One Minute Makes the Biggest Difference!

Amazing Race

By B-Side | Thursday, October 20, 2005 | 4:44 am | 80 Comments

godlewskicry2 The tears were flowing on last night’s Amazing Race: Family Edition. It seemed like everyone was crying, and if they weren’t, they should have been. The race took some sad and morbid turns as it forced the poor Weaver family onto a race track (thanks, JESUS) and then wound up right in the heart of New Orleans. Aaaawkward. On the plus side, with fewer teams, I’ve now learned about one or two more names. It’s pretty impressive if you think about it. Maybe by the final episode I’ll actually know six of the twelve remaining racers. And who said this season wasn’t personal?Last night’s show started off on a grim note. The sort of grim note that features a black screen, white text, and Phil’s voice. Yes, The Amazing Race would be heading to Mississippi and Louisiana, which meant CBS had to put up a disclaimer to dedicate the episode to the memories of those who died in the hurricane. Well, I’m officially sad now. I’m starting to think The Amazing Race might be cursed. Let’s not forget what happened to Sri Lanka after Phil & Co. set foot there (a little bitch I like to call Sue Nammi). And hey, didn’t the show go to New York City in 2001? Very fishy. That quake in Asia last week? I think we know where Bertram Van Munster sent the racers for season nine…

Anyway, after the credits, we found our dearest Phil standing amidst the rockets in Huntsville, Alabama. With giant a striped shirt blazin’ in the Southern sunlight, he welcomed us back to the race we know and usually love (depends on if it sucks, like this season). We then met up with the Bransens who were first to depart that afternoon. Their mission: travel more than 100 miles (gasp!) to the world’s largest office chair in Anniston, Alabama. Yes, Anniston — “like Jennifer,” as Char Schroeder later clarified.

Well, the Bransens headed out to the big chair (although not before dissing ‘Bama) and following them were the Linzes, who passed away the travel time with an old game of “Slappy!” — popularized by Rolly and the Schroeder kid last week. Having a less joyous time were the Godlewskis who started this trip with some old fashioned midwestern bickering. Oh my gad. After the Desperate Housewives hit the road, the Weavers emerged next, and OH NO. Somebody remind the lord that they’re ready to race! “Somebody pray!” commanded Linda. Luckily her daughter was right there with some pronto religiousness as she whipped off the little known “Amazing Race” prayer found in Jonathan 18:23.

Now, I like to rib the Weavers because of their kooky reactions to nearly everything, but I don’t actually hate them. By and large, they’re harmless, and while their religious devotion seems insanely high, I do respect that they’ve gone through a collective tragedy and need to find strength and guidance in some form. That being said, it was pretty funny to watch the Schroeders completely mock Linda et. al. Pater familias Mark called them “The White Trash Family,” whereas Stassi chimed in with “The mom’s a wicked witch.” Char-Char then added, “At first we’re like ‘We feel so bad, they lost their dad,’ and then we found out they’re eeevil.” Be careful, Schroeders. You never know what will happen when you mess with the Jesus team…

Next out of the Pit Stop were the fun-lovin’ Paolos, and it literally took them about one second before they were a mess. This time, they had lost their information, resulting in screaming, yelling, and various iterations of “MA!” Hot on their heels were those cute Gaghans, and just when I had started to come around to the wiles of young Carissa, I became scared all over again when she announced, “Other teams underestimate us by our size… but I’m smart, I’m funny, and I can keep the team going for a long time.” She then added, “WITH THE POWER OF THE DEVIL!!!” Here’s an idea: let’s make the first ever religious-horror-reality show. Stick Carissa in a house with the Weavers and watch the insanity ensue. I mean, that little girl already has a solid horror name: CARISSA. And as for Linda Weaver? You know who else was named Linda? LINDA BLAIR. This calls for pea soup and Max Von Sydow.

We then rejoined our beloved Paolos, who were now in stage three of a paper cut meltdown. The chaos began when Brian asked, “What’s the name of the place?” causing Marion to bellow, “ANNISTON!” That would have been good enough for me, but the bickering continued. As Brian tried to sound out the name, Marion yelled, “A-N-N-I” and then bopped him on the head with the clue. Well, Brian may be 16 years old but that didn’t prevent him from yelling, “Ow, and you just gave me a PAPER CUT!” He hates PAPER CUTS! Amusingly enough, Marion retorted with “No, I didn’t,” to which Brian replied, “Yes, you did.” Faced with this compelling argument, Marion relented, saying “sorry,” and rubbing her son’s injured neck. See, all’s well that ends well with the Paolos.

Anyway, the Bransens arrived at the giant office chair first, and well, this was one of the stupidest landmarks I’ve seen in quite some time. At least build an oversized stapler or coffee machine. The next clue directed teams to Talladega, AL, home of the International Motor Sports Hall of Fame. The Bransens had one of the larger understatements of the night as they said, “That wouldn’t be good for the Florida team.” No, it would not. Just about the only thing worse would be if they had to do something crazy like drive a lap around the world famous Talladega Speedway…

Well, as the Weavers headed out to (NotJennifer) Anniston, they passed signs for Talladega, instantly striking fear in their hearts. Linda explained that in the wake of her husband’s death, the family has stayed as far away from racing as possible. They don’t even look at it on TV. Ah, repression. Always a healthy way to grieve.

Meanwhile, the Bransens arrived at the Hall of Fame and learned they had to… take a lap around the speedway. Oh, this was gonna get tricky for the Weavers. And for a moment, I thought Phil might suffer a Weaver-esque fate as he introduced this next challenge right there on the track. “The biggest motor sport facility–” he said, pausing dramatically while race cars zipped by him, “in the world!”

What Phil then told us was that teams wouldn’t be driving a race car. No, they’d be riding a “Party Bike” — which in case you didn’t notice the massive closeup on the web address, is located at PartyBike.com! What’s a Party Bike, you ask? Well, a seven person bike, duh! As soon as the teams began piling onto these big, red, circular contraptions, I instantly wanted one. In fact, my thoughts and dreams have been haunted with the idea of riding through Los Angeles in a Party Bike, getting those neck cranes and puzzled looks usually reserved for jackass Segueway people.

Phil! Watch out!!!

Phew! Close call!

Anyway, the Bransens hopped onto their Party Bike and began their two and a half mile trek around the course. “This is probably like a halftime show at these places,” said one of the girls. God, I hope not. But then again, I’m sure it was more entertaining than the last Chargers game I went to: halftime was four high schools from Mexico playing sloppy football for ten minutes.

It’s like a party… on a bike! Party Bike!

Back at the giant chair, the Gaghans arrived and sent wee Carissa up the ladder to fetch the clue. Do you ever get the feeling that they just don’t care about Billy? Everything’s all “Look at Carissa run! Look at Carissa climb! Look at Carissa’s outfit! Billy, hold Carissa’s bag.” In stark contrast to the Gaghan perkiness, though, were the Paolos, who arrived at the chair with typical bickering. “Shut up, I’m tired of you guys telling me what to do!” Marion yelled, shoving Brian. Oh man, The Amazing Race and shoves: the love affair continues.

Well, over at Talladega, the Bransens finished their tour de Party Bike first and learned they had to find the Southern Colonel in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. What they didn’t know — as Phil LOVES to say — was that the Southern Colonel was a trailer park. The Bransens headed out (and let’s give a shout out to WalDER for keeping up with everyone this episode), and as they hit the road, the Godlewskis ran out to the speedway, constantly yelling, “Come on! Come on!” — or as it’s pronounced in Godlewski-ese: “Come AN! Come AN!”

As for the Weavers, they finally arrived at the Hall of Fame, causing Linda to shout, “Let’s get out of here as quick as we can!!!” Look, the place isn’t about to explode. Besides, you’re gonna make your kids basketcases anytime they see a car going over thirty miles per hour. Well, the nightmare scenario came true for the Weavers, and as Linda read that they’d have to race a lap, the blonde daughter let out a crushing squeal of “No, mommy we can’t!” Say what you will, but I really felt bad for this wounded family, and as the visibly shaken kids walked out on the track, I was actually proud of Linda for putting her own neuroses aside for a second and stepping up to play the role of parent. “Your daddy loved racing. Just let it go. You’re above all this,” she told her kids. It was very touching. Aaaand now we can go back to making fun of them.

Elsewhere on the track, the Schroeders struggled to get their party going at full speed. Mark insisted that they stop and readjust their seats, causing the family to react with exasperation. “One minute makes the biggest difference, why can’t you understand that?” complained Stassi. Meanwhile, the Godlewskis finished up the task and read the next clue. “Find the Southern Colonial in–” started one of the ladies. Thankfully, her sister corrected her, and I couldn’t help wondering if the “Colonial” girl was the same one who thought a hangar was an airplane. If it was any consolation, Linda Weaver made the same mistake, except she never realized that “Colonel” is pronounced like “Kernel.” Then again, this is the same woman who wasn’t sure if Pennsylvania was a state.

“Look! It’s Jesus!! Oh, wait. It’s just a KFC.”

Running up to the track next were the Paolos, who were more than excited to hop into a race car. “Man, can you imagine driving a race car?” asked the dad. Aww, he had all the optimistic joy of a child on Christmas Eve. Too bad Phil & Co. had to crush his dreams with the damn Party Bikes. Oh well. The Paolos were the last family to complete the lap, and as they scampered off, lightning flashed and thunder rumbled across the skies. Seriously, it was like the scariest thunderstorm ever on reality TV.

Out on the road, the Bransen and Linz families were having a blast. So much so that one of the Bransen daughters decided to up and moon the Linzes from the car window. I bet this was nothing compared to Phil’s wild and crazy youth. Anyway, the two teams arrived at the Southern Colonel and learned they’d be spending the night there. Before they could rest, however, they had to search the trailers for one of three departure times the next morning. Ah, one of my favorite Race devices.

Elsewhere on the road, the Schroeders seemed unable to process the notion that the Southern Colonel might be a trailer park. Even after Mark asked a police officer for help, he brushed off the answer, saying that it just didn’t make sense. This drove Stassi nuts as she yelled, “Shut up! Please shut up! Please shut up! Please! You are upsetting me so much!” And from there she just burst into tears and pretty much stayed that way for the rest of the night.

Over at the Southern Colonel, the Gaghans searched for the best possible time, but not before Carissa made her chilling remark of the evening: “I don’t like these trailers. They’re eeeeevil!” You just know she has an evil ghost twin who haunts those trailers — popping up in reflections, lurking in shadows, writing scary things on mist-covered bathroom mirrors.

Well, the Schroeders finally arrived at the Southern Colonel, and by the time they found a departure time (the latest one, btw), Stassi was just an emotional wreck. “One minute makes the biggest difference!” she wailed as the Godlewskis tried to calm her down. One minute? How about twenty? Yes, the Paolos arrived last at the trailer park, but they managed to get a twenty minute leg up on several teams by snagging an earlier departure time that had gone unnoticed. This of course made me quite happy as it improved the family’s chances of not being stuck at the bottom of the group. I tell you, if those Paolos get eliminated, I’ll be a sad man.

The next morning, teams had to find Les at a certain BP station, and good god, we know BP is a sponsor — RELAX with the promos. I mean, the shilling for Travelocity is bad enough. Next thing you know, they’ll be having a challenge where teams have to find Travelocity gnomes hidden in a BP mini-mart, which they’ll have to find via a map on AOL.

Well, once teams found this Les guy, they learned they’d have to drive to Louisiana and find Fairview Riverside State Park. So basically, finding Les was literally only a way to plug BP. That’s all. There was no challenge associated with the task; no scenic oddity like a giant office chair. Just a big glossy piece of product placement. I guess there’s nothing wrong with touting sponsorships. After all, without the sponsors, we probably wouldn’t have a race. But at the very least, make the product placements exciting. Running up to Les as he cowers behind a stack of Cheetos is hardly what I call heart-pounding television.

Anyway, everyone headed to Louisiana, and for some reason, we were treated to the arbitrary road map showing the teams’s paths. I don’t know why the producers show it for some highway trips but not for others. Just another flaw with Family Edition. Meanwhile, in the Schroeder car, in case we couldn’t remember, Stassi once again reiterated, “One second makes the biggest difference.” SHUT UP. WE KNOW. Technically, since Stassi has repeated herself about two times, we’ve wasted four seconds on her. Four seconds!!! Don’t you realize, Stassi? We don’t HAVE four seconds to spare. EVERY SECOND MAKES THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE!

To be fair, Stassi was stressed because dad had gotten the team lost, despite them being in their home state. Everyone else, however, showed up at the next clue, which was the beloved Detour. This week’s tasks were a choice between Work and Play. Teams could either use a handsaw to cut four slices off a big log or win three rounds of blackjack against a dealer. The catch with the blackjack though was that everyone on the table had to beat the dealer in order to win a round. Oh, and just for shits and giggles, the producers made the teams dress in period costumes. Yeah, it was funny and I sort of liked it, but don’t think we forgot about all that BP nonsense. TVgasm never forgets.

Anyway, the Linz and Bransen families arrived first and opted for blackjack. Meanwhile, the Paolos showed up and got to work on the logs. The Bransens were on fire with their dealer, but the Linz kids had no such luck and decided to try their hand at the log instead. Amazingly, of this first group, the Paolos finished the fastest, and as they assumed first place, they learned they’d have to drive across Lake Pontchartrain and into New Orleans. There, they’d have to park on Esplanade, run through the French Quarter, and find the Pit Stop in Preservation Hall. Ah yes. The creepy sensation of watching New Orleans pre-massive disaster. Can’t think about heavy things. Must divert thoughts into reality television.

Well, our old friends the Weavers arrived at the Detour and opted for the very unchristian gambling challenge. Surely the lord would smite them with a rampaging buggy. But no, their luck turned golden in the Amazing Race casino. First off, the dealer’s name was Roy. “His name’s Roy!!” squealed the family, pointing at the reliably silent Rolly. Wow! They’re both named Roy. Clearly a sign from the Lord! Seriously, it was. The family won their first two hands right out of the gate, causing the winless Gaghans at the next blackjack table to abandon their plans and try their luck at the logs.

Meanwhile, on the open road, The Paolos had a solid lead on the other teams, but the Bransens were nipping at their heels, followed by the Linzes. Behind them were the Godlewskis who were presently having a nonsensical meltdown in the car. Actually, it was just Chrissy Godlewski who suddenly had an overwhelming desire to keep her backpack with her at all times. “I want to get my backpack,” she cried. This, of course, was a beautiful thing because not only was Chrissy being silly with the crying, but she chose one of those words that just asks for midwestern butchering (“bayackpayack”). Even better was that we then cut to an interview with Chrissy as she cried about crying. “A lot of times, crying for me is a release. Physically, when I’m tired, and I just have to like get it out and get a good cry in,” Chrissy explained. We then cut back to the car where she now cried about being made to cry. And again, it was made all the more glorious with her Illinois accent: “Thanks for making me cry, you guys!”

“Oh, you did it to yourself,” replied one of her sisters.

“I do not want to be crying at the mat, okay? Can you let me pull myself together? THANK YOU,” Chrissy bawled, gracefully transforming “mat” into “mayat.” In other news, I’ve gone deaf.

Oh my gad.

Meanwhile, the Schroeders finally arrived at the Detour amidst afternoon showers, and the race suddenly became a showdown between them and the Gaghans. And yes, Carissa looked about ten times scarier with her hair all wet and matted down.

I’m scared.

Well, the Schroeders tried their luck with blackjack while the Gaghans slaved away at the logs. Eventually, both teams earned their next clue, and as the Schroeders realized they’d be heading to New Orleans, Char happily announced, “We’re going home!” Talk about unintentional foreshadowing.

Over on Lake Pontchartrain, the Weavers marveled at the length of bridge (longest in the world). “It’s one of the five Great Lakes,” announced Linda. Okay, she’s officially an idiot.

In New Orleans, The Paolos arrived in the French Quarter first, but they got lost in the streets, allowing the Bransens to sneak up and claim the top spot once again. They won a nifty travel package from Phil and then shared hugs with the Paolos, who in turn shared their usual bear hug with Phil. Coming in third was the Linz family, and Phil was only too happy to ask, “Is it my understanding that there was a moon out today?” Oh, YOU! Very clever, Phil.

Well, the Godlewskis checked in fourth, followed by the Weavers. Unsurprisingly, it came down to the wire with the Gaghans and Schroeders, but in the end, Stassi was right. Say it all together now: “One minute makes the biggest difference!” The Schroeders were eliminated, causing Char to break out into massive sobs. For the record, they’re the second team in a row that was sent packing after professing their hatred for the Weavers. Maybe all that praying is paying off after all. I had to admit I felt for the poor Schroeder family as they huddled in the corner with a group hug, but luckily Phil put on his best PhilConcern™ face, and the Schroeders walked off into the New Orleans afternoon with a new appreciation for each other. Hey, Char said they were going home. She wasn’t wrong.

Sorry, Char.

“I suppose now would be a bad time to tell you about the Linz family getting mooned.”

What did you think about this episode? Is there hope for this season?

Comments (80)
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80 Comments

1

HicksPub

Posted October 20, 2005 at 5:33 am

I howled when Mama Paolo wanted to choose a later start time at the trailer park so that she could sleep longer. That’s just precious.

And a clink of the beer bottles to the Linz crew for immediately recoginizing, and correctly identifying, the party bikes. Clear evidence that they’re not afraid of fun. Note to self: find them and drink with them…
2

America's Next Top Fan

Posted October 20, 2005 at 5:34 am

I hope there isn’t a non-elimination round because I want this show over asap! yyyaawwn. Still rooting for the Grievers though.
3

Seang

Posted October 20, 2005 at 5:49 am

This episode blew that last snore-fest out of the water. Having said that, we were AGAIN duped into thinking there was some REAL drama – the Desperate Housewife crying, the girl having a breakdown at her father’s retardation and the Bible Tumping Widow Clan freaking out about the race track – EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. was literally that – a moment, and then back to the party bikes.

WTF?

Was better than last week, though.
4

sg-dub

Posted October 20, 2005 at 5:51 am

Over on Lake Pontchartrain…”It’s one of the five Great Lakes,” announced Linda. Okay, she’s officially an idiot.

Which was further proven when the next scene showed little Carissa stating, “Is this lake bigger than the Great Lakes?” Cracked me up and reminded me why I still watch the Family Edition.

And you know Mama Weaver homeschools her kids too. Poor things.
5

Boringboris

Posted October 20, 2005 at 6:26 am

Oh man, the Weavers at the race track was the closest thing to “blue balls” ever. After a week of anticipation, I was fully expecting a massive meltdown from at least the screamer daughter,and all I got was one lousy “Mommy we can’t.” Talk about a let down. BTW- Mama Weaver Griever is suing the race track where Papa died for big bucks. Hopefully they will use some of the money (if they win) for grief counseling and pants for the girls.
6

victoria

Posted October 20, 2005 at 6:42 am

Very funny recap as usual – but I was disappointed you left out three of my favorite moments:

The Linz kid saying he was going to go home and build an office chair just a ‘hair’ bigger,
Mama Paolo grabbing Les’s hand for a quick shake and yelling “Nice to meet ya” and
Walder joking that he was going to moon the Linzes – his daughters were disgusted, but you could tell he REALLY wanted to do it. That wacky Walder.
7

RealityTV4Me

Posted October 20, 2005 at 6:52 am

Two things: #1) What better shot of the PhilPackage than standing on the race track, eh? Still not much to write home about and #2) I finally heard the weirdness of the Godlewski accent. I guess it never registered with me since I am from the Midwest. But after paying close attention to it last night (“bee-ack pee-ack” for backpack), it sounds to me like the accent of every person I have ever met from Michigan. Not surprised to see they are from IL. They probably say “She-cah-goo”, too.
8

Borko

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:11 am

For as much as people rip on Carissa her little song about finding the lucky pen was over looked. I found it kind of funny
9

JustUsMoms

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:14 am

Don’t you wish Jonathan and Victoria had kids so they could be on this season? I would love to see a fight between Jonathan and Marion.
10

pentax13

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:18 am

This episode is beginning to remind me why I love this show.

My favorite bit: When wee Carissa got hit in the face with the handle of the axe at the state park.

But the only remarkable thing the producers could find in Mississippi was a trailer park? What, no giant office furniture in Mississippi?
11

katieshole

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:28 am

I love to watch crazy reality show women cry for no apparent reason. I don’t know why I find it so hilarious.

This show sucks, its such a bore. I’m tired of hearing about the J-man too.

Anytime a reality show contestant boasts about ‘being in their hometown’ and knowing ‘the city’, they end up losing during the episode. I thought the dog faced Schroeder girl crying was funny as well. Boo hoo! She should be crying because she looked in a mirror.

KH
12

Warren

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:32 am

I’m torn about Family Edition, and I think I know why now. There is no money limitation, no statement of each team will be getting x amount of dollars for this leg. Limited money always adds a bit of suspense to things, and it also means if there are nonelimination rounds that there will be no real signifigant penalties for the team that comes in last.
13

Dana

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:47 am

that’s a good point Warren. The other thing is that the challenges are so boring. Sawing logs or playing cards? Maybe b/c there are kids they don’t want to do anything too dangerous, but it looks like it will pick up next week. The recaps are great though and I still like watching for the family drama. Good times!
14

joslyn

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:48 am

I’m from Chicago, and I used to think we Midwesterners didn’t have accents. Boy was I wrong! Gad, I hope I don’t really talk like tha-yat! Oops. Anyway, those of you who predicted this season would suck, I guess you were right. But they did say in the previews that they leave the country next week, so hopefully it will get better. In the meantime-GO WHITE SOX!
15

Sean Williams

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:56 am

“But still, CBS, never do Family Edition again…”

That quote from last week says it all.
16

realityfan

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:57 am

sg-dub, I also noticed how funny it was that after Mama Weaver identified Pontchartraine as a Great Lake, Carissa, who is only 9, revealed that she knew better. Great editing there.

There are plenty of more interesting things they could send these teams to see and do than just a trailer dealership and playing blackjack.
17

Liz

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:57 am

I think this season can be wrapped up by a direct quote from my non-plussed 8 year old. “This is so boring.” He then proceeded to beg me to watch “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.” Yes, CBS my very hip kid would rather watch Milton Berle and Spencer Tracy for 3+ hours than sit through this excrement. However, I kept watching and was pleased with some of the fun things to snark on. I can’t really figure out who is who still. Having the blacks, I mean Black’s would be good for that. The Linz’s are definitely invited to my next party. A shout out to HicksPub for noting that they can likely swill with the best of ‘em. God help us with those Weavers. In the immortal words of somebody’s mother “What greater Hell is there than a heaven full of people like that?” Amen Sister!!! She’s a homeschooler? Thanks you stupid “it’s one of the 5 Great Lakes” bitch. You further cement the idea that homeschoolers are religious bufoons who should not be educating their children, to an already suspicious public. Next week she’ll be talking about how dinosaurs and cave men once cohabitated in the Grand Canyon 5,000 years ago. Wicked cool!
Oh my Gawd!! I felt so bad for the premenstrual Gawdlewski. “I’m taking my bay-yuck pay-yuck. Wah!!! I need my tampons.”
I want Mama Paulo to smack some respect into those nasty brat kids of hers.
How embarrassing for the New Orleans family to lose on the New orleans leg. Duh, it’s your freakin’ neighborhood! But they sucked anyway. I loved the ugly man’s version of a trophy wife. Very nice.
I hate to say I’m cashing it in on this season being exciting. It’s a straight up yawn fest. I’ll still watch for ripping my fellow human beings apart sake. Oh, and I love Carrissa and her puppy. What? That’s her brother? Who knew? She reminds me of the Poltergeist girl. And a shout out for suburbs of Hartford. Woo-woo!!!
18

kayell

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:59 am

what about one of the Linz boys saying that he thought the Bransen girls were hotties or something like that??? I thought for sure it would have made the re-cap!
19

Mike

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:11 am

“I’m torn about Family Edition, and I think I know why now. There is no money limitation, no statement of each team will be getting x amount of dollars for this leg.”

This week’s first clue as read aloud stated that each team had fifty-one dollars for this leg.
20

America's Next Top Fan

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:18 am

Joslyn (#14) I get bashed about my accent all the time. I lie and say it’s southern but I never fool anyone. But I pride myself on not saying Da Bears the SNL way.

YES SOX!!!
21

SaveFerris

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:31 am

I was hoping that after saying “Schroeder Family, I ‘m sorry you have been eliminated” he would say “On the bright side, you can walk home from here.”
22

Retroqueen

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:35 am

Excellent recap! Gave me a chance to chortle all over again. What would be a trip South without a trip to the world’s largest office chair and a trailer home park? How Springer!

And GASP…..props to Carissa! She’s actually starting to grow on me (or her “EViiiiiiiiiL” is taking hold of my mind) At least she hasn’t resorted to blubbering like all those “adults”.

Go Weavers! I love you guys!
23

suebee

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:35 am

These people shouldn’t leave the country because they do even know anything about the U.S. I mean, the Great Lakes? C’mon. And it’s Hattiesburg like a hat, not Hateysburg, like hate. Two teams mispronounced that. The most boring missions, CBS! I was going to try not to watch but now I need to watch to see how bad it can get. I was kind of hoping for a little update on the Schroeders since they were from New Orleans.
24

Panic

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:37 am

Holy Christ (sorry Weavers) this show needs to end soon!

The Weavers need to settle down a bit about the Car thing, it’s not like the challenge was going to be “Dodge the Racecar.”
25

RealityTV4Me

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:43 am

“On the bright side, you can walk home from here.”

LOLOLOLOL How funny would THAT have been?
26

Jojo

Posted October 20, 2005 at 8:59 am

I have stopped watching AR and now only read B-side’s excellent blog for updates. Sweet Jesus I am looking forward to a new season.
27

Amie

Posted October 20, 2005 at 9:08 am

Thank God they’re finally leaving the country. Are they going to Mexico?, or maybe even Canada! You know it can’t be too far. And the Carissa lucky pen song had me cracking up. I knew the evil trailer wouldn’t go unnoticed. I look forward to every recap. I even find myself reading other shows. Who needs to watch TV when you have TVGasm?
28

Erica

Posted October 20, 2005 at 9:09 am

suebee, there’s an article somewhere on CBS.com (just google schroeder new orleans or something like that) that talks about how the schroeders moved in with the rogers family for two weeks after the hurricane, and that their house was pretty seriously damaged.
29

mountain girl

Posted October 20, 2005 at 9:31 am

How about that PhilPackage? I mean, yowzer! I guess we all know that he dresses to the right now, huh?
30

carol

Posted October 20, 2005 at 9:33 am

CBS.com now has an internet show the day after TAR:FE with the family that just lost (exactly like the one for Survivor). Here are some of the high points:

*the stepmom was actually saying that it was hard because on some of the days they were going for almost 12 hours. (12 hours? that would be a short train/bus ride for the regular seasons)

*the son only talked twice and each time it was about five seconds long. You could tell he was totally dragged into doing this race.

*the host (one is from a previous season and I don’t know who the chick is) said that this season is “much harder than previous seasons”. They said it was because you have to deal with the family dynamic, which I think is bullshit. That is an everyday thing, eating four pounds of meat that came from god-knows-what animals is hard.

*the dad said that at the trailer park they were so tired because it was 12:30 at night. Oh, 12:30 at night, but I guess when you had to get up at 8:00am that is a long day.

*they also said the real reason they lost (they got to the mat only a couple of minutes after the devil children) was because they got pulled over on the bridge. The toll is $3, which they knew and paid, but there was an extra charge for the trunk thing on top of the car that they did not know about.

*the family is doing fine, they are rebuilding their home. They are friends with all of the other families except one (i am guessing the jesus loving bunch). Stacci is an annoying little bitch you just want to slap, she totally still thinks that she is the only one for her dad, not her stepmother.
31

sweetblondie30

Posted October 20, 2005 at 9:34 am

“Dodge the Racecar” LMAO…too funny!
32

S Will

Posted October 20, 2005 at 9:58 am

Here are a couple of news stories about the Weaver dad – he left the ministry to work at the Speedway.

http://www.local6.com/news/2831789/detail.html

http://www.andalusiastarnews.com/articles/2004/08/10/news/982news.txt
33

mikey

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:04 am

A friend of ours is always quick to point out how the Weaver kids don’t consistently wear seatbelts (particularly the daughters, and often the one who does a lot of the driving). I checked for it this time and, sure enough, 2 of 4 were without seatbelts. Can they really count on Jesus to save them in a crash? They don’t exactly have a great (track) record with that…
34

mac

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:05 am

Carol: Was there any mention of young Hunter telling Rolly that his step-mom was a real bitch?

Well, at least the Schroders got to sleep in their own beds that night.
35

Jennifer

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:08 am

I knew thats what your title would be. “One minute makes the biggest difference!” She was such a whiner, but its funny she was right. That had me laughing all night.
36

Megan

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:17 am

My favorite part of the whole episode was the Schroeder girl’s neck. It was seriously glowing red the whole time, what’s up with that?
37

jenny10girl

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:24 am

“Dodge the Racecar.” (#24) HA! Panic, I was laughing so hard I was crying…!! Great recap B-side but I am with victoria (#6) I can’t believe you left out the Linz kid’s comment about building a chair just a hair bigger…!
38

PJ

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:27 am

Is anyone watching the first season being re-aired on GSN? That season, not even compared to Family Edition (cause this definitely isn’t the same show,) is like a completely different show. Every clue is actually a “clue” and involves figuring out a riddle or puzzle. None of the “drive yourself to such and such place and chop onions” easy stuff from more recent seasons. Watching that season makes me hate Family Edition even more.
39

carol

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:32 am

mac (34) – they did not talk about that, since that would actually mean that the son would have to talk.

Megan (36) they actually talked about why their necks were glowing red, it was because the feather boas from the blackjack got wet and stained their necks.

b-side – Why didn’t you mention what the Schroeder Dad said after they lost, how they would be able to handle any hardship from now on. There were a lot of moments that had a totally different meaning now after the hurricane.
40

belinda

Posted October 20, 2005 at 11:23 am

OK – I think there may be a slight glimmer of hope for this season – or I’m just now tired enough that I’m starting to enjoy this TAR-FE. I to, am starting to have my FAV FAMS on FE. Oh, B-Side – I know the race is not better, the fams are not good, but your recaps are the BOMB! Thanks.

I just about fell off the couch when the Paolo boy screamed “PAPER CUT” at Marion. Boy, those kids are snippy!

I still don’t like the Gagging Fam. Carrissa gets more eviiiilllllll with each episode. If we are lucky, we will be rid of them next week!

Oh Linda Weaver, oh you poor, stupid thing…..I hope Jebus will allow you to look at a book of lakes and you will figure out that Lake Pontchartraine is NOT one of the Great Lakes! (AND it’s not one of the Wonders of the World!!)

MOUNTAIN GIRL – good eye!

B-Side – I think the picture of Char looks as though she lost the immunity challenge on Survivor. Interesting??
41

OD-TV

Posted October 20, 2005 at 12:29 pm

I was hoping this season would get better but now I am just watching for the recaps. I mean C’MON…find a big chair in Anniston, Alabama? Whats next? Drive 20 miles to the Bean Pot Diner in Crossville, Tennessee to find an “I heart Jesus” blanket made out of folded up cigarette packs? This is pathetic.
42

B-Side

Posted October 20, 2005 at 12:33 pm

You know, sawing a log or playing a blackjack sounds mundane, but The Amazing Race has always used mundane things like that for challenges (transporting books to a library, serving tea). It’s all about testing luck vs. brawn. Duration vs. brawn. or duration vs. luck. So while I think this season is tame, I don’t think the Detours are at fault.
43

carol

Posted October 20, 2005 at 12:44 pm

This season is tame and the Detours are still random. But there is a huge advantage when everyone around you speaks English.

I wish there was a picture of the devil girl in her mask they made her wear for the log chopping.
44

OD-TV

Posted October 20, 2005 at 12:52 pm

I get the log sawing and blackjack – that stuff is great – especially when some of the detours involve chance. But the biggest office chair in Alabama compared to the Christ the Redeemer Statue in Rio de Janeiro? I love the detours – I just hate that they have to go to a BP station to pick up a clue. I not going to change the channel because I still love the show.
45

amygirl

Posted October 20, 2005 at 12:56 pm

Dude, What was with Step-mom Char just breaking down bawling at the end. I mean, I’ve seen other teams get choked up. I’ve seen a few teams break down in the final three, but she just lost it. Wait to be strong for the kids, lady.
46

America's Next Top Fan

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:01 pm

B-side, you gotta admit that transporting 1,000 books on a dolly to a library that you have to find, 6 blocks away on unusually named streets…

and delivering tea to people with similarly spelled foreign Indian names in a 3 story office building is a lot more complex (and enjoyable) than anything we’ve seen so far this season.

Altough this show is off my TIVO I had to tune in for the Grievers and their racetrack drama. Lo and behold… no drama. Hardly anything to snark about except for Phill’s package.
47

belinda

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:01 pm

Next week TAR goes to PANAMA! Maybe there will be some serious drama with the Weavers – children, you know the Erie Canal was built to model the Panama Canal……write that down in your bibles then let’s pray.
48

America's Next Top Fan

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:04 pm

GO WHITE SOX!!!
49

redhaiku

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:13 pm

Sure, in all the other seasons they got to go around the world… riding elephants, going to New York…

But those seasons didn’t have Les or the giant office chair.
50

Brenda

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:18 pm

B-side-
I love your recaps, but miss your team nicknames. Please bring back the nicknames!
I’ll even contribute:
I think the Weavers should be Team Jesus.

Please?
51

chronic

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:26 pm

“and delivering tea to people with similarly spelled foreign Indian names in a 3 story office building is a lot more complex (and enjoyable) than anything we’ve seen so far this season.”

Oh that was a good one. B-side that duration/luck/brawn formula is a good way of breaking it down. But there’s also often wildcard factors such as fear (Weaver’s relatively minor pre-Party Bike breakdown notwithstanding), or the sheer unpleasantness of the task. Ain’t been nothing nastay yet, though I doubt the Hungarian soup episode could ever be outdone.
52

sweetblondie30

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:31 pm

Yeah..I’d like to see Billy “Let ME do it” Gaghan eat 4 lbs of meat!
53

chronic

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:33 pm

Oh, and I almost forgot pain. And not the kind that is simply a result of being middle-aged and out-of-shape.
54

suebee

Posted October 20, 2005 at 1:58 pm

I noticed Carissa…like the Weaver’s…wasn’t wearing a seatbelt in at least one scene. That bothers me. I don’t know how old she is but in my state, you have to be in a booster seat until you are 8 years old or 80 lbs.
55

Ashes

Posted October 20, 2005 at 2:55 pm

I agree with most people on here that mundane tasks done in another part of the world where many people don’t speak English, the culture and customs are unfamiliar, and the transportation is unique or complicated are quite different from driving on American interstates, ask directions of anyone around, and do things the mundane tasks in familar circumstances.

Plus, past TARs have had more than just mundane luck/time tasks. There are always fear-inducing tasks, disgusting tasks (not just eating but getting dragged in muck or digging in manure come to mind), and tasks of true physical challenge (such as rock climbing or running up hundreds of stairs.) It looks like we get a fear task next week, but otherwise, we’ve gone close to halfway with only mundane tasks done in familiar surroundings and language.
56

Liz

Posted October 20, 2005 at 4:50 pm

BTW, I have been dying to be on this show, (yeah I know, me and 6 million other losers…). How do you do it? What are the requirements? I have a fantasy that my girlfriend and I are the first all girl team to win. I think it will still count even if the Gaaadlewski girls win it all because everyone knows this version is gay. And retarded. Please forgive me if the answers are common knowledge. I’m new to this world. And now, for your reading pleasure, I present your very own Snark-o-Tron 8300, the Mrs. Weaver version: Mrs. Weaver is like a ballpark hot dog: more annoying than Spike Lee on speed.
What’s more disturbing: Stalin, a pus-filled sore, or Mrs. Weaver? And my personal favorite: If Carol Channing and an old French whore had a lovechild, it would be Mrs. Weaver.
57

ldini79

Posted October 20, 2005 at 4:55 pm

HicksPub, thanks for you comment because i have been getting made fun of mercilessly by my boyfriend ever since i made the comment (in the most non-stalkerish way possible) that i wouldn’t mind running into the linz fam since i live in the ‘nati too. they seem like fun.

does anyone else get incredibly frustrated when they have challenges where there are 3 departure times and people just settle on one without looking for an earlier time? this is season 8, how do the contestants not know better by now?!!

this is also incredibly hilarious because you can tell the parents are so embarrassed:

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race8/teams/bio_gaghan.shtml

and click on “billy and carissa gaghan spill their family sercets”
58

Sean

Posted October 20, 2005 at 4:58 pm

I can’t believe they went to a trailer park in the South – how stereotypical! Would they have stopped in a trailer park in Washington State, or California, or New York? I don’t think so…….
59

Deena

Posted October 20, 2005 at 5:23 pm

This has been driving me crazy but the Weaver mom looks so familiar. Does anyone know what famous person she looks like??
60

borski27

Posted October 20, 2005 at 5:28 pm

Did anyone see the preview for Vampire Bats during TAR last night? The much anticipated reunion of Lucy Lawless and CBS Made for TV Sci-Fi Movies is just begging for some LiveBlog lovin’.
61

Liz

Posted October 20, 2005 at 6:14 pm

Word Deena. This is driving me nuts as well. I see some resemblance to Kathy from Survivor Marquesas, but that’s not it. She also reminds me of a blonde and unappealing Gilda Radner, but that’s not it either. One of the brilliant minds here will surely figure it out.
Speaking of Survivor, how bout a live blog of that again? It just ended and what a doozy!!! How fun for us to chat about it now instead of later. But whatever, I’ll take B-Side and J-Unit wherever I can get them. ;}
62

sperk5

Posted October 20, 2005 at 7:30 pm

I love every recap I read and I know that if I applied for the family episode I would be very upset. I have watched TAR from season one and this is just awful. This season is by far the worst. CBS has pretty much ruined TAR. Unless next season is incredible they will not be able to inlcude me in their viewing audience.
63

Jay Lewis

Posted October 20, 2005 at 9:20 pm

I just love reading about people who won’t watch because it’s not the same as the other seasons but when TAR9 comes back, they’ll watch then.

‘Cause, you know, the networks ALWAYS renew shows that people tune out and stop watching.

Get over yourselves, watch the show and keep the ratings up so it *WILL* get renewed.
64

Kate

Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:15 pm

Megan – I noticed that too, but I think it was after she had on the hot pink boa….it totally rubbed off on her so her neck was bright pink the rest of the leg.

The Gaghan mom is growing on me, after Carissa said “I wish my legs were longer” on the party bikes and she responded with “yeah, ME TOO”. This leg I think was the first where the parents realize that they have to work extra hard and their kids can’t help (cutting the logs was a major one).
65

TWilliams

Posted October 21, 2005 at 1:01 am

Thank Jebus this episode was better than the last. I have just read on the CBS website that “the teams are estatic when they learn they are leaving the US.” I think I can speak for the rest of us on this board when I say that we are too.

I don’t have much to say about the Schroeder family (it is nice to hear they seem to be doing okay after Katrina) but the father royally screwed up on this one. He had better raise his daughter’s allowance. What an idiot. The apparent agony they all felt after their defeat was quite humorous when contrasted with their son’s look of relief. He so didn’t want to do this.

I would have to agree with post #58 (Sean) – seriously, could a trailer park in Mississippi be any more stereotypical? I’d have to agree with Daddy Schroeder on this one, “nah, it couldn’t be a trailer park.”

I guess he should have expected anything after finding the deadliest/rustiest, giant, ugly-ass office chair on the face of the earth. “Why do you need this tetanus shot?” “I cut myself on the world’s largest office chair and I want to prevent lockjaw and/or death.” The people of Anniston, AL are proud of that?!?

And now for my weekly comments on the Weaver clan. I was proud of Mother Weaver telling her children that they should go ahead and race because their father loved auto racing — too true. He wouldn’t have wanted them to give up at a place he would have enjoyed. Next, WWJD — I don’t think he’d gamble. Pennsylvania must be a state and now we have six Great Lakes (until she sees the Great Salt Late and we have seven). Also, I dislike them not using safety belts and they made up quite a bit of time between the two groups of racers (first bus and second bus). I think they drive rather fast which screams hypocrisy — I guess they think they’ll be okay as long as they pray.

They do seem to be rather lucky and isn’t it strange that the last two teams eliminated were the very teams that bad-mouthed these holy folks?

This episode made me like the Bransen family. Now I have 3 teams I wouldn’t mind seeing win. Speaking of which, how is Marion Sim going, B-Side?
66

TWilliams

Posted October 21, 2005 at 1:04 am

Damn, missed a typo — Great Salt LAKE — oops.
67

Ashes

Posted October 21, 2005 at 8:05 am

Jay, TAR 9 has already been made and is airing this spring. CBS has committed to that. The Family Edition isn’t doing quite as well as the recent regular ones, but it hasn’t lost that much in the ratings, certainly not enough for the entire franchise to get cancelled (especially with all the Emmy Awards it’s won and the fact that any other show in that time slot would probably get about the same ratings.) CBS stuck with the show in the first few seasons when it had really low ratings, so I doubt they’ll cancel it just because some diehard fans are disgruntled with the Family Edition and aren’t going to watch it.
68

shelley

Posted October 21, 2005 at 9:27 am

Stop writing Jebus instead of Jesus. Good Lord, that’s annoying!

As if spelling His name properly is a sin or something…geesh!

Breaking News: Jesus doesn’t give a sh-t about blogging. I’m thinking smiting those who spell His name properly on a web blog is not high on His priority list, you know?
69

mac

Posted October 21, 2005 at 10:00 am

Is it just me, or did Phil dis on the Gaghans? He pronounced their name GAG-in. I thought it was GAY-gin.
70

sg-dub

Posted October 21, 2005 at 10:06 am

mac –

I have it on fairly good authority that it is, indeed, “GAG-in.”
71

shannon

Posted October 21, 2005 at 10:07 am

I am dying at the Charger reference, although we they did win that game, thank God.
72

chronic

Posted October 21, 2005 at 10:20 am

#68, “Stop writing Jebus instead of Jesus. Good Lord, that’s annoying!

Jesus doesn’t give a sh-t about blogging.”

Oh the irony. That is hilarious!!! Relax shelley, it’s not like g_d, jebus is widely used and is just meant to be kinda silly.
73

shelley

Posted October 21, 2005 at 10:54 am

Chronic – thank you.

I was wondering why people kept spelling it Jebus…I thought it was bc they were afraid of his wrath! lol.

Now I know, and knowing’s half the battle. (Yooo Joe!)
74

suebee

Posted October 21, 2005 at 11:12 am

Jay,
Unless you are a Nielsen household, nobody cares if you watch or not. It doesn’t change the ratings. So Nielsen households, watch for us to keep the show alive!
75

Amber

Posted October 21, 2005 at 3:09 pm

Nascar, rusty metal chairs, trailer parks and gas stations.

Glad I got to see the South in all its glory.

O_o

Really, is this the best they could do?
76

TinkerbellAPixie

Posted October 22, 2005 at 9:57 am

In response to #59, if you want to know who Mrs. Weaver looks like, look no further than Ghostbusters II, she is the living incarnation of Vigo, right out of the painting.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v286/slickidiot/vigo.jpg
77

gregnNYC

Posted October 22, 2005 at 10:44 am

Those damn partybikes are every NYer’s nightmare. They are ridden around the Times Square area with tourists giggling and screaming, tying up traffic and annoying pedestrians. On a positive note, I was thrilled to see Phil’s Package was back.
78

Liz

Posted October 22, 2005 at 2:54 pm

Eureka! I have found it! Mrs. Weaver is… Dog the Bounty Hunter. See for yourself. http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2003/06/19/bounty.jpg
79

Milkshake

Posted October 22, 2005 at 8:11 pm

GregNYC you are right on about those party bikes – I live in Hell’s Kitchen (really close to Times Square for those not in the know) and I see people coming THIS close to dying on those things almost every single day.

This ep was the best of the season so far – which isn’t saying much. While FE does suck I can’t say the casting is to blame – these families are quite fun to watch. I just miss the trip around the world. We’ll see what next week is like when they leave the country (I’m guessing to some country that’s like 50 miles off the coast of Florida but at least it’s something).
80

BoringBoris

Posted October 26, 2005 at 10:17 am

Eureka! I have found it! Mrs. Weaver is… Dog the Bounty Hunter. See for yourself.

Dog is prettier.

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