Amazing Race: And the Winners Are…

Recaps

By LoLo | Tuesday, December 14, 2010 | 9:00 am | 23 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Amazing Race, Featured, Recaps

It’s the finale of The Amazing Race!  So who will win?  Can Team HSN take the title or will Claire stop for a burrito and spoil their chances?  Can the Hot Docs claim first place, or will Katastrophe return to wreck havoc?  Can Jill and Notre Douche beat out the two all-female teams, or will ND decide it’s more important to prove that a mere cosmetologist cannot succeed at anything than it is to win the big prize?  Let’s find out!

Amazing Race douche 12.12.10

He’s considering it…

In South Korea, Jill/ND are the first team to head out, and learn that the final destination city is LA.  As “California Girls” plays disconcertingly in the background (seriously, how weird is it to hear pop music like that on TAR?), Phil tells us that the teams will need to travel to the Port of Long Beach once they arrive to get their next clue.  Next off is Team HSN, and they tell us that they just need to beat ND as he is “just so hungry.”

Amazing Race starving 12.12.10

“And I am starving!”
“Oh, me too!  Mmm, what about ordering Chinese?”
“No, Claire, I meant figurativ– okay, sweetie, as soon as we get to the hotel, okay?”

The Hot Docs are bringing up the rear, not like it matters since they’ll all be on the same plane back to the States.  We learn that the Docs both went to UCLA, which they hope will give them an advantage.  I definitely think it will.  As someone who’s never been to LA, I know I would struggle there as much as I would in plenty of the other cities abroad.  Then again, I get lost here in Chicago on a regular basis and I’ve lived in the vicinity my whole life and downtown for the last 6 years, so I guess that’s not saying much.  The teams all easily arrive at the South Korean airport, Team HSN showing off those special finale outfits they promised us — and they’re cheetah print hot pants.  Yiiiiiikes.  Not even clothes hanger models can make those look good, ladies.  Not the best choice for an outfit to be remembered by.  Especially since they seem to invite camel toe, judging by the way Claire’s already tugging on them.

Aggh, more bizarre Katy Perry music later, and we’re in LA.  The Hot Docs arrive at the Port first, and Nat begins getting nervous as she takes in the sight of gigantic cranes and elevated platforms.  Remember, the poor girl cried when they had to take those fancy gondolas to the top of the mountain in an early episode.  Sure enough, the task requires both team members to ride a tiny elevator to a platform, get strapped together, and do a bungee jump.  Sorry, but I’m going to have to pull the lame card on this one.  It’s just not that interesting to watch people bungee jump, especially since this is a tandem jump so there’s not even the possibility of watching Nat standing there, refusing to jump.  All Kat has to do is jump, and Nat gets taken with her.  Nat may not like her very much after that, but she’s pretty helpless to stop it at the time.

As the Hot Docs ride the elevator up (which looks like the scariest part to me, as I’m convinced I’m going to meet my maker in the overcrowded lurching cattle cars they call elevators at the main Chicago courthouse), the other two teams arrive and seem slightly apprehensive but mostly game to do the task.  All three teams convene on the platform, and Jill/ND and the editors try to make us believe that there’s a chance that Nat will chicken out and refuse to jump.  No way in hell is that going to happen.  If she did, I think Kat would be 100% justified in beating her with a decapitated sheep’s head every day for the rest of their lives.

Turns out that this is even lamer than I thought at first, as the teams don’t even have to make the decision to jump — one of the dudes assisting them on the platform simply pulls a release and they drop.  Nat of course participates, and she and Kat get back onto the ground without incident to learn that they will now be taking a helicopter to a surprise destination.  Jill/ND complete the task without issue either, and Claire and Brook scream like banshees on their turn, to the point I actually mute my computer for a few seconds just to make. it. stop.

Amazing Race bungee 12.12.10

Someone just cut those cords already and put us all out of our misery.

As of now, the Hot Docs have a small lead but it’s nothing they can get too comfortable with.  We then waste a lot more time with watching the teams rave about the sights from their helicopters.  Umm, I’m glad that you’re getting a nice aerial view of the city and all, but we’re over a third of the way into this finale and they haven’t had the Road Block or Detour yet.  This pacing just feels off.  I have a feeling we’re in for a boring ending.

The helicopters land at the Rose Bowl, and it is a Road Block finally, requiring one team member to help decorate a float for the Tournament of Roses.  Which isn’t for another 6 months of so given this was taped in the summer, but who’s asking?  Nat has to take it for the Hot Docs, as there are rules that require each member of the team to perform an equal number of Road Blocks, and this last one falls to her.  Yowza.  Is it just me or does she suddenly have gigantic arm muscles?  Seriously, has she been shooting steroids along with her insulin?  Once he arrives, Notre Douche is forced to take the task for his team, Jill lamenting that they purposefully made it so he would have to perform the final task, never thinking that her cosmetology degree might actually make her more qualified for the final task.  I find it highly amusing, although her dumbness might have canceled out any advantage her training gave her, anyway.

HSN is now on the scene, and Brook screeches with former pageant-girl excitement as she begins the task.  And least that prevents us from hearing her scream CLAAAAAIRE had it been the other way around.  Nat finishes considerably far ahead of ND, but is informed that she did not prep the roses properly and has to re-do them (each rose is in a vial, but Nat forgot to put water in the vials first).  Nat is lucky that the float lady pointed out the specific problem, or she could have been standing there scratching her head forever since it all looked correct from the outside.  Still, despite having to remove all the roses, open the vials, fill the vials, and replace the roses on the float, she still finishes before Notre Douche finishes the second out of three parts of the task.  So far, this is the Hot Docs’ to win!

Amazing Race rose 12.12.10

“First I’m stuck with five chicks, now I’m painting vagina-esque flowers.  Man, do I need a brewski, some beef jerky and a tittie bar right now.”

The girls get their next clue, which is a riddle that they can’t solve and neither can any of the cab drivers they ask.  The first line of the riddle asks for the name of Sancho Panza’s boss, and I actually know the answer is Don Quixote.  Learned it in college.  Notre Douche, you know what I’m talking about!  <fist bump>  …God, I feel dirty now.

Notre Douche finishes the Road Block, and he and Jill jump in a cab and encounter the same Sancho Panza problem as the Hot Docs.  As Notre Douche resists the overwhelming urge to strangle his driver who claims not to know what Google or the internet is at all (seriously dude?), the Hot Docs harass some lady via telephone to run the Google search for them, and they begin successfully unraveling all three parts of the riddle.  Team HSN avoids this whole problem — whether wisely or not is left to be determined — by going straight to a hotel to use the internet themselves.  As for Jill/ND, they’re still having no luck with their driver, as he flat-out ignores their begging to use his phone and keeps driving while maintaining his own private telephone conversation, as if taunting them with the phone he won’t let them have!  Hahaha, karma anyone?

The Hot Docs now know where to go, and they easily arrive at Quixote Studios in first place.  Seems like they have a sizeable lead, mostly attributable to their art of badgering people into helping them.  They’d be the last team I’d think would successfully use that tactic.  I am thrilled to report that this is a game-long memory task.  I always enjoy these, and the few times they haven’t ended the race like this, I’ve been pissed.  This year’s rendition is a gigantic screen showing 40 some odd people wearing hats.  The teams must pick out the 11 greeters they met at the 11 Pit Stops during the race, and then put those 11 greeters in the correct order.  It’s a bit easier of a memory task than I would like, but I’ll take it.  There to cheer them on is Bob Eubanks, the host of the Newlywed Game.

Amazing Race whoopee 12.12.10

“Who feels like making’ whoopee with me?”

This seems like it’ll be right up the Hot Docs’ alley, as you would assume that they’re good at memorizing things thanks to med school and will be analytical and calm.  I can’t think of many things worse than a doctor who panics easily.  “And now I will just gently clip this vein so that I can access— omg!  omg!  I think I nicked it!  I NICKED IT!  OMG!  OMG!” <runs into wall and is knocked unconscious>

The Hot Docs get the first and third leg correct, but mess up on the second (which of course they won’t know until they go to submit everything).   Meanwhile, HSN has successfully deciphered the clue at the hotel they went to, and is now on its way to the task.  As for Jill/ND, they finally hop out of their cab ride from hell at the middle of an intersection, and are now roaming around, looking for a store that will let them use internet.  They are so screwed and I LOVE it.

The Hot Docs have now fixed the second leg, but have made another mistake on the sixth.  I know the show is trying to build drama by showing us all these mistakes, but the girls are correcting themselves almost instantly each time, and they’re over halfway done and neither of the other teams has even arrived yet.  Plus, they’re allowed to use their notes, which I hate since it makes it all so much easier.  So it’s not nearly as exciting as the editors want us to believe it is.  I mean, it’s better than last week’s episode, but so is watching paint dry.

Amazing Race adoption 12.12.10

Although it wasn’t quite as bad as watching this…

Sure enough, the Hot Docs finish the task before anyone else shows up, and they’re on the way to the final mat.  Now I’m sure we’re going to have to watch them get stuck in traffic while HSN cruises through the task, as an attempt to create drama.  Don’t fall for it!  And that’s exactly what happens, while Jill/Notre Douche are still unable to find someone with internet to help them.  Hahaha.  While I wish it was HSN that’s going to win this thing, I at least have the misery of ND as a consolation prize.

Enough not-so-clever editing — it’s time to join Phil at the mat, and watch the Hot Docs claim victory!  Phil reminds all of us for the 100th time that this is the first all-female team to ever win the race, and then he begins quizzing Nat on what it means to her to win the race as a diabetic.  Snooze.  She never made it an issue, so stfu, Phil.  Besides, I’m wondering if that whole diabetes thing is a lie to cover up her steroid injection habit.  Seriously, look at those guns!

HSN finishes second and Jill/ND bring up the rear, presumably getting to skip the humbling of Bob Eubanks when Jill asks who he is and ND demands to know if he went to college.  Brook and Claire remain in good spirits as always, Brook telling us in her Brook-isms that you don’t have to be a total bitch or a lesbian in order to be a strong woman.  You have the option of being annoying as hell to consider, ladies!  Phil then comments that Jill/ND were a strong, consistent team throughout the race but they really boned it today.  Hahaha.  Jill gets choked up trying to talk to us at the end, and Notre Douche “helpfully” swoops in to tell us what he thinks she’s trying to say.  I’m sure I’m looking for it on purpose, but is everything this kid says to or about her condescending, or is it just me?  Good riddance!

Amazing Race college 12.12.10

“So we lost.  Now do you see why a college education is important?”
“I do!  Maybe I should go to college after all…”
“Haha, but sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that you’re not smart enough for that?”
“Oh… yeah, that’s right.  Sorry babe.”

And that’s it!  Are you happy and/or surprised that the Hot Docs pulled it off?  Did you all enjoy Notre Douche’s utter defeat as much as I did?  Do you think all our “happy” couples will stay together, or will any of the ladies see the light?  And are you excited for All Stars?!  Go Flight Time and Big Easy!

Thanks for making fun of this show with me all season.  I hope you enjoyed reading the recaps as much as I enjoyed writing them.  Happy holidays, everyone!


About

A former newspaper reporter turned grad school refugee, LoLo joined the staff of TVGasm back in 2007 when she realized that writing recaps was a much more entertaining use of her time than studying.  Now a member of one of the most hated professions in the world, LoLo continues to mock TV when she's not chasing ambulances and sending her card to couples in the wedding announcements section of the Chicago Tribune.  LoLo then spends the rest of her time drinking, eating, and then busting ass at the gym to reverse the damage (it's a losing battle).

23 Comments

  1. 1
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 9:17 am

    It was gratifying to see ND lose. I wonder how many hours the teams had to wait for the third-placers to finally arrive.

    Good for the Hot Docs and HSN for their good wins.

  2. 2
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 9:45 am

    Oh, LoLo. You must have forgotten the epic meltdown in Dubai where some chick refused to go down a water slide. She and her boyfriend had a real wobbler at the platform and they went back and forth…all while she was wearing water wings. Nat very easily could have become paralyzed by fear and started he own wobble…but she’s Nat and she didn’t and it went off without a hitch, but you never know when an irrational fear will make someone completely irrational.

    And I didn’t mind how anti-climactic this episode was, because I wanted it to be a coronation of Nat & Kat. Not just because they were the first all-female team to win, but they were genuinely non-dramatic and mostly likable. Of course, this means I’ll have to listen to Brook honk and bray through a second consecutive season, so it’s kind of a Pyrrhic victory, but I was happy throughout the episode that they got off the plane first and never gave up the lead.

  3. 3
    Corky
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 10:04 am

    @vallegirl
    Brook and Claire aren’t going to be in the All Stars so you are spared from watching Brook.

  4. 4
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 10:20 am

    They were featured in the promo so I assumed those were the teams.

  5. 5
    mere2142
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 11:42 am

    One point really confused me this episode…where the hell was Jill/ND’s taxi driving to all of that time?? They had no idea where they were going yet the guy managed to drive them into the middle of nowhere with no direction from them whatsoever?

    Glad to see the Docs win but this whole season was a little boring. hopefully All-Stars will be better.

    Wow…I totally forgot that waterslide meltdown! At one point in that episode I thought that girls boyfriend was going to push her down!!

  6. 6
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    He was likely driving north on the 405 and got off the freeway when Jill/ND told him to. Most of the neighborhoods between Long Beach and the South Bay are fairly industrial/working class.

  7. 7
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    I was thoroughly satisfied with this finale, and would’ve been okay with either of the two all-girl teams winning, so it’s cool they came in first and second. Definitely the best season finale of this show I’ve seen in a long time. And yes, I do agree with you that everything Notre Douche says to Jill just sounds condescending. Though I admit I’ll never understand your utter hatred for Team Adoption. I was kinda glad they got eliminated early, cause you were being too venomous to them.

    And I’m not precisely thrilled about the next All-Stars, from what I’ve seen of the teams coming back. I don’t know if I can stomach another season full of old jerk Ron, satan-spawn Jamie, the quitting Globethrotters and douche-deaf Luke with dumbass Bionic Mom Margie. At least there’s the Goths, Mel & Mike, Kisha & Jen, the Cowboys and Gary & Mallory for likeable teams…

  8. 8
    blazergirl
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    I noticed Brooke and Claire in the previews for All Stars too but saw them and Nat and Kat on The Early Show and they said they were asked to do the All Stars but Claire is pregnant (and blonde!) and so they declined. I am curious why they were shown on the previews anyway.

  9. 9
    itchy
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Ho hum. It was pretty obvious that the Hot Docs had gained a commanding lead from the start, which left the rest of the episode pretty damn boring. Especially since the final challenges were awfully lame. Flowers? Floats? Who the fuck are you kidding?

    I also think it’s likely the producers paid off the cabbie to make certain that Notre Douche never stood a chance. The show was just way too eager to make ‘history.’ Ranks right up there with Rosa Parks’ bus ride and Roe v Wade.

    I’m disappointed Claire (or Brooke? the blonde one) won’t be back for the all-stars. She was a bright spot this season.

  10. 10
    Mister Dangerous
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Not a fan of UCLA [GO USC!] but I am glad the lady doctors won. I wish Brooke and Claire were going to be on the ALL STARS but Claire said she got knocked up so…

    Thanks for the Recaps LoLo!

  11. 11
    Dale
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    “Though I admit I’ll never understand your utter hatred for Team Adoption. I was kinda glad they got eliminated early, cause you were being too venomous to them.”

    Chris Velazquez pretty much said why I gave up LoLo’s recaps for a few weeks: her snooty, utter nastiness toward Andie & Jenna, two of the LEAST offensive people in the race. So. Much. Hate. For. Her.

    But I DID love Thomas’s utter defeat. At the hands of not one, but TWO women’s teams, to boot.

    Congrats, Nat & Kat! I wanted Brook & Claire to win, but you two certainly would’ve deserved it, too!

  12. 12
    Dale
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    And cattyfan, Jill & Thomas finished over two hours behind Brook & Claire. That cab really knocked them out of the running, though it was kind of their fault, too, for panicking and not doing what either Nat & Kat or Brook & Claire did to get their answers.

  13. 13
    itchy
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 12:26 am

    The whole idea of allowing a reality television show to exploit your reunion with your biological mother/daughter and expose what should in theory be one of the more intimate moments of your life in front of a national audience doesn’t make you pause? Not one little bit? I thought LOL-o’s take on them was wholly accurate.

    Of course I come here to laugh at reality television, and anyone who appears in a reality television show is fair game for mockery. I certainly wouldn’t want the recappers to pull their punches.

  14. 14
    Lizbot
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 3:46 am

    I totally agree that most of the challenges for this finale were lame (decorate a parade float? Really AR?) but I didn’t care so much about the lack of suspense knowing that the Docs were almost sure to win by half-way through the show. I think they were the most deserving winners in the show’s history. Never saw them being obnoxious to each other or any of the other teams, never saw them whining or making excuses about a challenge, and even when there were tears on Nat’s part she sucked it up and ploughed ahead.

    I too thought of the waterslide chick who chickened out when Nat was getting ready for the big plunge! The challenge was really only a challenge of the fear of heights given that there was no real skill required, but still. I was so proud of her in that moment.

    I would have been ok with an HSN win but was soooo happy ND came in 3rd. I did wonder whether their cabbie was messing with them on purpose though — either because they annoyed him, because he was a producer plant to ensure an all-girl win, or because he wanted to prolong his 15 minutes of fame! Still, I agree that they further screwed themselves by panicking rather than taking the time to use their smart *cough* and charm *cough* to work their way through the clue. Both the Docs and HSN had a much smarter approach, so ND can’t really blame everything on a bad cab driver (who cracked me up by the way!)

  15. 15
    Nikki Hughes
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 7:51 am

    I read that Stephanie and Chad got married and she is 3 months pregnant, also. :P

  16. 16
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 8:30 am

    Spawn of Mad Chad…coming soon to a theatre near you…

  17. 17
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 8:59 am

    I don’t think the cabbie was a plant, or that they even needed a plant to screw up ND and Jill. We’ve seen for all his fancy book larnin’ that Thomas has crap communication skills and condescends to everyone. They lost that leg in Hong Kong because he stood on the street and argued with the cabbie about where they needed to go as Nat & Kat rode past in their cab. When they were talking to the cabbie they never tried different ways to communicate the same thing, they just kept repeating things that he clearly didn’t understand the first time.

    And they wouldn’t have lost all that time if they’d just done what HSN did and ask to go to a Hilton or Sheraton or even the aquarium or the docks to Catalina. They were in Long Beach, there are plenty of hotels in the area and tourists with smart phones. They just kept trying to get him to help them for too long.

    The show can’t legally disadvantage one team over the others. But one team can and will always do something monumentally stupid at the end of the race.

  18. 18
    LAjane81
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 9:08 am

    I was down with this finale. My two fave teams got first and second and ND completely blew it. All-stars does look like it might be a little hard to stomach with some of the teams included.

  19. 19
    Awene
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    I can’t understand the total love for team HSN. The blonde one was annoying as all get out. It is one thing to be funny, but when you TRY too hard to be funny, then it comes off as annoying!! I think half of it has to do with her looks. If she wasn’t blonde and pretty, then people would complain more. I just don’t get why there is so much love for a person who lifts her legs, kisses everyone, brays like a donkey at EVERYthing, and thinks she is the hottest and funniest thing since..well, herself!! I would not buy anything from her HSN show, simply due to the fact I would have to mute or turn the channel. Again, she could be cool in my eyes, if she’d shut up for more than two seconds, AND take a dose of humble pie once in a while. I like people who are witty (a lot of recappers, commentors, etc. here fit in this category), but man that girl is a donkey defined.

    Ok, I have wanted to get that out all season. Forgive me.

    I too, did not have a problem with the adopted mom/daughter. I DID have a problem with all the asinine men on the show. I thought I was watching Abusive Race this year. Ugh. I am glad the docs one for the pure fact they were actually nice during the race. Respected cultures, conquered their fears, etc. I didn’t think I liked them at first, but they won me over when they were eating (what was it?) in a country. Instead of whining and complaining about being a vegetarian, the one doc said, “How does it taste?” The other one said, “Like a million dollars!!” And the other one conquered the heights thing. So yeah, they have my respect.

    All in all, the last three or four episodes were very predictable. It made me sad, because usually I am at the edge of my seat wondering who was going to win. So although I like the winners, the episodes were really ‘meh.’ Try some more riveting competitions too Amazing Race producers!! Stick a flower in a hole!! Woo!! I was glued to the t.v. for that one!! :S

    Thanks for the recaps. They are entertaining! See you next recap! :)

  20. 20
    Awene
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    O.K. I was on another thought process when I typed, ‘lifts her legs.’ Bwah. Oh well. :)

    Also, “won”, not one….obviously. :)

  21. 21
    Lizbot
    Posted December 16, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Don’t worry vallegirl, I’m not one of the conspiracy theory brigade. It just amuses me to think that everyone could be so annoyed by Notre Douche that they would go out of their way to make him lose.

    I don’t really think the cabbie was a plant, but I do suspect that Thomas’s condescending attitude made him (the cabbie) less inclined to go out of his way to help them out. Kat and Nat proved that nice people do sometimes finish first by politely navigating their way through various social situations around the world. karma just came back to give Thomas a double kick in the ass, and (though I feel a little guilty) I was loving it!

  22. 22
    sphouch
    Posted December 17, 2010 at 7:59 am

    What? No screen shots of the winners? I know ND and Brook are much more aspirational figures, but some props to the docs!

  23. 23
    Dale
    Posted December 19, 2010 at 12:42 am

    “The whole idea of allowing a reality television show to exploit your reunion with your biological mother/daughter and expose what should in theory be one of the more intimate moments of your life in front of a national audience doesn’t make you pause? Not one little bit? I thought LOL-o’s take on them was wholly accurate.”

    Good for you. But no, I didn’t pause once. I was actually interested. But then, I have taste, so . . .

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