Gone Fishing

Amazing Race

By B-Side | Thursday, April 6, 2006 | 6:18 pm | 62 Comments

mojoswordfish The Amazing Race continued its high-speed trek around the globe last night as it spent another eventful night touring the fish markets and ancient ruins of Sicily. The episode wasn’t quite as exciting as last week’s pulse-pounding adventure, but it still was entertaining and funny enough to pass the hour effortlessly. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find any ratings information, but I’m hoping the show recaptured some of the viewers it had lost in that dark and lonely Tuesday timeslot. I mean, how could people resist the Race? Phil even danced, and if that’s not worth a few ratings points, I don’t know what is.The show started off in the ancient town of Segesta, Italy where the Hippies emerged from the Pit Stop first. Their clue told them to drive to the city of Catania, and thus, this week’s Phonics Butchery Olympics began. The Hippies called the town “Catalina” (wrong) and then after a little bit of stuttering, Tyler simply said, “Let’s drive to that town that we can’t pronounce.” Man, if these Harvard-educated hippies couldn’t tackle “Catania,” I couldn’t even imagine how the other teams would mangle it. I already had visions of Monica saying “Catolona? Catooono? Coconut? Paller-mo?”

Anyway, as the Hippies trotted off, we then caught up with them in an interview as they talked about their friendly rivals, Jeremy and Eric. “They’re definitely dumb,” BJ said. Yeah, that’s like me announcing that Martin Luther King Jr. is black. Nevertheless, BJ continued: “But people who are very dumb wind up having the best luck a lot of time. But eventually, dumb luck runs out.” And when dumb luck runs out, that’s when the fun begins:

We then returned to the Hippies, who had taken a brief pause from the race to scratch a dog’s belly. A stray dog’s belly, mind you. Uh, who were they calling dumb before? Hope they enjoy the rabies! Cut to BJ foaming at the mouth, trying to bite Phil. Creepy.

Next out of the gate was the ever lovable, ever thick-headed Team Jeric. “As a valet and a waiter, we haven’t traveled the world as much as the Hippies,” Eric said. He then added, “Come to think of it, as a valet and a waiter, we haven’t really done much of anything at all. Wow… Hey, look! A cotton ball!”

Okay, okay. He didn’t say that last part, but that didn’t prevent me from hearing the quiet calliope music playing in Jeremy’s head. The two mimbos then ran off in chase of those infernal Hippies and their “pixie dust” (as Jeremy called it), and then next, we found Joseph and Monica, Team Jomo! Oh, I mean, Mojo. Sure enough, they butchered “Catania” by calling it “Catina,” but personally, I was more bothered by the fact that in their interview, the two were literally sitting on top of each other. Seriously, there are two seats. SPREAD OUT!

They HATE multiple chairs.

Anyway, as Mojo trekked to the mysterious town of “Catina,” they stopped some random dude on the street and asked for directions. Moments later, Joseph noted how crazy it was in these countries how you could stop someone at 5 AM, and they don’t expect to be murdered. Listen, Joseph, you’re in Sicily. They do murder differently there:

Next on the road were Fran and Barry who were so sure about where to go that they didn’t even need to stop for directions. After all, driving around and following maps is their thing, as they’re often proud to note. Unfortunately, for two people who brag so much about their navigational skills, you’d think they’d find something better than the little map they were using in their tourist guide book. I mean, if Jeric could find a sprawling map (literally, it like took up the whole dashboard), I think Fran and Barry should have been able to find one also. Then again, chances are Fran and Barry walked by the map vendor twelve times, saying, “There has to be someone around here who sells maps. I can’t believe this. Keep an eye out!”

Meanwhile, at the front of the pack, the Hippies arrived at the next destination, and here’s a shock: the old ruins they were supposed to access wouldn’t be open until 8:30 AM. With nothing else to do, the guys then found a pen and paper and decided to write a “team order” sign and post it on the gate, just to see if anyone would fall for it. Chances are no one would fall for it — after all, it was handwritten on what looked like Sheraton stationery, but then again, you can never overlook the stupidity of Jeric. They actually covered their heads when they saw the trailer for Chicken Little.

Back at the Pit Stop, Lake and Michelle emerged full of the usual hyper-kinetic energy, and right off the bat, they were making blunders. The clue said they had $63 for this leg of the race, but wait! They only had $61! “We’re short! We’re short!” Blake panicked. Dang GUMMIT! We done didn’t get our moneys!!!

Luckily, eagle-eyed Michelle knew something was up. She opened up the clue again and guess what? She found the two remaining dollars! KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!!

The couple then hopped in their car and began their trek across the island. “It’s not hard to figure out where to go, obviously,” Lake said. Mmm hmmm. This comes from the man who makes at least three wrong turns every episode (triple dang nabbit on that). Anyway, as the two drove, Lake revealed that he really wanted to sleep a few hours longer and that all the sleep deprivation was starting to irritate him. Wow, and here I thought it was them black people that was gettin’ his goat.

Next out of the gate were the Nerds who were especially excited to go to, sigh, “Cantonia,” wherever THAT was. As the two happily headed off to the sound of their special clarinet music, Dave then told us that on the last leg, “I was supremely frustrated with Lori.” Huh? He then added, “I was so mad. I even ROLLED MY EYES. But not when she was looking. Oh god, that would just be abusive.”

Last out of the Pit Stop were the quietly wonderful duo of Ray and Yolanda, and just like every other team, they too offered their own unique twist on “Catania.”

“Like ‘Cat’ and ‘Nia,’” Yolanda explained to Ray, nearly forcing him to say more than a syllable in response. Luckily, some kind local was friendly enough to say that it was Cat-ah-nia, not Catnia. As the two learned the finer nuances of Italian phonics and pronunciation, Jeric arrived at the next destination where they found the Hippies’ waiting list. And like the goofy idiots that they are, the two guys actually signed it. “This is kind of ghetto,” Jeremy remarked. Yeah, that’s because it’s FAKE!

“Wait a second,” Eric then said. “Did they write this?” NO. It’s from Les Moonves. Sadly, the guys caught on to the joke when they realized the pen and the paper and everything about it was clearly from BJ and Tyler. “It looked so official!” Eric later commented. Other things that look official to Eric: unicorns.

Back on the road, Frankenberry was completely lost. Yes, I know. Shocker. Barry expressed some consternation, saying quietly, “We’re screwed.” To which Fran sternly replied, “CALM DOWN! OKAY? CALM DOWN!” Whoa, YOU calm down! I can just imagine Barry going to a restaurant with Fran and not knowing what to order. Barry: “I’m thinking about the chicken, but that steak looks pretty good too.” Fran: “JUST CALM DOWN!!! CALM DOWN, I SAY!!!”

Anyway, over in Catania, the ruins finally opened up, and the Hippies and Jeric learned that they’d have to count the decorative heads adorning the fence around the entire attraction and then report the number to a groundskeeper hanging out in the ruins. The guys quickly ran around and counted all forty-one heads and then received their next clue, which happened to be the Detour. This week’s options: “Big Fish” or “Little Fish.”

In “Big Fish,” teams had to carry a thirty-two pound swordfish a third of a mile through the narrow, winding streets to a vendor in a local marketplace. In “Little Fish,” teams had to go to that marketplace and sell four kilos worth of cocaine. Oops, I meant fish. Anyway, the Hippies briefly contemplated “Little Fish,” but as Tyler noted, “It’s going to be hard to sell fish in the morning.” Yeah, it’s not like fish markets are known for their early morning crowds or anything. And besides, no one likes fresh fish in the morning. The real buyers come out at noontime when the hot sun’s been beating down on all the rotting corpses. Tasty!

Well, Jeric and the Hippies both opted to carry their swordfish (Jeremy and Eric are never ones to deny long, hard objects), and while they lugged their piscine buddies around town, we then returned to Frankenberry who were still (surprise, surprise) lost. By this time, Barry really had grown quite testy, probably because Fran kept telling him to “Make a right” over and over again (hint to old people: constant right turns = A LOOP). If it made Barry feel any better, he wasn’t the only one struggling. Our favorite dentist and wife, Lake and Michelle, were also confounded by the Catania traffic. They tried desperately to find road signs to the next route marker, but, well, it’s kind of hard to do that if you don’t have any concept of what a road sign looks like.

“What is that thing right there??” Lake yelped excitedly.

“A school bus,” Michelle answered.

“DAMN!” Lake then replied. So yes, he actually entertained the thought that a school bus was a road sign. Either that, or they were simply playing I Spy.

Elsewhere on the road were the Nerds, who also faced massive congestion. “We are stuck in traffic,” Dave said, adding, “Oh well.” Wow. He is SO frustrated right now! Sometimes I wish he could just control his temper.

Back at the Detour, the guys were still hauling their swordfish around town. “I feel like I’m holding a wet cat,” one of the Hippies said. “I feel like I’m riding a smelly human. Oh wait, I am,” replied the swordfish. After a few more minutes of running around and talking like Mario and Luigi, they finally found their fish vendor and received the next clue: drive to Siracusa! Yay!

The Hippies and Jeric each hopped in their cars and drove while the oldsters FINALLY found the ruins. And about two second later, they were confused again. Barry struggled with the clue, reading, “Count the heads on the fence post. The fence post. The…” FENCE POST. FENCE POST. How much more explicit can they be? FENCE POST!

Luckily, Frankenberry didn’t take four hours to find the fence post, and after counting up all the little heads, they then encountered their next giant obstacle: finding the groundskeeper. This meant that Fran went running around the ruins, saying “Hello??” after every corner. It was almost as if she were playing some lame, alterna-version of Marco Polo.

Meanwhile, Mojo had arrived at the Detour, and like the two teams before them, they decided to carry the fish. It seemed like fun times for these lovebirds, and Monica sure got a kick out of terrorizing locals with the swordfish’s beak. Of course, you know that if anyone were to ever point one of those things at her, she’d be the first to scream.

Elsewhere in the city, the Nerds finally arrived at the ruins, causing Dave to say, “Let me just find somewhere to park.” Seriously, get this man an anger management class. He’s borderline psychotic with his frustration.

Hey, remember Raylonda? Well, they were still hangin’ around, but unlike the other teams, they just couldn’t find the ruins. So what did they do? They parked their car in a random alley and walked around on foot. Seemed like a risky move, but hey, it was their choice, not mine. Anyway, the two tried to ask people where the ruins were, but all they got was the cold shoulder. Whenever Ray even opened his mouth, people just automatically said, “NO!” Ah yes. Racism, Sicilian style!

Back in Frankenberry land, the two seniors decided that carrying heavy fish wasn’t really their thang. So instead they opted to sell four kilos of fish instead. Easier said than done. You see, Barry had chosen this day to wear his sexy tank-top, which allowed everyone to see his thick fleece of body hair. I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say that people don’t always want to buy fish from very, very hairy men. That, and Fran kept yelling “4 KILOS!!!” I often love when foreigners yell random weights and measurements at me. The other day, a Russian woman yelled “14 MILLIGRAMS!” and I nearly fainted with excitement.

As for Mojo, their spirits had suddenly taken a turn for the worst. It’s almost as if the balloon of glee they had been riding in had been fatally punctured — punctured by a SWORDFISH. You see, what had started out as a fun, “taunt the Sicilians with our swordfish!” romp had turned into an arduous test of endurance and patience. The two simply could not find their fishmonger at the market. They kept going from place to place, and with each wrong vendor, Monica grew more petulant and fatigued. And worse yet, SHE WAS GETTING DIRTY!!! Soon, she was crying for no real reason, and as we all know with these pretty, young Amazing Race girls, crying begets whining. And whining begets wrathful boyfriends. “Jooooseeeph…” Monica whined.

“WHAAT!!!!!” he yelled with incredible hatred and vitriol. He then followed this up with “WHAT DO YOU WANT???” It was pretty bad, but nothing compared to Dave’s temper (loco!).

After more wandering, Monica then descended into self-pitying hyperbole, complaining, “This is the worst thing I’ve ever done!” The worst? Wow, this girl has really led a charmed life. I hope the next challenge has her crawling through a mound of cow dung. (Come to think of it, they already did that in season four. Huh. They really think of everything on this show.)

Eventually, Mojo found their man, but not before Monica made even more of a fool of herself by full on bawling in the market. Think about it. What would you do if you saw a random blonde girl hauling a swordfish around and crying? I’d think I’d just been transported into some avant-garde film. Later, after the Detour was over, we could see Monica wanting to wipe away her tears with her shirt, but oops! It was covered in FISH GOO! HA! WORST DAY EVER!

“Drive yourself to the town of [sigh] and find the whatever,” Joseph said as he read the next clue. Mojo’s spirits: officially broken. Later, in the car, Monica would not shut up about her fish-stained clothes. Not only did she complain, but she kept talking about other women on the street and how un-fishy they were. Look, Monica. It’s not like you guys are going out to a bar. Just get over it already.

Well, Mojo (and Frankenberry too — they sold their kilos) headed off to Siracusa, and back at the ruins, Lake and Michelle ran around frenetically, looking for the groundskeeper. At one point, they encountered a random dude and said to him: “41.” Since the guy really didn’t know what was going on, he smiled bashfully and replied, “41.”

“Is that correct?” Lake then asked. And again, not knowing any better, the guy replied, “Correct!” KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!! Lake immediately burst into a mini-rapture and slapped the guy five. This was then followed by awkward silence as Lake waited expectantly for the guy to then hand over a clue. Eventually, Lake and Michelle realized this was a big mixup (dang GUMMIT!), but don’t worry, they found the groundskeeper soon enough. They then headed over to the Detour, and when Michelle suggested taking a cab, Lake snapped back, “On foot, DING DONG!” Hey, at least he’s not calling her a Ho-Ho, if you catch my drift.

Anyway, Rhett & Scarlett decided to carry the swordfish, which wasn’t going to be a problem, at least according to Michelle. “I have a three-year-old child that weighs forty pounds. Surely, I can carry a thirty-five pound swordfish!” she told us. Well, have you ever carried your three-year-old for a third of a mile? I didn’t think so, DING DONG!

Nevertheless, Lake and Michelle made short work of the Detour, and when as they opened up their next clue, Lake excitedly yelled, “PIT STOP! PIT STOP!!” Sorry. Go to Syracusa. DANG GUMMIT! This was almost as bad as the time they had to go to Russia (retroactive dang gummit for that).

At the back of the group, Ray and Yolanda finally reached the Detour, and no surprise here, they chose brawn over luck. And if it wasn’t already obvious how jacked Ray was, he proceeded to walk around with that swordfish in one hand as if he were a waiter delivering champagne on a tray. Dave and Lori also tackled the big fish, and you know what that meant: back sweat! Yay! Whoever buys that fish better cook it very, very well.

Meanwhile, Jeremy and Eric arrived in Syracusa where they found the Roadblock. One of them would have to join in on a game of kayak polo and score a goal for his team. Jeremy volunteered for this challenge, but instead of focusing on tossing the ball in the goal, he went around and tried to ram other kayaks. Or as he calls them, “floaty people things.”

Back in Catania, Dave and Lori were wrapping up their Detour. “Lori?” Dave asked.

“What?” she replied.

“I love you,” he said. Aww. It’s like we just walked into a “Best of The Carpenters” commercial!

Anyway, over at the Roadblock, Jeric and then the Hippies and then later Mojo all succeeded in scoring goals, which meant they were all off to see Phil at the Pit Stop. Frankenberry arrived at the Roadblock fourth, and unfortunately, Barry was something of a mess with the kayak polo. He couldn’t quite seem to get any leverage on the ball. Maybe all that arm hair was weighing him down.

Meanwhile, Jeremy and Eric showed up at the Pit Stop first, and in a nice little gesture, the producers arranged for an orchestra/band to play some sweet-ass Sicilian tunes upon arrival. Phil happily welcomed the frat boys to his mat, and after bestowing them with another Travelocity reward, he said, “I have to tell you. You guys STINK.” Wait ’till he greets the Hippies: swordfish, body odor, and patchouli. An intoxicating combination.

Nevertheless, Jeremy countered Phil’s comment by saying, “It’s a new cologne we’re trying out. It’s called ‘Sword.’” And with that, Phil simply stared at Jeremy as if to say, “You really aren’t very funny at all.” Swordfish are very sacred to Phil. He doesn’t joke about them. Ever.

Phil is not amused.

But this is some pretty sweet cologne.

Back at the Roadblock, Barry finally scored a goal, and as he and Fran ran off to find Phil, Lake and Michelle showed up to tackle an old fashioned game of kayak pool. Surprisingly, Lake actually wanted Michelle to do the challenge, but as usual, she had reservations. She didn’t think she could do it. I mean, what if she had to get NAKED! Or worse, what if there were RUSSIANS WATCHING?!?! Nevertheless, she actually did it, and after a few attempts, she scored. Yeeehawww!!! I couldn’t imagine that it was too difficult for Michelle. The other kayakers didn’t look like they were even trying. They must have felt pity for the poor Ding Dong.

As expected, Lake was going completely bonkers by this point as he yelled “PIT STOP!!!” Yes, yes, we know. Simmer down. Michelle then read, “Make your way on foot–” at which point Lake interrupted and literally screamed, “FOOT!?!?! YES!!!!” He then added, “THAT’S MY FAVORITE MODE OF TRANSPORTATION!!!” Okay, not really. Most amusing to us, however, was not Lake’s general craziness but the strange image of Michelle’s microphone pack straddling her breasts. It kind of made them look like two water balloons.

We then cut to Phil at the Pit Stop and by George, he was DANCING!!! Phil was dancing!! It was absolutely amazing. And the look of pure glee on his face was priceless. I couldn’t help but wonder if this little jig were somehow tied to a fond childhood memory — perhaps one of candy apples and marshmallows. Nevertheless, Mojo soon marched up to the mat, followed by Fran and Barry, who didn’t carry any fish, but probably smelled all the same.

Shake your PhilBon.

Lake and Michelle grabbed fifth place, and then it was race for the last spot between Raylonda and the Nerds. Well, there was no question that this would be a non-elimination episode. After all, Ray and Yolanda had a huge lead over the Nerds. Even with Ray capsizing during kayak polo, the team was still over and done with the challenge before Dave and Lori had even arrived. The producers never show such a glaring gap when there’s an elimination involved. Then again, we can never overlook Ray and Yolanda’s ability to get lost on a straight path.

As the two wandered off in search of Phil, the Nerds arrived at the Roadblock and got to work. Dave hopped in a kayak, causing Lori to say, “May the Force be with you.” You know, it’s pretty impressive that we’ve gone this long before hearing a Star Wars reference from the Nerds. Sadly, like all other things George Lucas touches these days, everything turned to crap for the Nerds. Ray and Yolanda easily found Phil and took sixth place, leaving Dave and Lori for last place. As they hiked to Phil, the Nerds tried to stay optimistic, saying that this might be a non-elimination round, and even though I should have recognized that as misdirection, for some reason, it only verified in my mind that these two would be safe. I was so sure that this was non-elimination that I hardly was even paying attention by the time Dave and Lori reached Phil’s mat. When our dancing host suddenly announced that they had been Philiminated, I did a little “Wait, what?” action. I couldn’t believe that he’d actually swung the ax.

But alas, this was the end of the line for our dear Dave and Lori. As one would expect, the two broke out in tears. Real tears. The sort of tears they both probably shed in sixth grade gym class. Poor guys. They did well. No one really expected them to last this long; so hey, at least there’s that. What did you think about this episode?

Comments (62)
More About Author

About B-Side

62 Comments

1

stacyrocks

Posted April 6, 2006 at 6:44 pm

I’m #1! Can’t wait to read this tomorrow @ work. Why couldn’t this be a non-elimination leg?!! I liked Dave & Lori…
2

Jesus_loves_you

Posted April 6, 2006 at 7:09 pm

Too true, I will miss the nerds, but if we had to lose them a Phil-jig is a great trade-off. He’s become so animated this season, could it be spelling the end for TAR?
3

ATCmurph

Posted April 6, 2006 at 7:43 pm

Phil’s little dance made me laugh so hard I cried. Rewound it at least 5 times. Thanks for the laugh, Phil.

I was kind of sorry to see the nerds go…they were sweet. I was a little turned off by the hippies running through the streets yelling in psuedo-Italian accents. I half expected them to break out with a “Mamma Mia! That’s a spicy meatball!” But I’ll still root for them.
4

zoobabe

Posted April 6, 2006 at 8:02 pm

I thought that this would be a non-elimination round too. Especially after they stressed one of the teams reading the “MAY be eliminated” part of the last clue.

Nice screengrab on the microphone packs B-side. I couldn’t take my eyes off them (the packs I mean)!
5

Bauer's Sweetheart

Posted April 6, 2006 at 8:20 pm

My favorite part was when Lake and Michelle went to pick up their swordfish and Michelle panicked, “What if this is not the right guy?” And Lake replied, “You think this sum-bitch is goan’ let us steal his fee-yish?”
6

plethLaura

Posted April 6, 2006 at 8:28 pm

Awwww no more oboes and clarinets! I will miss the nerds.

As for Cletus and Brandine, I mean Lake and Michelle, I kept waiting for James Caan to show up and charm Michelle away from Lake but, alas.
7

zevonia

Posted April 6, 2006 at 8:54 pm

The producers definitely sucked us in with that “may be eliminated” line. Well at least the Nerds weren’t the first ones out. I have to give them credit as they did better than I thought they would. Of course, so is Frankenberry- when will these two run out of “dumb luck”?
8

Steve

Posted April 6, 2006 at 8:54 pm

Zoobabe, Phil always says that they may be eliminated.
I wonder if they decide whether or not it will be a non elimination round after they know who will be last and make sure that they keep the teams the viewers will like and just let the crappy teams go? Unlikely, but I guess it’s possible.
9

zoobabe

Posted April 6, 2006 at 9:05 pm

good point Steve, but most of the viewers I know liked the nerds so wouldn’t that disprove your theory?

btw- I like the HIPPIES
10

Double L

Posted April 6, 2006 at 9:06 pm

I kept my fingers crossed for a non-elimination… but alas, my Nerds were toast. So sad.

And I like how this season, every team has their own theme song when they show up at the beginning of the episode. I’ll miss the Nerds In Love theme. Sad.

Can we get out of Europe? I always get bored on European legs. It’s much more fun when they start racing through 3rd World Asia.
11

copygodd

Posted April 6, 2006 at 9:09 pm

i thought for sure it was a non-elimination leg, if for no other reason than it would be funny to make dave and lori do the next leg in fish-crusted clothes.
12

Emilie

Posted April 6, 2006 at 9:19 pm

I can’t BELIEVE the nerds are gone!!! They were so funny!

Do Mojo seem kind of bland to anyone else? I was anticipating another Freddie/Kendra team but they’re just so boring!

Phil was in Melbourne, Australia this week to participate in the celebrity Grand Prix race.

He did a few interviews on the local radio station so if you’d like to listen this is the address of the podcast:

http://podcasts.fox.com.au/the_matt_and_jo_show.xml

You might have to scroll through and find it.
13

Clair

Posted April 6, 2006 at 9:44 pm

Wasn’t it Monica who (as B-Side so aptly phrased it on a prior recap) lustfully told Joesph, “I’m filthy, and I LOVE IT!”

And as she kept whining in the car about being filthy, I wanted to scream at her “You have a backpack full of clothes in the back of the car!!”

I’ll miss the nerds.
14

someonespecial

Posted April 6, 2006 at 9:45 pm

Your recaps always have be rolling on the floor (metaphorically, of course) B-Side. Thanks for the humour.

Anyways, another great episode. The moment that was definitely the best was when Phil started dancing. Oh, good times.
15

eellsinoc

Posted April 7, 2006 at 12:06 am

What about Dave looking into the camera at the end, declaring, “Nerds Rule!!!!” That was priceless.
16

herkxena

Posted April 7, 2006 at 1:26 am

Don’t know if this is good or bad, but Zap2it.com lists the Wednesday overnight rating as a 5.0/8. http://www.zap2it.com/tv/ratings/zap-ratings040506,0,1270406.story?coll=zap-tv-ratings-headlines

I’m hoping this is a one time loss as perhaps some viewers were not aware of the time change.
17

Lizardqueen

Posted April 7, 2006 at 4:22 am

I never even knew Mojo were a team until this week. What a harsh discovery. I would’ve slapped that puling chick if she were my partner. Since I’m against men slapping women, maybe Jo could’ve just kicked her out of the car.

Nerd love is so refreshing. Makes me feel like I should start stalking Sergey Brin again.

Flake and Misogyny are unbelieveable! It just keeps getting worse. And she just puts up with it. I couldn’t stop staring at her teat bags either, zoobabe.

I believe they do sometimes say “Will be eliminated”. Can someone confirm this.

Aw. Poor, young Apollonia. Fabrizio that Bastard!
18

America's Next Top Fan

Posted April 7, 2006 at 5:46 am

Sorry to see the nerds go but glad it wasn’t Raylonda. When will this team get their map tracking skills down? Or at least smile at people when you ask for directions, and not SCREAM WHERE’S THE LOU?, scaring the poor locals. No wonder why they’re always lost and nobody helps them.

Lake is such an ass. He always make his wife do the hard Detours then scream at her for being inept or too weak to do it. DICK! HIs pantent “I knew I should have done this” is ridiculous because he never does.

I have resigned myself to the fact that one of the undercover Feggots will win. Jeric or the TF Hippies. Based on the happy-go-lucky pictures they have been taking all over Florida one of the teams hit the jackpot. BOO HOO.
19

jack

Posted April 7, 2006 at 6:17 am

too true, ANTF–if there’s anything tedious about this race, it is the glaringly obvious fact that the hippies and jeric are going to be trading first place all the way to the end. they may be annoying, but they are just killing the competition.

i too thought for sure the nerds would earn the first non-elimination bye, mostly because i didn’t think the producers could resist the opportunity to air a segment with the teary-eyed lovebirds panhandling in their stinky fish clothes, complete with official ‘look at those silly nerds’ theme song.

monica sure was annoying this week, but you gotta admit, she is foxy. joseph is showing some borderline-colin/jonathan rage tendencies, however. he better watch it or else phil’s going to vaporize him with one of those steely-blue-eyed glares of disapproval and then use his fresh dance moves to lure monica into his den of turtlenecked debauchery.

despite the overwhelming likelihood of a 1-2 hippies/jeric finish, i’m still pulling for raylonda. not only did ray carry that swordfish around with frightening ease, but he also launched his first kayak-polo ball from about 35 yards out and still managed to overshoot the goal. jesus, that dude is jacked, and yolanda’s no joke either (apparently she was a nationally ranked D-I college track athlete). a well-timed raw-power task could put them back in contention.
20

littledarling

Posted April 7, 2006 at 6:25 am

Great recap b-side!

This episode was full of funny little gems:

*Fran yelling hello while looking for the groundskeeper like someone might actually answer her back and say “I’m over here!”
*Raylonda trying to ask people for directions. Loved when Ray said “These people are scared man!”
*Lake thinking that the groundskeeper would just be some random guy and getting a slapped five in return!
*Best of all the PhilJig!!! Love the more animated Phil!
21

America's Next Top Fan

Posted April 7, 2006 at 6:27 am

Yeah, Ray is strong… and good looking… and in Chicago. Hhhhmmmm. Time to convert a bro. But he’d probably kick my ass. LOL

Go Raylonda!!!
22

bluebell

Posted April 7, 2006 at 6:46 am

“Nerds rule” – right on, Dave and Lori. Sad to see them go, but it was inevitable because their steam just ran out. Too much back sweatin’, I guess.

As for seeing Phil dancing, I was surprised, and quite frankly shocked and slightly disturbed, at that random demonstration of pure glee. Has Phil EVER expressed so much emotion and animation at a pit stop? He’s always so serious, with the occasional sly grin thrown in every so often. Phil must love him some Sicily!
23

BSideLover

Posted April 7, 2006 at 7:18 am

Now, I don’t like to contradict my man but:

“I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say that people don’t always want to buy fish from very, very hairy men.”

Um…this is Sicily we’re talking about. If they don’t buy fish from hairy men…then I’m guessing they don’t eat a lot of fish.
24

BSideLover

Posted April 7, 2006 at 7:19 am

PS – TVGasm has been all about videos lately and yet NO video of Phil dancing?!?! WTF?
25

jumpedcut

Posted April 7, 2006 at 7:23 am

The Phil dance was a pure TVgasm. I’ve been checking this site every five seconds at work to see when the recap would be up. Phil should start up his own dancing show on MTV. Bust a move, Phil!
26

Wizzard

Posted April 7, 2006 at 7:25 am

The nerds were a fun couple but realistically there was a limit to how far they could go. They were bound to get eliminated eventually.

Lake is an asswipe, pure and simple. He needs a good healthy dose of humble pie. Maybe he’ll piss off Ray enough in a future episode where Ray will pound the snot out of him. Just wishful thinking.

The hippies and Jeric really are destroying the competition. Has anyone else noticed that this is just not as suspenseful as other races? You;d think that the producers would edit the show in a way to make it seem like it was a closer race.
27

ClariceStarling

Posted April 7, 2006 at 7:39 am

KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!!

What does that mean? I see it in every re-cap.
28

bluebell

Posted April 7, 2006 at 7:41 am

It does seem a foregone conclusion that either the hippies or Jeric will be the ultimate winners. And, although I am usually against misleading editing on these shows, I agree with Wizzard that the producers may want to consider making it look like it is a closer race, just to make it a little more exciting. This last episode was (gasp) a little boring (I feel like such a traitor to Phil saying that, but hey, it’s my opinion). Heck, they do the fancy editing all the time, even in this past episode. I was also pretty sure that this was going to be a non-elimination round, especially after Dave made that big deal about washing Lori’s clothes if it was. And I do think one of the teams emphasized the “MAY” in “may be eliminated” a little too much, which again led me to believe that the nerds would be around for another day. And FYI for whoever asked this earlier, I think that the only time the clues say “WILL” be eliminated is in the first leg. The rest of the time the clues say “MAY” so we don’t know when it’s non-elimination time.
29

RealityTV4Me

Posted April 7, 2006 at 8:10 am

#27 – KAN-KO-WEE-GO is what Lake said in response to getting a cab or something in an earlier episode. It made no sense.

http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/amazing_race/001783.php
30

jenny10girl

Posted April 7, 2006 at 8:16 am

It would be interesting to see them skip the non-elimination all together. It seems everyone is expecting it, so why not just to change it up a little?
31

megan

Posted April 7, 2006 at 8:29 am

How sexy was Phil in his leather jacket? rrarrr!
Add that to his dancing abilities and wowza…
HOT
32

chronic

Posted April 7, 2006 at 8:59 am

Mah, nerds never really did anything for me. But DANG gummit, I started off loathing Lake and Michelle, but the past couple of episodes I’ve really come around.

Doesn’t help that the hippies are getting kinda tired, probably not helped by the predictable outcome of the last few legs (and don’t get me started on the idiot frat boys). But yeah, I suddenly find myself really rooting for Lake and Michelle. KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!!
33

noodle

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:01 am

I didnt think this ep was boring it all, it had tons of gems. I loved when Joseph screamed at Monica, that was classic b/c she was being so ridiculous. He’s hot.
I know Lake is an ass, but dangit if he isn’t one of the most entertaining racers ever, I hope they stay in it for a while. Loved when he called the fish guy a son of a bitch, I can’t believe that wasnt in the recap!
Oh and is it ironic that Fran looks just like Frau fran whatever her name was in Austin Powers. How about when Barry was trying to score a goal, and she’s like, “Pathetic!” ouch.
34

ClariceStarling

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:25 am

plethLaura!!!! I laughed out loud when I read Cletus and Brandine. Hilarious!!!

I do hope they do something to stop the frat guys and the hippies. I hate all-male teams anyway. I think it’s kind of unfair.
35

BSideLover

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:48 am

Um, yeah…just scrolled down the homepage to see the video…I am humbled.
36

stacyrocks

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:48 am

So I finally read the recap, great as always B-Side.

This episode was a little uneventful but still funny. No one noticed the greeter with Phil when Jeremy made that Sword cologne ‘joke’?? The greeter freakin’ closed his eyes from how painfully bad the joke was and then blankly looked at Jeremy!

And I’m glad that at least one team (Ray & Yolanda) I was rooting for since the premiere is still in this thing. I think I stopped hating Lake when they were in Brazil, about to go to Russia. “KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!” totally did it for me. Hopefully Ray & Yolanda won’t be eliminated and I won’t end up rooting for Lake & wifey to win. I hope Fran & Barry are out next. They have got to be the least sympathetic old couple that’s been on the show. I usually adore the older folks on TAR and them, I just can’t. They are so rude. Gretchen & Meredith (TAR7) clones, they are not!
37

boomersmommy

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:57 am

Exactly how many detours has Michelle done already? Isn’t there something about the teams doing the detours equally? Hopefully there are some really crappy ones coming up and Lake will have to do them ALL.
38

Tabby Lavalamp

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:05 am

I knew the Nerds weren’t going to win, but that doesn’t make their ouster any less sad.
39

Keyser Soze

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:07 am

It would have been funny to see Momma & Poppa Paolo in Italy giving them one of their next clues.
Is it me, or is Phil wearing loose pants now to hide the glorious PhilPackage?
I agree that a Trustafarian/Closeted Frat Boys constant 1-2 is getting boring. I’d like to see another team place.
40

stacyrocks

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:09 am

boomersmommy #37;

It seems like that was Michelle’s first Roadblock. And the rule is still no one does more than 6 throughout the race. I’m pretty sure she didn’t do any other ones. She wouldn’t swim in Russia, she didn’t look for the gnomes in Germany, and she had Lake do the tasks in the first couple of episodes.
41

3G_Phil

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:24 am

Boomersmommy,

Lake has done all of the roadblocks, except for last nights. Because I am to lazy to actually verify the number, I remember 6 as the maximum number allowed per team member from a previous season.
Ok, I went back and counted. As I suspected, Cletus has completed 4 and Brandine has completed 1. Also, Ray has completed 4 and Yolanda 1. Fran has 2, Barry 3. The rest of the teams are alternating each time.

Does anyone know what the official maximum is for this race?

No one has mentioned it yet, but when will the FF show up? That would definetly help out raylanda right about now.
42

kgjbnme

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:29 am

So I guess I’m the only one who thought “Sword” was funny? Oh well. Also, blonde hippie saying “The fish is throwing up on me!” when it was bleeding blood all over his shoulder, which fish blood he then wore the rest of the leg. Ha!

I … don’t know quite how it happened or why, but I’m finding myself a bit of a Joseph & Monica fan. I thought it was funny when she said, post fishmarket, how that other girl was “So cute and clean!” It was wistful, and I thought she was at least partly making a funny. I larfed, anyway. And I forgive her for crying in the market — extreme frustration and physical tiredness will do that — and I forgive Joseph for roaring at her — again, an understandable reaction, and you’ll notice he never insults or disrespects her — he just shows completely human annoyance when she melts down. They seem to know each other’s patterns in this regard, and to deal with it OK.

Ray and Yolanda, I love more with every passing minute.

Bye, nerds — I really liked you guys.
43

dasher

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:37 am

plethLaura…Cletus and Brandine…brilliant! Thanks for a good laugh on a Friday.
44

AbbyAnn

Posted April 7, 2006 at 11:11 am

According to the CBS website, the 6-per-person rule still applies this season, which means that Michelle and Yolanda will have to do most of the tasks down the stretch.

Also, I thought that the things Lake and Michelle had on were those special “can’t be stolen” travel wallets that travel stores sell, not their microphone packs. I mean, why would she have her mic on outside her clothes when we’ve never seen that from her or any other woman before? I figured they were double-dorks for not only wearing them as they did but for choosing to wear them at all (whereas the mic is something they’d have to wear.)
45

kgjbnme

Posted April 7, 2006 at 11:19 am

Yeah, Abby, I thought that too … they ARE the ones with those weird band-aid patches behind their ears, and whatnot. And they’re just the type to want can’t-steal-’em pouches fer their valuables, while travelin amongst the danged old dark theivin furriners.
46

jumpedcut

Posted April 7, 2006 at 11:31 am

I am still a fan of Team Jomo, and the hippies. Jeric haven’t been as obnoxious since the Double D’s left, but they are sill horribly annoying. Raylonda is a good team, I hope they can rush ahead and beat out Jeric.
47

RealityTV4Me

Posted April 7, 2006 at 12:12 pm

Those have to be the shields-of-foreigner-thievery badges that they had on. It doesn’t look like anyone wears a microphone (which is odd). And I couldn’t even see straps on anyone else.
48

Pamsey

Posted April 7, 2006 at 12:42 pm

B-Side – A laughtastic recap for a so-so episode!
I thought those thingys Lake and Ding Dong had on were wallets too. But maybe she should have looked in the mirror before she went out in public with that thing on! The Phil dance was priceless, I will probably have to keep that on my Tivo for a long time.
49

joejor

Posted April 7, 2006 at 1:29 pm

In Russia, Lake made Michelle dive for the clue (remember “what if i have to do it naked?”).
Perhaps Lake can’t swim …
50

ILuvOSUBux

Posted April 7, 2006 at 2:38 pm

I’m so glad you mentioned the weird microphone, water balloon boobs of Michelle. Also, as much as I loved the Phil dance, did anyone notice his popped collar? Phil trying to hip it up in more ways then one.
51

TinkerbellAPixie

Posted April 7, 2006 at 2:42 pm

Seeing both Trump and Phil dance in the same week is almost more than this girl can handle. Talk about multiple TVGASMS. lol

I was surprised you didn’t mention when Monica got to the car and noted “I’m gonna smell like fish ALL day” thought that line was just ripe with snarkability.
52

mikey

Posted April 7, 2006 at 2:51 pm

Re: Team Mojo

I’m always dumbfounded about how Monica can mispronounce things that are written in front of her on a piece of paper. Even if you can’t speak a language, you should be able to at least butcher it by pronouncing it through American-style letter-by-letter pronunciation. But somehow, she kept screaming “JANGO! JANGO!” when then guy’s name was “Jagino”. Maybe she thought Jango Fett was there to meet them…

Also, I hoped that Monica’s statement of “This is the worst thing I’ve ever done!” would be followed up by, “Well, except that time I stabbed that guy in the heart.” Alas, it wasn’t to come to pass.
53

AbbyAnn

Posted April 7, 2006 at 3:00 pm

No, Joejor (#49), Michelle insisted that Lake do that task, too. That’s where the whole “what if I have to be naked” thing came in–she refused to do it because she might have to swim naked with Russians watching (because as we all know, the Race has a history of nude tasks.)
54

carol

Posted April 7, 2006 at 5:07 pm

from “Finish Line”
*dave has lost 40 pounds since the start of the year
*they have been together for over 3 years and are getting married
*lori was told the statue was wrong after putting it together the first time, that is why she kept on taking it apart
55

Wizzard

Posted April 8, 2006 at 4:06 am

Mikey (#52) it’s obvious that Monica is dyslexic, it’s a fairly common problem. What gets me though is that the producers could edit those parts out. If they want to show someone reading the clue they should pick somebody else besides her.
56

suebee

Posted April 8, 2006 at 6:01 am

Can someone explain why Lake had his shirt off when it was Michelle who did the kayaking roadblock? Did someone tell him he was going to have to get “nekkid”?
57

Franuary

Posted April 8, 2006 at 12:51 pm

I’m gonna miss my nerds so much! I knew that they wouldn’t win, but they were so entertaining.

I cracked up when Tyler called Monica “Fish Barbie.”
58

chronic

Posted April 9, 2006 at 8:51 am

Doubt Monica is dyslexic. She read Palermo just fine, just managed to come up with the most crazy-ass mangled pronunciation I’ve ever heard. Doesn’t even mean she’s dumb, but it is funny.
59

bikerboy

Posted April 9, 2006 at 3:14 pm

No one mentioned one of the most amusing Lake fits during Michelle’s 1st Roadblock, when screamed over and over again, “Throw it one-handed! Throw it one-handed!”, like that was somehow going to give her better aim?
60

dw17

Posted April 10, 2006 at 8:35 am

I don’t think the producers can just decided when to put in a non-elimiation round at the last minute…

I would think they would be bound to rules of game shows and other contests that would prohibit them from altering the results.

They must have predetermined the non-elimination rounds, etc to make it fair for all.

Anyone know different?
61

AbbyAnn

Posted April 10, 2006 at 9:53 am

Dw17, from what I’ve heard you’re right. I’ve read in interviews after past seasons of the Race that the producers must pre-determine which legs are non-elimination, which legs’ winners will get what prize, and so on to avoid any legal troubles. And even if they didn’t have to pre-determine those things, the popularity of a particular team once the show airs couldn’t affect how the producers treat them during the Race, since the whole Race is run well before we see it and decide who we like.
62

tvaholic

Posted April 10, 2006 at 10:27 am

I liked the Nerds, but was getting sick of all the I love you’s-kind of lessens the meaning after a while.

Did anyone catch how Jo was honking at the girls at the street as Mo was wishing she looked like them at that moment? He was laughing & while she looked pissed.

I was wondering about Lake & Michelle’s breast packs too. For someone who’s afraid of having to do something naked, she’s sure not afraid to accentuate the girls. I think they must have a twisted yet quite compatible relationship going-she seems to to know he’s a chauvenistic egomaniac who wouldn’t last one day without her. She seems to know as long as he thinks he’s the man she can still control everything behind the scenes. From their bio it looks like she runs the office-could you imagine if he was in charge of running his business? She may be smarter than she looks/sounds.