It’s Gonna Be This Dramatic Each Time

Amazing Race

By B-Side | Wednesday, March 9, 2005 | 2:12 am | 52 Comments

gretchen_uhhYou know it’s been a good episode of The Amazing Race when the entire second half of the show is devoted to a Detour. I love when teams get screwed up with maps and directions, and I’m even happier when they wind up with a nutso cabbie, but nothing compares to the hectic mania that comes from a well executed Detour. With so many variables going haywire all at once, it’s always manna from reality heaven when a bunch of teams wind up running around foreign markets and crowded streets, shouting random things like “Rapido! Rapido!” and “Cook! Cook! Cook!” Luckily for me, that’s exactly what tonight’s installment provided. Who knew grocery shopping could be so exciting?As usual, the episode began with Phil introducing the first place team; in this case, Debbie and Bianca. The latter quickly became this season’s “Rebecker” as Phil transformed her name into “Beeyankeh.” The lifelong friends/possible lesbians ripped open the first clue which had them packing for “The White City.” No, this didn’t mean grabbing a flight to The Ozarks. Instead, the duo headed off to Arequipa, a city known for its use of white volcanic rock… and, well, for its love of Clay Aiken, but that’s purely coincidental.

Debbie and Bianca babbled a bit about how they really wanted to be the show’s first all female team and after a few more pipe dreams, we returned to the next team, Susan and Patrick. This crafty mother and son duo warned other teams not to underestimate them, which was all great and everything, but I couldn’t help getting distracted with the notion that Susan might just be the older, suburban version of Webby from Ducktales. Ironically, Susan’s last name is Vanderquack too.

A few teams later, brothers Brian and Greg jogged away from the Pitstop wearing nearly matching vintage jackets. Well, they were either vintage or the two raided some Peruvian Urban Outfitters earlier that day. Yeah, that’s probably what happened. I was happy to see that both brothers tied their mandanas to their backpacks. Wouldn’t want to pack those. What if there were some unforeseen mandana emergency? You know, like an open casting call for a Target commercial?

Bursting out of the gate last were POW Ron and his beauty queen girlfriend Kelly. She stumbled along as she tried to keep up with her athletic boyfriend but inevitably trailed behind. That’s okay though. Ron understood. “I’m a very gritty, down and dirty type person. That’s what you get being in the military,” he explained, adding “Man, the military kind of reminds me of this time when I was in the military. We were singing this song called ‘Military.’ I don’t remember the lyrics, but I think it was something like ‘Military military military.’ Yeah, that’s it.”

Anyway, the teams all wound up at a local bus station, and while they waited for the first bus to depart, Rob quietly discovered that a later bus would actually arrive at The White City earlier. Rob immediately let Uchenna, Joyce, Ray, and Deana in on the secret and then paid off the tipster to ensure that he wouldn’t spill the beans to the other teams. Luckily, the local kept to his word, but unfortunately, the guy’s improvisational skills were, well, worse than Ashlee Simpson’s. When someone asked him if there was a better bus, the guy said that he was not supposed to say. He then did a little jig, blamed his band, and confessed to having acid reflux disease. Turns out the man was Ashlee Simpson after all. WEIRD.

With Ramber’s cover blown, the teams quickly confronted the reality vets, accusing them of lying. Lynn and Alex took the first swing at the two, asking if Rob had paid the local man to lie to them. Rob flat out denied the allegation, causing the gay couple to respond with some uninspired passive aggression. “That’s funny,” said Alex. Lynn topped that by saying, uh, “That’s funny” too. Yeah, they could really do better. Bianca switched up her tactics, however, opting for the more direct “Your lying makes me nauseous” approach. Silly people. Don’t they know you can never lose your cool with Rob? He’ll just spin it right back at you.

rob_wink“It makes me nauseous to have to have you call me a liar, and it wasn’t even what transpired,” he replied, unwittingly calling upon his secret weapon of iambic pentameter. I personally enjoyed Rob’s thickheaded stance. Did he really expect people to believe that a random man (well, technically, he was a security guard) would accuse Rob of issuing a gag order out of thin air? Well, the argument eventually died down with Lynn quipping Ramber was lucky no one gets voted off on the Amazing Race. Yeah, because Rob and Amber did so badly with the voting on Survivor…

Eventually all the teams boarded the same bus, and while they took a ten hour tour of the Peruvian high lands, Greg and Brian quickly bonded with Megan and Heidi. Who would have thunk it? I wonder what the connection was? Maybe they all liked lemon meringue? Or maybe Greg and Brian just wanted to jump the girls’ bones. Yeah, that was probably it.

As the bus neared its destination, Rob, Uchenna, Ray, and Ron all chipped in to bribe the driver not to open the rear doors for the other teams. Well, Uchenna, Ryan, and Ron at least chipped in. Rob privately boasted that he had pocketed his piece of the bribe. Later, I’m sure he told Amba that he had just save five wicked awesome dollars.

The door trick seemed like a silly move, but it did manage to place a decent amount of distance between the first four teams and the last six. At the next clue, teams received a Roadblock which eagerly asked “Who likes shoes?” Amazingly, Payless spokeswoman Star Jones did not burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man. Instead, teams had to don a shoeshine uniform and polish five different shoes on the street. Ron became immediately excited, noting “I’ve done military shoes all my life.” He then turned to Kelly and said “By the way, I’ve already named our first two daughters: Milly and Terry.” Seriously though, you all should know he was a POW.

Soon enough, all the teams were in the thick of a shoeshine war. There wasn’t too much that was noteworthy during this five minute explosion of dusting and polish. Debbie managed to cause about twelve wet dreams when she bestowed a kiss on a local teen. Sadly, she thought he was Bianca. Joyce meanwhile could hardly get a customer for her makeshift shoeshine business. Maybe that’s because she was standing in one place and waiting for people to come to her. Eventually, Ron finished the roadblock and discovered that the next clue was in fact tickets to Santiago, Chile. Even better for him, the first five teams to finish the Roadblock were placed on a flight arriving forty five minutes earlier than the second plane.

Joining Ron on the first flight were Ramber, Ray and Deana, Susan and Patrick, and AARP members Meredith and Gretchen. Everyone else was stuck on flight #2, causing Lynn to remark “We’re good at pullin’ up the rear!” PUN INTENDED. By the way, around this time we caught a glimpse of Patrick with a large, unsightly bandage across his forehead. What exactly happened? Until we find out more information, I’ll simply spread the rumor that he got caught in a domestic melee with his mom and Launchpad McQuack.

With the Roadblock over, the teams strolled onto their marathon flights which seemed to have had layovers in every South American country. Upon landing in Santiago, racers had to take a funicular up to a Virgin Mary statue to receive their next clue. Unsurprisingly, Rob and Amber found the funicular first (alliteration unintended, but surely welcomed). Last week we speculated that CBS might be helping Ramber along. This week, a rumor’s surfaced that CBS actually ensured Rob and Amber’s non-elimination through the first four episodes. It’s hard to say whether or not the conspiracy is true, but we’ll be keeping our eyes peeled.

To be fair, Ron and Kelly quickly caught up to Ramber on the funicular, and as the two teams ascended up the mountain, I was surprised Ron didn’t say, “This kind of reminds of being in a Black Hawk in Iraq. I was a POW, you know.”

At the top of the mountain, teams received their Detour: Shop or Schlepp. “Schlepp”? I personally would have gone with “Schvitz”, but hey, this isn’t Fiddler on the Race. Anyway, in Shop, teams had to visit a restaurant, then spend their own money on five different ingredients found scattered around a local market. In Schlepp (oy, my back!), teams had to travel two miles to a bookstore and haul 180 books eight blocks to the Library of Congress. Unsurprisingly, Ramber and the POW opted for schlepp.

Meanwhile, down at the bottom of the mountain, Gretchen and Meredith were putting the fun in funicular. “All aboard!” chanted a giddy Gretchen as they waited for Susan and Patrick to purchase their tickets. Unfortunately, the mother and son team ran into a major setback when they discovered they didn’t have enough local currency. “I don’t got no more,” said Susan, employing her rarely used hood voice. She then added “Give me a ticket bitch before I bust a cap in yo’ ass.”

Alas, Susan and Patrick were left to beg for money while Rob and Amber tackled the bookstore in downtown Santiago. As the duo organized books onto a dolly, Rob informed us that he works in construction and that if you’ve got a tall stack, you’ve got to load it a certain way to make it stable. Oh really? So I shouldn’t put my small items under my large items? Wow. It makes so much more sense now! And to think, all I needed was a background in construction… or, well, a grasp of basic physics.

Just when we thought this Detour was going to be the battle of the book couriers, our plucky old couple opted to shop for ingredients. In fact, by the end of the episode, the shoppers and the schleppers were pretty evenly matched. After emitting a series of “Oooooh!” and “Uhhhhhh!” sounds, Gretchen and Meredith finally made their way down to the marketplace where they were instructed to purchase, among other things, a three kilogram fish. “Three kilograms! Oh my gosh!” exclaimed Meredith. Yes, the metric system is THAT crazy.

Meanwhile, Rob and Amber finished up their Detour super quickly and headed to the Pitstop where they checked in first. Thankfully, they didn’t win $10,000 but instead a Travelocity trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas. So Rob and Amber are going to spend time on a tropical island? That’s good. For a moment I thought they’d never get to experience that… AGAIN.

Back at the market, Meredith and Gretchen soon discovered that they didn’t have enough money to purchase their fish. Go figure. I knew they shouldn’t have paid for those novelty caricatures in the airport. The drawings didn’t even look like them:

caricatures
Who knew Meredith loved tennis and miniature donkeys so much?

While Meredith and Gretchen bargained for cheaper fish, Susan and Patrick — newly solvent —  sought out directions to the restaurant. Susan tooted “Cook? Cook? Cook?” several times before someone finally realized she was actually asking for help, not making vague tugboat sounds. Somewhere, choo choo Charla was proud.

As more teams descended on the Detour, the show became increasingly hectic. Everyone seemed to be running around like chickens with their heads chopped off. Whether they were delivering books to the library or scouring the market for ingredients, the Detour proved to be a migraine inducing affair for the teams. At one point Gretchen wound up yelling “Chica Lolo!” (or something like that) so loudly that all the other merchants joined in, perhaps confusing her lunacy for some sort of battle cry.

There was minor controversy as Meredith, Gretchen, Lynn and Alex’s fish each weighed in at less than three kilograms. The old couple managed to swap out for a heftier fish fairly easily, but Lynn encountered a rowdy group of fishmongers who booed and jeered the West Hollywood duo out of the market. Luckily, the two found a friendlier fish peddler, and as they finally received their next clue, Lynn remarked at how everyone had “hated on” them. He then likened it to the time he accidentally wore an Xtina t-shirt to a Britney concert. Awkward!

The good news for Lynn and Alex was that the fish debacle didn’t seem to hinder them too badly. They wound up placing fifth, behind Ron and Kelly, Ray and Deana, and Uchenna and Joyce. Gretchen and Meredith would have taken their spot, but they engaged in the time-honored senior citizen tradition of getting lost and confused directly in front of the next route marker, which in this case was the Pitstop. As a result, Debbie and Bianca slipped in at sixth place, and while the elderly couple clocked in at seventh, at least they looked good doing it. After all, Gretchen was sure to command Meredith to “Fix your hair. Pat it down!” Jeff Probst has got to be a little jealous. None of the Survivors clean up all purdy for him. Lastly, Susan and her son filled out eighth place, and as they hugged in front of Phil, Patrick warned that “It’s gonna be this dramatic each time.” Rob then appeared out of nowhere and snickered “Not for me, fruit loop.” He then pulled down his pants and mooned Susan and Patrick with his CBS underwear.

philsohappy
It’s a wonderful day to be Phil.

With the mother and son checking in eighth, only the bros or the hos were left to vie for the last spot. I guess that bus ride alliance worked out real well. Turns out these last two teams had fallen way behind the pack due to some confused cab drivers early on. In a predictable parsing of the genders, the ladies chose to shop while the guys elected to schlepp. The two teams were neck and neck, with both arriving at the Pitstop simultaneously, but in the end, the brothers beat out the blondies in the foot race, effectively eliminating their alliance/potential booty call. It’s too bad. Heidi and Megan were certainly lovely eye candy, and to their credit, they didn’t seem to have one complaint the entire time. Oh well. Time for spread in Playboy.

zachbraffs
Hey, it’s Zach Braff and Scott Foley!

What do you think? Were you happy to see Heidi and Megan go or would you have preferred another team?

About

52 Comments

  1. 1
    chris
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 5:58 am

    I agree 100% about Ron and the “military”…OK we get it !!! I was prepared to really like him, but I find him just extremely annoying, and Kelly has the potential to be a worldclass whiner like Kendra. I kept expecting Ron to say Arequipa looked like Baghdad. Anywaayyyy…
    GO ROB AND AMBER !!! I love them even more than I did on Survivor.

  2. 2
    cutebutstupid
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 6:05 am

    Who did the caricature? Very funny. Anyway, not to defend Ron or anything, but I used to date a soldier, and, seriously, the boot polishing was like, the only thing they did more than push-ups.

  3. 3
    chris
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 6:22 am

    I can’t agree more about Ron’s constant references to the “military”…OK, we get it. I kept expecting him to say Arequipa looked like Baghdad. And Kelly has the potential to be a world-class whiner, ala Kendra.
    I’m for Rob and Amber all the way…I loved them on Survivor and I love them even more on AR.

  4. 4
    crys
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 6:38 am

    I would have love to seen Susan and Patrick eliminated. They are so annoying. Rob and Amber are proving to be fun to watch I hope they stay on a little longer.

  5. 5
    Catie
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 6:43 am

    I can’t believe you failed to mention Brian or Greg (I know they aren’t twins, but I can’t tell them apart) saying it was ridiculous that no one spoke english. Yes, it is TOTALLY ridiculous that people in another country with a different native language don’t speak english. Totally crazy.

    I liked Rob & Amber last week, but now that Rob has started to bribe locals to get ahead and thinks he so clever…I’m not into them. It would help if he didn’t think he was so tricky when really, it is painfully clear that he isn’t the brightest bulb in the bunch. And on a slightly more superficial note, the initial t-shirt Amber was wearing is so out of style.

    Actually, sticking to the fashion commentary… What is with teams matching this year? First the mandanas, then Greg & Brian’s jackets… And Heidi & Megan were both dressing alike since day one. Last night they had the Puma sweatpants. It’s not nearly as fun as the other fun theme this year- men with girly names! Side note: Do you think Gretchen & Meredith are sometimes mistaken for an old lesbian couple before people meet them?

    Back to last night’s show though, I wasn’t that sad to see Heidi & Megan go. I really wish Greg & Brian would’ve started sobbing at their missed attempt for getting laid though. I didn’t dislike Heidi & Megan, but I would’ve rather seen Ron & Kelly go. I don’t know how much more military talk I can take (or how many more times I can hear “rapido!” before vomiting). The only upside is that Kelly might be this year’s Hayden with the boobs. I didn’t notice them until she ran up to Phil and then suddenly BAM! there they were.

  6. 6
    Marbacca
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 6:55 am

    Well after my Tivo crapped out on me I missed the whole bus ride part. Very annoying, but thanks to the great recap I feel like I saw it, thanks!

    One thing that really irritates me about some of these people is reminiscent of Mirna and Shmirna. Why do people think that if they speak in a really bad accent while STILL speaking English, the people will magically understand them? No wonder why people don’t like Americans. Uggghhh!

    “Amazingly, Payless spokeswoman Star Jones did not burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man.”

    Oh my god, I loved that…

    “By the way, I’ve already named our first two daughters: Milly and Terry.” Seriously though, you all should know he was a POW.”

    Yah, it’s time for these two jacktards to go, they are a bit annoying.

    I hope they spend some more time in Chile, I spent a few weeks there and went to the same places they did for the route markers and it was fun to see again. Damn I should have applied for this one.

    Go Rob and Ambuh! By the way, look at the competition here, I seriously doubt that Rob and Ambuh need any help from CBS to stay in the race.

  7. 7
    Sammy
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 7:12 am

    Bitty…I couldn’t agree more with the you and your being upset that the brothers…and did anyone else notice how extremely uncomfortable Phil looked at the pit stop in this episode? Was he afraid that he might get some boobs pressed against him again in outbursts of joy at not being eliminated? (I mean the man always looks slightly robotic but that’s why we love him but…)

  8. 8
    Catie
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 7:16 am

    Of course you would agree with me Sam! I was also surprised that the one screen shot of Phil posted today shows him smiling. He looked especially uncomfortable last night.

    I would really kill to see some behind the scenes Phil action. Of course the funniest situation I can think of at the moment would be Phil somehow meeting up with Greg & Brian and one of them inviting him to “get a jog on.” I also want to know what type of music is on Phil’s ipod!

  9. 9
    SusieQ
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 7:20 am

    Rob and Amber rock. I hate how the other teams (and many viewers) talk about how they would do anything to win and it’s a race, but then they castigate Rob for sneaky ideas like paying a driver not to open the back door of a bus. And he and Amber are just good, even when no sneakiness is required–they easily managed the 180 book task when everyone else struggled with both stacking and transporting or didn’t understand that the shopping task would require money (something “A-Rob” pointed out immediately upon reading the clue.) And for the competitors who said that it’s good that no one gets voted out of AR, a wake-up call–Rob and Amber were the top 2 in their Survivor together. They can obviously handle a voting system as well as they have so far handled the Race.

  10. 10
    carson
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 7:33 am

    If Rob and Amber win, I will throw up like I did with Kendra and Freddy…sneaky liars should not win more money…

  11. 11
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 7:43 am

    Hey if Ron is so well to run the Amazing Race then why isn’t he back in Iraq fighting. He’s shlepping his duties.

  12. 12
    Pat
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 7:44 am

    Oh man, this recap cracked me up. Especially the drawing. HILarious! Except for when you mentioned choo choo Charla. A little piece of my heart dies everytime you bring her up. I miss her!

    Does anyone else notice that Lynn always has an expression of pain on his face? He always looks like he’s thinking “Ow, this hurts!”

  13. 13
    Jess
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 8:18 am

    Does anyone else love the fact that one of the producer’s names is Bertrand Van Munster? I want to meet this guy!

  14. 14
    Jess
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 8:34 am

    ….and (apologies if the topic has been covered already), are the brothers from another reality TV show? I swear I saw them on Fear Factor or HGTV’s House Hunters once.

  15. 15
    jess
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 8:41 am

    Shutting up in a second. Read back through posts from last week’s recap, and sho’ ’nuff, there was a post from someone about the one dude being on Fear Factor. I *thought* it was the Christmas Penis Eater, but when I checked out the Fear Factor site, I couldn’t find him. Yay! I was right!

    Shutting up.

  16. 16
    jaded
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 8:47 am

    can’t believe i missed this episode!!!

    however, i did hear about the upcoming Amazing Race – the Family Edition!! OY! Minimum age has been dropped down to 8 years old??? somebody better bring along the Supernanny!

  17. 17
    Nate
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:09 am

    First: Personally, I dont like A-Rob and I dont think they should win. However, for those of you bitching about how they don’t play fair….it’s a race. You do what you can, even if it means bribing and cheating, to win. I think the other teams are just jealous that they didn’t think of it first.

    Second: Is it just me, but is CBS’s editing of Lynn and Alex building up stereotypes that us gays have tried for years and years to quash? (i.e., “We both love shoes”, “Taking it up the rear”, etc.) I’m sure that L&A are smart people, and I’m not judging them for ‘how’ they act per se, but I think CBS could add a few clips of them saying things that arent gay puns….ok, rant over.

    Third: I wouldnt put it past producers to somehow make sure that A-Rob stays in the race for a few epsisodes. My question is, does A-Rob KNOW about it?

    That is all.

    –Nate

  18. 18
    Pixie-girl
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:13 am

    LOVED LOVED LOVED the Ducktales references. Super funny! Keep the funny coming B-Sides.

  19. 19
    Catie
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:32 am

    Nate, it’s not that I think Rob & Amber aren’t playing fair (obviously they are or else they would’ve been penalized)… I just hate that Rob thinks he so damn clever cause he thought to pay off a few locals.

  20. 20
    Plumes
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:47 am

    So Rob bribed a local. So what, it is a race and all is fair in racing, loving and warring. And the thing is, they are small bribes intended to annoy the others, and they are working.
    Is the big bald guy a re-incarnation of Bolo? Can he read???

  21. 21
    rach
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:50 am

    I was rooting for the brothers after their little impromptu song… “Stack-o-matic brotherrrs!” Very nice.

    Speaking of the schlepp, how could it have not occured to anyone but Romber to at least try to take all the books at once? That was the real reason they won handily, nothing to do with the bribes.

  22. 22
    jash
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:51 am

    “who knew grocery shopping could be so much fun?”

    surely my friend you have never seen the show “supermarket sweep!”

    nearly gave my adolescent body a heart attack each time i saw one of those episodes!

  23. 23
    yankeegirl
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:55 am

    Rob is smarmy, smug and cocky. Amber is just riding his coattails. She certainly was right that she couldn’t be there without him. The only reason she won the million on Survivor and even got there was b/c of Rob, and b/c the others picked the lesser of two evils when voting for a winner. Ugh. They nauseate me. Although I must admit it does have a bit to do with his Red Sox fandom and the constant wearing of the hat (hey, I am just a slightly bitter Yankees fan!)

  24. 24
    Eddiebosox
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:04 am

    you guys miss teh genius of Ron. dudes entire job is to tell everyone he was, yes its true, in the military.

    HEs a “motivational speaker”.

    No offense, but Id rather hear a speech from an Iraqi pilot who DIDN’T get shot down.

  25. 25
    J-Unit
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:09 am

    I have been contemplating doing a separate Amaxzing Race recap focused on the hatred of team Rob and Amber. I think they played a good race last night, and realizing that one bus may start later but get to a location faster was very smart. They are not obligated to play fair or tell anybody else about how they plan to travel. I think it was very shrewd to give the bus time information to three teams that were all in the bottom half of the race.

    Now, why we call Rob and Amber sucky is not necessarily that they paid somebody to withold information, but when called out on it, Rob pretended like he didn’t know anything. He acts like a bad ass that will do anything to win, which is fine, but if he doesn’t have the guts to admit that he bribed people, he is just another pussy.

    If you are one of the brainless MAsses that love these two, you should be worried about the way they have decided to play the early game. They were already targeted for being high profile to start the show. If they were smart enough to get through the early stages by being nice, they probably should have. As shrewd as they have been, it only expands the size of the target on their backs.

  26. 26
    jash
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:10 am

    few more things: first i was disenchanted that you missed meredith at the pit stop saying “well its better than a stick in your eye!” and the way phil immediately looked at the camera like “you will edit this scene out right?”

    it is possible nate that lynn&alex really are that way…again not doing much to tear down stereotypes.

    romber just disgusts me. rob is a cheat and a liar–ie a not good person, and it is frustrating to see how someone who cheats (not giving his share of the bribe to the driver) and lies (“i didnt tell the securitat to be quiet”) still comes in first. great moral lessons!

  27. 27
    Billy
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:17 am

    I love the recap and commentary as much as I love this show, which just rocks.

    With regard to Amber and Rob, they make for great TV and I find myself actually rooting for them as it’s obvious that Rob is a fan of the show and is playing it possibly even better than he did on Survivor. Unlike some, I LOVE his smirks how much fun he has trying to outpace other boring/jealous contestants.

    With regard to gay stereotypes, while I agree that this season’s picks are stereotypes in many respects, I like it that the show has run the gamut of having manly men like Chip and Reichen and the whole spectrum. I was just reading the online edition of TV Guide online and it tells you how deeply some people fears the “gays’ ;-) A mother wrote that she loved watching the show but would not watch any longer because of the gays.” The italics are for all Margaret Cho fans.

    I am bummed that the two southern boys were the first ones out as I love it when they cast witty people irrespectively of possibly not being politically correct.

    Sidebar: If fans want get over last season’s annoying winners (hated them), I suggest remembering the winners of the first 5 races and remembering that there have been so many likable winners and also rans.

    Thanks to you guys for the comments as they make me smile

  28. 28
    SusieQ
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:49 am

    “romber just disgusts me. rob is a cheat and a liar–ie a not good person, and it is frustrating to see how someone who cheats (not giving his share of the bribe to the driver) and lies (“i didnt tell the securitat to be quiet”) still comes in first. great moral lessons!”

    Jash, the problem with this comment is that you’re assuming that the Race should be a moral lesson. The whole point of the show is that anyone can win; the winners are based on who lands on the mat first, not who “deserves” it or is the most moral or likeable. If you want a great moral lesson, watch a crime drama in which the bad guys always get caught and pay.

  29. 29
    mattie
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:49 am

    with all the “uhhhs”, “ahhhs”, and shouting of simple statements, does anyone else think that gretchen sounds like pat from saturday night live?

  30. 30
    Nate
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:51 am

    jash,

    Yes, it IS possible that Lynn and Alex are like that ALL the time. Trust me, I live in west hollywood and know many many gay guys who remind me of them.

    But I dont know anyone who makes the gay puns ALL the time. I just think CBS is only including their comments into the show for humor value, which is fine, cuz I DO think they are funny, but that’s pretty much ALL we see them doing.

  31. 31
    sg-dub
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:56 am

    No, Gretchen sounds like a porn actress. Seriously, listen next week.

    you can thank me then for making her somewhat interesting.

  32. 32
    dru
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:58 am

    No way is CBS ensuring Rob and Amber’s non-elimination – that would be the quickest way to destroy the integrity and reputation of this emmy-winning show. Besides, even if they were guaranteed non-elimination, they certainly weren’t guaranteed first place, they did that on their own.

    Also,

    “As the duo organized books onto a dolly, Rob informed us that he works in construction and that if you’ve got a tall stack, you’ve got to load it a certain way to make it stable. Oh really? So I shouldn’t put my small items under my large items? Wow. It makes so much more sense now! And to think, all I needed was a background in construction… or, well, a grasp of basic physics.” –One would think, except that it seems that only Rob was able to grasp this concept, as pretty much every other frickin team had to make 2 trips, including the brothers, who carried something like 80 books their first trip. It’s harder than it looks, and Rob is way smarter that people credit him. They are the early favorites. You can’t be yielded if you are ahead.

  33. 33
    madeyoulaugh
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:02 am

    I agree Dru.

    CBS certainly would not participate in anything shadey, or that would destroy the integrity and reputation. Just ask Dan Rather…you can call him at…hmmm strange…his line is disconnected. thats odd.

  34. 34
    Lisa
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:34 am

    “surely my friend you have never seen the show “supermarket sweep!”"

    Oh my gosh, I used to love that show! I bet I could do really good on it too. There also was the show “Shop till you Drop”. Ah, I fell like a kid again. I wish I had the PAX channel so I can watch the reruns.

    Also, I don’t think Rob and Amber are being helped by CBS to get far in the game. Whoever came up with that rumor is probably just mad that they didn’t get chosen for the show.

    And just out of curiosity, why is Greg wearing a Where’s Waldo hat in that bottom picture? Is it to hide his receding hair line?

  35. 35
    BronxNY
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:35 am

    B-Side, I love reading everything you write. Your recap and observations are always right on the money! And you do it with such wit and humor… you really are gifted!

  36. 36
    jmportia
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:40 am

    Has anyone else noticed that there might be a lack of titles “model/actor” but if you really look at the teams, a lot of them fit that. Ron and Kelly – she is a beauty pagent lady – basically a model, he is a motivational speaker – basically an actor. Romber – they have both modeled in tons of magazines since they somehow one survivor (i am guessing amba wants to try acting soon). Megan and Heidi – yeah, models. They should have a siblings only race, and not have little 8 year olds (most 8 year olds i know don’t even like the flight across the country, what are they going to do on a 10 hour bus trip. How will they carry their own gear?)

  37. 37
    smithie
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:53 am

    I am shocked by the response to Rob and Amber. I can’t believe people feel so vehemently about them not winning. I think Rob is a smart player and how he plays might change future seasons, which I think is fun. They did come in with a huge target on their backs, no matter if they were nice to every team or not, but let’s not forget he befriended three strong teams. It’s no different than how any other team behaves. Being sneaky is necessary in a game that, as we have seen, seconds separate the people who go home and the people who stay. They are cute and obviously love and appreciate each other and I think they are the stars of the season, reguardless if they had done survivor. I am sure CBS did not guarantee their stay in the show. That would be stupid and way too risky. And how exactly would they do that? make sure the locals let Amber shine their shoes? or maybe rig what cab they got into? In the words of John Stossel: Give me a break. I think people are taking the game a little too seriously.

  38. 38
    b-side
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:53 am

    I agree. I think it’s a big mistake to put little kids on a reality show regardless, let alone the Amazing Race. If the kids were like 15 or 18, that would be cool. But 8? I don’t think so. I suppose the producers are hoping the children will provided unanticipated drama and obstacles, but honestly, this isn’t ABC.

    how will they all fit in a cab?

  39. 39
    Sandy
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:55 am

    Who likes shoes?” Amazingly, Payless spokeswoman Star Jones did not burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man.

    OH MY! That was hysterical. I can’t get that saleswhale out of my head now.
    I missed last night’s episode, thanks for the great recap!

  40. 40
    J-Unit
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 11:56 am

    Dru,

    Maybe you didn’t notice, but not all of the books were the same size. You don’t need to be a contractor to be able to stack things well. I saw this one guy at Costco named Menson that was packing carts like you wouldn’t believe – he’s an ex-con.

  41. 41
    smithie
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 12:08 pm

    And hey, American Next Top Model Fan, you are an idiot. Ron was a prisoner of war, held for a month by people who beat him and wanted to kill him and anyone like him, including you. And he’s not back over in Iraq because after his ordeal he is tormented by sharp noises. I wouldn’t expect you to understand, but sometimes after people are in a situation that they think every day might be their last, they can still love and appreciate what put them in that situation, but are physically unable to go back. So I don’t know if you’ve heard, but he is a POW, it’s a big part of his life, deal with it.

  42. 42
    Kirby
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 12:11 pm

    I don’t think the show’s job is to provide a moral lesson or break down stereotypes. Its just showing people being whatever kind of people they are.

    Tune in to PAX for your moral lesson, and television free of effeminite gay men.

    I don’t want to date em, but I think the gay guys are great. Next season a pair of drag queens, I say! That would be good television.

  43. 43
    jash
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 12:26 pm

    ha! well when i spoke of moral lessons, it was in jest. and yes, i already watch pax for supermarket sweep!

    i think lynn & alex are great fun too. and i dont know if they arent ever the way they are portrayed on tv. they certainly are funny, and i like their mini-alliance with the two hottie brothers.

    and as for people being “always on” yes, i do have an acquaintance or two like that here in the city as well–and can only bear to spend about an hour a week around them–so since the AR started, i havent seen them.

    if a team of four drag queens are on the next season, you can bet MJ from the real world probably wont be watching!

  44. 44
    Nate
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 12:52 pm

    The Amazing Drag Queen Race! Now THAT would be AWESOME television!

    Do you hear me Les Moonves?! DO YOU?!

    –Nate

  45. 45
    cvreeken
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 1:09 pm

    I feel sorry for Meredith. Not only is he stuck with a girl’s name, he is married to Martha Raye’s evil twin, Gretchen, constantly caterwauling like a broken car alarm. The kind that changes from OOOGA OOOGA, to HAWNK HAWNK HAWNK, then EEEEGAAA EEEEGAAA. Just shut up already. GEEZ!

  46. 46
    jack
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 1:49 pm

    ditto, kirby. i like lynn and alex. who cares if they are walking stereotypes? and what’s so negative about them? i think at this point even the folks in the red states have had enough exposure to homosexuality on TV to know that not all gay men have lisps and flamboyant wardrobes. i sense a hint of self-hatred when other homosexuals act like a couple of queens on TV are committing some grave offense against gay identity politics. are we only supposed to tolerate or approve of gays on TV if they act straight? let ‘em be themselves, i say.

    as for the rob and amber bashing: rob has already proven twice on survivor that he knows how to play the role of reality TV villain. this is why CBS cast him and amber yet again: rob loves to play people, he doesn’t mind being hated by his fellow competitors or by the public, and he’s clever enough to choose his battles. he’s also a smug jerk at times, and j-unit is right to call him on being such a wuss about admitting his deception. but he and amber knew going in that the other teams were going to scapegoat them, so it’s not like he’s losing any friends by, you know, playing to win. it’ll kind of suck if they take the million, but it’ll be that much more satisfying if a team like lynn and alex or susan and patrick beat them the way chip and kim pulled off the upset against colin and christie. unlike jon and victoria, rob and amber are fun to hate, and thus make the show much more fun to watch.

  47. 47
    b-side
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 2:03 pm

    cvreeken – nice use of Martha Rae and “caterwaul”!

  48. 48
    mick
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 6:42 pm

    Gretchen: A cross between the “I’ve fallen and can’t get up lady” and that loudmouth on the Focus Factor (?) commercial late at night, “It’s free? It must be good if it’s Free.”
    I don’t side with scumbags, so I have a clear head with rooting for Rob/Amber. He’s pushing these other peoples buttons, and he’s funny. Another thing…THAT chick is a beauty queen? Where? Miss Appalachia? Did you hear when she said that she can’t count! Those two definately have to go. if they last, I predict her getting all bitchy on that Red Baron.

    http://thecoolstore.blogspot.com/

  49. 49
    mar
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:06 pm

    oh my sweet lord, whenever you wrote that about the kids being named Milly and Terry…I swear i peed my pants a little. and i also quoted you tonight when i was out.

  50. 50
    Mark
    Posted March 10, 2005 at 9:17 am

    Sorry to see the hot girls go…would have rather seen the candy ass and his mommy leave…maybe next week. I’ve loved Amber since her first survivor…was pulling for he all the way on all-stars…hope they win this one too!

  51. 51
    Mark
    Posted March 10, 2005 at 9:18 am

    Sorry to see the hot girls go…would have rather seen the candy ass and his mommy leave…maybe next week. I’ve loved Amber since her first survivor…was pulling for he all the way on all-stars…hope they win this one too!

  52. 52
    Dave
    Posted March 10, 2005 at 10:18 am

    A great one once again, B-Side.
    Marbacca pegged it on my favorite two quotes:
    The Star Jones/Kool-Aid comment and “Milly and Terry.”

    So, several things. First, Ron and Kelly seem like nice people, but they’re not fun TV. I have to respect the man for his service, but he’s not much fun to watch on this show. BTW, he flew an Apache, not a Black Hawk helicopter.

    What was with Patrick’s now-you-see-it, now-you-don’t eyebrow bandaid? In later shots, didn’t even appear to be a mark or cut. And his mom’s GOT to settle down – did you see how badly her hands shook when she exchanged cash with the tourist? This “Team Devious” is not quite able to walk the walk.

    As far as Team Rambah: I don’t like either of them going back to the good old Survivor days – Rob’s too smug and Amber doesn’t bring much to the mix (which she as much as admits – she’ll let Rob make the decisions). That said, I’ve got to stop dismissing Rob as a dumb tough-guy wannabe. He’s definitely playing up that persona, but the guy’s pretty sharp. I don’t personally like the way he plays, but he’s not going beyond the scope of the rules, so game on. Plus, he’s had some good ploys which others have pointed to – the bribes (plus pocketing the cash) – and the tough guy hacks his way through some functional Spanish – who would have thought he had a second language in him? I don’t like to admit it, but they’ll be a tough team to beat, except that almost all the other teams will want to stop them.

    Can’t wait for next week

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