I Kelly The Amazing Race

Amazing Race

By B-Side | Wednesday, April 6, 2005 | 3:08 am | 64 Comments

ramber_basketMan, after last week’s insane two hour episode of The Amazing Race, I thought for sure I’d be getting a week off. After all, doesn’t CBS always have a tendency to throw country music award shows into the primetime lineup like every month? For sure I thought the doubling up last week meant clearing out some space in the schedule for an ode to Leann Rhimes or Alan Jackson. But NO. Just when I finally was getting ready for some R&R, I happened to notice that the Tivo was recording a brand spankin’ new episode of Amazing Race. Oy. Gotta recap after all. Hey, but you know, how can I stay mad at the best cast on the best reality show on TV? Even if I might know who wins the whole thing due to an egregious reader tossing an un-warned spoiler into the forums (NOW do you understand why I was so mad last week??), I’ll still be able to enjoy these wonderful characters as they zip around the globe. Granted, if that spoiler turns out to be right, chances are I’ll probably go off on a bitter tirade, but hey, that’s okay. Everything’s happy and fun when it comes to The Amazing Race.I wouldn’t call last night’s installment the most exciting leg so far, but then again, following in the literal footsteps of last week’s ridiculous ending was no easy task. Wow, I mentioned “leg” and “foot” in the same sentence without realizing it. If only I had worked in a podiatrist reference too. Oh well.

Anyway, before the racers had even emerged from their moon-like Pit Stop, Phil asked us an important question. “Will Ron and Kelly’s relationship be able to withstand the challenges ahead?” We then saw the couple gazing over a pond. Was that the challenge ahead? Oh no! Will they conquer THE POND??? To be fair, the pond did feature crocodiles carrying chainsaws and pepper spray (they have an intense fear of being mugged). The POW and his beauty queen ripped open their first clue and learned they’d be heading to Sankuyo Village where they’d find their next clue under a water tower. As the two loaded up their SUV, Kelly rambled on about how she read the Love Chapter in the Bible the night before and kept substituting her name instead of “love”. That’s a little odd. Luckily, Kelly gave us examples of what the hell she was talking about: “Kelly is kind, Kelly is patient, Kelly is forgiving,” she said. It’s bad enough to be so immodest, but to be so immodest in the third person? And in a biblical context? Somebody better smack this bitch.

Truth be told, I couldn’t really fault her though. It was sort of fun using “Kelly” for “Love”. Now I can say “Kelly’s a bitch” and actually be making a cynical statement about romance. I wonder, does Kelly sign her letters, “Kelly, Kelly”? And would it be proper to say that the score of a tennis game is 40 – Kelly? Man, the Kelly/Love substitution is awesome. Let’s try some other phrases: “That delinquent needs some tough Kelly”, “I think I’m in Kelly”, “What this world needs now is Kelly, sweet Kelly”, “What’s Kelly got to do with it?”, “You Give Kelly a Bad Name.” Hmmm… I guess I kind of veered into cheesy song titles. Okay, joke’s over. Man, I KELLY the Kelly joke.

Anyway, after all this ridiculous Kelly babble, we knew she and her man would be in for a long day. I mean, not only did Phil have to ask if they’d be able to keep it together (were they not keeping it together already, PHIL?), but in the first five minutes, Kelly had already pledged to be nicer to and more forgiving of Ron. Whaa? Since when were they having so many problems? I guess they kept it private. You know, don’t ask don’t tell style.

MInutes later, Rob and Amber reared their reality whore heads and noted that they get along mahhvelously as a couple. You know, say what you will about these two, but you can’t argue on that front. As teams go, they are very good to each other. That being said, Rob still opens up himself up for criticism with his constant penchant for hypocricy. “The gloves are off. We’re playing for ourselves,” Rob declared as they drove off. Weren’t they always playing for themselves? Like more so than any other team out there? Take a step back, B-Side. Don’t question, just enjoy. Shit, I just referred to myself in the third person. Too much Kelly joking. It’s on the brain now.

Uchenna and Joyce departed next out of the Pit Stop and were soon followed by Alex and Lynn who claimed they were honest, polite, and, well, “sneaky”. Okay CBS. What are you setting us up for? What sneaky incident awaits us in the bush? Well, we’d have to wait on that answer because they never did anything sneaky this episode, or at least not that I could tell. Meanwhile, Gretchen and Meredith left the Pit Stop full of the peppy glee normally only found on Centrum Silver commercials. I particularly enjoyed their scant supplies all crammed in a yellow Banana Republic-ish shopping bag. Old people aren’t nearly as fun with giant backpacks weighing them down.

Last to leave was my new favorite team, Brohans Brian and Greg. They continued to earn points with me by opening their first clue while chanting “No whammies! No whammies!” Later, as they drove along the marked road, Brian joked around in the car, acting like a deranged tracker as he claimed he sensed fresh dirt. Man, these guys really do crack me up, and not at their expense. Amazing! The humorous moments turned affectionate though as the two brothers pondered how wonderful it was to see the sun rise over the African savannah and how special it was that they’d shared so many sunrises over the past few weeks. “We should be dating,” said Greg. Oh YOU! Regular jokers they are!

Now my memory is a little fuzzy in here, but somewhere along the way, Ramber appeared on screen in an interview. I don’t really remember what the context was, but that’s because I was distracted by the fact that Rob was wearing a dumb red bandana around his forehead. Was there a Bruce Springsteen homage that I missed along the way? Maybe a Band-Aid reenactment?

rob_bandana
Hey, I didn’t know there were NASCAR events in Africa!

Anyway, on the road, Lynn and Alex encountered a bovine transient population trekking across the lanes. Luckily, the cows came to a halt, allowing our couple to drive past without interruption. “Thank you cow cow,” said Lynn, prompting Alex to bust out a little “How now brown cow.” Honestly, give these guys one word, and they can banter about it forever.

Ron and Kelly reached the next clue first and found this leg’s Detour: Carry It or Milk It. That’s what SHE said! Rimshot! Teams had the choice between milking some goats or balancing some items on their head. Just to illustrate the dangers of the Carry It choice, the producers were sure to include a POV shot of some corn falling to the ground. Oh dear! And then after a second, the basket carrying the corn fell too! OH NO! That’s some gripping footage. NICE SIMULATION. Actually, it would have been pretty sweet if the next thing we saw was a pool of blood slowly seeping into view. Now that would have been intriguing!

Ron and Kelly attempted to balance stuff, but the beauty queen somehow missed out on all that book-on-the-head junk I assumed pageant-goers spend days on. Frustrated at his girlfriend, Ron finally tossed in the towel and moved over to the milking. Not like it mattered. Ron and Kelly had been blatantly using their hands to hold their items up. They probably would have earned a few DQs anyway.

Back on the road, the brothers suffered a serious setback when they encountered a water tower and assumed the route marker would be near by. Unfortunately, this water tower was not in the proper location. As a result, they spent a good chunk of time poking around it, searching for a clue box. Brian even endeavored to climb up it, despite the clue saying the next route marker would be UNDER the water tower. Luckily for them, this was the episode where nearly everyone seemed to screw up something. So maybe they’d have a chance to make up for lost ground. Time to cross the fingers.

Back at the Detour, Ron continued to PA to Kelly. For the first time ever, Ron decided to harp on something that didn’t pertain to the military. The new obsession: Kelly’s inability to balance water on her head. No matter what she said, he wound up snipping about the balancing. Kelly: “It really is a beautiful day.” Ron: “It would have been more beautiful if you had balanced the water.” Kelly: “Hey, remember that show Family Ties? Did you like that?” Ron: “I don’t know. Was that the show about the girl who was too dumb to balance water? Oh no, that was you.”

Amidst all this bickering, Ramber arrived at the Detour and immediately attempted to balance foodstuffs. Unfortunately, Rob couldn’t handle the pressure, moaning “This is so hahhhd.” They too gave up and headed for the goats. Amber seemed to have a real talent for milking the udders, causing Rob to let loose a series of sexual innuendoes so amusing, even CBS had to play some porn-ish music in the background. And why yes, we do have the audio. Right here.

On the road, Alex spoke prophetic words of doom as he praised their SUV. “I love this car,” he said, moments before wondering why people in Los Angeles drive them. Silly Alex. They drive them because they’re idiots. (Says me, the guy who salivates any time an Escalade drives by. Then again, $2.59 per gallon in Los Angeles? I’ll stick with a tricycle).

kelly_rackSoon most of the teams were all at the Detour. Meredith dazzled all with his sexy new tank top while Kelly leaned over and revealed, whoa, big boobies! Appropriately, Gretchen provided yet another amusing quote as she wrangled in a goat and said “Here’s a goat with nice, big teats!” Oh Gretch, don’t talk dirty like that! Seriously. Don’t.

Uchenna and Joyce didn’t bother with the lil’ goats because they absolutely rocked with the balancing act. Pretty impressive. Alex and Lynn meanwhile had some minor difficulty grabbing their frightened beasts. As the goats scampered all over the place, Lynn yelled “Hey STOP IT! Seriously!” Um, just so you know, goats don’t respond to sass.

Ron and Kelly and Rob and Amber finally squeezed a cup’s worth of milk from their goats and proceeded to the next clue which had them driving through the bush (heh) to the Khwai River. I half expected Ron to say “Khwai River? Oh, more water. Don’t worry Kelly, you won’t have to balance it on your head. Not that you would anyway.” Nevertheless, the two teams were off for another neck and neck competition. The other pairs followed not far behind, although chaos set in as Gretchen and Meredith got lost, AGAIN (wow, they’re really making Uchenna and Joyce look like cartographers). Even worse though, Alex and Lynn’s wonderful car broke down, necessitating a replacement. Ouch, looking rough. Meanwhile, where were the brothers? I know they stopped to check out that water tower, but did they have lunch too?

The two teams in the lead reached the next clue at around the same time and found the Roadblock which proved to be fairly interesting and involved. One person would drive the car through a crocodile-laden river crossing and to an area where they could take one of many different routes. Each route had a marked post that had to be collected. Then, the driver would have to clear off two heavy logs from the road (Phil said an elephant had knocked them down, but luckily, that clumsy pachyderm was kind enough to attach straps to the obstacles so that they could be easily towed away). Ron and Kelly started the Roadblock first and man, did they go deep in the water. I mean, it even came through the air vents. Sorry, I’m easily awed.

Meanwhile, on the road, Uchenna and Joyce seemed to be experiencing a safari tour of a lifetime. They saw zebras, elephants, ostriches, boars, giraffes, and gazelles. It was as if every animal had come out to greet them. To be fair, the other teams saw their fair share of wildlife as well, but Joychenna (I just made that up) appeared to be having the most fun. Seriously, if a pack of zebras ran in front of my car, I’d be pretty wowed. Actually, who needs zebras? If a pack of donkeys ran across the street, I’d be stunned. Seriously, how often do you see that? I must add that I did enjoy Meredith and Gretchen’s reactions to the animals. Every time they saw one, they’d ooh and ahh and then suddenly become deathly afraid of some exotic roadkill accident. Then again, I’d probably panic too. Chances are I’d honk my horn and cause a fatal boar stampede.

Our next folly of the evening occurred while Uchenna and Joyce navigated through the Roadblock. They snatched the ribbon off their route post, but they didn’t actually take the post. Uh oh. A slow-mo shot highlighted that this would catch up to them later. Meanwhile, Rob and Amber emerged from the Roadblock in first place. Why it’s a conspiracy! Their goats were pre-loaded with more milk! Their logs were lighter than the others. A group of elephants made a giant wall behind them and let them take the lead! Okay, maybe the conspiracy is over.

Amusingly enough, Ramber was stunned with the local animals, and as they encountered a giraffe, Rob inanely asked “What’s on his back? A monkey?” Amber politely informed him that it was a tail. A TAIL! Yeah, um, last time I checked, monkeys weren’t skinny little rope things with a bushy sprout at the end. Oh, and they also DON’T RIDE GIRAFFES! Although, I wouldn’t be opposed to some sort of bizarre monkey/giraffe racing sport. Rob then looked off to the side and yelled “Holy shit! A brontosaurus!” at which point Amber had to say “No Rob, it’s just boulder.”

Meanwhile, Lynn and Alex received their replacement car and made their way to the Roadblock. Alex opted to take it, but unfortunately, once he committed to the task, he couldn’t turn back, which was a problem considering he didn’t know how to drive stick. Lynn displayed amazing patience as he guided his boyfriend through the challenge. You know, these guys make bitchy, shallow, and funny comments all the time, but when it comes time for them to step up as good human beings, they really do a bang up job. That was good because midway through the roadblock, they got a flat tire. Yup, it was on to car number three. Man, no one’s having any luck today.

Elsewhere in Africa, Ron and Kelly had devolved into a mess amidst the Roadblock. Kelly accused Ron of cursing her out, although, from what we could see, he had only said “Kelly, chill for a minute.” Still, regardless of what he did or didn’t say, I enjoyed her rebuttal: “You’re a piece of trash redneck.” Yeehaw! To paraphrase the Black Eyed Peas (and Hanson), Where’s the Kelly???

Ultimately, Rob, Amber, Ron, and Kelly relived their check in foot race from last week, but this time Ramber won as they arrived in first place. Also different: they won a five day trip to Monte Carlo. Wow, that’s almost as good as Ron and Kelly’s prize of… wait, they didn’t win anything at all, did they? Ha. That sucks. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer. Marx would HATE the Amazing Race.

Checking in third were “Uchenner” and Joyce, but unfortunately, Phil sent them back to the Roadblock, noting that they had failed complete it correctly. Uh oh spaghetti-o. I’m sure as they raced off, Phil turned to his sidekick and laughed, “They had no idear.” The dunderheaded mistakes continued though as Meredith and Gretchen managed to drive right by their clue at the end of the Roadblock. These two are just ridiculous sometimes. They drove all the way to the Pit Stop where Phil reprimanded them like an angry nun. “How did you know how to get here?” he asked with great hostility (for him at least. Jeff Probst would have tore into them). Meredith and Gretchen simply shrugged sheepishly and muttered that they had followed the route markers. Soon enough, they too were sent back to the course to find their overlooked clue.

With all this craziness going on (Lynn and Alex with the flat tire, Uchenna and Joyce with the forgotten post, Meredith and Gretchen with the missed clue), the brothers suddenly seemed poised for another miraculous comeback. I was still confused as to how they screwed up so badly, but hey, that’s okay. Joychenna quickly found their post, and as luck would have it, they managed to check in third after all. Meanwhile, Lynn and Alex moved onto their third vehicle and eventually finished the Roadblock, convinced that they were in last place. On the off chance that it was a non-elimination leg, Alex suited up in about ten different layers of clothing so that they’d be prepared to lose their belongings. Turned out it was all for naught as they snagged fourth place.

“WHAT?” they both yelled, completely surprised. Phil smiled and assured them that it was true, they had checked in fourth. The guys let out a sigh of relief and explained how they had layered for the occasion. Phil tried to keep up with the gay humor as he joked, “The fashion police are going to arrest you here in Africa.” Lynn and Alex suddenly became very serious and said “Actually, I guess now would be as good a time as any to inform you that we ARE the fashion police. We need to talk to you about your tight jeans and puffy turtlenecks. You’re looking at a very steep fine.”

bros_eliminatedWhile Meredith and Gretchen struggled to find their long lost clue, the brothers decided that they were in last place; so they better plan for a non-elimination leg. What else to do but put on some bathing suits, hats, and scarves? Little did they know that while they dillydallied with the costumes, the old folks were wandering around the Roadblock looking for answers. Still, it was pretty apparent that the bros had no shot, and sure enough, Meredith and Gretchen found their clue and checked in at fifth place, calling themselves old Energizer Bunnies in the process. Hey, at least they didn’t say old Playboy Bunnies.

In the end, Brian and Greg bounded onto Phil’s welcome mat looking silly as always, and not even our hardened host could repress his giggles. I enjoyed watching Phil laugh, say “Um” and then suddenly enter his hardened robotic elimination voice. Ultimately, it turned out this wasn’t a non-elimination leg, which was too bad because I really would have liked to have seen the guys run around the Third World dressed like doofuses (or even more like doofuses). Sadly, this happy duo was left with little else to do beyond gulping back some tears and jumping into the nearby pool. It’s been fun, Bros. May the spirit of Zach Braff forever be with you. And remember: we’ll always Kelly you.

About

64 Comments

  1. 1
    hjordanc
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 5:20 am

    AW-ZUM recap B-Side, you are the bestest. Does anyone else think that Rob + red bandana = Ralph Macchio?

  2. 2
    jos1yn
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 5:44 am

    B-
    Who spoiled? I saw no spoiler. See, now your going to make me want to look for the spoiler! Any chance the person may not know what they are talking about? If if I see it, like you said, it’s such a hot season on AR it doesn’t really detract from it.

    Thanks for the fab recap. I was at the airport last night and missed the whole damn episode, and sadly own no DVR. Thank you also for working OT to get all these recaps out and without lowering the gold standard you have set (if such a thing can exist in reality tv recaps).

  3. 3
    empty
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 6:07 am

    havent watched this yet but couldnt resist reading. HOW CAN MEREDITH AND GRETCHEN SURVIVE FOR SO LONG?! M AYE

  4. 4
    Jess
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 6:13 am

    The whole goat-milking set-up was hysterical. I knew we’d have a lot of TVGasmic ammo with Rob’s porn narration and Gretchen’s warbly “Here’s one with BIG TEATS!” Oh Lord. I love it.

    And HA! to “peppy glee…Centrum Silver”!

    *swak*

  5. 5
    pentax13
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 7:06 am

    I KELLY THIS RECAP

  6. 6
    MediaGirl
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 7:13 am

    Thanks, B-Side! Did anyone catch the quasi-racist comment that Alex and Lynn made that Uchenna and Joyce were “made” for carrying baskets on their heads? I did the Scooby-doo “whaaaa?” when I heard that. I will SO miss the Zach Braffs….they were a riot.

  7. 7
    Todd
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 7:28 am

    Can you imagine the backlash if Rob had said that?

    Stupid double standard.

    and HOW much help were Lynn and Alex getting this week? two cars???? and one was just a flat f-ing tire! they had a spare in the frame! I was STARING AT THE SPARE TIRE!! Change it!!!

  8. 8
    hazasaem
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 7:30 am

    I Kelly pentax13….that was snort funny.

    Oh yeah, and the recap, kudos!

  9. 9
    boh
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 7:30 am

    I can’t believe you didn’t post sound of Lynn and Alex’s milking experience! It was WAY worse than Rob’s – it was straight up gay porn. We couldn’t stop laughing (I think they and Rob did it on purpose).

  10. 10
    tv freak
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 7:39 am

    I ‘Kellied’ the brothers but they deserved to go. They couldn’t have known for sure that they were in last. It could have been minutes or hours between them and the energizer bunnies. And if they were preparing for a non-elimination leg, wouldn’t they want to finish the leg as quick as they can. Kellied the boulder and the Kelly reference(it is fun to do that!) With Kelly (I’ll stop now) tv freak.

  11. 11
    Ashes
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 7:43 am

    I can’t believe you gave Lynn and Alex a pass on the comment about how Uchenna was “born to” carry things on his head! They whine about Rob and Amber, but at least R&A are open about how they act. I dislike Lynn and Alex so much more because they are hypocritical and foolish enough to think they are morally superior even though they make comments like the one about Uchenna and act like foreign countries must revolve around them (e.g. yelling at the locals in the fish market.) Ugh!

    I must confess that I went searching for the spoiler in both of last week’s recaps. I couldn’t find anything that sounded like a spoiler and not just speculation or opinion. I guess it’s like looking for your Christmas presents–you know you shouldn’t look, you look anyway, and if you don’t find them, you’re secretly glad you failed and the surprise is intact!

  12. 12
    heather
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 8:22 am

    i honestly could have done without the whole teats experience. rob’s comments made me feel slightly sick, like i’d just been sexually harassed by some creepy, lecherous frat boy. or maybe it’s just because of his annoying accent.

    i was appalled at alex & lynne’s comment about joychenna’s balacing abilities, but they totally redeemed themselves with the love and support they showed each other during the roadblock. and this after TWO car fiascos!

  13. 13
    braffbros
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 8:36 am

    Who didn’t kelly the brothers? On a side note I saw Greg this weekend in L.A.’s Union Station making a movie with a couple buddies. He’s quite tall but still dresses like a doofus. No mandana though, but he was sporting a shiner over his eye.

  14. 14
    TexasK
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 8:44 am

    Haven’t read the whole recap yet, but:

    A) LOVE the title this week B-Side. It took me a few seconds, but that’s just damn good stuff there.

    B) I read the same forum post by the same jackoff reader, which made me curse a blue streak (not that unusual really — cussing blue streaks comes naturally). But WTF?? I hope that person was properly chastized (a rock and sock comes to mind).

    OK, now I’m getting down to reading the recap.

  15. 15
    tuliplover
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:11 am

    I also had to rewind to make sure Lynn & Alex made those racists comments. I also was upset at them for saying that Meredith and Gretchen were so stupid and that they were sure to get lost after milking the goats.

    These guys are just very catty, I want them gone next week, but it’ll probably be a non-philimination round since we still have 2 or 3 more non philiminations to go.

  16. 16
    CT
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:25 am

    The thing about Lynn’s comment re: Joyce and Uchenna is that pretty much right after that we saw Uchenna saying almost *exactly* the same thing — about himself! Who’s to know what conversations the two couples have had throughout the race — particularly since they reached Africa? If Uchenna has mentioned to Lynn and Alex anything that’s even close to what he’s said in the interviews we’ve seen, it seems entirely possible that Lynn was just getting a jibe in. “My ancestors”, “it’s in my blood”, “Nigeria”, etc. It’s not that far of a stretch to think that stuff has been mentioned to other racers.

  17. 17
    NYC
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:25 am

    Simmer down everyone.
    I think the “they were born to do this” comment by either Lynn or Alex about Uchenna and Joyce was more about how quickly and effortlessly they completed the task rather than their success being racially related.

    B-Side, thank you for all your work — you rock!

  18. 18
    fanofB&G
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:25 am

    I am SO in mourning right now!!! No, not the Pope, the brothers. You will be missed B and G!!

  19. 19
    Kate
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:31 am

    Thanks for the recap! I’m so sad to see the brothers go, they were too funny!

    Also, my VCR wasn’t set for Daylights savings time….does anyone have this episode on tape that can copy it for me? I’ll totally pay for the tape and shipping! Thanks!

  20. 20
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:46 am

    The Dynamic Gay Duo continued their hilarious racial stereotyping by saying they weren’t born to balance things on their head. And Uchenna, affirmed that stereotype by saying he got the balancing genes from his Nigerian dad. Clever editing AR. Did anyone notice the gratuitous shot of Lynn’s butt crack when he got out of the car for the pitstop? No pixilation or anything! Shit the FCC is gonna be pissed. $500k fines for everyone!

    I understand why UchJoyce are always lost. Uchenna drives like an old man with his hands firmly perched at 10am and 2pm and hunched over the stearing wheel. Is this guy blind or afraid of running over an Aarkvardark? Go UchJoyce!

    Gretchen and what’s her name are still my favorite team. I hope either them or UchJoyce wins it. And will the producers please stop beating up on Gretchen, her face looks awful.

    Phill must have gotten word and tied the snake up last night. No bulge. But I still tried to find it.

  21. 21
    Retroqueen
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:47 am

    Kelly the Amazing recap B-side!

    I would say Lynn and Alex had Karma biting their ample asses for all of their nasty comments

    Thanks for the audio of Ramber, I’m still ROFL much funnier when isolated

    I’m going to miss those bros they were really starting to grow on me.

    If Kelly is Love, Is Ron Hate?

  22. 22
    Huck
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:58 am

    Man.. this is a good season. And I am as addicted to this season as I am to reading the recaps… I sit and wonder what comments are going to be made on which situations during the episode, my wife thinks I am nuts.

    The brothers were pretty much the last team I was hoping would win, I do actually like Rob and Amber despite all you haters, they add a lot of drama especially with lynn and alex hating them so much.

    And as for the spoilers, I wish you hadnt mentioned it, in my profound curiosity i stumbled upon the location and hope that it is not true.

    Huck

  23. 23
    Chris
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:08 am

    I kelly’d the comments Alex & Lynn made about Joychenna, it was funny and everybody was thinking it. No need to get so heated over something like that, it was all in good humor.

    As for POW and princess, he did tell her to “shut up” in the episode, it was before she made her comment, but he never threw the f bomb at her (insert war joke here) at her, she made that up…probably too much silicon in her teats!

    Love the old people, love that they are clueless at times, and love that the brothers are gone. I’m sorry everybody loved them, but they bothered me. They didn’t take it seriously, they were always in the bottom three, and the didn’t deserve to be around any longer. Sure they were funny, but Lynn & Alex can carry the funny torch just fine.

    Great episode, great recap! Hope Joychenna is next to go with Ramber winning it all! (and so glad the conspiracy theorists can’t blame CBS for this, and that Amber finally did something to help the team!)

  24. 24
    snazzybangs
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:13 am

    i’m so sad…. the brothers were my fave and i wanted them to go all the way. they were totally amusing and funny. when lynn and alex are eliminated, if they are, i’m not watching the rest of the show in my own silent protest. rob and amber are dumb as a box of rocks, and if i have to see her in that letter a shirt one more time i’m going to throw up in my mouth. seriously, how out of fashion is that? you’re a millionaire – get some trendy clothes. i’m being so catty right now but i’m so upset about thinking of the two of them possibly taking it all the way. ugh. gross.

    not to mention that joychenna and the oldies are so boring that i’m sure they’ll make it all the way… and that sucks.

  25. 25
    Lisa
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:13 am

    Feel free to use my name in your upcoming tirade. I’ll be waiting for it.
    BTW, good recap.

  26. 26
    Chris
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:13 am

    p.s. can we try not to talk about said spoiler because while i’m tempted to look and read it, i won’t, yet my mind still tries to interpret and read into people’s comments regarding the spoiler and their opinion of it and who they like or don’t so i can gauge who it is…..need to take my ADD meds now!

  27. 27
    Chris
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:14 am

    p.s. can we try not to talk about said spoiler because while i’m tempted to look and read it, i won’t, yet my mind still tries to interpret and read into people’s comments regarding the spoiler and their opinion of it and who they like or don’t so i can gauge who it is…..need to take my ADD meds now!

  28. 28
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:17 am

    Please guys. let’s stop talking about the spoilers and how bitter or ticked off you are about who it says wins. Simply because it makes me think none of the good folks won.

  29. 29
    Huck
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:22 am

    Its not that a bad team wins… I was just hoping that I did not know… but I could not resist for some stupid reason that only I would know and was drawn to it.. but now I am hoping that the ending will be a surprise to all…

  30. 30
    joslyn
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:22 am

    Lynn and Alex kind of made racist statements last week, too. Remember the “Oh my God, Tupac” and “We’re in Compton” comments? Kinda rubbed me the wrong way at first, but they are so catty, like, all the time, about everything and everybody that you just have to take the things they say with a grain of salt.

  31. 31
    Todd
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:42 am

    What a load of shit…..Everyone is making excuses for Lynn and Alex and how they say things. If that was Rob, Ray, the Carolina brothers, or even the Braff twins…they would be hung out to dry.
    Bleh….I can’t wait for them to be tossed….

    ON another note….I read on the CBS site that alex’s family doesn’t know he is gay.

    How? He practically has flames shooting out of his ass.

  32. 32
    b-side
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:45 am

    Joslyn – I agree that the Tupac comment last week was dubious. But I have to say, I agree with NYC that there seems to be a lot of misinterpretation this week about the “They were born to do that” comment. Honestly, I think they were using a figure of speech that had an unfortunate connotation.

  33. 33
    Ashes
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:59 am

    Even if Lynn and Alex didn’t mean the comment about Uchenna as a racial thing, I am surprised at how insensitive they have been with many of their comments. They wouldn’t want someone making anti-gay sounding comments or jokes about them and would probably crucify Rob were he to say exactly the same things about Uchenna or Africa as they did.

    The unique thing about Ramber as “villains” is that they don’t fight much with each other and are usually highly functional as a team, they are nice to the locals, and they openly admit that they are being mean or devious with their schemes and negative comments about other teams. Usually the villains blame it on editing and deny their attitudes, fight a lot, and get nasty with local people at least some of the time.

  34. 34
    RB
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 11:21 am

    Whoever said that they were ‘was appalled at alex & lynne’s comment about joychenna’s balacing abilities, but they totally redeemed themselves with the love and support they showed each other during the roadblock.’

    HUH? How does being nice to each other redeem their racist comments towards joychenna? And yah, you’re right, they might have gotten a pass over this in a way that Rob wouldn’t have.

  35. 35
    chris
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 11:40 am

    if CBS is helping anyone, it’s gotta be Meredith and Gretchen….c’mon !!!

  36. 36
    melisa
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 12:15 pm

    I dispise Meredith and Gretchen (as much as I love their names..haha), thay have to be the most annoying couple on this show next to Lynne and Alex.

    Ya…and like Alex doesn’t know how to use a stick shift…he has Stick shift written all over his face! Yummy.

    I totally Kellied B and G…sad to see them go.

  37. 37
    cvillafl
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 12:17 pm

    Hypothetically, what would Rob and Amber slow down their car for? A car accident? A possible death? No!!! None of that! But they will slow down and awe a monkey on a giraffe??? As for the whole “born to” comments, it would have been funny if someone had commented that Lynn and Alex were “born” to drive a “stick” or “born to” milk a goat. I’m only just joking, of course.

  38. 38
    smithie
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 12:50 pm

    I saw the bros on CBS this morning and they said they were hours behind the other teams…ooh that tricky editing…
    I was sad to see them go, but also glad to find out they are reality whores too. At least Rob and Amber went on a show that you could win big money…and most likely not eat penis…
    I looked for the spoiler and didn’t see anything…I like a little speculation, especially if it turns out wrong…

  39. 39
    mountain girl
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 1:07 pm

    OK, that audio clip of Rob is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long, long time. Laughed so hard I cried. Thanks for making sure that everyone at my office now knows that I am not working.

    I liked Lynn telling Alex to wrap underwear around his head as they were driving up to the Pit Stop.

    B-Side, I kelly you! Thanks so much for making me laugh week after week.

  40. 40
    Pixie-girl
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 1:11 pm

    The spoiler is in Forums. If you want to read it. However remember Pandora’s box. Once you know you can never go back. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
    Lynn and Alex are hilarious! Ya that comment sounded out of line, but they were probably a victim of editing.

  41. 41
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 2:05 pm

    Victim of editing my butt! Why are comments made by Lynn and Alex racist but when Joychenna make them about themselves it’s OK?!

    I also read on the CBS site where Alex said his family did not know he is gay. He must live nowhere near them! “flames coming out his ass” Brilliant!!

    When I read the spoiler a few weeks ago, I was extremely disappointed and hope to heaven it is not true. However, of the 5 teams left, I really don’t want to see any of them win.

    Who do we have left? Ramber (running the best race but already millionaires), Joychenna (get lost in a paper bag), Relly (those teats remind me of that time in Iraq), Getchedith (stupid, stupid, stupid), and the amazingly gay duo (catty beyond belief). So does it really matter about the spoiler?

  42. 42
    Betsy
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 2:40 pm

    Okay I don’t mean this in the “hate Ramber” kind of way it’s going to come out. Even though I do hate them.

    Yes, they do seem to be getting along and working well together. And yes, they probably actaully are working well together and getting along. But we also need to keep in mind that CBS has a vested interest in them as a couple so of course they aren’t going to air any of their dirty laundry.

    I just wish they’d get real jobs and get off my TV screen. They are the new Trista/Ryan. Wouldn’t that be great, to have a Trista/Ryan & Rob/Amber Clebrity Deathmatch.

  43. 43
    Betsy
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 2:41 pm

    Okay I don’t mean this in the “hate Ramber” kind of way it’s going to come out. Even though I do hate them.

    Yes, they do seem to be getting along and working well together. And yes, they probably actaully are working well together and getting along. But we also need to keep in mind that CBS has a vested interest in them as a couple so of course they aren’t going to air any of their dirty laundry.

    I just wish they’d get real jobs and get off my TV screen. They are the new Trista/Ryan. Wouldn’t that be great, to have a Trista/Ryan & Rob/Amber Clebrity Deathmatch.

  44. 44
    Betsy
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 2:42 pm

    Okay I don’t mean this in the “hate Ramber” kind of way it’s going to come out. Even though I do hate them.

    Yes, they do seem to be getting along and working well together. And yes, they probably actaully are working well together and getting along. But we also need to keep in mind that CBS has a vested interest in them as a couple so of course they aren’t going to air any of their dirty laundry.

    I just wish they’d get real jobs and get off my TV screen. They are the new Trista/Ryan. Wouldn’t that be great, to have a Trista/Ryan & Rob/Amber Clebrity Deathmatch.

  45. 45
    Betsy
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 2:43 pm

    Okay I don’t mean this in the “hate Ramber” kind of way it’s going to come out. Even though I do hate them.

    Yes, they do seem to be getting along and working well together. And yes, they probably actaully are working well together and getting along. But we also need to keep in mind that CBS has a vested interest in them as a couple so of course they aren’t going to air any of their dirty laundry.

    I just wish they’d get real jobs and get off my TV screen. They are the new Trista/Ryan. Wouldn’t that be great, to have a Trista/Ryan & Rob/Amber Clebrity Deathmatch.

  46. 46
    ann
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 3:02 pm

    i am totally going to miss the brothers and their off the cuff comments. did anybody else catch their comment about needing some cheerios with the goat’s milk? Or the comment later that the bubbles reminded one of them (not sure who was talking) of a latte? they always had a priceless quip.

  47. 47
    Brian
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 3:06 pm

    Betsy, you should win a prize. I’ve seen lots of doubles, but that’s the first quadruple post I’ve ever seen on this site!

    The gay duo was definitely “un-PC” in their comments (in a Harvard-President kind of way), but not necessarily racist in my book. Lighten up folks. I was MUCH more disappointed in them calling the oldsters stupid than in the allegidely racist comment.

    OK, can everyone PA-LEEEEZE stop talking about the spoiler, because in doing so, you’re dropping hints that none of us who avoided the spoiler want to hear either (Are you listening B-Side????).

  48. 48
    b-side
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 3:12 pm

    don’t worry, no hints have been spilled, but people who’ve read the spoiler, please respect the others and keep it mum. I will too.

  49. 49
    squelch
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 3:18 pm

    Ok, Betsy you did it. Quit hitting the “post” button.

  50. 50
    Michael
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 3:35 pm

    Lynn and Alex might be racist. I don’t know.
    But if you call them out for being bigots, and in the same post call them flamers, I think your opinion is weakened.

  51. 51
    Jennifer
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 3:53 pm

    Great recap! But I can’t believe you didn’t mention how Rob kept calling the goats ‘he’ (“look at that one, he’s getting jealous and wants his turn’)….. if the goats were boys this would be a very different episode…and I think I would pass on trying the goat ‘milk’!

  52. 52
    buddist
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 4:08 pm

    Ok, Betsy, you did it. Quit hitting the “Post” button.

  53. 53
    AVB
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 4:08 pm

    I absolutely, positively KELLY Brian and Greg! Cutest ppl EVER! Beleive me, if i was like, six years older, i would be marrying Greg, lmao.

  54. 54
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 5:07 pm

    Every time Phil came on screen I’d pause and then jog forward frame by frame to try to catch a glimpse of the infamous Package. Alas it had to be the ep where it’s not visible.

    Great recap B-side.

    Oh, and when they showed kelly’s jigglers I said out loud “That’ll be a screen shot on the review tomorrow” Thanks for not disappointing.

  55. 55
    Ogre
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 6:38 pm

    This season’s pretty much burned itself out now. First the rednecks, then the BFF’s, and now the bros are gone. Who left is very interesting?

    I think it would be hilarious if Meredith & Gretchen manage a first place win in some week. Other than that, nothing really interesting can happen on this show.

  56. 56
    Laup7
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 8:32 pm

    Is it just me or did the Ron & Kelly fight seem a little setup? How about Kelly’s awkward question at the start of the episode, asking Ron has she treated him well? I probably would have dismissed it except Ron was caught way off guard. Nevertheless, the two were definitely lacking KELLY this week. Great recap as usual.

  57. 57
    Katrina
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 9:48 pm

    Rob needs to go back to first grade biology class, he has no clue about animals. First the “arvadark”, now he thought the giraffe’s tail was a monkey. He cracks me up!

  58. 58
    anon
    Posted April 6, 2005 at 10:32 pm

    not to mention thinking the goats they were milking were male!

  59. 59
    Ogre
    Posted April 7, 2005 at 5:49 am

    I just realized that there’s a woman in the Rob & Amber screencap who appears to be mocking them behind their backs.

  60. 60
    VOO
    Posted April 7, 2005 at 6:25 am

    I couldn’t resist, I checked the forum. Lisa: Methinks Soriner does not kelly you at all. BUt I had already heard the rumor and it hadsn’t ruined my viewing experience at all. Fantabulous recap as always. many laugh out loud moments.

  61. 61
    Plumes
    Posted April 7, 2005 at 8:20 am

    Remember Cheers — “Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly ” What a great song that was

    The best line of all was _ Get the one with the biggest teats” – words to live by !!

    Maybe Lynn(e) should have sucked the goat so as to finish faster…

    That was gratuitous and unfair… but so what.

    Speaking of conspiracies, I hope you review the recap show. Romber on the cover of a National Magazine in South Africa?? Must have been planted by CBS. Rob “fixing” the truck?

    And I believe i saw Berhooz in the previews for next week….

    TTFN

    Plumes

  62. 62
    Lisa
    Posted April 7, 2005 at 8:21 am

    I was thinking the same thing VOO. And thank you, you are one of the first people not pissed at me. :-D

  63. 63
    Perry
    Posted April 8, 2005 at 5:40 pm

    i didn’t even watch the show and I was still cracking up at the re cap! i kelly’ed it! You really made me laugh out loud tonihgt- thanks!

  64. 64
    Realityjunkie
    Posted April 11, 2005 at 10:03 am

    “A TAIL! Yeah, um, last time I checked, monkeys weren’t skinny little rope things with a bushy sprout at the end. Oh, and they also DON’T RIDE GIRAFFES!”

    I’m a little late on the post but had to say that I was on the floor laughing when he said that- great recap as always!

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