How To Reflect on Human Depravity and Learn Absolutely NOTHING

Amazing Race

By B-Side | Wednesday, December 15, 2004 | 1:33 am | 38 Comments

jon_victoria_philPop quiz: When you see monuments of the African slave trade and the Berlin Wall, what are the first thoughts that pop into your head? If you answered sausage making, beer chugging, and soap box derbies, you are correct! That’s the lovely combination that The Amazing Race conjured up for us tonight on a Very Special Emmy episode.

Oh, and let’s not forget the domestic abuse. No, not the kind where we bloggers of the world laugh and say “He’s gonna hit her!” I mean the kind where we bloggers of the world say “Wow, he just shoved his wife in the middle of the street.” Yeah, it’s not funny anymore.

Where’s Jeff Probst when you need him?We knew tonight’s episode was going to be emotional because a) CBS has not stopped showing commercials of Gus sobbing, and b) um, okay, I have no second reason. Kris and Jon kicked off this leg of the race as they excitedly read they’d be going to the largest former slave house in the region. “Let’s go!” they chirped, only a shade less enthusiastically than Mario and Luigi. I know these two are happy and like the best people ever, but honestly, it’s a SLAVE HOUSE!

Aaron and Hayden’s boobs opened up their clue with considerably less enthusiasm, and Rebecca managed to insult an entire continent by yapping “I’d love to get out of Africa. I can see why so many people escaped.” If by “escaped” you mean “torn from their families and homesteads to be shipped to America where they were slaves for a few hundred years,” then yeah, TOTALLY. They were SO lucky to have escaped!

Meanwhile, in the uncomfortably ironic department, penniless Mary Jean and Don announced their plan to rebound from losing all their cash at the end of the last round: “If we have to sing and dance, we’ll get the money,” Mary Jean said as she pulled out her “Ralph Ellison Guide to The Invisible Man Money Dance”.

As teams arrived at the slave house, the show slowed down to take a moment to respect and reflect on the tragic destinies of so many Africans. Each team was instructed to enter the house and lay a flower down in tribute to the slaves. It really was a beautiful moment, but snarky me knew the producers were playing me like a fiddle as those swelling strings took over the soundtrack. Yes, I wouldn’t let my cold heart be warmed by some reality show! Cut to Kris and Jon saying a prayer (they’re so nice), Gus sobbing, then Don teary eyed, then Gus explaining how he didn’t cry at his parents funerals, then me with my lower lip quivering. Damn this is powerful. Did Jerry Bruckheimer let Speilberg direct this episode or something? Just about the only thing that could make this more moving would be if they headed to concentration camps. Hmmm… I wonder where they’ll be off to next?

Germany!

Teams were instructed to head back to Europe and seek out the Berlin Wall. So I guess this will be a real upper of an episode, huh? As everyone made their way to the Senegal Airport, Kendra expressed an unrelenting desire for a croissant in Paris. Sorry Kendra, this is the Amazing Race, not pretend to be Gertrude Stein Day. First time beggars Mary Jean and Don felt badly asking for money from the locals. Why? “We’re from an affluent area,” said Don. As Elaine Benes would say, GET OUT! I thought they were trailer trash for sure. Luckily, the introspective, guilt-inducing visit to the slave house had other teams throwing down the cash for the elderly couple. Suckers.

Meanwhile, in the cab to the airport, Hayden and her globule mammaries were in quite the pleasant mood. “How are you doing today?” she asked the cabbie. “My breasts are fine thanks,” she then added. Less thoughtful was resident bimbo Kendra who had this fine message for Senegal’s tourism board: “This city is wretched and disgusting. And they just keep breeding and breeding!” Yeah! I mean, they should do something with all these people. Maybe if we just send a bunch of missionaries and let our government prop up dictators, everything will be fine!

Before we could truly reflect on Kendra’s idiocy, a full scale controversy exploded at the ticket desk for Air France. With shades of Charla vs. Colin entering the picture, Bolo and Lorie protested against Aaron and Hayden purchasing tickets for teams that hadn’t even arrived yet. The two teams entered into a poorly worded battle of the (dim)wits with Bolo’s triumphant dis being “Shut up, mouth!” Kendra (who had since dropped her sociological studies to enter the fray) responded with a simple “Barbarian!” Hayden had the closest thing resembling any sort of put down when she charged: “Just ’cause you’re 5’5″ and on steriods–” to which Bolo responded, “I’m not on steroids.” I’m shocked that Lori didn’t pipe up with a rousing “But I am, bitch!” and then grab Hayden’s hair (Breasty cat fight would then ensue in slow motion, toppling into the mud pit Air France keeps near its ticketing desk).

Inexplicably, we returned from commercial break to find that the entire storm had passed — everyone was apologizing and hugging and denying steroid use. (Way to be topical, Amazing Race). I suppose the fact that everyone was able to get tickets easily mollified that whole situation. It should be noted that Kendra had still not received her croissant though.

Just because the airport spat blew over didn’t mean we couldn’t have some more cattiness. And who pray tell was in the center of this latest girl on girl imbroglio? Why Adam and blue haired Jon! Jon and Victoria accused Adam and Rebecca of following them, and of course that made Jon flip out. He should really learn to relax. Maybe he should go to a spa. You know, a spa like the one he OWNS.

With all the bickering, we almost forgot that there was a clue hanging around – at the Berlin Wall specifically. Bolo pulled over some local and asked for directions. “You know the Berlin Wall?” he asked. The woman responded with an exasperated answer that seemed to say “No, never heard of it. Is that like some socially relevant landmark that may have divided my city for many years? Oh wait, I did hear about that! I got shot when I tried to climb over it!”

The next clue instructed teams to head to a sculpture of broken chains (cue the Spielberg violin) across the street from a church ravaged from WWII (cue Tom Hanks giving Phil a little pat and saying “WWII sanctimony? I’ll take it from here, Phil.”). While most teams found the clue box along the Berlin Wall easily, a few actually meandered into the wall territory where they found themselves trapped behind.. a wall! It’s almost as if the Berlin Wall was… a wall! Who would have thought a wall could be such… a wall! Eventually the two teams made their way out of the area and sprinted back to the clue box, passing Gus and Hera, out for their usual racetime promenade. “That’s why running too fast is bad,” commented Hera. Team Slow and Steady strikes again!

At the sculpture, teams received their Detour for this leg of the race: Brats or Beers. In Brats, teams had to go to a sausage factory (Adam jokes forming…) where they were to make five continuous seven inch links. In Beer, teams had to go to a pub and hand over two steins of beer to get five custom made coasters which were hidden everywhere. Stumped by the word “stein” and apparently unable to ask a local, Freddy and Kendra bounded off to the sausage factory. Ahead of them were paragons of domestic bliss Jon and Victoria who quickly popped out their brats. The couple’s ease with the phallic objects once again supported my theory that the two dabble in porn. Feel free to spread that rumor.

As the bratwurst industry enjoyed its most high profile exposure since Paris and Nicole first introduced the sausage arts to reality TV (and arguably night vision), the sexual innuendoes poured on quickly. Bolo, Lori, and Rebecca all worked together to form one giant double-entendre interchange as they described the process. Bolo: “Is it hard?” Lori: “At first.” Rebecca: “Start pushing it in.” Snickers all around the TVgasm offices. Meanwhile, as the meat slowly firmed up the limp intestinal casing, Rebecca asked her girlfriend Adam if he was paying attention. “I’m paying attention!” he snipped. “Good God am I paying attention!” he seemed to salivate.

On the other side of the room, Bolo gave some credence to his barbarian label as he snacked on the raw innards of the sausage. As charming as it may have been to watching him slurp down the uncooked intestinal casing, I really didn’t need to see it. This just in: Bolo has died.

Over at the pub, teams were having an easy time finding their coasters. The only one with any sort of problems was Hera, who tragically learned that her father was a lush. While she desperately tried to get the clue, Gus kept sipping from his gargantuan steins. To his credit, that beer did look delicious. Still, I wouldn’t want Gus getting all drunk and showing us his man-titties again.

Back with the bratwurst, we finally got the innuendo we expected from Adam in a sausage factory. As Rebecca dispassionately urged “Keep going. Push. Push”, Adam let his true feelings out: “More than seven inches. More! I want more than seven inches. We need a pump. Can I get one of these for my house?” Is this what it sounds like when these two have sex, or, ahem, “sex”? (That was my snarky way of implying that they don’t have sex because I think Adam is gay).

While Adam lived out his sexual fantasies through the sausage grinder, Bolo and Lori offered up their links to the judges. At first they were rejected for having small sausages (those steroids really do shrink everything), but the second time around, they passed. I wonder if it was Lori’s demonic whisper chanting of “Seven. Seven. Seven.” that convinced the judge to let them go. I feared she would place some voodoo hex on his house had he sent them back again.

Not long after the wrestlers left, Rebecca and Adam finished up their set. Rebecca was proud of the last sausage: “The last one is girthy and lengthy,” she said. Ah yes. Just the way Adam likes it. What? He likes large bratwursts. And penis too. No big deal.

Around this time we realized that Jon and Victoria had a commanding lead over everyone else as they were the first to arrive at a soapbox derby Roadblock. Great. These two do not deserve first place. Alas. Jon guided his soapbox cart down the hill under the acceptable time limit, and while he and his wife tried to figure out how to get to the Pitstop, Freddy and Kendra showed up to try their hand at the Roadblock. Wow, maybe that lead wasn’t as commanding as I had thought. More on that later…

Now let’s pause to once again admire Hayden’s boobs which happily bounced up and down as she ran up to her boxcart. Did anyone else hear timpani drums going “Bum boom bum boom” in their heads? And don’t act like you didn’t notice. Those things were bouncing around so much I thought she was going to pull a lottery number out of her chest.

hayden_aaron

Meanwhile, back to the abusive couple. Because Jon yelled at Victoria before she could get proper directions from the cabbie, the two got lost, then frustrated, and then frantic. In what appeared to be heavy traffic, Jon insisted that he switch to navigator and Victoria take the driver’s seat. Great plan, except somewhere in the middle of this switcheroo, Victoria’s legs shrunk about two feet because she was suddenly bawling “I can’t reach the pedals!!!” She then realized she was sitting Indian style. Realizing that his wife was having a panic attack, Jon reclaimed the driver’s seat and relegated Victoria back to the navigator position. It was a lot of hubbub over nothing, but vacuous models Freddy and Kendra were able to capitalize on the domestic spat and take over the lead.

Well, that was unacceptable to Jonathan. Eventually the two teams burst into a foot race. Freddy took Kendra’s bag so she could run faster. Why, that was chivalrous. Meanwhile, Victoria — who was wearing the heavier bag, mind you — bounded ahead of Jon towards the Pit Stop. Perhaps feeling emasculated or impatient, Jon decided to drop his bags with some random stranger and catch up to his wife. Well, you see, race or no race, it’s not so smart leaving all your personal items with a dude on the street; so Victoria went back, grabbed her husband’s bag and labored behind him. That’s right. Jon carried nothing while his wife carried EVERYTHING. This led to the over-the-top/tragically sad image of VIctoria bawling her way down the final stretch, barely able to breathe, while Jonathan stood yelling at her, not even offering her a helping hand.

As the comedy of the scene slowly melded into ickiness, Freddy and Kendra snagged first place and a trip to exotic Mexico. The dumb models hugged and kissed while Jonathan and Victoria ceased their running and let the abuse kick in. Or shove in, I should say. Yes, in our first tangible proof that Jon is actually physically abusive as well as verbally and emotionally, the asshole pushed his wife (yes, his WIFE) who, by the way, was still struggling the breathe from all that weight on her back. And when some items fell out of her bags, she had to pick them up. I suppose this was all part of that whole “We were just playing roles, trying to make entertaining TV!” excuse they’ll no doubtedly be babbling about on their inevitable press tour. Feel free to let them know just how entertaining they are by emailing them here (and be sure to browse around the rest of that site. You might lose even more respect for John Travolta when you see that he actually associates with this douchebag).

Click on Victoria to play (Quicktime required)

When this unhappy couple finally reached Phil, Victoria was so ashamed and embarrassed and sad that she couldn’t even lift her face. Too bad they were eliminated. Oh yeah, they weren’t. All this drama was because they were in SECOND PLACE. As Victoria sadly shuffled off, Jon looked to the visibly disgusted Phil to get his back: “She should have left it [the bag]!” Jon yelled as one of his many complaints. With this disturbing circus unfolding in front of him, Phil had no choice but to get all disapprovingly WASPy on his ass: “Jonathan, I think you should probably talk to Victoria.” In Philspeak, that means “Get yo’ bony white ass out of my face before I bust a cap in yo’ ass!”

Phil handled the situation very calmly and with great class, but honestly, we needed a little Probst action. You just KNOW that Jeff would have told off Jon. Heck, I wouldn’t have been surprised had Jeff thrown a punch. Trump would have been another great host for this fracas. But I think possibly the most amusing matchup would have been Jon vs. Julie Chen. She probably would have just smiled, turned to the camera and said “We’ve just seen our second place team cross the finish line. Our third team is just around the corner. But first, let’s listen in on Jon as he beats Victoria.”

Anyway, mildly humbled by Phil, Jon went over to Victoria to “talk” to her. And by “talk”, I mean verbally berate her even more. “It’s a race. it’s not about compassion,” he yelled. Um, except you’re MARRIED. It’s “Til death do you part,” not “Til race do you part.”

I suppose I’m on my soapbox, and speaking of which, there were still teams racing around. Everyone seemed to be relatively close together, but Don and Mary Jean had sadly fallen to the back of the pack yet again, and I’m not sure why either. That’s not to say that they gave up. The two attacked their missions with gusto, especially Mary Jean who sped her go-cart down the hill at speeds unknown to AARP drivers (above 35 mph). As MJ careened into a bale of hay at the end of the course, I was surprised Don didn’t burst into tears and bawl “I’m so proud of her!” Ultimately, the two finished last again, and this time they were eliminated. In their exit interview, they praised each other’s love and how lucky they were to have each other. Awww… That was sweet.

Well, more domestic abuse next week. Hooray!

Update: All those feeling the need to chat with Jonathan about his charming behavior, his classy website, or his daily mousse usage, feel free to email him or add him to your buddy list: jonathanbaker@aol.com.

About

38 Comments

  1. 1
    Madeyoulaugh
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 4:30 am

    Having a prior commitment, I was unable to screen this with the rest of the Gasm group…and I must say after finally watching this episode, I am miffed I missed out on the social gathering that was last nights Amazing Race. I hate Victoria for being one of those chicks on COPS in sweat pants swollen face and bloody shirt screaming, “NO! Don’t take him! He LOVES me! I fell, I swear I fell. Meanwhile, Jonathan stands there with his “Who Farted?” hat and budwieser sleeveless t-shirt and bleeding knuckles grasping a Pabst Blue Ribbon and smoking a cig with a 2 inch butt of ash still attached.

    I love me my drama, but for me this was borderline wreckless reality. Being a contributor to TVGasm, normally I have no heart. But last night, the lump of coal I do have went out to Victoria.

    To paraphrase Ronald Regan, “Mrs. Fuller, take off that ring and let your self be free.”

    Great write up B-Side!

  2. 2
    flush it all away
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 4:48 am

    Correction on the T-shirt.

    Jon may be the type that wears the version with a picture of a horse and the words, “Hoof Arted?”

  3. 3
    Spikegrl
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 5:52 am

    I’m hoping that this whole thing was a set up by Victoria to sue Jonathon for domestic abuse.

  4. 4
    Michelle
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 6:12 am

    There’s no way she’s smart enough to figure that out, Spikegrl.

  5. 5
    jack
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 6:26 am

    OK–that was disturbing. I can’t even summon the will to mock. Amen on the Probst suggestion, B-side. Jeff would never have let that guy off as easy as passive-aggressive Phil K. There’s only one word that can explain Jonathan’s behavior: COCAINE.

    I’d like to propose that TVGasm take up a collection of $1 dollar donations to hire a big, pipe-hittin’ thug from South Central to go have a chat with Jonathan over at ‘skin spa’ or whatever he calls it. I didn’t think it was possible to make Colin from AR6 look tender and affectionate, but after last night, I’d sell my first-born daughter (if I had one) to Colin for 10 bucks before I’d let her get within a mile of Jonathan Baker. Pose for Playboy, girls!! You meet such NICE GUYS!

  6. 6
    hannahthehun
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 6:42 am

    I thought Colin was a jack-ass, but Jon has been working very hard to prove that he is the biggest ass-hole in reality tv history. If only there was some sort of “violence penalty”.

  7. 7
    Jenn
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 7:20 am

    Kendra=ghetto model

  8. 8
    Retroqueen
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 7:23 am

    Last nite’s episode started off great and when Adam and Rebecca hit the sausage making I couldn’t help but think that the editing was done with Tvgasm in mind! Thankfully I took time to laugh at this point.

    The end tho’ was the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen on reality TV and I was really disappointed that all Phil could muster was his “stern” look and tone. I personally think that Jon should be eliminated for the violence — of course that would just lead to more beatings for Victoria.

    Kendra is “lucky” that Jon is taking center stage or her glaring ignorance would be much more in the forefront.

    Above all I’m damn sorry that Don and MJ are eliminated ………….

    (I miss Colin’s childish tantrums. *sob*)

  9. 9
    Kirby
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 8:17 am

    Normally this stuff doesn’t affect me (Colin & Christie made me laugh more than anything), but I am pretty disturbed about Jon & Victoria. I think its irresponsible for the producers to let him continue.

    And I agree, that is definitely crack-rage.

  10. 10
    Julio Abreu
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 8:31 am

    Very Good

  11. 11
    SaveFerris
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 8:46 am

    I watched that scene on TIVO many times with my better half and it looks like John shoves her bag and actually never touches her. So, maybe that is why CBS is allowing him to continue on and Phil wasn’t more harsh with her. B-Side, watch it again and tell me what you thin. Either way, it is appalling but I think that technicality may be the reason CBS showed it and allowed him to stay in.

    Also, after Kendra kept referring to Africa as “Ghetto Africa”, I was surprised that after they found out that they won a trip to Mexico that she did not respond “Barrio Mexico? I am so excited.”

  12. 12
    b-side
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 8:57 am

    No, I too saw that it was just her bag, but it’s still a generally violent act to take. The bag was attached to her, and he shoved the bag, which made her stumble. To me, that counts as shoving her.

    You know, part of the joy of Colin and Christie was how desperately hard they tried to keep it together. They at least had some sort internal standard that they tried to abide by, but inevitably stress and competition would kill them. Colin was a jackass, for sure, and he was abusive. But what’s worse about Jon is that he has no qualms being a jerk anywhere for any reason. That’s just a reckless personality and self-centered behavior. He sucks, and no amount of editing can manufacture that.

  13. 13
    mick
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 9:20 am

    Save Ferris…I was thinking the exact same thing about Kendra and the trip to Mexico.
    I wish that girl so much ill will after her ignorant remarks all throughout this episode. The Karma Police hopefully have her number.
    There were so many disturbing things about last nights episode; Kendra, Bolo eating the raw sausage and Crack Ho Jonathon. When they got to the soapbox, the clue said, “Who is up for speed?” And I instantly knew that this Crystal Meth Snorting GHB Guzzling Eye Lift Mother Fuckering Trogoladite would take it. As I stated after the first week, both Bolo and Victoria are poster people for Abused Spouses.

  14. 14
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 9:47 am

    Some reasons why other countries hate Americans.

    1. Absolving yourself of any responsiblity of slavery by having the host repeatedly say “the slaves were shipped to the New World” rather than “the slaves were shipped to America”.

    2. Showing complete ignorance, “This city is wretched and disgusting. And they just keep breeding and breeding.

    3. Rebecca managed to insult an entire continent by yapping “I’d love to get out of Africa. I can see why so many people escaped.” This comment right in the face of the cab driver. Whoa that girl’s got balls!

    4. American men who get excited by making 7″ of “girthy” sausages.

    5. Americans who don’t pay the agreed upon fare for a cab ride.

    6. Men who shove their wives. Oh..no..wait. That was no shove. Jon hit her so hard she nearly fell to her knees.

    7. TV hosts who don’t knock the shit out of men who hit their wives.

    8. Coling & Christie

  15. 15
    skywise
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 10:25 am

    If this was a Bunim/Murray production Jonathon would be facing their patented tribunal… gathering the whole cast to watch the footage and decide if he was going home or not… I was just WAITING for the producers to step in.

  16. 16
    jack
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 11:23 am

    “Some reasons why other countries hate Americans.

    1. Absolving yourself of any responsiblity of slavery by having the host repeatedly say “the slaves were shipped to the New World” rather than “the slaves were shipped to America”. ”

    clever, but, alas, inaccurate. Slavery began in ‘the New World’–which is what the Europeans called it back then–long before any of the colonies that eventually formed the US were officially chartered (Spain, France, and Portugal beat us to it, I’m afraid), and Cuba, Haiti, Jamaica, the West Indies, etc. were all major centers of the slave trade when the British colonists were still struggling to survive the mid- and north Atlantic winters.

    i know a lot of folks find it trendy these days to bash america, and we’ve got our fair share of guilt for slavery, but it ain’t like we invented it.

  17. 17
    smithie
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 11:37 am

    I was waiting for more from Dr. Phil after he asked Victoria if she was alright. Instead of the ” Jon, I think you should go talk to Victoria” I thought it should be more like “Jon, I’m sorry to say, but you’re an asshole and I’ve decided you’re eliminated. I will now continue the race with Victoria”
    I wonder how Jon is feeling as he watches these shows. A lot of men don’t realize how they are acting until they see it on tape. I am really concerned for when they eventually lose if that was the response for second place.
    I won’t even get into the dumb slut saying that people are breeding in Africa. What a moron.
    And I honestly think Gus would have been happy to quit the game and spend his remaining days at the Berlin pub. I think it’s funny that he apologized to Hera for embarrassing her about crying over slaves, but acting like a AA member who’s in need of a meeting, not embarrassing.

  18. 18
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 11:39 am

    Jack, I know…It’s good to see someone pick up on it though.

  19. 19
    Alli
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 12:33 pm

    battery = unlawful or offensive touching of the person of another

    Unpermitted and intentional contacts with anything connected with the body (customarily regarded as part of the other person’s person) is also bettery . . . Things such as clothing or anything directly grasped by the hand are so intimately connected with one’s body as to be universally regarded as part of the person.

    I haven’t see the episode yet, but from what I am hearing, it doesn’t matter whether it was the bag or her, legally

  20. 20
    Alli
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 12:34 pm

    battery = unlawful or offensive touching of the person of another

    Unpermitted and intentional contacts with anything connected with the body (customarily regarded as part of the other person’s person) is also battery . . . Things such as clothing or anything directly grasped by the hand are so intimately connected with one’s body as to be universally regarded as part of the person.

    I haven’t see the episode yet, but from what I am hearing, it doesn’t matter whether it was the bag or her, legally

  21. 21
    merlatonin
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 12:38 pm

    come on, gus was just grabbing sips here and there. he might be guilty of drinking someone else’s backwash, or serving someone his own, but binge drinking that was not.

  22. 22
    Lady J
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 12:57 pm

    “i know a lot of folks find it trendy these days to bash america, and we’ve got our fair share of guilt for slavery, but it ain’t like we invented it.”

    True that. Add to it, the host is not an American. The US didn’t invent 7″ sausages, homosexuality, orwife-beating. We get insulted by foreigners just like everyone else. The taxi issue is fair enough, but our society is designed on standardized regulations and “the customer is always right.” Not everyone is prepared to do as the Romans do.

  23. 23
    tsharie
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 1:13 pm

    I can’t believe the producers were able to the deliver, in one episode, the most entertaining and at the same time disturbing hour of reality TV ever. Any wonder why we are referred to as “Ugly Americans”? Every season of TAR introduces us to a new cast of “Ugly Americans”.

    On a lighter note….

  24. 24
    Scott the Spotter
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 1:53 pm

    I don’t know if anyone remembers, but Phil used to be a “reporter” for this variety show on the FX channel.

    Well, one day, Phil was covering a Russian bath house in NYC, a place where these nice 80 year old Russian men go for a soak and a swim.

    Phil, to be zany, wearing nothing but his swimsuit, jumped into one of the freezing cold pools there, and came out shivering. Pretty boring huh?

    However, when one comes out of water wearing nothing but a clingy bathing suit, which honestly wasn’t concealing all that much at that point to begin with, most men attempt to detach the bathing suit by pulling it away from their bodies.

    However, most men do not have to deal with a camera, higher than head level, looking down at you.

    So all of america (who happened to be watching this morning show) got an eyeful of Phil’s peeper, which, as most men know, is not at it’s best after a chilly dunking.

  25. 25
    Lady J
    Posted December 15, 2004 at 7:24 pm

    Can we get video of Phil’s reaction. I missed the episode.

    After watching the Victoria video, I feel…sullied. Mentally and physically.

  26. 26
    Leah3t
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 6:43 am

    Way to work in lots of literary references B side! Great article.

  27. 27
    Aaron
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 9:26 am

    I decided to send Jonathan an email on Tuesday night, asking him how it felt to be on the eve of becoming the most hated man on american tv – this was his response:

    London 2:20am

    All of us have our faults. Unfortunately for me millions of viewers are getting to see mine each week. I do not abuse Victoria,
    what you see is a heighten version of stress and obsession mix with medication for a sickness called Sarcoidosis. What was started as a publicity stunt turn in to an obsession to race and be first at any cost. This is a GAME and I set out to be the Villain to others not to Victoria. Victoria and I are working on our relationship to better our self and learn form our mistakes. I am taking full responsibly for my actions on screen. Please allow me to make the effort.

    I am deeply sadden by the storyline that CBS went with. I am sorry for my actions, I am sorry to Victoria. Most all I am sorry to the Fans of the Amazing Race.

  28. 28
    Retroqueen
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 9:41 am

    Aaron are YOU Jonathan?

    The following article on Sarcoidosis treatment lists excessive sunlight as a major no no for Sarcoidosis and a decreased lung capability—last time I looked Jonathan looked pretty tan, and certainly had full lung capacity due to his ability to run and scream at the same time (there was nothing listed about spelling and grammatical errors as a side effect)

    Sarcoidosis Treatment Options

    http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/3500/3574.asp?index=11867

  29. 29
    Aaron
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 9:46 am

    No, i’m not jonathan. If i had a wife like Victoria i’d treat her like a queen.

    The Sarcoidosis (psychosis?) screams Ashlee Simpson acid reflux to me…

  30. 30
    Beth
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 9:55 am

    As a sufferer of sarcoidosis for almost 15 years – I am greatly offended that “the Jerk” would use it as an excuse for his actions. Sarcoidosis does not cause personality disorders!!!!!!!!

  31. 31
    John
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 11:16 am

    There is a reason they call those those sleeveless shirts Jonathan wears “wifebeaters.” Because, all excuses aside (CBS’s fault, pseudo-illness claims, competitiveness, blah blah blah) Jonathan clearly is a wifebeater.

    TAR might do well to acknowledge this reality of their programming by putting a spouse abuse public service announcement after the next inevitable demostration of Jonathan’s behavior.

  32. 32
    freakgirl
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 11:35 am

    Aaron, I got the same email from him after sending him a nasty message. You’d think someone who has such a great opinion of himself might think to check his grammar. He writes like he’s brain damaged.

  33. 33
    Lisa
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 1:55 pm

    It looks like I picked a bad episode to miss. I would like to see how Jonathan treats Victoria if they actually come in first and win something.

  34. 34
    smithie
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 4:48 pm

    I can’t belive Jon said he was dissapoint that CBS went with this storyline. So what, did he want CBS to cut out all the times he was abusive? Why not have CBS just pretend there was one less team?!

  35. 35
    roger
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 11:56 pm

    Let face it – johnathan is just an egotistical asshole. Where he gets off shoving and berating Victoria is beyond me.

  36. 36
    banzai
    Posted December 17, 2004 at 9:37 pm

    Did anyone see Rebecca was wearing a SuicideGirls tank top?
    Is she a fan? or a SuicideGirl?

  37. 37
    Mandy
    Posted December 18, 2004 at 12:16 am

    I wrote Jonathan, CBS and Viacom and haven’t gotten a response…

    In Phil’s defense, if you watch the footage of the shove, he was busy with Freddy and Kendra and it is entirely possible that he didn’t SEE the shove. He was probably bewildered at Victoria’s hysteria and that was the reason for his lukewarm reaction.

    Going over it again on TiVo, it is true that Asshole didn’t hit her body when he shoved her, but if you go back to where he took his bag back, he smacked hard in the arm before he took it. It got kind of lost in the motion of snatching the bag but if you slow it down, you totally see the hit.

    I am glad that CBS aired it because it exposes an abuser. Even if she is not strong enough to get out, everyone knows what he is now.

    As I wrote to Jonathan, ” That was all you, baby, no editing involved.” Reality shows CAN create storylines but they CAN’T create footage.

  38. 38
    chiasson
    Posted December 19, 2004 at 11:00 am

    i watched the show & i was just soooo shocked & couldn,t believe what Jon had done.Like who does he thinks he is ?
    even under stress YOU DO NOT TREAT YOUR LOVE ONES LIKE THAT! or any body to that fact.
    he has a real problem, he has to visit with Dr. Phil
    for that action : he would have had a severe penality

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