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Howdy fans! Welcome back! Last week we learned that Marcy liked Vietnam so much she decided to stay there, apparently the Harlem Globetrotters really are quite the globe-trotters and Lance may quite possibly be the dumbest person on the show… ever. But it’s not just about brains – it’s about brawn too (“ROAR! Lance destroy VCR!!!). Why? Because this is… AMAZING RACE!
Team Trotters are the first to leave to their new destination… Phnom Penh, Cambodia! Yikes. They’re really getting the nickel tour of Asia. With any luck they’re booked at the Hotel Khmer Rouge for the evening. Where you might check in but don’t check out! What? Too soon?
Once the team arrives, they must find a Foreign Correspondent and whisper to them at the FCC. Whisper what?! “Bastardization of Foreign Culture”? That could be appropriate.
Team Farm Boys’ Dad complains about Matt’s pink hair and how it’s always changing. This is just as Matt marvels at the night life of the city. You can just hear Dad thinking, ” Plllleeeeease just don’t say “gay bar”. Dear God my heart can’t take it.”
Team Oreo is now referring to themselves as Team Jungle Fever. It’s like they try to out-racist everyone watching the show. I swear next episode they’ll be wearing black and white face respectively.
Team Pokerface grabs their clue and the $91 they get for this leg. I’d love to see them take the money, go to a casino and walk back out 20 minutes later with $3000 .
Team Trotters soon finds out that there are no flights out tonight and must wait til morning. Good luck finding a bench your size to sleep on!
“What? Me? Where? A bug??! On my face??! Where?! Oh… that. Fuck you, man.”
I love this comic.
Other teams start to arrive at the airport as Team Trotters get their tickets for the next morning. Zev and Justin are stuck in traffic though. Does anyone else notice how Zev’s voice gets increasingly high-pitched and nasally as tension mounts? He’s gonna blow out all the TV’s at Bloomingdales! Anyone? Anyone….?
Once Zev & Justin arrive at the airport, Lance announces that they’re “IN LAST PLACE!” while they’re standing 5 feet behind from him. SERIOUSLY Captain Obvious?! And like it matters right then and there!!!
Ok… so was every ticketing agent sick during this week or was there an outbreak we didn’t know about?! Or are these morons all at a hospital and think it’s an airport?
Best part so far?! The dumb-founded look on Lance’s face when he finds out the first flight is sold out! It’s like someone just told him steroids make your balls shrink.
The remaining teams, Lance & Keri and Zev & Justin start begging to make it on the first flight.
Keri should quietly explain to the ticketing agents what might happen if Lance doesn’t get on the plane…
“LANCE SMASH VIETNAM!!!”
The begging actually pays off and much to the other team’s dismay, the teams make a just-time-arrival to the plane.
It’s like he knows the exact douche-baggiest thing to do at any given moment. Is that a talent?
Teams are on now on their way to Phnom Penh, Cambodia – or as Zev and Justin call it…
Sean Penn, Cambodia
Teams land in Cambodia and make a mad dash for taxis to get to the Foreign Correspondents club. Everyone starts the traditional “yell at the taxi drivers to drive faster” and you can see the “why the fuck did “Amazing Race” have to come to Cambodia this season?!” look on most of their faces.
Side Note: I totally think I heard a rip-off of the Goonies theme song playing at one point. The one during the Fratelli chase scene. “Follow them size 5′s!”
Team BroMos are the first to the FCC and find the editor reading a paper – cause that’s what they do in the movies. Wear Panama Jack hats and read papers under ceiling fans. Do you think the headline reads “Morons Invade City: Taxi Drivers Strike”?
Sam asks the all-important question…
“Tell me… do I look fat in this? Because my BroMo totally said it did. And I’m all like ‘Oh hell no gurl!’”
Once teams get the paper, their clue is a photo of Jackie Kennedy and to find the suite named after her from her only visit to Cambodia. You know Team BroMos are gonna roll around in that suite covered in pearls and fur.
Mika and Canaan get stalled because Canaan keeps asking for the “task” instead of “assignment”. The dude just shakes his head and pretends to be confused. I would’ve ripped that fucking clue off the table so fast. “Screw you Panama Jack!”
Teams try to find where the Jackie O suite is but you know what’s holding them back? MOST OF THEM DON’T RECOGNIZE A PHOTO OF JACKIE O!!! WTF is wrong with you people?! Oh but it gets better… LANCE is the first one to recognize who it is! IS THIS OPPOSITE DAY?!
Meanwhile Mika and Canna think it’s Queen Elizabeth. WHAT??! That’s like mistaking Lucille Ball for Carrot Top. AND THE GAYS DON’T KNOW WHO SHE IS?!!? THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD!!! SHAME! FOR SHAME!!! You’re breaking stereotypes in the worst way!!!
Zev (who knows his lady) and Justin are the first to find the Jackie O suite and the next clue – a DETOUR! In this detour they must choose “Cover”…
In which teams sell helmets to families on bikes (literally, whole families on bikes) in the hopes that a piece of plastic will save a four-people-on-a-shitty-moped accident/disaster.
BTW – I’ll never complain about needing an SUV again.
In “Wrap” teams buy scarves and find the lady walking around the market with the matching scarves. This should be good. I can’t wait to watch Team Trotters go racing up to women to grab the scarves off their necks. I hope “AR” has a team of lawyers with them.
Team Oreo and Team Farm Boys are still looking for the hotel since their cab driver brings them to some locked shed and just shrugs like, “Oops. Not it. Ok you pay fare now.”
While in their cab, Zev and Justin talk to their cab driver about the ethics of lying to other teams. Yes. Because when you’re looking for ethical answers – a cab driver in any country is the first person to ask. Next on the list, asking for advice on celibacy in the red light district.
Team BroMos make it to the Hotel next and on their way out, after finding the clue, they LIE to the other teams that they didn’t see it. And to the Christians no less! Oh for Christ’s sake!!
Team BroMos choose “Wrap” because they know scarves – just ask any Mo in LA wearing a scarf with a t-shirt 6 months out of the year. I MEAN REALLY. Why don’t you throw in a pair of Uggs?! Sorry – I digress.
Zev and Justin buy a scarf and immediately enlist the help of their cab driver. I hope all of these “thirds” get a cut of the money if they win! I haven’t seen this many 3ways since the Potluck Party at the Kutcher/Moore household.
Team Massholes finally find the clue at the Hotel and decide to “sell the fah (four) helmets!” Meanwhile, Zev and Justin, well in the lead, find the girl wearing the matching scarf and get their next clue! Teams must travel to “Wat Toul Tom Pong”. I love that place. Great burgers.
Team BroMos arrive at the Russian Market and QUICKLY find the matching scarf. Nice! Jackie O would be proud… IF YOU KNEW WHO SHE WAS! FAIL!
Team Trotters enlist the help of two random ladies from Pennsylvania to look for scarves. What are the chances?!
Big Flight gets a lot of surprise reactions from the 4’10″ locals. Honestly I think they were reacting to the shirt he’s worn for 4 days straight now.
Team Master Race finally arrives to the market while Team Pokerface is still looking for it. They’re about ready to lose it… it’s about time! It’s halfway through the episode already!
Up ahead, Zev and Justin encounter the Road Block…
Dear God, If you exist, this Road Block will require teams to throw their own feces at Lance.
Zev decides to monkey around and nails the first two routines right away!
Back at the market, Team Master Race, Team Oreo Team Bible-Beaters and Team Trotters are scrambling to find their matching scarves.
Brian almost strangles the poor girl when he finds her. Save it for the kinkier Road Block’s mister! Or for the next time Miss America gets on your nerves.
Meanwhile, Team Trotters runs their scarf-girl down. There was no way she was gonna outrun them. I’ve seen plenty of episodes of “COPS”.
Zev is having difficulty with the last monkey routine and flips out when Justin keeps trying to vocally help…
We also learn that he gets spirit fingers when pissed.
Team Bromos are next up to monkey around and Dan jumps right in. Zev is losing their first place lead because he’s “too exhausted” to walk on the log with his hands and feet. These people do understand things will get worse right?!
Get up! It’s not the “Amazing SAUNTER AND RECLINE”!!!
Dan flies through the challenge and Team BroMos get their last clue – the pit stop is “Wat Phnom”! Go BroMos! I hope they win a biography about JACKIE O.
Back at the market, Team Bible Beaters whines that it’s hot and sweaty in the market. Appreciate it Canaan, it’ll be the only time you’re getting hot and sweaty for awhile!
Team Farm Boys believe that because of their hunting skills they should be able to spot the scarf-girl. Cool! I can’t wait to see them take her down with a 12 gauge. Check the watering holes!
Team Massholes is still trying to sell bike helmets. It’s like no one wants to buy helmets from a guy that looks like he has brain damage.
Zev finally completes the monkey challenge and the boys are off to the pit stop. He also apologizes to Justin for yelling at him. Aww. They really are the sweetest couple on the race.
Team Trotters and Team Oreo are now doing the monkey challenge. This has to be one of the easiest Road blocks ever. Actually – easiest episodes! Find a scarf and walk like a monkey?! What happened to jumping off of a Dam and carrying crazy ass shit all over a city?!? Solving really hard puzzles?! Eating shit that makes you… well… SHIT!? You’re slacking Phil!!!
Team Farm Boys finish the scarf challenge while Team Massholes finally found a family to overcharge for bike helmets. That’s cool. It’s not like they’re poor or anything. Good luck making rent this month but you’ll have those beautiful new helmets!
Team BroMos is flipping that there moped-rickshaw guy isn’t moving fast enough. Dan really loses his shit in these situations. And btw – does anyone else think he looks like Bobby Canavale?
Team Trotters and Team Oreo get the monkey challenge done in like 10 seconds. TVgasm’s team of lawyers has asked that I now express “No Comment.”
One of my favorite moments is Cheynne encouraging Meghan through the monkey challenge. “Come on baby! Bend over! That’s it!” They DO realize this shit is recorded and shown on TV right?!
Team Massholes gets to the monkey challenge and Keri decides to do it. DAMN IT!!! Come on!!! I was so excited to watch him go ape shit!!! I really hope Lance stays in the race for awhile. He’s so fun to hate on.
Team Master Race finishes the task – but not before Meghan shows us her Master Rash.
Team Pokerface (where they even IN this episode?!?) finally matches their scarf and heads off to the monkey challenge.
Team Zev & Justin check in first!!! Meanwhile, Team BroMo’s – fresh off of a slow-moving moped-rickshaw check in 2nd with Team Trotters right behind them.
BUT WAIT!!! Looks like Zev and Justin LOST THEIR PASSPORTS!!! WHAAAA?!? They report back to Phil who lays the smack down – they’re OUT OF THE RACE unless they find Zev’s passport!!! OH fuck a monkey!!!
They search through their bags but can’t find it anywhere so they must backtrack along the course to find it! That shouldn’t be too hard. I’m sure it’s not lost/stolen in the MIDDLE OF CAMBODIA!
MONKEY FUCKED.
The good news is that they have until the last team checks in to find it. At the rate Keri is being a monkey – they might have a shot. Oops no. They’re done. Fuuuuuucked!
While Canaan monkey’s it up – Zev and Justin get their fav cab driver back to look for their passport!
Let me get this straight – they choose MARIA to be the monkey?! Just saying.
Team Oreo check in as Team #3 but they really might be #2. Team Pokerface and Team Bible Beaters finish the challenge and race to the pit stop for what MIGHT be last! Meanwhile, Team Farm Boys and Team Master Race are all checked in! HURRY ZEV AND JUSTIN!!!!
Maria finally gets some face time and tells the camera she wishes she could’ve been a better monkey. Aaaaaand SCENE! LOL! They literally got like 30 seconds of camera time this episode!
Meanwhile Lance shows us how he sniffs his masshole. Priceless.
Zev and Justin are still looking for Zev’s passport. They are remaining AMAZINGLY calm – almost too calm.
Talk about downplaying a situation. What happened to the guy who collapsed when he had to act like a monkey?
Team Bible-Beaters beats Team Pokerface to the pit stop! HOWEVER, Phil tells them that they won’t be eliminated IF Zev and Justin don’t find their passports. Of course, they react gleefully. I only wish Zev and Justin were there to see such jubilation.
Zev and Justin finally check in, without passports, but full of love and friendship. It’s heart-breaking. They are the epitome of good friends, lovers and Amazing Racers…
Except that they lost their fucking passports. Have fun being stuck in Sean Penn!
YOU FAIL SO HARD!
So that’s it! I can’t believe it! The nicest team and they get booted! Why can’t these people use those passport necklaces?!? Is it “Amazing Race” rules to keep them in precarious areas to spice things up!? And this episode was a little weak on the activities! The whole thing was rather depressing. WHAT THE FUCK PHIL?!?! Let me hear what you all think! Come on aaaaaaaand DISH IT!
21 Comments
Awesome recap of a lame episode with lame challenges. Nice screen-grab of Lance’s biceps bulge.
Great recap, bBitz! There are some CLASSIC comments in there!
Awww, poor Zev and Justin. I’d have loved to see Lance lose his passport and then his mind!
I honestly can’t believe how oblivious Team Zebra is of how racist they sound, especially being an interracial couple. I was sorry to see Team Aspergers go they were the nicest people on the race. This really was a non-challenging episode when teams were checking in less than half way through the episode. Great recap.
Spirit fingers–loved it!
I agree with Clair and rj, there have been a lot of lame/easy challenges this season, so far.
And these people, winded after trying to act like a monkey??? I’m no athlete, but, waaaa waaa. What a bunch of wimps. Or poor editing decisions.
Hope this season picks up soon.
Ok so wasn’t it team Bromos in the scarf challenge that their scarf girl was three feet from the scarf stand? How cheap is this show getting? No prize for first place? Also in the past the camera man has always been able to do a slow pan to the passport left behind on a boat/train/taxi, etc. I suspect their passport was lifted. I just hope Uncle Sam doesn’t trace the next terrorist attack back to a guy named Zev. Funny recap, better than the episode. Each time they’ve done a challenge this season I’m like “That’s it???”. Also I thought the helmet challenge was totally staged. How many families of four happen to be riding around that marketplace at exactly that time. Lance is a bigger douche than Jessie from BB. At least Jessie is not aggressive.
I went to college with Big Flight.
That is all.
“I swear next episode they’ll be wearing black and white face respectively.” LOL! I too cringe at all the racist remarks coming out of their mouths.
I wsa totally pissed when Zev and Justin was eliminated.
BBitz – another hilarious recap! The “Elimination Station” section on the CBS web site explained what happened to Zev’s passport. Someone actually turned it in – and it was waiting for him when they went to the US Embassy (what? We have an Embassy in Cambodia, but somehow Cuba is still off-limits?). I agree that it should have happened to Lance – that would have made a great screen cap. A still of the passport with “I am so done with you” underneath as caption!
Splash?
Hate team passive-aggresive-racist….in total lust with Meghan…Want to punch lance in the scrum…and i lollerd at “no comment”
for the record…it is NOT ok to say racist things as a pre-emptive strike just because one of you are black…it is still racist you tool bags….
is anyone else wondering how a ball bag like him got a miss USA??? Just a thought…
I never got the idea that Zev and Justin were LOVERS. They were strangely CLOSE but I just figured it was one of those bizarro metrosexual things.
Still want LANCE to walk around with his shirt off. (Yes, I know he’s a jerk.)
Still think Mr. America is cute though I wonder how she became Miss America. Maybe, she was really good in the talent portion?
AR is one of the few shows my son and I watch together. He’s 16, and has Asperger’s, too, and we were sad about Zev losing his passport. One Asperger’s symptom is really poor motor skills, so Zev did well, considering. I’m surprised (and encouraged) Zev was so very calm after struggling with the task. Asperger’s Syndrome usually means big-time frustration when one can’t complete something. I’m encouraged to see my son may improve in that area! It’s awesome to see Zev has a close friend, too–another difficulty for AS people.
Hey everyone!
Thanks for reading and commenting! Love the love.
Glad everyone else felt these challenges have gotten lame! And I meant to comment on the fact that there was NO PRIZE!!! WTF??! Not even a bicycle?! A hat?!? A T-SHIRT that says “I won a leg of “AR” and all I got was this *&@$^%! T-Shirt!”
Loula – happy to hear you went to school with Big Flight. Anyone go to special ed with Lance?
channel dasher – Thanks for the update! I did think they should’ve hurried up a ‘lil looking for their passport but maybe they knew how close the other teams were since the challenges were so friggin’ lame.
krisk: Nailed it! 10 points!
pappy44: I think she married the whitest white guy so she could show how non-racist she is. At this rate I’m guessing his family is in the NAACP and her family is in the KKK. I kid, I kid.
Mr. Dangerous: I read your comment and knew it was you before I looked back at the name. Lance…shirt off? Sick!
82kmara: Zev was a great example for your son. Stayed cool and collected and NICE for the most part. I got in a world of shit last season for busting on the deaf kid – who I thought was rather bitchy/whiny/snotty at times – which deserved some ridicule. But I had nothing on Zev because he was such a nice guy. Sucks they got booted.
Like all, I’m totally bummed by the elimination, I just kept crying no, no, no at the screen like the dollop of ice cream fell off my cone . . .
Mr. D, I too am unsurprised that you want to see some Lance flesh–he looks rather mooby, but we’ll see at some point if they stay in the race. It’s humbling to see someone from my hometown in this light- no wonder I’m such an idiot! Sadly, bone heads with Boston accents will always have a special place in my heart . . . sigh . . .
I very much noticed the lammo challenges, and of course it’s a set up to have peeps with four on a moped–they probably had decoy groups of 4 with all adults, just to be all tricky.
Don’t think I’ve ever seen Phil have a connection with a contestant like he does with Lance. It’s stunning to see that much cluelessness in action.
Team zebra seems harmless enough, but it’s not a novelty to be an interracial couple, this is not 1960. I still like them, probably because of her–I find it refreshing to see a pagent girl let it all hang out. Oddly enough, I couldn’t pick the hubby from a crowd–is it me or is he just that generic!?
Thanks BB for the cappy!
About Zev & Justin:
I read a post-race interview with Zev/Justin where they said that the time difference from their pitstop check-in and Team Pokerface’s check-in was really small, like 26 minutes, so they really didn’t have time to find Justin’s passport.
Also, although it wasn’t announced, they each won a motorcycle for checking in first. They said they don’t like motorcycles (can’t imagine riding them down Highway 1) and they refused the prize.
May be the first AR team to ever refuse a prize.
They were also 3 days late at the Elimination Station.
Holy shit!!!! I am STILL laughing at the Sean Penn picture! Good recap, dumb episode. I wanted team retardos to win it all.
Sad, sad. The elimination station episode they said Justin dropped the passport in some temple they mistakenly went into and it was dark, so probably no video in there. Totally Justin’s fault, not Zev’s, as Justin grabbed their light and dropped the passport.
But, come on, how can you run this race and NOT guard your passport like gold? It’s crazy. And coming off their best day ever, too.
Hoping to see Lance’s steroid enhanced muscles blow up…
“AR is one of the few shows my son and I watch together. He’s 16, and has Asperger’s, too, and we were sad about Zev losing his passport. One Asperger’s symptom is really poor motor skills, so Zev did well, considering. I’m surprised (and encouraged) Zev was so very calm after struggling with the task. Asperger’s Syndrome usually means big-time frustration when one can’t complete something. I’m encouraged to see my son may improve in that area! It’s awesome to see Zev has a close friend, too–another difficulty for AS people.”
As a teenager with Asperger’s, I’d have to say that I definitely agree =)
“Holy shit!!!! I am STILL laughing at the Sean Penn picture! Good recap, dumb episode. I wanted team retardos to win it all.”
Team retardos? Really?…
TV FREAK:
Thanks for the FYI on Asperger’s. I didn’t know what it was. Zev seemed very Zen to me, all the time, so I didn’t think it was necessarily a “bad” thing. After your enlightening post I think Zev showed a great deal of determination doing the monkey challenge. Good for him.
Sad to see both of them go.
“TV FREAK:
Thanks for the FYI on Asperger’s. I didn’t know what it was. Zev seemed very Zen to me, all the time, so I didn’t think it was necessarily a “bad” thing. After your enlightening post I think Zev showed a great deal of determination doing the monkey challenge. Good for him.”
For the record, I think you are refering to the part that I quoted from 82kmara. I only added the second paragraph =P