17 AM
A Grodlewski sampling: “Okay guys. Blue silos are a papular calor.” (“popular color”, in non-Grodlewski-ese)

2:20 AM
The Gaghins dream of coming in first place on the leg. Carissa says, “I bet that dream will come true.” Apparently not, CARISSA! The Grodlewski gals arrive first. You just know Phil’s gonna give them some prize. They’re gonna blow out my speakers, even with the sound off.

2:23 AM
Yup, they won $20,000. Best be buying me some new speakers with that cash.

godlewskiwins

2:23 AM
Phil is cracking UP! “I’m just getting to know you, but is this normal? You guys talk over each other all the time?” Wow, did Phil just serve them up some quiet passive aggression? He PA’d them in PA!

2:25 AM
The Weavers enter a fierce battle with the Gaghins. Who will Jesus pick??

2:26 AM
There are many wonderful things about the Gaghin/Weaver footrace. First, it’s totally unnecessary. Second, I think it’s awesome that the Gaghan parents keep yelling, “Carissa! WHEELS!!!!” Seriously, that little girl is a robot.

2:27 AM
Whoa! Those wheels worked! The Weavers lose their lead to little kids. Thanks a lot, Jesus.

happyphil092805
The smile that we live for.

2:29 AM
The Paolo family confirms my suspicions. Their watermill is a disaster, but not as bad as the Schroeder’s whose wheel is stuck or wedged or whatever. And remember the Linz family? They’re still hauling the buggy. That sucks. But not for us. I love this shit.

2:34 AM
Great. My favorite scenario. After spending the past two hours saying how much I love the Linz, Black, and Paolo families, they’re all in the final three. Dammit!

2:35 AM
Check that out. The Paolo’s watermill worked! Uh oh. But more drama’s on the horizon. Ma’s crying! “Really Tony, it’s been a lifetime of this, and I’m getting fed up with it. I’m really, you guys are really embarrassing now. And I’m fed up with it!” Don’t worry, we like you. And it’s not your fault your douchebag sons treat you so badly. Well, actually, I guess it is.

2:38 AM
Things looking bad for the Black family. And what the hell is up with the Linz’s? Did they stop at Burger King or something? They’re still in their freakin’ buggy.

2:39 AM
Rogers family arrives in fourth place, followed by the Schroeders. Uh oh. Walder has been passed by two teams and — THIS JUST IN! Mama Paolo is having a breakdown! “JJ JUST SHUT UP ONE MINUTE PLEASE? JUST COOL IT!” This woman is the best. She goes from quiet wallflower to jokey mom to frantic mess to irate woman on the verge all in the span of two hours. Now that’s good television. Incidentally, the Paolo’s arrive #6. And incidentally again, Mr. Paolo just totally tackled Phil. Awesome.

paolo2092805paolo3092805

2:44 AM
Okay, things are getting close. Austin, the Black’s child, falls over near some water. But dad is there to save the day and tell him “These things happen.” He then picks his son up with one hand and pretty much flings him across Amish country. Awww.

2:46 AM
Dammit. The Bransens and Aiellos arrive seventh and eighth, respectively. So it’s sealed. Either the Black or Linz family is going home. Oh cruel gods of Amazing Race, why must it be so?

2:49 AM
The Linz family decides to go the opposite way of the Black family. I don’t know who’ll arrive first, but had the Linz’s stayed on the Black’s butts, they would have been able to out-run them to the finish line. Oh, but it doesn’t matter. The Linz family arrives first. Does this mean we have to see those two kids cry?

2:53 AM
The answer to that last question: YES. See, now this is all wrong. These poor kids are going to be heartbroken. Yeah, I know the parents will be too, but they’re adults. They know what it’s like to have their dreams crushed.

2:55 AM
Seriously, this is crazy sad. Dad just said, “You know, sometimes you win, and sometimes you don’t, but as long as you give your best effort, you know, you can feel like I’m feeling right now. I’m very proud of my family. Nobody quit. I’m sad, but I’m not disappointed, and I can never be disappointed in my family.” Must… grab… tissues…

blackfamily

So all in all a decent episode. Not great. The family angle does have some benefits, but overall, the show lacks that seat-of-your-pants, global adventure element that’s made other seasons so great. Who knows where these teams will wind up, but I’ve got a feeling the bulk of the summer’s gonna take place here in the U.S. of A.. Nevertheless, while this season might not be as dynamic as others, the one thing this premiere showed us is that we’ll still be able to enjoy certain tried and true elements of the show. It’ll be a sufficient place-filler until season nine comes around.

What did you think about the family style?

About

123 Comments

  1. 1
    IwantmyTAR!
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 4:07 am

    The Amazing Farce!!

    A car full of screaming cackling women is not what fun to watch. Dammit it was annoying! I have to live through 10 weeks of hell until they play a ‘REAL’ amazing race.

  2. 2
    Kate
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 4:09 am

    I knew it was going to be an interesting season when it starts with Phil announcing “This is New York City” from New Jersey (cause yeah, the Statue of Liberty is actually in NJ PEOPLE!). Then everyone going as far west as possible to make it to the east side. And I was amazed at the shreiking sisters cause after going over the GWB they took the first exit to get directions and somehow passed several gas stations and ended up 10 min down the road at the Pizza Nova and Starbucks (for the record my grandparents live a little further down the road, so I know that area quite well). That’s when I knew I’d enjoy myself for sure.

    I think my favorite part was when you see everyone the next day with their hair thrown back or in bandanas looking all scragly, but Mama Paolo’s hair actually looks 100 times better! I wanna be just like her when I grow up!

  3. 3
    Brownie
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 4:54 am

    “By the way, don’t mean to be insensitive, but these Weaver parents really don’t seem to be doing so well with the not-getting-hit by vehicles thing.”

    I think I just shat myself. I thought that too as it happened, and went, NAAAHHHHHH, can’t be.

    Best show on tv throwing a new twist. Sure hope it’s not ‘jumping the shark’ but adding to the fun. WELCOME BACK TAR!!

  4. 4
    IwantmyTAR!
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:06 am

    Some observations regarding the families, well, mostly the Paolo’s.

    Is Paul Servino (ala Goodfella’s) playing Tony Paolo? Because the picture of him on the cbs website looks nothing like him molesting Phil. Will the two sons be the next Menendez brothers? They seemed a bit fazed with their parents.

    Those Midwestern women are annoying.

    The hot dog guys? They looked more like two NYC detectives on a stakeout. Oh, and by the way, you can tell that they had closed off 91st Street between Park and Lex. How else can two families have a foot race down the middle of the street in NYC (and not get clobbered by a livery driver).

    You could also tell that they had blocked off streets in PA. There was one point when one of the families was in their Family Edition truckster and you could see the police barricading an intersection. I also heard that as they traveled through NJ they had police escorts also! Some race!

    What is with the Weavers and vehicle accidents? First the Father (which is truly heart wrenching) and then the Widow Weaver gets clobbered by the Amish buggy. Phil, get Those kids into therapy!

    I thought that one of the TAR rules was that you cannot help another team with a task. Remember last season when Gretchen and Meredith need help with hauling the boats in Britain but the other team couldn’t help because of the rules. What’s with the teams having their tents getting put together by others?? Is this a race or a boy scout jamboree?!?!

    Phil is “paying for the gas and the plane tix’s” this race. So, I think they are gonna be driving the Family truckster for a long time.

    And where’s the backpack foot races? God, this race sucks!!

    But Loved that Phil is Back!! Ahh, it’ll make for a good filler show until the real race returns.

  5. 5
    CableMonkey
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:16 am

    You seem to have missed that the Hot Dog Guys were Kevin & Drew from Season 1.

  6. 6
    HicksPub
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:19 am

    I love the sponsorship continuity from last season by having a living, breathing Travelocity gnome standing next to Phil at the pitstop. Sweet.

    Thanks for the screencap of Mama Paolo freaking out. I knew that that would make the cut. She was a vision in electric lime.

  7. 7
    Plumes
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:27 am

    Jeezum, CableMonkey, I was going to say that…

    How about when the Christian Lady meets the Black Truckdriver and he gives her a map and she finds out he is a Christian too…” We will spend eternity together”. I have sent an email to the Pope asking to please be excommunicted.

  8. 8
    TV-Eyes
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:29 am

    HYSTERICAL recap!! You hit on all the best, most ridiculous moments of the show!! And the first picture I see is of Phil’s cocked eyebrow!! Love it!!

    I’m shocked you didn’t recognize Kevin and what’s his name as the hot dog guys! They were one of my all time favorite teams. I think they were from AR 6?? Help me out, all you experts out there!

  9. 9
    TV-Eyes
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:32 am

    Thanks, CableMonkey, couldn’t remember Drew. Season 1? I was way off!

  10. 10
    jaime
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:34 am

    i didn’t think you could help other teams either. and i thought you had to have all the clues to check in to the pit stop?

  11. 11
    hjordanc
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:43 am

    Certainly not the train wreck I thought it could be. And, a little bit too much of people using Jesus as their personal karma ATM (“In the name of Jesus, please let us find that road!”) but all in all a decent start.

    The one Paolo son seems to be a little more of an ass than the other but it seems like he is the only racer who recognized Kevin and Drew. A real nice touch by the producers I must say. Would be really cool to see other previous racers dishing out clues later on.

  12. 12
    33jones
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:45 am

    It seemed like only the one kid from the Paolo family recognized Kevin and Drew at the hotdog stand. How fleeting reality fame is…

  13. 13
    Jess
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:56 am

    I haven’t had a TVgasm moment like this one in ages….best recap in months! Jerk Washington!

    I laughed (and felt bad for it) every freakin’ time “The Black Family” appeared on screen. It’s a shame they’re gone, because they were definitely cute kids and all, but they had no verve. They didn’t run or make much of an effort. They didn’t even pounce on the pit stop mat like everyone else!

    Though it doesn’t look like it’ll be as globetrotting as the others, I think I’m gonna really enjoy it.

    Yay, Phil!

  14. 14
    TV-Eyes
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:11 am

    I laughed when one team made fun of the Weavers for “hanging out of the car like a bunch of monkeys.” What’s with the Weaver girl driving with her leg up on the seat? Their mouths say “We love Jesus” but their skin says “I need a smoke!”

  15. 15
    T
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:32 am

    Looks like the rest of the season will be held at Epcot.

  16. 16
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:37 am

    As I was watching it last night, I said to my son, “that screen shot of Mama Paolo will be on the gasm tomorrow.” Sure enough! You guys never disappoint. TAR RULZ!!

  17. 17
    chris
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:43 am

    The only good thing about this “race” will be if we get to see previous racers like Kevin and Drew…clever, very clever.
    I figured they’d be driving a lot when Phil told them they wouldn’t have to pay for gas…a first, I think.
    Does anyone know why TAR wasn’t on GSN last night?

  18. 18
    Beth
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:43 am

    hahaha loved all your comments! I’m laughing out loud at my desk at work and people are looking at me weird.

    Your comments were right on! And let me join you in your annoyance of the seven year old. I’ve never felt this way about a child, but I’d like to beat her up myself.

  19. 19
    Heygirrrl
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:47 am

    “Can you tell me where the TOWN of SoHo is??” baaaaaaaaahahaha. For anyone who’s every lived in NYC, that whole segment was hilaaaarious! The Paolo men are HORRIBLE, but Mama Paolo allowed it to get to that point so its her own damn fault…but still…I love her. OMG when the widow got run over by the cart, I almost…I dunno…laughed? cried? but of ALL people it had to be the lady who’s husband died more or less the same way.

    Aaaaannnnd, does anyone else have a problem w/ the fact that there was only one ‘minority’ family out of ten?? Like that’s just really effed up. Don’t ya think? Regardless, I almost pissed my pants when Phil said “Black family who are the last team.”

    This sheashons gonna be great!!

  20. 20
    KW
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:59 am

    OMG, Amazing Race Fam Edition is the best thing to happen to Tuesday night.
    1- I almost died when the first task was “drive over the Brooklyn Bridge, go to EMS and buy a sleeping bag.” Maybe I found it so hilarious because I live like 1 mile from the Brooklyn Bridge, but also because these people were FREAKING OUT. “REEEDDD LIGHTTT, NOOO”. And the Paolos, the one NY family couldn’t find it. What? What happened to the tasks like “Fly to Iceland, drive 7 hours, and then find a penny on an enormous glacier”??

    2- SOO sad to see Black Family go, the ONE family of minorities and they are named BLACK family. HILAR. Also, quote of the evening goes to Black dad as he spoke of rowing the boat, “Oh its that paddle, we have to row like yo yo, yo yo”.

    3- Also, i really think the addition of kids is great, especially with the moms who are always like, oh honey you did great job! and oh honey see how those George Washingtons respect the flag. I also enjoyed little Carissa passing the FUCK out in the car. If I was the Aiellos I would have thrown a huge stone at those Gaghan rugrats as they passed in the buggy singing “She’ll be Comin Round the Mountain”.

    Thanks for the live blog, I could NOT have waited for this.

  21. 21
    skillet
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:00 am

    You are allowed to help other teams. After all, you only hurt your own position. You can’t impede another team, though.

    You can also check in without a clue, you just can’t take a replacement clue from the box without a penalty.

    In general, you can screw yourself over if you want, but not another team.

    Man, are the Paolo boys posterchildren for corporal punishment or what?

  22. 22
    Laura
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:02 am

    The 7 year old was definitely annoying but how about her brother singing “she’ll be coming round the mountain” as they pass the dad and 3 son in laws. If looks could kill…

  23. 23
    Preston
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:15 am

    Every time the Paolo family came on the screen, I kept thinking about that dinner scene in “Saturday Night Fever” when John Travolta complains about people hitting his hair. The Paolos ARE that family from “Saturday Night Fever”…

  24. 24
    nycats
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:26 am

    “Does anyone know why TAR wasn’t on GSN last night?”

    I’m sure there is an agreement that GSN is not allowed to show previous epsoides against the new ones. Won’t be surprised if it isn’t on GSN again next Tuesday.

  25. 25
    callygirl
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:27 am

    I can’t believe you missed Kevin and Drew, especially since they identified themselves by name when someone called one of them “Frank” and the Paolo kid commented on them.

    Those Paolo boys are horrible. I feel sorry for their mom, but since she raised them I guess she has only herself and her husband to blame. I want that family to get eliminated just so I don’t have to hear the boys.

  26. 26
    loops
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:27 am

    I’m from the Chicago area and I must inform…… the Godlewski family and the Bransen family live like 15 minutes away from each other. Weren’t there any other more interesting families they could choose from……….you know from the rest of the country!

  27. 27
    kevinanddrewrule
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:35 am

    CableMonkey – THANK YOU for pointing out the obvious. Kevin and Drew were so much fun, how could they be forgotten???

    B-Side – I just had a 10 minute water cooler session recapping last night’s ep and I think we may have been separated at birth. Why does it make me feel naughty to say “the Black family”??? And Carissa is the creepiest thing to ever air on television.

  28. 28
    IwantmyTAR!
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:54 am

    Thank you for clearing up the Hot Dog mystery. I have not seen (yet) TAR season 1, but I will when it reairs on GSN.

  29. 29
    Black
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:03 am

    Does anyone else think that the older Paolo son looks like the kid from American Pie?

    #20 KW, To defend Papa Paolo getting lost in Manhattan, He “only works in the Bronx”. Apparently he has never ventured below 125th street?

    And I think the trucker said to Mama Weaver responding if he knows Jesus. “Yes were good friends”. Huh?

  30. 30
    Plumes
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:03 am

    Hya, it’s me again. How about when Mama Paolo asks George Washington guys if they can fold faster… The guy picks up garbage in NYC for 35 years and can’t find Soho???? And the Paolo kids.. are they the Gotti long lost brothers???

  31. 31
    chris
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:06 am

    nycats: Thanks…makes sense in a nonsensical network kind of way…

  32. 32
    downtown la la
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:12 am

    Thanks for the recap. My TIVO failed to tape the show because it’s not the “Amazing Race”, but the “Amazing Race: Family Edition.” Jeesh. That should have told me something off the bat. (Fortunately, the channel was left on CBS and it had a good chunk of the program. Not that any of you care.)

    Anyway, when I heard all the screaming girls, I thought, “stupid kids.” Then I found out it was the stupid women. I hope they go.

    I still love the race and Phil. So I am just looking at this as “twice the contestants – half the fun.” I’m already counting down to next season.

  33. 33
    Carl C
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:19 am

    The TAR producers missed an obvious comedic opportunity by not sending these teams to 3rd world countries. Right now I am just picturing Mamma Paolo getting felt up on a Bombay train.

    Hilarious review, B-side. Love the blog idea.

  34. 34
    CopyCat
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:21 am

    Regarding the phirst phil photo above (raised eyebrow)is Phil trying imitate that guy on Arrested Development? The magician brother.

    Phunny Photo!

    “The Black Family”. Phil can be so ‘to the point’ some times.

  35. 35
    TV-OD
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:32 am

    I almost wet myself when Phil said “black family, you are the last team to arrive.” I don’t know how he kept a straight face.

  36. 36
    mariana
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:37 am

    i don’t think it stays only in the U.S… they were filming here in Toronto late july and then they flew to Montreal for a pit stop.. not far from the states, but still ‘international’.. i
    hope it’s not only in the states this time.. that would be dead boring. I HATE the Paolo family.. i threw stuff at my tv whenever the mother came on..

  37. 37
    mariana
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:41 am

    PRESTON.. I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING!! Paolo Mom even looks exactly like the actress who played SNF mom.. FREAKESH!!

  38. 38
    Steg
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:44 am

    I think my idea of a good “Amazing Race” is a last-minute flight to a foreign country to see some natural wonder, not heading to Pennsylvania to act a Mennonite.

  39. 39
    Duggan
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:08 am

    Anyone else think that the little Black (gonna miss the obvious joke) kid looked kinda psycho when he lost?

  40. 40
    Jen
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:20 am

    what little I got to catch, I was not impressed. I so hope they have another Amazing Race in the making ready to be aired shortly after this one ends. Give me some foreign landmarks, give me airline screw ups and all that good stuff. Give me a Flo and Zach nervous breakdown, tears and all, give me a Chip and Kim being a sweet couple, give me anything but a bunch of blonde screaming Mimies and US landscape most of us have seen or heard about at some point.

    The whole enjoyment of The Amazing Race is the two-person dynamics and the globetrotting adventures and everything that falls in between. I just was not excited about last night’s episode, I can only hope it gets better..at least we still have Phil..sigh!! =)

  41. 41
    SaveFerris
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:24 am

    B-Side, the Lanz family were not playing bean bag, they were playing what we Midwesterners call Cornhole! Go to any Big 10 tailgate and you’ll see it. There are websites devoted to it!!

  42. 42
    Retroqueen
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:27 am

    HATE HATE HATE the GAG-han family. Twinkie parents,Annoying kidlets, Carissa (Spawn of Chucky) and “Billy” (Pugsley Addams) get off my screen!!!!

    I’ll continue watching only hoping to see Mama Paolo smack those sons of hers upside the head

    oh yeah and to see more of Phil baby! That eyebrow … so HOT!

  43. 43
    heythere
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:34 am

    Boo for missing the best team from TAR 1 – I was so excited to see them – I hope alums are featured throughout. The only thing cool about the Paolo son was that he recognized them.

  44. 44
    hey there
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:36 am

    And I almost forgot – with all the dumbasses on the show are you really making fun of a 7 year old? They did better than most adults on there – not only was it a low to start making fun of her but to continue it is weak. I blame the live blogging without time to digest and put it in a recap.

  45. 45
    Chenwatch'05
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:36 am

    Can we just guess the next couple of episodes?

    “Teams will drive to scenic Gettysburg national park. Next teams will drive to the amusement park in Ohio. Teams will drive to the rock & roll hall of fame in Ohio. Teams will drive to the speedway in Indiana.”

    I think I will skip a couple of weeks, until they make it to the grand canyon, and a lot less contestants. 40 is too many people to get a grasp of.

    B-Side,

    Did you catch the ChenBot promo for the early show? They played it on the east coast. Basically, the chenbot says “watch the early show to see the castoffs from TAR”. Castoffs?? I thought you loose a race? Has she recycled a line of code from the survivor program?
    AHH, the chenbot strikes again.

  46. 46
    sweetblondie30
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:44 am

    I also hated Carrisa up until her and her brother were in the buggy and her brother says to the parents “I’m sorry I can’t contribute.” and Carrisa says to him “Get used to it, dork.” Maybe she’ll be okay after all.

    On another note – you can’t tell me just ONE minority family applied for this race. WTF?

  47. 47
    Nony Mouse
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:44 am

    One of the funniest parts of the show was “The Black Family” so it’s a shame they went first. But, there are only two teams with very young children so 50% of the annoyance factor is gone. If they can get rid of the 7 year old next week, then the rest of the families can start the real race.

    Twice as many people to bicker. The locales may not be exotic (yet) but the fun is still there.

  48. 48
    hildynyc
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:44 am

    I DIDN’T get to see it as I’m overseas on a business trip. THANK YOU sooooo much for making me LOL in my hotel room. Best re-cap EVER!!! Please do this EVERY week!!! PUH-LEEZZZZZZ!

  49. 49
    Helenann
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:52 am

    The whole episode made me feel guilty for laughing at:
    1) “Black family, you are the last team to arrive…” and I thought I was the only one a snickering!
    2) Carrissa “Dakota Fanning” knockoff…she just creeps me out.
    3) The “need to Weave-Her to not get run over” mother.
    Love Phil’s eyebrow. Saucy!

  50. 50
    Lady J
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:54 am

    I couldn’t take the little boys eyes when they found out they were last. They were like two sad lamps. How awful!

    I quite enjoy Carissa. She’s a bit full of herself, but hey she is a great kid.

  51. 51
    Lyndsay
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:01 am

    Lady J, I agree!

    The Amazing Race is BACK!

  52. 52
    KW
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:12 am

    As mundane as the locations are right now, much of my HILARity comes from the drama and complete ineptitude these people display whilst tackling the wilds of the Tri-State area. “We have to drive across NEW JERSEY???”, “OMG we NEED to be on 95 SOUTH!!!” type of thing. It is just so ridiculous.

  53. 53
    Pamsey
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:12 am

    Hysterical recap!
    “Nothing says adventure like a modest trip on the interstate”. I thought I’d wet myself over that one.
    I liked Family Edition more than I thought I would.
    Loved the Paolo’s. If mom is this strung out in the first ep, how is she ever going to make it on the long trip to Rhode Island (or wherever they go next)?

  54. 54
    kimmy
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:15 am

    When watching last night and phil did that weird eyebrow shot to the camera that you guys have on here I felt like he did it specifically for tvgasm. seriously.

    I was hoping for a screen shot of the Black Family where it says that in the lower left hand corner. LOL.

    Either way I have to say I’m not watching this show again until the annoying girlie teams are off. They are ANNOYING!

  55. 55
    carol
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:20 am

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7101417182773902292&q=title%3Aamazing+race

    I don’t know if this is real or not, but I hope they are on the next season. They would just be really funny.

  56. 56
    dan
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:28 am

    I thought you would have a comment about how in the team introductions at the beginning of the show when each kid spoke they were obviously reading from cue cards. I picked up on it after the one black kid used a word that probably isn’t even in his vocabulary, and then it became easy to see with their eyes fixated at something off-camera. all those cutesy remarks by the kids must have been supplied by the the producers, or the parents.

    and talk about boooorrriiinng. a lot of the fun in the amazing race is watching people in foreign settings, becoming culture-shocked, adjusting to new modes of transportation, not-overcoming language barriers, getting lost in a country they know nothing about, and getting to see parts of the world that would definately not be on your travel itinerary even if you visited the same country. that is, seeing how people live in different 3rd world areas.

    i would have loved to have seen carissa running to keep up with her family through a street in an African shanty-town.

  57. 57
    gary
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:31 am

    I was blaming the dozen and a half named storms this year on global warming. Turns out the Weavers had Jesus tied up looking for gas stations and such. BTW: they suck without Pete Seeger.

    Hint: don’t think of Carissa as a 7 year old kid – think of her as a “little person” pretending to be a 7 year old kid. Much funnier. Besides, she’ll ride this gig into a remake of Bugsy Malone for sure.

    The Phil screen shot is great. I just know he’s thinking “who’s gonna notice I’m demonstrating the right-hand rule from HS Physics?” He’s such a geek.

  58. 58
    eDub
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:41 am

    Guess I’m late to point out that Kevin & Drew were the hot dog guys! Curses to Tivo and your Time shifting abilities! (FYI–speaking of Tivo, you should set a wish list to record anything with “amazing race” in it. That way, you don’t need a new seasons pass each season…and you get the fluff on the morning shows as well.)

    Anyways, anyone interested in verifying the Kevin/Drew sighting can go here: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race/teams/bios/drew.shtml

    Those guys were the Fraternity brothers from NYC. Probably one of the funniest teams ever to appear on the show. Hopefully CBS brings them back for TAR All Stars!

  59. 59
    TV-OD
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:48 am

    Ok, so the Lord is pretty much silent during the Holocaust- but he involves himself in getting the Weaver family to the pit stop on a reality show? Somehow…I think not. I’m just sayin’…

  60. 60
    some dude
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:52 am

    Excellent recap! Can’t wait for next week’s…

  61. 61
    runswithscissors
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:02 am

    I totally agree with Jen#40. With kids in the program the I dont think the challenges will be excting either. Where was the roadblock last night or did I doze off during it?

  62. 62
    Trixie
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:29 am

    I enjoyed the show last night, but the editing is so annoying. The whole show was dedicated to the Linz family pushing that friggin’ wagon. Those Paolo boys are awful brats. I think their mom spoiled them, and now she is just getting why the experts advise against spoiling children. One of the Paolo kids looks like Paul from Wonder Years. The Jesus freaks are annoying as hell too. You can tell the son cringes whenever the mother brings him up. Can someone tell me if this whole show is filmed in the US, or are they going to drag Carissa and Billy over to Egypt?

  63. 63
    willintherace
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:47 am

    Ahhh, the Amazing Race has more filler than a Dodger Dog. 25 minutes of driving in New York (with available parking no less)???? In previous episodes they’d have hopped through three countries on a crowded train in that amount of time.

    And I am so glad I’m not the only one who finds those Gaghan kids annoying. I would have crammed six ears of corn down jr’s pie hole if I’d heard him singing “comin’ round the mountain” at the top of his lungs as he passed me.

    Kudos to the amish buggy masacre, the one bright spot in an otherwise *yawn* pretty bland show.

  64. 64
    suebee
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:49 am

    Maybe this has been noted already but I just don’t have time to read the whole thing right now.

    When the Black/black family on onscreen, they keep playing some kind of jazzy funk music. And then they would switch back to another team and play something else.

  65. 65
    zander
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:51 am

    Last season everyone seemed to have a fixation on Phil’s package…..am I the only one to notice that it’s back in full force (hangin’ to the right) this season?

  66. 66
    momo
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:56 am

    I know you get this all the time b-side , but that was one of the best re-caps that i have read on tv-gasm. keep them coming

  67. 67
    eddy
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 12:39 pm

    I’m a fanatic fan, but this ‘family edition’ at least the start… bites. so generic and scaled down, bland, cutsey…dull.
    Like others have said, give me the Adults on an edge of the seat, global adventure… save this stuff for the kids network.
    and…
    The Paolo’s are annoying and I can’t wait for them to go… .but not as much as the Weavers and their ‘pop-self-help- trivial (and innappropriate)use of calling on Jesus.
    I’m rooting for the Linz Family, and can’t wait for the return of the Real Amazing Race.

  68. 68
    snazzybangs
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 12:40 pm

    hysterical… the show and the recap. i wasn’t sure if i was going to dig this season but i’m just so excited for TAR to be back on that it could be monkeys racing, and i’d watch. few things:

    HATE the paolo boys. they suck. feel bad for mrs. paolo. must be frustrating to have your sons be so embarassed of you that you in turn are embarassed by what assholes they are. can’t choose your family, i guess.

    can’t BELEIVE the one father who “wished” he had a handicapped child he could push into the intersection to stop traffic so they could get by. it was one of those, “did he really just say that out loud?” moments.

    the buggy accident was so traumatic i teared up a bit. poor kids didn’t need another accidents involving wheels and a race. a bit too close to home!

    lastly, how the HELL did all of those teams find parking on lower broadway in SoHo??? a few months ago, i ended up driving around for an hour with my husband, getting into screaming matches about not being able to find a parking space down there. the mayor’s office of film and tv must have set up some orange cones for them cause it is next to impossible to park there…

  69. 69
    snazzybangs
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 12:45 pm

    oh!!! almost forgot! best part of the show when mama paolo said, “want to stop and get a bite to eat, go to the bathroom?”

    um, hello??? this isn’t your family vacation, lady! i’m waiting for the episode where they go to italy and she stops for a cappuccino or to buy some souveniers and her sons go BALLISTIC!!

  70. 70
    copilot
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 12:57 pm

    snazzybangs (#68) I’d watch monkeys racing any day of the week!!! And I’d bet B-side would not only live blog it, but it would be funny as hell to boot!!

  71. 71
    Carrie
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:02 pm

    Actually, I found myself feeling sorry for the Paolo boys. I’m betting they file for immancipation when they get home. So many times last night I caught myself agreeing with them in hopes their mama would just SHUT UP!

  72. 72
    EdHill
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:14 pm

    I’d give anything to be named Bertram Van Munster.

  73. 73
    usnrnpage
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:14 pm

    Within 10 minutes of the show, I had all of the high fiving, squealing and clapping that I can stand for one season. The soccer sisters are so annoying. And that little boy is even more annoying than the sister. When they arrive at the boats to get their clue. He grabs it and says “I WILL do this!” I guess he planned to row the boat all alone across the river. Robots indeed, with an Annoying Chip firmly in place .

  74. 74
    TWilliams
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:15 pm

    I don’t know what to think about this season. As I watched I knew there would be plenty of fodder for this blog — but I don’t want to only cover thousands of miles of US highways while listening to squeals.

    The Black family – I didn’t realize that was their last name the first time they were introduced. I thought it was the description so many teams get on the show — such as “siblings” and/or “dating/models.” I was sad to actually see them go first.

    The Paolo is annoying as hell — or at least their demon-spawned children are. I wish the parents could have thrown them into the Delaware.

    The Weaver family needs to shut up and the mother does need to be more careful around moving vehicles. She has children to think of. Mother Weaver telling the nice man at the gas station that they’ll “spend eternity together” almost happened for her. She’d better not board a plan or we might have a LOST moment over the Pacific. Also, about that runaway buggy, perhaps the girls tried to do her in — they were the ones screaming while totally ignoring the brake. Humm . . .

    Mr. Schroder wishes for handicapped children. What an ass. I am certain that if he did have one it would be institutionalized and he’d forget about it.

    I also think the Rogers dad boils rabbits.

    I hope we have some airports this season. I sadly think that the US and Canada are stand-ins this year for “a race around the world.” For some we are the center of the universe, so I guess this season is for them. Thanks people.

    My last comment: What was with Widow-Weaver’s inability to understand Pennsylvania?!? Seriously, I wonder what would happen if they did actually have to fly off to some place like Burkino Faso. Could you imagine the turmoil?

  75. 75
    mary
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:23 pm

    Great Blog! What is everyone’s problem with the USA? Has anyone ever ventured farther than your own backyard? This country of ours is full of terrific places and amazing wonders of our own. I think it’s about time that the American Show – showcases America. It’s fun to say, hey, I’ve been there or wow, I’d like to go there.

  76. 76
    Amber
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:25 pm

    Your recap was better than the show! Honest to god, B-side, you made me LOL harder and louder than anything else I’ve read here. Thank god I work at home.

    And yes, waaaaay too much Jesus for me on this show so far. For Christ’s sake, shut up about the Jesus thing. The Uber-Christians on the show always freak me out.

    Really liked the Black family and sorry to see them go. But too funny about their name.

    And I actually like the Gaghin family. looks about nervously. I do; I like snarky, bright little kids like that. Loved it when they sang “Comin’ Round the Mountain” while passing up the Linz’s. Hysterical.

    Hey, I don’t watch TAR to see people getting along well.

    And I think I have a small crush on Phil. Just a teeny-weeny one. Especially that eyebrow action. Too cute.

  77. 77
    usnrnpage
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:31 pm

    Oh, did anyone else find it odd that the one Linz that starts vomiting is the one who is riding in the buggy? And not one of the two who is hard at work pulling his lard azz, up and down hills? These kids seem weak and out of shape.

  78. 78
    amygirl
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:38 pm

    So disappointing… I agree with most of you- the exciting thing about TAR is the airport mishaps, culture shock, couples bickering, etc. How many weeks of this hell do I have to live through? And God, someone PLEASE tell me there is another TAR in the editing room as I write, ready to air as soon as this trainwreck is over. Those Gahgin kids are so annoying- When they sang “she’ll be coming around the mountain” I had flashbacks of my own childhood family hell. And who knew that Colin from the RealWorld Hawaii was Yente’s son? This is going to be a long few months, folks. Thank God for TVGASM, making every TV nightmare just a little bit more tolerable. Thanks, B-Side. You are my man, as usual.

  79. 79
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:48 pm

    Are we on the verge of having 100 comments posted for one blog? Is it true? Could it really happen? Has it ever been done before?

    Must.Continue.Posting.

  80. 80
    sg-dub
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 1:51 pm

    RealityTV4Me –

    might wanna check the Laguna recaps.

  81. 81
    ScarletFire
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 2:02 pm

    did anyone notice during the buggy ordeal that the kid running behind the buggy to try and stop it ended up running into a wall? i’m not sure why, i think he just didn’t want to run anymore.

  82. 82
    kepster
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 2:08 pm

    Gary, your Pete Seeger comment about the Weavers rocked my world! I got into this episode as it went on, but I was really worried in the beginning…too much screeching, and WTF with available parking spots in SoHo? They should have made the families take the subway- that would have been a challenge at least!
    And it was great to see Kevin and Drew as hot dog vendors on one of the posher streets of NYC. The neighbors must have loved that one….

  83. 83
    snazzybangs
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 3:04 pm

    kepster- totally right about the parking spots in soho. i can’t ram this point home hard enough – that is just NOT reality in NY. kinda a bummer that i feel like this season might reveal how much control the producers really have over the action. i like to be blissfully unaware of the fact that coordinators are shutting down streets and paying off people to make the race happen… but that parking stuff totally ruined it for me.

  84. 84
    KW
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 4:11 pm

    They really should have had them get to SoHo via the subway, that would have been pure comedy/drama AND culture shock as the Red Staters get crushed into a hot car with all the NYC bums/crazies/and those who commute with them in full effect.

  85. 85
    babyyoucandrivemycar
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 4:57 pm

    This was the best review of all times – to read it was just like sitting through the episode!

    Welcome back Phil – you are such a hottie.

    Maybe the spying little Carissa will fall prey to something dreadful…..like she’ll realize she’s not all that….

    The women are all too loud…

    Oh Phil – my heart’s a thumpin for ya.

  86. 86
    The Eyebrow
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:54 pm

    I’m a little pissy because the one time a reality show actually has someone from my home state, (not often, trust me) it has to be the Gag-me family. Sure, its great to watch the exercise addicts who push their children to share in their compulsive behavior. And to point out that the buggy push was ” really hard, but it felt real good” -they just want a workout with different scenery, not the million dollars..
    I felt bad for Momma Paolo, because her sons are such amazing pricks, however she did raise them like that. Don’t tell me that behavior just started when the race started. Don’t vomit in my ear and tell me its Christmas…

    Phil I could make love to that eyebrow. Knew you folks at TVG would screencap it.

  87. 87
    sg-dub
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:31 pm

    The Eyebrow –

    C’mon now… you had Eric the firefighter from BB3, Bjorn from last week’s “My Super Sweet Sixteen,” the Gaghans, and don’t forget that other little Glastonbury family on Bravo’s, “Sportskids Moms and Dads.” And oh yeah, Nora from Project Runway from Cheshire.

    CT in the house.

    PS. Mark Linn-Baker is from Wethersfield. Never forget it.

  88. 88
    Nony Mouse
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 9:30 pm

    and Mark-Lynn Baker’s characters roommates’ girlfriend on that forgottonshow with Balkie was my near neighbor when I was a kid. (around the corner about 3 blocks away, and I’m sure she doesn’t re
    ember me )

  89. 89
    intrepid
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:30 pm

    I really wanted to hate this show, but alas, I didn’t hate it. We laughed and yelled at the TV throughout the show. There seems (at least in the first episode) to be much more to make fun of with these idiotic families. Screaming women, precocious and pushy children, black people named Black and a runaway buggy!! Priceless.

    Best runaway buggy EVER!

    A few of my favorites:

    The Linz family: whew, what a bunch of hotties! I don’t care if they are smart, just as long as they take their shirts off!! Is it wrong to hope for a swimming challenge involving speedos again??? There was a couple of long shots of one of the Linz boys without his shirt on. What is that about? Long shot??? What kind of Lilith Fair going editors are working at TAR?? Gimme cheap half naked shots of cute boys!!!!!!!!

    That Dad: Loved it when he said he wished he had a handicapped kid to push out into traffic. Way to use your resources. Turn a disadvantage into an advantage!!

    The Paolos: Mrs. Paolo, if I wasn’t a big ole fag, or 30 years younger than you, and you weren’t married and didn’t have those two assholistic children – I might just marry you!

    Finding SOHO: How funny was it when people referred to SOHO as if it were a building or a small park or something? “I think SOHO is on the next corner” or “SOHO should be on the right just ahead” Or referring to it as if it is independant of NYC, “where is the town of SOHO?” HA!

    Phil’s Penis: It is back! And delish! I especially noticed it when he was describing the roadblock. There was the package. Big ole Kiwi sausage layed up on big Phil’s right leg!! Even though the mock turtle didnt make an appearance, at least Phil’s pecker did!!

    Anyway, really looking forward to the next episode and possibly some permanent childhood injuries or fodder for years of psychotherapy for them kiddos!!

    Long live TAR and Phil (and his big dick)

    ~Intrepid

  90. 90
    Copycat
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 5:00 am

    Yes, TAR is back, but I find it to be as Ho-Hum average as all the other reality TV fodder out there. The contestants (can you really call them racers in this series?) were expertly casted for the maximum amount of hilarity, stupidity and general all around entertainment. As a reality show, yes, the Family Edition has the potential to be entertaining.

    But this is not ‘The Amazing Race’. It’s more like the ‘The Average Reality’ show. As some have already pointed out in earlier posts, TAR brought out the best and worst in people, enlightened some (though not all) to new cultures and countries. Placed teams in unfamiliar settings and placing your trust in locals to get you places. Especially Asian countries, where you don’t even know their alphabet. If you can read the road signs and ask locals in your language for help, then its not all that bad. This series has both.

    Yes its great to see American heritage sites get recognition, but most American viewers already know about these sites and/or their backgrounds. And most importantly, the contestants will probably not be impressed with most of the sites they go to. I doubt you’ll hear them say stuff like “Wow, this countryside is just beautiful, it looks just like Michigan”. That’s because they’ll be in Michigan and not China!

    The other element that’s missing is becoming intimate with the racers (not to be confused with sexually). You get to discover their personalities in great detail. With Family Edition, so far, we get superficial comments and actions. I couldn’t tell the Rogers from the Schroders mush less who comprises those families.

    I think it’s a forewarning for more bad things to come, when they don’t even make the teams take the subway in NYC. And the most exciting sites they can come up with are a national sports retailer (in Soho no less!!) a quiet upper-class neighborhood street corner (not even on the Avenue), and driving over two bridges. They don’t even have to pay a bridge toll (there going in the opposite direction). The only thing missing is the easy-pass tag to go down the NJ Turnpike to make it any easier.

    BTW, the day that they filmed at the Delaware River it was reported all over the news channels and radio traffic reports that entire sections of road in NJ and PA were closed off for filming this show. Some Race.

  91. 91
    Jenny10girl
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 5:47 am

    I haven’t laughed this hard since the ‘Spring Break Shark Attack’ recap. Great job with this one. Oh yeah, I hate the screaming chic family too…WAAAYYYY to annoying for me…

  92. 92
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 5:49 am

    Ok. Hated the teams. Except the Black family and the Weaver family. Poor dad died and god has the mother in his sight. I hope they win. Otherwise I hate this show. Oops never thought I’d say that about TAR. At least I got a glimps of Phill’s package. yeah!

  93. 93
    Brownie
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 6:05 am

    Hey ruiners (AKA shitheads):
    We are smart tv watchers. We ALL realize that reality tv has it’s flaws. They have to allow for camera men, boom operators, gaffers, etc to follow along, time for set up for future shots, etc. No one is dumb enough to believe that 50 people are following each team. Could you imagine little Dakota (AKA Carissa) running alone in the streets of a third world country and being kidnapped? We would have the largest shitstorm this country has ever seen. It would be the end of reality TV. Are you that numb to US media to not know what is going on the world? It is AMAZING no major diplomatic accident has taken place (outside of Colin nearly getting arrested in TAR 5).

    This would have been a wonderful Saturday moring show with all teams having kids 5-12. But, I love that the one woman is a step-mom. I like the widower and adult kids, the father with three son-in-laws. I like the American History most of us never get to use in our everyday life.

    TAR is the best show on tv. While most are not awarded the knowledge of NY (most know SoHo is a neighborhood/community and not a particular street) some do not. Similar to the race. I always thought that if I won the lottery I would send my family and friends through an american style of TAR. Most of my fam and friends are well traveled but I would still throw in an equalizer so my grandmothers had a chance against my college athlete cousins.

    BTW–where are the men on TVgasm? The step mom is hot, the sisters are well stacked, and the Wally has three hottie daughters. Never mind Phils pee-pee, there are 7 other reasons for men to watch this season!!

    Folks, you saw one episode. I know the diehard TAR watchers are going to tune in. If this is your first Amazing Race, you are in for a ride. I bet there are many twists and turns ahead. Be sure to catch the old TAR’s on game show network to catch up. I think many people are just perturbed we won’t get to see the language barriers and ugly americans seen on previous seasons. Mrs Paolo seems to have both of those traits. Stick it out.

    B-Side: great recap. Eagerly awaiting future live-simul-cast recaps. ~KB

  94. 94
    sg-dub
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 6:21 am

    Brownie,

    1) We’ll miss the fun of the crazy taxi rides.
    2) We’ll miss the fun of “Doesn’t anyone speak english here” in Vietnam.
    3) We’ll miss the fun of seeing Phil with indigenous people in native garb at pitstops.
    4) We’ll miss ridiculous mispronunciations of foreign cities (though, not knowing Pennsylvania was interesting.)
    5) We’ll (most likely) miss the true venom between teams.
    6) We’ll miss attempts to drive on the wrong side of the street in crappy cars.
    7) We’ll miss extreme weather/temperature changes.
    8) We’ll miss the directions from passersby in a different language.
    9) We’ll miss locals trying to rip off the racers.
    10) We’ll miss the scenery from places we’ll never go.

    And, speaking for the men of TVgasm, none of the women are hot and they all wear bras unlike the Kendras and whatshername of the past. Lame.

    That said, believe it or not I came to actually enjoy the Gaghans. I hate the sisters wholeheartedly. And yes, of course I’ll keep watching. Esp if they keep doing legs that mirror my drive from my house to my parents like the premiere. EX-CI-TING.

  95. 95
    Yo Scott
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 6:38 am

    Best recap since the end of last season!!!

    I knew I’d be in for a good one when the first thing i see is Phil’s “OLE!” Face.

    I certainly hope this season doesn’t take place only in North America. I had strong hopes of seeing these kids being abducted by two mercenaries/headhunters from J.Lo’s Clothing line in Calcutta and forced into Child Slavery.

    Also am looking forward to obligatory eating competition in China where Carissa has to eat 2 gallons of Seven-Intestine Soup.

    Alas, this is America, and without our Children, who will grow up and take over this great land?? I’m sure they’ll be protected from such fates, and we’ll be subject to 3 months of Heart-Warmin’ God-Fearin’ Country-Music-Lisnin’ Nascar-watchin’ Chaw from around the country.

    At least I can still hope that one of the parents sells out the kids and blames their elimination on being slow and or tired and mopey.

  96. 96
    Brownie
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 7:33 am

    Sg-dub,
    Thanks for the Lettermen-like top 10. Will it be as intersting as the past TAR, we all doubt it. But even on decaffinated/toned down/carb free mode it will still be more interesting than the idiot sitcoms ABC and NBC are puking out. I’ll have my dvr on TAR while the playoffs are on (GO CARDS!!) but could give two shits about the other networks retreads. That’s retreads but could still be regarded as retards.

    I am in the process of re-watching the episode and I am wrong, the 4 women are not “hot” and, decayingly annoying. Therefore, I know CBS will keep them around for a few more weeks to piss us both off.

    Best show on tv. Come on, the black “Black Family”?!? The blondes saying “we are smart” and contradicting the point at every turn, the widower being gunned down by a runaway amish buggy?!!? GREAT TV!!

    I in turn will miss the great points you brought up but I can catch previous seasons on GSN and we have a new TAR beginning for February sweeps. Even as an optimist, I know it will not always work out. I think I was the only one happy the Rams drafted Lawrence Phillips in 1996. OOOOPPPPSSSSSS!!! lol Pretend you are new to the show, like some of my friends that now have tivo/dvr, and see the subtle nuances of this “EMMY AWARD WINNING” show. They can’t wait to see the past 6 seasons!! Give it a chance before pooping on the rest of the season. WTF else is on?!? Might wind up a 5/10 however better than all other reality shows. ~KB

  97. 97
    BarbaraS
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 8:01 am

    Hey guys, I love Carissa. Better then that whinning old lady from last year! Hate the Paolo family!

  98. 98
    belinda
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 8:19 am

    BarbaraS – that “whinning” old lady from last year was F*cking Fantastic with more beauty, courage, adventure and LOVE – yes, LOVE – than that little shedevil Dakota Fanning twin.

  99. 99
    iluvsamsam
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 9:06 am

    I kinda like Carissa and her brother too. They are very bright and mature for their age. It was soooo funny when their mother passed that other buggy with 2 burly men pulling. Hahahhaha!! The look on the mens faces was priceless.
    My least favorite family was the italian family from the bronx. Those boys are such assholes!! The parents should have backhanded them a few times while they were growing up to teach them respect. I was hoping they would come in last so they could see what losers they were. But, even if they did the jerks wouldn’t have learned anything, they would just have blamed the loss on their parents.

  100. 100
    CaliGirlinGA
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 9:32 am

    #100 — woo hoo!

    I’m actually looking forward to this season. I grew up traveling across the country every third summer with my family from California to Pennsylvania. I think it will be just as interesting seeing US cities, towns, etc. as seeing Europeon and Asian ones.

  101. 101
    belinda
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 9:35 am

    As said previously – ROBOT – Mom and Dad must have given them the idea of spying on the other teams….how about their parents teaching them a little RESPECT!

  102. 102
    SJon
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 10:36 am

    I miss Kris Perkins……

  103. 103
    The Widow Weaver
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 10:54 am

    Oh Dear Jebus,

    Please let me win this race and not get hit again by any 4-wheeled vehicles. I know I use you like a lucky rabbit’s foot, but I want to spend eternity with you and my new best friend the trucker, so I pray that you help us win because I am your #1 fan!

  104. 104
    AP
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 10:56 am

    I miss SJon’s comments. Waiting to see a Kris Perkins retrospective.

  105. 105
    snazzybangs
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 11:28 am

    look at the bright side… travelling to the deep south is like visiting another country, so at least we’ll have that to look forward to..

  106. 106
    Philiminated
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 12:20 pm

    For those that believe that they will hop a plane to another continent, think again. If you look at the official CBS website for TAR FamilyEdition, the map on the page is only of North America (down to Belize). If I recall, the past race pages had maps of all the continents. So, looks like Spanish (and French Canadian) are about as ‘Foreign’ as its gonna get.

  107. 107
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 1:26 pm

    Brownie, you suck.

  108. 108
    willintherace
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 2:46 pm

    To “The Widow Weaver”:

    Touche!

  109. 109
    joslyn
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 3:25 pm

    It was pretty good-not as exciting as traveling the world, but I understand why that might have been a huge risk w/ little kids. I do agree that it’s a great opportunity to travel and see all of the US, and not just the major cities. I mean when you have a person talking about “do they mean travel to Pennsylvania the state”, this could be just like travelling overseas for some of these people. They’ll probably start talking louder and gesturing each time they cross a state line so that people will understand their “native” language.

  110. 110
    wheatjumper
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 4:39 pm

    Great recap as usual. As soon as I saw that eyebrow I KNEW it would end up on tvgasm… Thank you, I’ll treasure it always…

    OK – Here is my suggestion… Go buy Season 1 on DVD, then on Tuesday night watch the Family Edition followed by an episode of Season 1 (STILL my all-time favorite) that way everybody’s happy and peace is restored in the land of TAR. :)

    Love and Kisses to Kevin and Drew. I love, Love, LOVE those guys!

  111. 111
    Katrina
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 8:51 pm

    Oh man I died laughing when the lady got run over by the buggy!

    I am sad the Black family got eliminated. One reason is because they seem like a really nice family. And two, because I think its hilarious to hear the other contestants say stuff like “oh no, theres the Black family” and it sounds so bad!

  112. 112
    TWilliams
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 11:06 pm

    Brownie you’re the BEST. You were right on the money and yes — GO CARDS!!!!

  113. 113
    Mullethead
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 11:06 am

    I can’t wait til the day that ALL humans are enlightened enough to realize that invoking the name of God in a competition is ridiculous.

    I am hoping for some drama, along the lines of Jonathan/Victoria. Sadly, I don’t think we’ll get there.

  114. 114
    suebee
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 11:16 am

    That little girl may be edited to look evil or maybe she just is. Regardless, her parents should have more sense than to put her in front of America and allow editors to portray her how they wish. She looks like she will be the bad one this season.

  115. 115
    tv freak
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 4:25 pm

    nah the bad ones will be the Paolos. I can see them being worse than JV

  116. 116
    Kathryn
    Posted October 2, 2005 at 1:27 pm

    What’s up with the bible-thumping wierdoes?

    “The man is the head of the house because men are better and the binle says so.”

    “Do you have Jesus in your life? I’ll see you in eternity! Muwhaha!”

    I already hate them. And that Shroeder dad is a douuuuche-bags.

    Is it wrong that I giggled everytime “The Black Family” came on the screen?

    Well this what better than I thought. I was afraid for Jonathon/Victoria levels of abuse but only with young children. The parents with kids seem okay. Only the Paolo kids are kicking their parents asses. That’s not fun to watch.

    Lastly, a show based only is the US is pretty lame, but the suspense was there so I’ll stay tuned.

  117. 117
    Publick Skool Boy
    Posted October 2, 2005 at 6:20 pm

    I was SO upset about the Black’s coming in last. I was so looking forward to lots of double entendres about their surname. *sigh* I guess those Blacks just arn’t as good as everyone else.

  118. 118
    natalie
    Posted October 3, 2005 at 1:53 am

    loved da amazing race fam edition.. i find the gaghan kids kinda annoying(esp da brother). the weaver family..hmmm..was juz wondering. y does da sister hu drives have her leg up on da seat?? but i do haf crush on the weaver guy(he’s around my age, so dont get any weird ideas)..i think his name was rolly.

    wad i find funny is dat. during the “buggy accident” the mum could haf been squashed in2 a tree(or wadever) but didnt cause she fell under the buggy or sumthing like dat??

    n u gotta admit da paolo mum was kinda embarassing(do u need gloves??? we should stop 2 go 2 the bathroom). its a good thing she’s not my mum but i do pity her at the same time wif those asshole sons she have.

    im not from u.s.a. so i find this season a little interesting(obviously not like da other seasons where they get 2 travel around the world) n im gonna tune in 4 the other episodes(despite having my public exam dis week)

    p/s enjoyed the live-blog very much..LOL

    ROCK on TAR!!

  119. 119
    julie
    Posted October 4, 2005 at 8:44 am

    GREAT review! Hysterical and so true!!!

  120. 120
    MarkNS
    Posted October 4, 2005 at 7:28 pm

    My daughter who has cerebral palsy thought Daddy Schroeder’s comment about pushing disabled kids into traffic was hilarious. What an asshole…I hope he loses his legs in a horrible TAR related accident.

  121. 121
    Pelotudo
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 3:33 am

    I have always found a great escape in watching TAR. The mere fact that you are watching U.S. citizens traveling the world and trying, on some level, not to be the ‘ugly American’is phenomenal. Taking a look at this latest edition of TAR just makes me cringe, honestly, is there a single viewer out there that wants to look at middle America in Middle America?

    I will give up my TAR fix for this season. On the TAR with Jonathon and Victoria, I fell in love with Hungary, it seemed cleaner and more organized than other parts of Europe, who knew? And that is something that I will probably NOT get from this season.

    I just think that CBS wants to try to gain an audience from the religiosos, this is just a passing phase with a definitive expiration date.

  122. 122
    Carrie
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 12:35 pm

    Guess I’m alone in my enjoyment of seeing the US. If I were able to do TAR this is the season I would want to do. I’m sorry–but at age 50, I’ve gotten to see very little of this wonderful country of ours. The farthest north I’ve been is Boston and the farthest south is Williamsburg, VA. And I’ve never been out of the the western side of Ohio (my home state.)
    I’ve had very few opportunities to travel in my life and I feel Americans should explore and discover their own country before traveling the world.
    So, please, if you are so jaded by this season, just let those of us who are enjoying it to do so without making us feel like American just isn’t worth the time and bother.

  123. 123
    Pixchik
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 10:56 pm

    As Kevin and Drew came on the screen I threw my arms up in a “Touchdown” celebration and yelled, “Jump you fat bastards!!” If you’ve seen Season 1, you know what that means.

    The new yellow and silver banners actually look very similar to those used on Season 1.

    TAR went to red and yellow banners in Season 2.

    Season 3 brought the world map on the mat at the finish line — before that it was just black in the center with a red border.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.