From FREAKIN’ Russia with Love

Amazing Race

By B-Side | Thursday, March 16, 2006 | 12:24 am | 51 Comments

phil_redsquareLast night’s episode of The Amazing Race was awesome. It was like a one hour dissertation on why this show is the most exciting and unpredictable hour on television. Granted, the ending may have left some (or perhaps most) viewers unsatisfied, but I was fine with it. Why? Because for sixty minutes, we had pure lunacy running rampant on the streets of Moscow and rural Brazil. Strong teams were brought to their knees as language barriers in Russia all but turned the game on its head. This was why Family Edition was such a dud. Take away the safety net, and pure chaos reigns supreme.The big show opened up in rural Brazil where all the remaining teams were resting up at the Pit Stop. We quickly learned that Danielle and Dani (a.k.a. Team Double D) had taken a shine to Jeremy and Eric (Team Jeric), despite their previous contempt for the boys. Isn’t it funny how that happens? We couldn’t quite tell if the two teams had truly gotten it on, but we did see them loitering in a hammock, and you know what they say about hammocks and Brazil… Actually, I don’t know what they say. I made that up. But I think it’s safe to say that hammocks and Brazil often lead to illicit, FCC-unfriendly activities.

“Will this relationship turn into a powerful alliance?” Phil asked us, regarding the horny supergroup. I think they might turn into an alliance. Powerful? Not so much.

Phil then asked us if oldsters Fran and Barry (a.k.a. Team Frankenberry) could emerge from last place, and this was followed by the random image of Barry in a fluffy, white sweater. And by “sweater,” I mean “body hair.” Yes, Barry was chillin’ in a tank-top, airing his hirsute arms for all to enjoy. I, on the other hand, was vomiting up my dinner into the garbage pail I had previously reserved for Kevin Covais’ take on Stevie Wonder (seriously, did anyone see that?).

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This was all very disturbing, but on the upside, at least I figured out where on TV I had seen Barry before:

Anyway, first out of the gate in the wee hours of the morning were the Hippies (BJ and Tyler), who had to drive their VW Beetle to a nearby farm and then ride a 300 foot zipline. Sounded like fun, but let me guess: the farm didn’t open until 8 AM, right? Close enough. Turns out the Hippies couldn’t enter the farm until 7 AM, which meant they only had to wait about two hours. Meanwhile, other teams began trickling out of the Pit Stop, like the affably dorky, ambiguously amorous duo of Jeremy and Eric. Now, I know there’s been a lot of discussion about these two and whether or not their man-love possibly eclipses the homoeroticism of Big Brother 5‘s Jase and Scott, but I personally have not seen a shred of evidence that indicates such things.

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(Thanks to Reality Blurred and Jaunted for the heads up on that).

Anyway, Jeremy (banana hammock on the right) happily misread the first clue, saying, “Take a ride on a thirty foot zipline.” Now, that’s what I call adventure! Thirty feet! The guys then hopped into their Bug and drove off. And because they were bored, they decided to name their car “Danielle #3,” in honor of their crushes, Dani and Danielle. Sort of like how Seymour named his plant Audrey 2 in Little Shop of Horrors. I suppose the implication in this case was that these guys were riding Danielle #3 the way they hoped to soon be riding Danielles #1 through 2. Either that or they were just staggeringly uncreative. In the end, they were simply happy to have come up with any name at all. “That’s a good name, Jeremy,” Eric said. A good name indeed.

Out of the gate next were Monica and Joseph, the latter of which had begun growing an ill-advised goatee. Then suddenly we heard plucking strings and silly wind instruments, which meant only one thing: the Nerds had arrived. Yes, Lori and Dave, replete with their custom-made “Look at the Nerds in love!” music left the Pit Stop in fourth place, ready to sully up the world with their nonstop affection.

Over at the farm, Jeremy and Eric pulled up in the dark, searching for the route marker. BJ and Tyler took this chance to startle their buddies by jumping out of the darkness and onto the car, causing Jeremy to nearly soil poor Danielle #3. Goofy laughter ensued, and with the joke being such a huge success, the hippies performed it again, this time on the Nerds. Okay guys. It was funny the first time. Stupid the second. Besides, by the time Dave and Lori showed up, the sun was shining — kind of took the edge off of that whole “Jumping from the darkness” angle.

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A few more teams left the Pit Stop, and then it was time for our favorite racer most in need of Ritalin: Lake. He and Michelle charged full-steam ahead, and as they hit a small bump in the dirt road, the hyperactive dentist yelled, “WHOOO!!!” Relax. It was a bump. You didn’t just jump across an opening drawbridge.

Dani and Danielle hit the road next, and they described their winning strategy to us. “Hearts first, bodies second,” Dani said.

“And then boobs,” Danielle added. Well, technically, boobs would count as body. Clearly “brains” was of low priority.

Back on the road, the impulsive Lake made a left when he should have gone right, despite Michelle’s concerns. After a little bit, they wound up in a wooded area, and it became clear that they were lost. “We don’t know the first turn out of the gate!” Lake complained. We? If I remember correctly, Ms. Scarlett O’Hara in the backseat had said “right.”

Meanwhile, the farm opened up, and teams began flying down the zip line. The Hippies finished first and discovered that the next place they’d be heading to would be… Moscow! Did this mean we’d get to see Phil doing one of those dances where he crosses his arms and kicks out his legs? That would be awesome. Especially if he had a big, furry hat on too. Anyway, once in Moscow, teams would have to make their way to Chaika Bassein, a large swimming facility where Olympians train.

Well, BJ and Tyler were so excited, they had to share another one of their oh-so-goofy moments. “Head butt!” they called out as they lightly tapped heads. That was almost as good as Jump-Out-At-The-Car, v.2.0. Speaking of which, on their way out of the zipline challenge, Jeremy and Eric proved that they too could be goofballs as Jeremy feigned getting hit by the Hippies’ car. What’s with all the rampant silliness this morning? Everyone was out of control. I hope they enjoyed it while they could. Moscow ain’t known as a barrel of laughs.

As for Lake and Michelle, they were still lost, this time in what seemed to be a giant field of coffee beans. Lake tried to figure things out by hopping on top of his car and looking around, but all he managed to do was look dumb. Or dumber, I should say. Dang gummit! Not an interstate for miles!

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Kind of like a really terrible version of Mad Max.

Back at the Pit Stop, Barry and Fran finally emerged. “We are really going to give it our all on this leg,” they said, which meant that instead of making twelve dumb mistakes, they’d only make nine or ten.

Anyway, as the teams completed the zip line, they then headed to a bus station in order to get to São Paulo airport. It was the typical Amazing Race charter bus scenario. A limited number of seats on the first bus, and then some more on the second bus, and then even more on a third bus. Well, Jeric, the Hippies, Mojo and The Nerds (who got random ROCKIN’ music for change) wound up on the first bus. Back at the farm, Lake and Michelle had finally arrived and complete the task. They then received their next clue, which Lake amusingly read, “Fly to FREAKIN’ Russia! Dang gummit! I was hoping we wouldn’t have to go to Russia!” Whoa, whoa. Easy there. Let’s take a deep breath. I didn’t know what it was this episode, but for some reason, Lake’s constant overreactions to every little thing were really amusing me. He isn’t as rage-filled as Colin from season 5, and he isn’t as totally ridiculous as Jonathan from season 6. He’s just an excitable jerk whose heart rate spikes at the mere sight of a tulip.

Over at the bus terminal, Jeremy and Eric returned to their flirtatious ways once Double D showed up. The boys picked “stickers” off the girls’ outfits, and by “stickers,” I mean invisible excuses to paw at their bodies. This romantic session was sadly interrupted by the departure of the first bus, leaving the girls to fend for themselves amidst Wanda and Desiree and Ray and Yolanda. Eventually, Lake and Michelle showed up and were more than happy to learn that they were on the second bus. Lake then said, “There’s three buses? KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!!” I’m not sure about that second word. That was my attempts at phonetics. Sometimes Lake emits sounds that go beyond the English language.

The second bus soon left the station, and when Frankenberry finally arrived, they discovered that no one else was there. They’d be the sole couple on bus #3. KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!! Sorry, it’s contagious.

Meanwhile, the first bus showed up at the airport, and as the teams tried to figure out the best route, I braced for what looked to be total airline drama. Alas, there was none. Every team wound up on the same flight (that included Fran and Barry). While there may not have been any airport intrigue, there was airport idiocy, thanks to Lake. Once again forgetting that Portuguese is the language of Brazil, Lake approached a ticketing agent and said, “Señorita.” Dang gummit, she don’t speak Spanish! Luckily, Michelle was there to correct him again. “I don’t think señorita’s the right word,” she said. Quiet, woman! You shall only speak when spoken to! And Lake chooses not to speak to you right now. YEEEEHAWWW!!!

Once the teams arrived in Russia, Monica piped up with her silly yet true comment of the day: “All I know is Russian people drink and smoke a lot.” We then cut to a cabbie smiling as if he’d just downed a whole bottle of Vodka about three minutes ago.

The teams arrived at the Chaika where they found this week’s Roadblock. This was a very special Roadblock because it featured Phil walking around in his trademark fur-lined parka. A sensible garment for a sensible man.

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PhilParka™

Anyway, one member from each team had to put on a bathing suit and jump into the pool off a 10 meter platform. Then the person had to swim across the pool, dive down, and get the clue. Didn’t sound too difficult. In fact, I kind of lamented that this Roadblock was one of those simple tasks everyone just sort of does and moves on. Or so you’d think.

Well, the first few teams completed the task without incident. The good news for us was that of the Nerds, Lori was the one we got to see in the bathing suit. No disrespect, Dave, but there are some things we just don’t need to see. The bad news for us was that Barry opted to do the challenge also. This meant a full view of his patented white fur. For a moment, I thought a yeti was about to dive off that platform. Luckily, there were no real closeups, so we were spared a second natural sweater sighting. Oh, and in typical Frankenberry form, Barry swam across the pool and then wasted a few minutes searching for the clue, which was RIGHT UNDER HIM.

Meanwhile, Ray and Yolanda had some minor issues about the Roadblock. She wanted him to do it, but since he did the last one, Ray said that she should do this one. Yolanda simply assented, and when she opened up the clue and read the task, she then revealed to us that oops! She doesn’t know how to swim. Okay, here’s the thing. You’re at a pool. You can’t swim. Even though you don’t know what the Roadblock is, chances are, it’ll involve swimming (note the pool). Maybe now wouldn’t have been a great time to uphold the virtues of the Alternating Roadblock Policy.

Well, as Yolanda stood atop that diving platform, I genuinely felt for her. I mean, she doesn’t know how to swim! This had to be scary for her in so many different ways. But there was a race to be run, and so Yolanda jumped off into the water… and didn’t resurface. Uh oh. Did something go wrong? Nope, it was just the producers screwing with us. Her head popped up above the water, and she furiously doggie-paddled over to Ray who calmly guided her through the rest of the challenge. You know, it’s one thing to see people face their fears on Fear Factor when they’re lying in coffins filled with scorpions. But it’s quite another to see someone grapple with fears in “the real world,” as it were. That was some good drama, people.

Meanwhile, Lake and Michelle arrived at the Roadblock and as usual were a complete mess. “Who wants to take the plunge?” Lake read, immediately deciding that Michelle should do the Roadblock. But she had some major reservations.

“I might have to do it naked!” she protested.

“So what?” Lake responded, eventually agreeing to do it himself. This was amusing in so many ways. I loved how Michelle’s first reaction was not “How high?” or “But it’s cold!” No, she immediately just assumed that nudity would be involved. I wonder if she’s like that every day. “Honey, let’s go to the movies.” “But wait, Lake. What if I have to be naked???”

I also liked how Lake’s reaction to Michelle was simply “So?” Way to be a supportive husband. “Yeah, you get nekkid Michelle. We’re in FFFREAKIN Russia!” Later, after Lake had finished the Roadblock, Michelle asked him, “Would you really make me get in front of all those Russian people with a bathing suit on?” Those pesky Ruskies and their leering eyes! They do not deserve to see such unbridled and chaste beauty!!

Soon, every team had completed the Roadblock (including Monica and her giant breasts), and with The Hippies leading the pack, they were all off to find a cathedral at a monastery. Everyone, that is, except Wanda and Desiree. Turns out that Mom had a phobia. No, not of heights — she did the jump just fine. Wanda’s big problem was that she had a fear of deep water. Doing a surface dive to retrieve the clue was therefore a very scary ordeal for her. I didn’t have crazy amounts of sympathy for her because, well, Yolanda didn’t know how to swim, and she survived. But still, Wanda was totally unhinged by this. I mean, hysterical. I mean, raving. I mean, crazy crazy crazy. Even the beautiful Desiree couldn’t soothe her mother’s nerves. We then cut to commercial break (I was wondering why we didn’t do that during Yolanda’s experience. Now I know why), and when we returned, Wanda appeared to be calmer. Typical Amazing Race — everyone’s always cured after the commercial break.

Or not. Wanda may have been calm for a nanosecond, but the moment she stuck her head underwater, the insanity began all over again. This was gonna take a while.

Elsewhere in the city, the Hippies arrived at the cathedral where they received their next clue, but not before taking a moment to appreciate all the artwork. It was cool. For them. Well, after this brief break in the action, it was time for the Detour: Scrub or Scour. In Scrub, teams had to travel to a trolley depot and wash an entire Moscow Trolley inside and out. As Phil said, it was an arduous task, but teams controlled their own destiny, much in the same way Phil controls the an entire New Zealand turtleneck trade.

In Scour, teams had to search through 1,500 nesting dolls to find one of ten microscopic clues. Now, everyone knows you should always go for the physically demanding choice over the luck, but, well, things just ain’t that easy in Russia, especially if a) the language barrier prevents you from directing the cab to the trolley depot, and b) the cabbie doesn’t even know where the trolley depot is anyway.

Here’s something that is easy: remembering your passport. But apparently, even that was too much for Team Double D. The girls thought they were being thrifty by sharing a cab with the other half of their “powerful alliance,” Jeremy and Eric, but halfway to the cathedral, they suddenly realized that Dani (or was it Danielle) had left her Amazing Race fanny pack at the pool. Like I said before, “brains” wasn’t high on their strategy list.

Well, this meant that the two girls had to get out of the taxi and trek all the way back to the pool, not so easy when there aren’t any other cabs around. I actually felt bad for them. Believe it or not, I like The Danielles, and would much rather see someone like Lake suffer from the cruel hand of fate instead.

Anyway, as the beach bums drove off to the cathedral, Jeremy said, “Stupid. Stupid.” Wow, if Jeremy’s calling you stupid, you know you must have done something really dumb.

Over at the cathedral, teams continued to file in and receive their Detour clue. Most everyone was thoughtful enough to be quiet and respectful to their surroundings. And then there were Lake and Michelle who ran into the building and spoke at decibels reaching “DANG NABBIT!” levels. Anyway, pretty much everyone decided on Scrub It, except Ray and Yolanda, who wanted to try their luck with Scour It.

Outside the cathedral, the teams tried to tell their cabbies where to go, but they were all met with blank stares and general confusion. Ray and Yolanda’s driver knew where they needed to go because the Scour It challenge took place at the famous Dubrovka Theater, home to 2003′s terrorist hostage tragedy. When their cab left the lot first, Jeremy and Eric simply told their driver to follow them, and in turn, Lake and Michelle told their cab to follow the boys. Or at least I think that’s what happened. There was a lot of confusion and fast talking. All I know is that all three teams eventually wound up at that theater.

Meanwhile, back at the Roadblock, Wanda continued to struggle. Yup, she was still in the pool, and she still hadn’t been able to get that damn clue. At long last, she calmed her nerves long enough to go under and complete the task, causing everyone to cheer happily (and possibly drunkenly too). You know it’s bad when you’ve attracted an audience. In a sweet moment, Desiree began crying in appreciation of her mother’s hard work in facing her deepest fear. Did I mention that these two are great?

The good news for them was that as they left the pool, Double D — or “The Pinks” — were just returning to retrieve their lost bag. Looks like we still had a race! Elsewhere in the city, the Hippies and the old folks were completely lost. They could not find the trolley depot for the life of them. Too bad. Fran and Barry were so psyched about being at the front of the pack. Eventually, both teams threw in the towel and headed off to the theater to attack those dolls. Gotta love the turn of fate. Without the language barrier, there’d be none of this confusion, and the confusion only served to make this race more exciting. Sorry, just reminding myself again why Family Edition sucked. I tend to do it from time to time.

Well, Ray and Yolanda arrived at the theater where they found so many nesting dolls, it boggled the mind. To help them go nuts, the producers had hired the world’s most depressing looking band who plodded through some traditional Russian music with all the excitement of DMV workers learning they’d have to come in for the weekend.

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“I miss Khrushchev.”

Out on the streets, Mojo and The Nerds drove around in search of the trolley depot, but guess what? They couldn’t find it! Maybe they should follow a trolley? As for Desiree and Wanda, they picked up their Detour clue and decided on… trolleys. They then found a cab, and as much as I love Wanda, I couldn’t help but cringe when she asked the driver, “El trunk?” Oh god. At least she didn’t tell him to go “Rapido! Rapido!!” (And don’t worry, Desiree did remind her mom that Spanish was not the language of choice in, you know, Russia.)

Team Double D also decided on the trolley cleaning, and surprisingly enough, their driver knew how to get to the depot. Wow. Could this be the comeback of all comebacks? Meanwhile, at the theater, everyone was struggling (read: going positively insane) trying to find the clues in the nesting dolls. Eventually Jeremy found one, as did Lake. The teams were then directed to Red Square where they’d find Phil hangin’ out behind a cathedral. Oddly enough, this didn’t result in one of those “Teams now have to make their way three miles…” scenes from Phil, which should have been an indication that something was up, but I was far too engrossed in all the activities to notice.

Over at the trolley depot, Wanda and Desiree and then Dani and Danielle all showed up and began cleaning. They deserved an award simply for finding the place. Mojo and the Nerds, meanwhile, were still lost in the Moscow urban wilderness. And at the theater, Frank and Barry showed up to do some brain-numbing searching. At long last, Ray finally found a clue, and as he and Yolanda headed out, the Hippies entered. Honestly, these teams were more scattered and all over the map than any episode I could recently remember.

Meanwhile, as the ladies all scrubbed their trolleys, Mojo and the Nerds finally arrived at the park, thus starting a four-way race for cleanliness.

Back to the theater of nesting doll hell! Not more than two seconds after BJ requested that the band play a good luck song, Tyler suddenly found the clue, effectively squashing Frankenberry’s spirits. The old folks claimed that they were giving up then, but honestly, what other options did they have? Go to the trolley depot? That worked out real well last time. Way to be illogical, FRAN AND BARRY!

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What’s worse? Hundreds of nesting dolls…

…or six Pussycat Dolls?

Over at the Red Square, Russia got an unfortunate taste of America as Jeremy and Eric and Lake and Michelle popped up, looking for Phil. If there was ever a foursome that would cause foreign indignation, it was them. Well, both teams were at different parts of the Square, which meant lots of cutting back and forth between them, leaving us, the viewers, to wonder who would find Phil first. I was thinking it might be Lake, but nope. It was the boys. And with about one minute left in the hour, we all knew where this was going.

Yup. The leg was not over. It was the ol’ Phil fakeout. Phil then handed the guys their next clue, and as they walked off, the camera tilted up to the onion domes of a cathedral — or maybe the Kremlin, I really don’t know — and ominous music played. Dunh dunh dunh! ONION DOMES OF DOOM!!!!

Now, I know the To Be Continued episodes annoy some viewers, but I really didn’t mind in this case. On the downside, with all the teams all over the map, an elimination would have been particularly exciting and unpredictable. But on the other hand, I was happy to keep this hectic leg going. It’s not like last season when we had two non-elimination rounds, a to-be-continued episode, and the Country Music Awards in the span of like five weeks, literally causing a month between cuts. As I always say, anything that prolongs the Amazing Race experience is always A-OK with me.

What did you think about this episode?

About

51 Comments

  1. 1
    Tabby Lavalamp
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 1:04 am

    “A sensible garment for a sensible man.”

    I don’t know why, but I found that extremely hilarious.

    The Phil Phakeouts are fine, but I’d like them to really screw with the contestants’ minds. When Phil is by himself, it’s obvious he’s just going to give them a clue. Have a local with him, welcoming them to where ever they are! How awesome would that be?
    Either that, or once they make it to the mat, have Phil start running and make them catch him to get the next clue. That would be the best.

  2. 2
    plethLaura
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 1:35 am

    Awesome episode!

    Yosimite Lake and Michelle O’Hara were oozing with xenophobery. Those W-luvin’, commie-hatin’ nutballs are thrilling to watch. They can’t win but I want ‘em around for a crowded train ride in India. That would be reality nirvana, por moi.

    Tabby Lavalamp, you intrigue me with your “catch the Phil” idea. That could lead to a “Phil tackle”! What a sight to behold that would be!

  3. 3
    Jesus_loves_you
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 1:53 am

    B-Side,

    Three in a row…

    I like when it’s a “to be coninued” especially when your fave team almost took themselves out(Wanda & Desiree).
    I’m so glad that beautiful girl is the complete opposite of her mother.

  4. 4
    DaveInJapan
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 2:55 am

    It’s not a “PhilParka”…

    it’s a “Pharka”.

  5. 5
    Wizzard
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 5:04 am

    Lake is such an asswipe. Everytime he opens his mouth I want to reach through the TV and beat him.

    Wanda has got to be the most clueless person ever. When you show up at a pool where swimmers and divers train and you get a clue that says “Who wants to take the plunge?” don’t volunteer for it if you have a fear of water. Don’t tell me she couldn’t put 2 and 2 together on that one.

  6. 6
    jenny10girl
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 5:25 am

    I thought this was a great episode too…I am actually starting to like the Hippies. Those Staten Island girls are a poor representation of us NYers…

  7. 7
    khirth
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 5:26 am

    Cracked me up when the Hippies jumped out of the field at the Beach Bums! How long is it until they do something like that to Lake and Michelle and he goes off on them? I don’t think he has much of a sense of humor. Gives Southern people a bad name!

    Note to self: Do not drink coffee while reading recaps from B-side unless you want it coming out your nose! KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!

  8. 8
    khirth
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 5:28 am

    Wizzard – I said the exact same thing! What the heck did she THINK it was going to involve? Always cracks me up when people who have a fear of heights/water/flying come on this show and then are distressed that they have to do whatever they fear. Have they ever WATCHED this show??

  9. 9
    HicksPub
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 6:03 am

    I half-expected the caption on Lake’s picture to read “OOOOOOklahoma!” What a knob. That being said, I love the fact that Lake is such a fun person to hate. I don’t mind Dr. Scrivello and Scarlett hanging around because that increases our chances of seeing Lake get his rage on, full-frontal. Then we’ll be able to accurately judge a Lake vs. Jonathon in a “Jerk-Off”.

  10. 10
    chick110
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 6:07 am

    khirth, I agree. It’s like when someone goes on Fear Factor and thinks they’re not going to do anything scary or dangerous or eat anything gross…

    Love the PhilParka! Great recap, b-side. Almost makes up for me missing most of the show…

  11. 11
    bluebell
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 6:19 am

    Practical notes for future Amazing Racers:

    1. If you are reading a clue and you’re standing in front of a pool, chances are extremely good that you will have to swim in said pool.

    2. If your detour involves swimming, it probably WON’T require you to get NEKKID!!!

  12. 12
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 6:37 am

    Hilarryus recap. Pussy cat doll = genius joke.

    The Trust-Fund Hippies are just annoying. I often hope that their cameraman looses them so we don’t get so much footage of their one-liners.

    Surprised you didn’t screencap the firm but affectionate butt pat Jeremey laid on Eric while he squeezed into the car. Not so ambiguous.

  13. 13
    scribbles531
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 6:46 am

    Great recap as always, bside…i tried to find some pics, but alas…could not. but could someone PLEASE find a screen shot of Yolanda and Joyce (winner of season 7)? they’re the same person! unreal how much they look alike…

  14. 14
    bluebell
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 6:48 am

    I missed the first 20 minutes or so of the show, so I missed the unambiguous butt pat. These guys are such poseurs, it’s not even funny! How old are they? The way they flirt reminds me of how boys acted in grade school (wow … look at all those “stickers” on your clothes … here, let me take them off for you. Gag me.) I know lots of people like the surfer guys, but they have yet to grow on me. The best part of the show for me was when the Philster told them that the leg wasn’t over. The boys seemed pretty pissed.

  15. 15
    Court_Love
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 6:54 am

    Here’s a thought, if Wanda read the clue for the road block that clearly states you will jump into deep water and dive to get a clue, why did she volunteer for the challenge if she was afraid of deep water??

    Very curious indeed.

  16. 16
    MTV4ME
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:13 am

    Long time reader, first time poster. B-side…this was by far one of the funniest recaps I have had the pleasure of reading. No one rocks a turtleneck like Phil.

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to do American Idol…

  17. 17
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:13 am

    ONION DOMES OF DOOM!!!!

    I wonder if Jack will be adding those to his arsenal of badness.

  18. 18
    subgenre
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:20 am

    Excellent recap, as always B-Side!

    I have to hand it to Team DD for talking to a native on the plane and learning a few choice Russian words, such as “Bweestraya” (?) for “Rapido”. I always wondered in seasons past, why racers didn’t bring a pocket Berlitz translater or ask a local how to say “such-and-such.”

    Did anyone else notice the Hippies ask a local where the church was in Russian?

    I thought it was pretty funny that Wanda said “El trunk” considering she SPEAKS Spanish!!! Even she resorts to Spanglish when conversing with furreigners. Heh heh. Too funny.

    I have to really commend Yolanda for taking the plunge, despite the pretty obvious clue. I wonder how producers can allow someone who cannot swim to do those stunts? I know they probably have Emergency Medical Teams standing by but it still seems awful dangerous. Ah well, if CBS can afford last minute plane tickets from Brazil to Russia, then I am sure they can also afford the insurance needed to cover anyone getting hurt during taping.

  19. 19
    jumpedcut
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:20 am

    I totally didn’t see the Phake-out coming…usually the “to be continued” episodes happen later on in the season. I didn’t expect one on the 3rd show.

    I am starting to like the hippies more. My favorite team before, Mojo (or I like to call them Jomo), haven’t really done much or been shown all that much….
    except for that one nice shot at the pool. Thanks Amazing Race!

  20. 20
    flypay
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:21 am

    I can’t help thinking that without team Jeric pushing Double D with their “here’s your cab, you’re riding with us, hurry get in” after the pool, they would not have forgotten their pack.

    And the “Lake Effect” outbursts are classic and so random (“woohoo! a bump!”). I too hope they last awhile. Hate the team, but love the entertainment value.

    Finally, Jeric’s gropefest and the “stickers” was creepy. Does schtick like that really work in the real world? Just asking….

  21. 21
    littledarling
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:21 am

    Yeah what was with Michelle automatically assuming that she would have to get naked?!?! When have they ever had to get naked on the Race in the past? Did I miss the season where they had to become strippers in Hanoi or something?
    Great recap B-side, you’re on a roll!

  22. 22
    bluebell
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:29 am

    Michelle’s naked comment has to be one of the most stupid things ever said by any racer in the history of this show. And I can’t seem to let it go!! I too must have missed the Hanoi stripper episode (good one, littledarling!)

  23. 23
    zoobabe
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:32 am

    Awesome recap B-side! If I wasn’t so caught up in the action of the show, I would have realized the “Phakeout” b/c the clue never said pitstop, just to find the mat and Phil in Red Square.

    Court (#15) The contestants don’t get to read what the actual roadblock is until they decide who’s going to do it, so Wanda didn’t know about the diving part. They just get a clue “Who’s going to take the plunge?”. Granted- as others mentioned it seems like a gimme that swimmimg would be involved, but they don’t know the full extent of it.

    I really like the hippies still. They are smart, and seem to be able to converse with the locals very well. Plus, I think they’re funny too (so sue me). Hippie power is groovy! Hopefully Eric and Jeremy will realize now that any “alliance” with the double D’s during the actual race leg will only slow them down. Poor Frankenberry just can’t catch a break (thanks for the pics of the hairy shoulders btw). Gross!

  24. 24
    Court_Love
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 7:57 am

    Zoobabe, I didn’t realize they don’t get to read the clue until after they decide who’s going to do the challenge, thanks for clearing that up.

    PS, I second the idea (# 1) that the contestants should chase Phil. After all, I am sure the Beach Bums wouldn’t mind chasing after some hot Phil ass.

  25. 25
    Icepatrol
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 8:26 am

    Check out this ytmd thing I made on Lake from this episode when he finds out about the bus ! lol

    P.S I think he says “kick whoo how baby”

  26. 26
    Icepatrol
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 8:28 am

    Sorry that site was

    http://amazinglake2.ytmnd.com/

  27. 27
    Franuary
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 8:37 am

    #12-I was wondering why no mention of the “firm but affectionate butt pat” too.

    And I think Jeremy actually called Eric “Tiger” while doing it, as in “Move over there, Tiger.” *butt pat*

  28. 28
    AbbyAnn
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 8:48 am

    I am so sick of Fran and Barry saying “Oh that’s it. I give up. It’s over,” every 5 minutes. That just annoys me.

  29. 29
    khirth
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 9:17 am

    bluebell – they were probably ticked by the phake-out because they knew they were first and they wanted another prize! Did you notice when they came in first place in the first ep that they were all “What do we get? What do we get?” You could tell Phil really didn’t want to give them anything for all their arrogance!

  30. 30
    stacyrocks
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 9:25 am

    This episode was so awesome! Great recap B-Side!

    Hummm, I’ll have to watch the episode again to catch the Jeremy pat Eric’s ass.

    I felt for Yolanda and the swimming thing, seeing her shake like that was tough to watch but she was brave and barely took a minute to just jump in (per the clock under the platform). So, I am still rooting for her and Ray, and Desiree & Wanda. Lake used to annoy me but his outbursts and his weird noises are so funny I can bear the man now.

  31. 31
    tvaholic
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 9:29 am

    I was SO happy it wasn’t a pit stop-the look on Jeric’s face when they found out-priceless! I’m sure Phil loved it too after last weeks “I’m gonna beat you, woman” comment.

    Why does Michelle think Russia wants to see her bod? Besides, all I saw in the pool was a bunch of old ladies. Did anyone catch the shot of Monica stripping down by the pool? How long did the cameramen, producers, & her BOYFRIEND let her go until they said, “Hey, you don’t have to strip down to your bra & panties, you can go to the changing room & put on a suit”???

  32. 32
    3G_Phil
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 10:00 am

    B-side,
    Loved the recap, one of your best (some of those BB recaps last summer were pure jems!!). Loved the DMV worker on a Saturday analogy!!! If you haven’t already, you should check out the Philblog at the TAR-9 website on cbs. It’s interesting to read Phil’s point of view on the race. Even some tidbits on how he prepares for the race (boxing?). (warning: some spoiler info on episode 3 recap, though).

    Love the episode/season 9. I feel as if xmas came early this year. I was sitting on the edge of my seat with excitement the whole episode!

    The constant repositioning of the teams was terriffic, Taxi’s, lost bags, language barriers, hard detours, and real fear at the challenge!!! I really felt bad for Double D. What a bad break. But wait! They actually found the trolley park and then jumped back up in the pack!!

    Luck is what screws/awards teams. Not praying to Jebus!!

    Also loved the promo for next week. MoJo screaming in the car was priceless.

  33. 33
    carol
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 10:17 am

    I don’t remember what the clue actually said but the racers might not have known they were going to a pool. A lot of the Phil voice-overs are just info for the views and stuff that is not actually in the clue.

    Okay, if Wanda did not like deep water, why wasn’t she more scared when she jumped? When you land in a pool from that high, you tend to go down pretty far. Why didn’t Desiree just make her mom get out of the pool and jump from the edge?

  34. 34
    bluebell
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 11:08 am

    Just a few additional random questions/thoughts/concerns:

    1. Since I missed the *butt pat* incident, I am just curious how the people were positioned in the cab … Was Jeremy sitting on Eric or vice versa? I seem to recall that the girls were sitting on the seats in the cab, so that must mean that the boys were sitting on one another. Hmmm. And, were both of their camera crews in the cab with them? That seemed to be one cramped cab ride.

    2. On that same note, are teams even allowed to share cabs? Has that ever been done before?

    3. Khirth (#29), you are absolutely right that Jeric was ticked about the Phakeout because they wanted another prize for coming in first. And I’m so glad it was a “to be continued” for that very reason, although I’m not really a fan of those non-elimination shows.

    4. Icepatrol (#25), while impressed with your ytmd page, I can only hear Lake say “KAN-KO-WEE-GO!” B-Side, not only are your recaps excellent and Hy-LAR-i-ous, you can also understand Lakespeak and even translate it for all of us unfortunates who can’t! Please, B-Side, always use your talents for good.

  35. 35
    mythopoeic
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 11:17 am

    B-Side, I gotta stop reading your AR recaps at work, I draw far too much attention to myself cracking up at them.

    Nobody’s mentioned Lake’s “rotten mammy jammer” comment. I found it hysterical at the time, they actually even subtitled it!! Now, I’ve read that it’s actually a racist epithet. Further evidence that Lake’s at worst, a racist, and at best, totally redneck.

  36. 36
    someonespecial
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 11:44 am

    Another great recap (as always) B-Side. I always get a kick out of reading them. Honestly, I’m always on the floor rolling.

    And I think I’m one of the few people (other than my sister) who actually like the Hippies. They’re entertaining and just awkward. I love it!

  37. 37
    derder
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 12:03 pm

    Hate the Lake.

  38. 38
    Pamsey
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 1:11 pm

    B-side – I dearly love your AR recaps!!! Thank you so much.
    Bluebell – The butt pat came as one of the Jeric boys was getting in the back of the cab, and the other was standing close by waiting to get in. And he patted that ass more than once. As far as sharing a cab, I personally don’t remember if teams had done that before or not.
    My fav moment was when Wanda was freaking in the pool and she said “I can’t make myself go down” hahaha

  39. 39
    stacyrocks
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 1:25 pm

    The teams are allowed to share cabs. I don’t think they can share cars though (when the show provides the car). I can remember very clearly (but not really) an early version of AR where they were in Korea. I think season 1 or 2, and 2 teams were in this big van taxi and were scared because they were in the middle of NOWHERE with military tanks in front of them and people standing along the road with rifles, getting closer to the North Korea border. They weren’t sure if they were going to the right place but finally made it through. Sorry my post is very cryptic since I can’t recall the season :) or the teams.

  40. 40
    stacyrocks
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 1:30 pm

    I might be crazy and have imagined this whole thing though. :P Didn’t the Race ever go to South Korea?! It is now driving me nuts to not remember. I’ll look it up.

  41. 41
    stacyrocks
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 1:48 pm

    Alright! I’m not as crazy as I thought. Season 4 went to South Korea. The season with yummy Reichen and his boyfriend Chip. I can’t find who was sharing a taxi but I remember an all-male team and it definitely was not Reichen & Chip since they were not friends with other teams. The only name that sticks out in my head is David.

    So the moral of this story guys, it is allowed to share cabs. :)

  42. 42
    tvaholic
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 2:38 pm

    Jeremy didn’t exactly “pat” Eric’s butt, it was more like S&M spanking while grunting “Go Tiger!” or something along those lines. I hope Double D is just allowing the molesting and sexual innuendo to continue in hopes it may work to their advantage. If they are truly digging it than they are dumber than I thougt. “Stickers?” OMG, just deck him with those pipes you’ve got, girl!! Then Yolanda can crush him with her Serena-thighs like a walnut.

  43. 43
    Keyser Soze
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 8:46 pm

    my in-depth analysis of the ambiguously gay duo’s picture:
    1. The aqua banana hammock is see-through, except for the reinforced lining cradling the twig & berries.
    2. Jeremy clearly has a “shorts” tan, as evidenced by his paler upper thighs. Thus, the aqua banana hammock was put on for modeling purposes.
    3. Eric appears to be softly caressing Jeremy’s leg with his arm, and/or holding his hand.
    4. It is dark outside, there are dirty dishes in the sink, and beers on the windowsill. It took at least 2 beers to get the banana hammock on.

  44. 44
    joyfulchicken
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 9:17 pm

    I had a weird dream last night.

    In my dream, tragedy struck the Amazing Race. While trying to cross a stream, Joseph slipped and hit the back of his head on a rock. He died instantly.

    Monica was of course not too happy about it, but she decided to continue the race alone. “The race must go on,” she said bravely.

    The Hippies were like, “It used to be Team Mojo, but it’s just Team Mo now, hahahahaha!”

    Then Eric and Jeremy gave each other a high five. “The boyfriend is out of the way? Nice! Time to make our move!”

  45. 45
    TWilliams
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 9:49 pm

    I like both Yolanda and Wanda; but the clue did say something along the lines of “who is ready to take a plunge?” They were at a pool so . . . I don’t even think that implication is as complicated as the math problem 2 + 2 = 4. As I said, I like these two, but . . . how did all four of these people not put the 2 and 2 together?!?

    Someone posted that the episode contained “lost” bags. “Forgotten” would be more accurate. These people are excited; but geez . . . I think this happened one other time on the race at another pool. Can people no longer think if they get water in their ears?

    Lake is very annoying. He irritates me so much I don’t find him entertaining at all. Blaming the first screw-up on the team is so typical. Yes — he is this season’s Colin or Jonathan. Thank goodness he isn’t as awful as Ian from season 3. Ugh . . . just recalling him makes me queasy. I don’t think he’d take well to the Hippies playing a joke on them either — he’d probably reverse the car and run over them. Why would his wife be afraid of swimming naked unless that is how he makes her swim at home? Maybe she doesn’t own a suit. Who knows . . .

    I didn’t get that negative of a reaction from the surfers when Phil handed them their next clue. The reaction from this team was NOTHING compared to other teams in the past.

    Fran and Barry have got to go. I usually like the “token old couple” but they complain way too much. I was patient with them when they couldn’t build the stupid motor bike but screamed at them when they walked past the clearly-marked clue box on that Brazilian bridge. They seriously do nothing but make mistake after mistake while complaining. Their lament at the Russian doll challenge was my final straw. They already gave up on one challenge and wanted to give up on this one too? Please do so I won’t have to watch you on a future episode. After seeing your man-fur picks of Barry, here’s to hoping they stay in cold climates for as long as they remain in the race (with no more swimming).

    This episode was perfect (except for there being no airline/airport tension). This is why we love this show — there was no front runner in this leg of the race. It was manic and great.

  46. 46
    ethecannibal
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 10:14 pm

    It was a nice thought, but that was an interesting version of Russian that Team DD was speaking. Bistrii means fast (I got what they meant with that one right away). Their pronunciations of pazhalsta (please) and spasiba (thank you)were more creative. And if you think I’m being pedantic now, you should’ve heard me yelling at the TV (and Lake, always Lake.)

  47. 47
    Icepatrol
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 10:24 pm

    Some more Lake humor for your liking
    http://amazinglakerussia.ytmnd.com/
    http://amazinglake.ytmnd.com/
    http://amazinglakeallstar.ytmnd.com/
    http://amazinglakesp.ytmnd.com/

  48. 48
    zevonia
    Posted March 16, 2006 at 11:37 pm

    Staceyrocks- you’re right it was two all male teams that shared the cab in South Korea during TAR 4: the clowns (Jon & Al) and the goats (David & Jeff). But many other teams have shared cabs before and since. It probably doesn’t happen that often since the cab needs to be big enough to hold 8 people (2 in each team and 2 camera crew per team). Most of the time the cabs can barely hold 4.
    I didn’t mind the to be continued episode because I didn’t even realize it was coming! This was such an involving episode that I didn’t realize what time it was until Jeric arrived at the mat. It’s so good to have the real TAR back!

  49. 49
    stacyrocks
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 12:13 pm

    ^ Thanks zevonia for confirming my thought!

  50. 50
    TWilliams
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 9:56 pm

    I don’t think there is a taxi rule either. I think that any team could share any cab that they wish — but they are in a race so many teams wouldn’t want to do this. I am sure it is up to any team to decide if or when it would be a good time to share a cab or break away from everyone else.

  51. 51
    chick110
    Posted March 19, 2006 at 2:43 pm

    TWilliams, I agree. I am also hoping for no more shots of Barry’s man-fur. I was ready to cough up a hairball after just seeing the picture.

    Fran and Barry, just lose already!!!

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