Hey readers! I’m doing a quickie recap for last weeks so I can get this past Sunday’s episode up pronto! Let’s get to it!
Last week – we lost quite possibly the dumbest player ever on the race, Amanda, and one of the hottest, Kris (Thanks Amanda – YOU SUCK.) We grieve but we must go on – we have to – because this is the AMAZING RACE!!!
The Flight Attendants take off from Siberia via train to Russia with Jen & Kisha close behind. Kisha comes out with one of my fav lines of the season:
Kisha: How do you know we’re going in the right way – I ain’t trying to walk around Russia! Jen: It’s beautiful! Kisha: BEAUTIFUL MY ASS!
Love it! You think she put THAT on the application for Amazing Race?!! “RUSSIA? Oh heeellllll no!”
Everyone catches up at the train station where Mike quotes from the bible, “Let the first become last and the last become first.” Wow. Mike was quoting from the bible?! I’m shocked a giant thunderbolt didn’t just wipe out half of Russia.
There’s cramped quarters on the train. Kisha’s feet hang over the bed…
And apparently there’s some sort of food shortage.
Mike, realizing the they’re one of the stronger teams, takes time to butter up to Margie and Luke. In the process he calls Luke a “sinister deaf kid.” Yikes. Might want to let Mel do the smooth talking from now on. Thank god he got out of there before he called Margie a “menopausal vaginosaur”.
Teams arrive at the city (long Russian name – no vowels). The Cheerleaders start to take off and then wait for their fav’s, Margie & Luke. Are those two wearing pheromones or what?! What’s with all the love?
Lil Guy’s run across 4 lanes of traffic and claim it’s “Ok – we know how to get hit by cars! We’re STUNTMEN!”
I think someone told them they had stunted growth at some point and they misunderstood.
DETOUR! Phil tells us that teams must choose between 2 unavoidable aspects of Siberian life – “Russian Bride” or “Russian Snowplow”. WOW. I can’t believe they just compared marrying a woman and shoveling snow – and called them both “unavoidable”.
Although to be fair – brides or snow – both are getting plowed by days end.
Luke: You are deaf – not blind. Fix your fucking hair for 5 seconds. You look like you’re trying to bring grunge back in. And nobody wants that.
Mel and Mike choose to look for a bride – for the first and last time ever.
And WTF happened to Victor too?! TORE UP. Listen people – cold or not – you’re on TV – look PRETTY. It’s all we ask. Especially after you a-holes let Kris get booted.
Teams all get lost on the way to their challenges. Victor starts to find his way and promptly ditches the other teams. Luke is FURIOUS!
He shows us the sign for “I’ll strangle the fuck out of Victor.”
The Flight Attendant’s do the Russian Brides because they say they’re easy. (I just wanted to be able to write that sentence.)
Mike and Mel are so cute as they find their Russian bride. They’re really excited and sweet to her. It’s too bad she can’t marry a sweet, American gay man. There’d be a lot less body hair and beatings to deal with.
Meanwhile Victor’s complaining that it’s hard to drive stick. But I’m guessing if anyone’s a pro at it – he is.
At the snow plow challenge, the Cheerleaders are FREAKING OUT that no one there speaks English!!! I’d be pissed too. Almost as pissed as if I went to an Italian restaurant and ordered the bean burrito. WTF?!!?
The Flight Attendants have a bad run-in with some locals. Apparently they “smelled of vodka and had bad teeth”. DAMN! It looks like Linda & Steve missed a leg of the race when they would’ve been in their element!
The locals really loved the FA’s though…
If only Luke could’ve been there to translate.
Lil’ Guys say they’ll be excellent at driving snow plows because they’ve done it before. Didn’t they say that about stacking wood? This should be good.
The Cheerleaders plow their way through the challenge surprisingly well. As do Margie and Luke. Luke seems especially bratty this episode. Anyone else agree?
The FA’s apologize to their Russian bride…
Cause you KNOW that’s their prime man-feasting time. Total cougars-in-training.
Tammy manages to finish plowing without Victor freaking out too much. He’s whining less because they’re in the lead yet again.
Meanwhile Luke is about to finish plowing…
Guess how many more times you’ll have to say that before he hears you?
Those teams are now off to a library. Well – if Kris and Amanda HAD made it this far, that would surely have been their demise.
Kisha and Jen are having a bitch of a time driving the Russian Bride. It could because Jen refuses to take it out of first gear. I hope they know how to say “We need a new engine.” in Russian.
The FA’s are lost with their bride who is “freezing her ass off”. That chick is NOT happy.
Teams arrive at the library to find a Roadblock.
Oh Phil. The things you’ll do for an Emmy. Let it go buddy. Let it go.
Teams must run 1.4 miles in their underwear. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!? I’d give a shit less about the underwear part if it wasn’t FREEZING there. I hope the next pitstop includes flu shots and an ICU.
BTW – Kris could’ve been here for this. I HATE YOU AMANDA.
Luke, Tammy and Cara all run in their underwear. No matter who runs, Mike or Mel, I’m going to blind myself.
What is it about Lil’ Guys that just makes you want to pick them up and squueeeze them?!
The sisters catch up and the FA’s, now in last place, finally get their bride to the wedding.
Margie and Luke come in first place – no surprise there – sinister deaf kid! Although I give him props for running the whole way. Unlike Cara. Jaime’s head pretty much spins around when Tammy tells her Cara is walking. I dare her to say one friggin’ thing to Cara. There’ll be a cheerleader massacre.
Victor’s excited that the pit stop is at a ballet. Good God. We get it already Victor.
Mike and Lil’ Guy are running away. I’ll do everyone and NOT post a photo. They’re not the only ones getting shrinkage out of this ordeal.
Jen is driving like shit all over the city. Not only does she almost smash the car up – she pretty much ruins the engine. I hope they post an extra video online of when the PA returns that car to the rental place.
BTW – It’s pretty bad when your Dad looks less-likely-to-drop-dead than you do.
Lil’ Guys finally arrive and walk by Phil. So Phil starts whistling and snapping at them! LOL. “Here boys… come on… goooooood boys! You get a cookie!”
I was disappointed that he didn’t pet them on the head when they arrived.
Jen decides to take the run and in process we learn she doesn’t wear underwear. Ick. They give her underwear to wear…
But I think they should’ve taught her a lesson and made her go without.
Len takes off as the FA’s arrive behind them. Almost worse than having no underwear? Wearing a thong.
Wow. Half of Russia could see her One-Way ticket.
BTW – Jodie slammed her finger in the car door. She’s a total trooper about it. Or is she a CYLON?!?
Kisha and Jen check in as team #6 and the FA’s are LAST. BUT… it’s this season’s first NON-ELIMINATION! They’re safe! What a waste. Should’ve saved Kris and ditched Amanda. I’M JUST SAYING!
Thoughts?!!? DISH IT!!!