Amazing Race: Czech Yourself, Bieche!

Last week we learned that when you “candle-a-bra” you get “elimin-a-ted” and that someone’s gonna get their ass beat this episode! WHY?! Because it’s Amazing Race and somebody’s gotta get whooped!

Teams start out in the marshes of Estonia where we left them and we see Team Master Race get the first clue – fly to Prague! Nice! Very jealous. Hot boys and tastey pastries.

Once there, teams must find a vintage “praga” and discover that it’s a car and not just the way Phil would pronounce “Prada”. Oh that devilish New Zealander accent of his.

Team BroMo is excited for the trip! Well… Dan asks, “Do they speak Spanish there?” and Sam follows us with, “Yes, it’s a country.” So I’m not really sure where the fuck they think they’re going. I imagine they’ll get there and cry, “What?! Wait! Where’s south beach?!!”

Team Trotters starts out by saying they made up with the BroMos! Boo! That’s no fun for us. Perhaps someone will get knocked down a flight of stairs “by accident”.

Team Oreo heads out and says their game plan is to be nice to everyone. Something tells me ONE of them is gonna find that difficult when elbows get thrown.

While all the teams discover the fastest flights to Prague at the airport and then settle in until the next morning, Team Master Race earns their namesake by using the internet to research the “Praga”! WHY DON’T THE TEAMS EVER LEARN AND DO SHIT LIKE THIS! Oh – in the meantime the Trotters do the same.

Uh… I hope they make those 2 sit on opposite sides of that tinker-toy airplane! If one of them so much as sneezes that thing’s going down like a BroMo at a sauna.

Once in Prague, teams run for taxis and head for the city center. EXCEPT for Team Oreo, who on a tip from a local, takes the bus and subway system. Ooohh! I hope it pays off!

Look at those lady legs! Which one of you was Miss America?!

Back in Team Trotter’s taxi the have the oldest living Czech taxi driver is taking them around. It’s hysterical. He just repeats whatever they say.

If this guy doesn’t clutch his chest and take a face plant into that wheel before they get there I’ll be SHOCKED.

Team Master Race arrives first and finds the Praga while BroMos follow them and find it too. CHEATERS! That’s crap. They didn’t even know what a Praga was until they saw them find it. I hate that. The car should’ve been hidden more.

Teams get their next clue, “Kayaky Troja”. Team Master Race and Team BroMos then race to the kayak place. On the way though, Sam tries to take in the sights while his douchebag brother makes fun of him for doing so. Why’s it always the hot one that’s an ass? I think Sam’s cute for trying to actually appreciate the places everyone else is blowing through.

Team Trotters find the Praga while Team Oreo is STILL stuck in traffic on public transit. They finally decide to take a taxi and things get heated when it appears Brian is blaming Princess for the mishap. No worries. She let’s that slide for about .2 seconds before bitch slapping the goatee off his face.

Meanwhile, the two lead teams reach the detour. “Fast” is they get into kayaks and race along a raging river (FINALLY!!! A fun/difficult/exciting challenge!!! Not “go down a fucking waterslide”!) or “slow” is they pull themselves along an aerial ropes course. BroMos choose “fast” while Master Race chooses “slow” since Meghan’s scared to kayak. After the “hay” debacle she should just hang on Cheynne’s back and let him pull her.

Love you, peeping camera man. Camera guy is totally gay. AND my bestie.

Team Trotters arrive and choose “slow” since I think the one is still scarred from the boat/watch challenge. Besides…

Uhhh… why? Was it on fire? I mean… I know it’s the projects. But I’m assuming they splurge on stairs when building them, right?

I swear these two could relate anything to the projects. “Atomic Bomb Challenge!” Their response, “Shit! One time my momma blew up a ham roast in the oven – whole project came down around us. A-bomb ain’t got nuthin!”

Team BroMos brags to the teams on ropes above them that they’re gonna beat them and seconds later start to argue. Love it! These two can be such a-holes.

That’s a whole lotta catty for one lil’ boat. PLUS they have to fit their hand bags in there too.

Back in the town square, Miss America does a classic “SNAP!” of the fingers to get Brian’s attention and they finally find the “Praga”. Then they head off in a taxi. Should’ve taken a bus. I hear they’re faster.

And back at the raging river…

“Save my Prada bag!!!” “Fuck you! Save my Gucci Bag!” “I never loved you!!!” “AHHH!!!” Glurg, glurg, glurg…

And up on the ropes…

If he kicks one of the BroMos in the head while they paddle by it would be AWESOME!

BroMos head out for round 2 while the other teams struggle on the ropes. And their second trip goes about as well as their first…

Yeah Sam. You can’t just slam it in carelessly.

Aaaaand there’s another kayak fail shortly thereafter. I’m SO glad this isn’t another easy challenge! It’s about friggin’ time! It should’ve been like this more often!

Team Master Race then finish first (of course) but get held up because Flight Easy, or whatever his name is, gets ahead of them and slowly climbs down so Big Time can catch up behind them. That’s shitty. There’s NO WAY I would’ve let him go down first. Correction. He could’ve because I would’ve pushed his ass into the river.

Speaking of being pushed into the river, Team BroMos are about to do it themselves for a 3rd time.

Back over at “Awkward Island”…

SCREW THAT. Meghan’s trying to pacify when she should’ve been like, “Wanna tango?! LET’S DO THIS!!! I’ll roll you like a bale of hay!”

Team Master Race heads off to their next clue, the “Estates Theatre”. However the clue is written in Czech. I find it shocking that one of these to whitey’s can’t translate it immediately. They seriously look like everyone there.

You know Dan’s thinking, “If I can just stay in I can always pick up his floating corpse after I get the clue.”

In the meantime, Team Oreo shows up so the BroMos decide to do the ropes course. Team Oreo decides to do the ropes course since Erica is afraid of water and Brian’s only afraid of heights. Love it. Such the gentleman. (WHIPPED!) Dan flies ahead while Sam and Erica struggle.

Up ahead, Team Master Race and Team Trotters have this whole love/hate/helping/not helping thing going on. Meg wants to help them while Cheynne’s all about giving them the screw. I’m with Cheynne. After Big Flight’s whole stunt climbing down the ladder I would’ve been like “FAAAAAH Q” from then on. Team Master Race grabs a taxi while the Trotters wait for a train.

Back at the ropes course, Brian’s advice isn’t well received…

And Storm summons the power of lightening to fry his ass.

Up ahead in the Master Race taxi, Meghan and Cheynne have the age old discussion of good cop / bad cop. I see Meghan’s point – you can play tough and still be polite. I also see Cheynne’s point though. Which is “FUCK THEM I WANT MY MONEY!”

Once Master Race arrives at the theatre, they find that their next challenge is to find a tiny mandolin in the 600 seat theatre. And then give it to “Don Giovani”…

Good news for Dan and Cheynne. Turns out douchebags aren’t limited to the States.

SO CLOSE! Keep going! Damn. You suck Cheynne. Getting our hopes up. The producers should’ve greased the floor in front of the balcony.

The Trotters get closer to the theatre as the BroMos finish the ropes course and Miss America is still swaying in the middle.

“No no – tiny instrument – like one in your pants.”

Team BroMos try to steal Team Oreo’s taxi and Erica just about levitates with rage off of the wire. If they steal that thing, both them and that driver shall perish. And he DOES!!! OH SNAP!!! I can’t believe the ground’s not ripping open and spilling forth the bowels of hell!

Back at the theatre, Cheynne and Flight Easy are still trying to find the instrument while Meghan says “Cheynne” about umpteen million times. OMG. I’m gonna here it in my nightmares.

Team BroMos arrive at the theatre and Sam wets himself over Don Giovani. At least he’s playing against stereotype. Meanwhile the other two still haven’t found anything but I’m SO betting the Trotters will first. Their dumb luck has been their #1 asset.

Oh. Flight Time! I finally get it!

Everyone keeps turning in wrong articles to Don Giovani and I’m just waiting for one of them to deck him as he keeps laughing at them. I would’ve surely knocked that smile off of him.

Cheynne finds it first!!! (OF COURSE) and they head off to the pit stop: Prague Castle. Everyone else cheers that they don’t have to hear the name “Cheynne” cried across the theatre any longer. Imagine beating Flipper with a wire hanger. That’s what it sounded like.

Dan finds the lil’ instrument and the boys head out as Team Oreo is walking in… AAAAWKWARD! Team BroMos hides their eyes and scampers out. That’s shitty. They could’ve at least apologized and said it was just a game. Or something.

Although I can understand not looking her directly in the eye.

Team Master Race soon arrives at the castle and checks in as team #1. Ugh big surprise. Can’t they bust one of their knees and make this race a little more interesting? AND they win a trip to Hawaii! Just give ‘em the million dollars already.

Team Trotters finally finds the instrument and check in right behind the BroMos! Oh snap – it looks like Team Oreo is on the chopping block!

OMG! How’s this for an AWKWARD hug?!?! I love how the Trotters throw their big arms around them and these two stand there and tense up like a white woman at the Apollo.

After what seems like HOURS, Ms. America finally finds it and Team Oreo “czechs” in last. (GET IT?!) BUT WAIT!!! It’s a NON-ELIMATION ROUND?! AGAIN?!! Hmmm!!!! SUSPECT! I’d be pissed if it wasn’t for the fact that I can’t WAIT to see Ms. America bitch slap the gay off BroMos’ face!

That’s it! What’d everyone think?! I think it’s building for a great finale. Just hoping Master Race isn’t too far ahead when they win. What’s everyone think?! Come on and DISH IT!!!