Amazing Race Recap: Bangladon’t go to Bangladesh

Amazing Race

By Fran and Berry | Tuesday, October 23, 2012 | 1:04 am | 10 Comments
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Now teams must pound out two natural resources that are an essential way of life. Metal or Cotton. In metal they must use sledgehammers to pound the metal into some sharp tool known as a Sanj? Sench? Swrencgh? In cotton teams make a cotton mattress by pounding cotton with a bamboo rod into a fine consistency then stuff it and sew it. Wait a minute, I’ve seen mattress like that sold for $700!! Bangladesh! You’re getting screwed!!!

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The trains are too disgusting to ride inside, even for the locals.

Team Twin N’s find the fish next, then Truckasaurus. Team Choke Out is already pounding cotton. And they’re doing it to some crazy techno beat. AR must have gotten a new sound design guy and he’s from Germany in the 80′s!

Twin N’s are sledgehammering and keep making a big deal how these people have never seen women do any of the stuff they are doing. I think they’re not shocked by them being women, but the fact that sound never stops coming out of their mouths.

Mama Mia is finishing their rat duty and have a huge following. It’s the most exciting thing to happen to Bangladesh since that guy drank water that one time and didn’t immediately die of dysentery! They won the fast forward and are on their way to the pit stop, while hand sanitizing his foot in the cab ride over.

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This little piggy got a parasite….

Team FNL’s cab breaks down and the guy pours Sprite on the engine to fix it! Got a problem in Bangladesh? Pour a soda on it! Soda fixes everything! Brought to you by Sprite! “Don’t get a mammogram, get a Sprite!” More and more, Bangladesh is reminding me Idiocracy.

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“Sprite, it’s what engines crave!”

Mama Mia makes it to the pit stop first. And we do mean, “pit.”

@GiantOrangeBeardGuy welcomes them and @Phil tells them they’ve won a trip from Travelocity as far the hell away from Bangladesh as possible!

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“I use Fanta for shampoo.”

Team Choke Out was denied their clue because they left too must cotton out. Why would they leave all that cotton out? Just put it all in the bed!! Someone is seriously going to get choked out for this.

Over at the sledgehammering the blacksmith tells Twin N’s “Okay.” He gives them the clue and continues hammering their tool. Again, they didn’t complete the task. He just wants them out of there! Team Truckasaurus finishes next.

And now on to the pit stop! Teams must go to the “Karana Munch, Bora Bora Launchka.” Once there they must take a boat down the “Borianga river into “Alldacka into “Swearalot.” They didn’t put up the names of anything Phil just said, so that’s the best we could decipher. All we know for sure is that team must make their way on foot to the Shambazar Chan Mia Ghat. But I think AR is making that up too.

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Fran and Berry are not just a sexy elderly couple who competed in Season 9 of the Amazing Race, they are also us, Mike Betette and Amanda Ohly.  We are similarly married and similarly carry backpacks all over the world.  Some people ask us "how do you keep the spark alive in your marriage?"  And to that we respond: reality tv.  Tons of reality tv.  Sexy, fighty, douchey reality tv.  We are both comedians living in Los Angeles and we love Robin Hood and we did NOT contribute to the Harlem Shake.  Google us for more, ya dirty stalker!

10 Comments

  1. 1
    dallasboo
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Great recap!! Loved the “shampoo with Fanta” comment!

    I have seen every episode of every season of this show…..Bangladesh ranks at the top of the list of most horrible and depressing locations. Flies, filth, garbage, piles of dead rats…..and if the outside of those buses look as bad as they do, I can only imagine the condition of the brakes!

  2. 2
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I agree totally – Bangladesh is the LAST place I want to go – and I’ve never felt that way about any country/city on AR.

    Truckasaurus can go home, she’s okay, but he’s an awful American.

    Overall, I was pretty impressed by the way the teams were pretty “kind” in their telling other teams how to fix their mistakes with the boats. I mean, by that point – you know you’re ahead of them, but it was nice for them not to be jerks.

    Soda cures everything.

  3. 3
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    I had to stop reading your recap during lunch because it was too gross.

    Sorry to see Tall and Tiny go. The teams I like are Team ABBA, Delicious (DONG), Donkey and Truckasaurus. The lead teams (one of which will probably win) are really boring and forgettable. There was one hetro guy-girl team and then another hetro guy-girl team. They’re really boring and bland.

    Not really a fan of the screaming Indian twins but they’re just so positive it’s hard for me to root against them.

  4. 4
    Jimbob Jones
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    I’m glad T&T are gone. I couldn’t stand their constant whining. And PLEASE don’t say you represent me as a fan. You’ll make everyone think I spend my time reading recaps and writing posts about them.

    I would probably want to kill the TwinNs if I was on the show with them, but they seem nice and upbeat, which makes me like them. I kind of want them to win to watch Phil’s head literally explode when they let out a 5 billion decibel high-pitched shriek.

    Still don’t really know who I want to win. All of the teams are so boring this season that I can’t even generate hate for them.

  5. 5
    Pikey578
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I almost fell off my chair (Hi CarrieAnn) when watching one of the teams doing the mattress stuffing. The line “I’ll spread, you pound.” had me laughing so hard I forgot who said it!

    I really want the Truckers gone…

    Loved the recap, F&B. I look forward to them every week.

  6. 6
    Chicken Lips
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Biggie Smalls was really starting to depress me – Smalls deserves an award for putting up with Biggie’s constant passive/aggressive/negative tone. Biggie is lucky Smalls isn’t bigger because (if it were me), his block would have been knocked off long about Los Angeles. I’m glad it wasn’t non-elimination.

    Those Twins are getting on my last ever lovin’ nerve, too. If I was Choke Girl, I would have shot Big Mouth Twin in the head not myself.

    And I didn’t realize that TAR gave out a million dollars for coming in fourth in the fourth leg of the race – if I were Truckasaurus, I’d be pissed at my dink cabbie, too. Oh – what did you say? You DON’T get a million bucks for coming in fourth and that guy was just being a bag of dicks? Good to know.

    This season has apparently brought the anger out in me.

  7. 7
    andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I could not believe that I was watching an American redneck asshole screaming at a grown man taxi driver in one of the poorest countries in the world, a man who is probably struggling to survive and support his family in poverty working hard every day, with no hope for more, that he just ‘cost me a million dollars!’. Screaming at him! This huge red faced American man screaming at this much smaller man about how he cost him money! It was surreal. Way to represent America, buddy. Thanks for being the embodiment of why people don’t like us very much sometimes.

    I want trucker redneck guy off my TV now. Well, not now. I want him to have something gross happen to him in the next leg of the race first and then I want him to go home. Asshole.

  8. 8
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    ” This huge red faced American man screaming at this much smaller man about how he cost him money! It was surreal.”

    I know, right! The Indian guy was all “I made $2.35 today. You really think I give a crap about your million dollars?”

  9. 9
    KartofflMuter
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 1:34 am

    Dacca. Happy Bijoya everyone. I spent $116 for 4Kilos of fish from Dacca that was delivered to Kolkata today to my relatives. Dacca is famous for those fish.My husband swears they are the sweetest and tastiest anywhere on earth. Bengalis are absolutely crazy for fish and today is the biggest day of Durga Puja,when the final feast is eaten.Onthe other side of the river,Bengalis have been going crazy for a month preparing for the celebration.Dacca is the Muslim side. My in-laws were born there.Then came Independence and Partition.The Hindus had to go to West Bengal and the Muslims had to go to East Bengal-later Bangladesh.Kolkata is lit with hundreds of gorgeous of Pandals that are 40 feet high and have been painted and lit illustrating Durga riding a tiger.Workers come from all parts of India to help in erecting and decorating them. Disneyland looks bland in comparison and fireworks are set off every night. Actually-it’s 2 pm on the 24 there now so there’ a very good bet they’re sucking on fish bones right about now.Funny thing is-they can’t but Dacca fish in Kolkata. They need NRI relatives to send them. So the phone will be ringing soon. Dacca is -well-Bangladesh-is nice outside the city. A lot of jungle. Villages.Poverty.Rural.Cost of living is .50 a day including medical and schooling and food. My mother paid her maid $10 a month for 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. She shopped, cleaned,cooked,washed,ironed,and hauled water. It was a very nice life.
    Please note- They were not pouring Sprite on the leg or on the car. In India,plastic bottles are used and reused.
    Imagine what a 2 liter Sprite would cost? Now would a Cab driver waste it on the engine? Of course not. Like everything else,there are vendors who re-sell empty bottles that stupid tourists throw away. There IS no garbage in India or Bangladesh.But if you’re thirsty,you stop for a fresh coconut. The boy will whack off the top and give it to you with a straw.I really hate the truckers. Don’t they have eyes to see where they are? I hope they get tossed out early. (My daughters call themselves full-on brownies. I don’t find it offensive- but then,they call me whitey.)

  10. 10
    PokeyFace MyPokeyFace
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Team Goat Boys former drag queen Josh is actually pretty awesome. Aqua was named so because instead of stuffing a bra he had small fish bowls with fish swimming in them. He actually wrote a book called I’m Not Myself These Days. His memoir about those days is hilarious, terrifying and sad. And then he meets Brent who helps save him. Great read, great guys. And their bickering is hysterical if you watch their show.
    No, I am not Josh or Brent, but I love those guys. I do have to say their farm is gorgeous (not that I’m a stalker, but they only live about 1 1/2 -2 hours from me).

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