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Wednesday, December 7, 2005
6:38 pm
68 Comments
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to announce that for the first time in a month, The Amazing Race: Family Edition has finally eliminated another team. That’s right. We haven’t seen any sort of Philimination action since way back on November 8th when the Paolos were unceremoniously dropped from the Race roster. Since then, we’ve had a week off for the Country Music Awards, a non-elimination round in Utah, a fakeout Pit Stop in Wyoming, and now finally this episode. Now, I hate to be a hater, and I’ve never really turned my nose up on non-eliminations in the past (my theory being that anything that prolongs the wonderful Amazing Race experience is always awesome in my book), but I gotta admit that this dearth of activity combined with an already weak season has really depleted any momentum this show had left. I mean, things were picking up in Central America. It almost felt like the Race we knew and love was back. But now that we’ve spent the past three episodes traveling from park to ranch to park to ranch with little else in between, I find myself asking that most derided of road trip questions: are we there yet?Well, for those of you who don’t remember what happened last week, the teams arrived at Phil, and as I had predicted, he announced that the leg was not in fact over. Yes, it was one of those alterna-non-elimination legs — the kind where the producers don’t have to buy a prize for whoever’s in first place. As this week’s episode began, we watched once again as the Weavers and Bransens sprinted to Phil who may or may not have been tethered to a nearby fence. Anyway, FencePhil™ handed over the next clue which told the teams to drive to Dubois, Wyoming and find Turtle Ranch. Oooh! Another ranch! How exciting. I wonder if the teams will take a long, boring stretch of highway to get there!
The Bransens and the Weavers headed off to the next rancho del excitement while the Godlewskis and Linzes continued to make their way to Phil. We then cut to Tommy Linz as he managed to spray semi-chomped cheese doodles all over himself and his sister. And let’s be honest. If there were ever a snack to sum up Tommy, it’s cheese doodle.
Meanwhile, the Godlewskis had no idea where Phil’s ranch was; so they stopped by a pay phone to call information. Of course, since Chrissy spearheaded this tactic, it only took about .347 seconds before those dueling hyenas known as Michelle and Sharon began screaming and complaining. When this minor detour proved to be fruitless, Michelle continued to make a fuss, causing Chrissyrella to suddenly lash out, “Michelle, all you’re doing is complaining. You’re not coming up with any ideas!” Well, this big bad momma would have none of that as she yelled back, “DON’T TELL ME I DON’T PUT ANYTHING IN!!!” Chris, in the future, just give her a pint of Chubby Hubby. That’ll shut her up.
Elsewhere on the open road, the Bransens headed towards Dubois with empty stomaches, causing general crabbiness to descend upon the sisters like a mighty, oversized hat. Now they could only be 120% perky, as opposed to the usual 175%. Before we could really learn the extent of the Bransen’s hunger, the sound of random, European-ish techno suddenly filled the airwaves as we then found the Weavers hunting for a gas station. Why the house music? Were the Weavers about to embark on an Ecstasy-fueled rave for the Lord? Or would Phil be showing up wearing a backpack and sucking a lollipop? WE COULD ONLY HOPE.
Unfortunately, we never really found out how or why that techno made it onto the soundtrack, but it was surely a welcome change from the usual “dunh-dunh, dunh-dunh-Dunh, Dunh-Dunh-DUNH, DUNH DUNH!!!” progression (although, I highly enjoy that too). Anyway, the Weavers were searching for a gas station, but not because they needed gas. No, they needed directions. But hey, why not get gas while they’re at it? NO! Driver Rebecca refused to fill up. Would this be foreshadowing for some sort of gasoline-related vehicular break-down? I was certainly hoping so. Nevertheless, Rachel was not happy with her sister’s executive decision, and when Ma said that it was Rebecca’s choice ultimately, Rachel balked, “She’s not the smartest one in the group!” And in the Weaver family, that’s really saying something.
Meanwhile, the Linzes finally reached Phil, or The Phillinator as Tommy called him. As expected, the fam caught Phil’s curveball with the usual blend of excitement and glee, and as they headed off to Dubois, the Godlewskis approached the ranch. “15200!!! RIGHT THERE!!! Bigger than daylight!” Michelle yelled, adding, “Remember, I’m not contributing anything Chris!” Shut up, bitch. You read a sign. Congratulations.
With tensions running high in the Godlewski SUV, Christine began crying in anticipation of elimination. But lo! Phil turned that frown upside down. The Desperate Housewives zipped off to the next destination, leaving Sir Keoghan to call out “You’re still in it, guys! Don’t stop racing!” At which point Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” popped into my head, except with Phil on vocals (and tambourine. Because you know he totally loves to shake the tambourine).
Well, the Bransens arrived at Turtle Ranch first, and guess what, folks? It was closed for the night. Who would have thunk it? Yes, that’s right. The gates wouldn’t open until 7 AM which meant err’body would be all tied up again. Ain’t that convenient? That’s okay. If it means that the Linzes can rise to the top of the pack again, I’m all for it.
As the Weavers approached this next destination, Rebecca asked, “What is a turtle ranch?” Normally, I’d answer “The name of the ranch you are going to,” but instead Linda had a more interesting response: “It’s where they make lots and lots of turtles.” I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, but given this woman’s track record (Washington DC is in Washington, Pennsylvania is a city, Lake Pontchartrain in Louisiana is a Great Lake), I’m gonna say she was serious. If it’s true that these Weaver kids are home-schooled, then I sincerely hope there’s a teacher’s strike very, very soon.
Once the Weavers arrived at Turtle Ranch, they crawled into their camper and isolated themselves from everyone else. “I don’t want to see these other people,” Linda said. Rebecca echoed her by saying, “They’re not really the kind of people we want to hang out with.” Yeah, all their edumacation and stuff is weeeird.
Speaking of weird, the Linzes approached Turtle Ranch with expected levels of ADHD. “This is EXCIIIIIITING!!” Nick Linz yelled, causing Tommy let out a bizarre “BLEHHH!” noise. I can’t really describe it. Basically, it sounded like a billy goat or something. And like a cheese doodle, I think a billy goat is an appropriate way to sum up Bone.
Eventually, all four of the teams met up at Turtle Ranch, and as everyone congregated outside, the Weavers continued to hole themselves up in their trailer. “Everyone’s out to get us, it seems like,” Rebecca said. “I know, I don’t get it,” added Linda. Yeah, why would everyone be gunning for them? Just because they’ve been rude and obnoxious and holier-than-thou and downright strange doesn’t mean they should be ostracized. I guess that’s just what happens when you’re the only team trying to lead a good, honest Christian life (when it’s convenient).
The next morning, the show suddenly turned into a beef commercial as violins soared and horses ran free like the mighty untamed beasts of yesteryear. The teams all huddled by the Turtle Ranch gates and were told to sprint to a set of SUVs all the way across a field. But lo! Would this be a field of TURTLES? Sorry, I was asking on behalf of the Weavers. Anyway, at the stroke of seven, the gates opened, and suddenly it was a mad dash across the Wyoming terrain. As she got into her SUV, Linda Weaver immediately called upon her buddy in the sky, saying, “Dear Lord, please give us wisdom.” Hey, why start now? ZING!
Well, the SUVs all headed up into the hills of the ranch, and then with a mighty “Whaa-aaa!” that might be more reminiscent of a ninja movie than rural Wyoming, we found ourselves facing a Native American chief standing by a teepee. Yes, this was the Detour, and holy shit! Is that a peace pipe in your pocket or are you just happy to see us? I’m not one of these look-at-Phil’s-package people, but my oh my, he was quite the bulging superstar, wasn’t he? I’m pretty sure he stuffed a sock down there that morning.
PhilPackage™
Anyhoo, back to the Detour. This week’s choices were “pioneer spirit” or “native tradition.” In “pioneer spirit,” teams had to find four wagon wheels, affix them to a wagon (natch), attach some horsies, and then take a quarter-mile ride. In “native tradition,” teams had to build a teepee, a process with many steps. The Bransens and Linzes opted for the “pioneer spirit” while the other two teams got all “native tradition” on us. As the Weavers ran to their teepee setup, Linda spied the tribal chief and declared, “He’s cute.” Why, that’s not patronizing at all!
The Linzes, meanwhile, went running into the field to find wagon wheels, causing Tommy to yell, “Time for Bone. Sun’s out, thumb’s out, baby!” I didn’t really understand what it meant. Was it some Ohio thing? A hitchhiker’s term? Or maybe just some typical Tommy babble? Probably the latter. Well, the teams found their wagon wheels, but they were heavier than expected, causing one of the Bransen girls to let out her patented, “Eeeeee!” Over at the Weaver teepee, Rolly ran around the frame with a rope, quietly singing a tribal chant and making a tomahawk gesture. Just some more of that wonderful Weaver class! Suddenly, however, Rolly stopped and looked at the chief. “He’s looking at me,” he complained. Yeah, well, maybe it’s because of that whole racist tomahawk thing. Doesn’t he realize that the only acceptable place for such actions are at baseball stadiums? (Or “stadia” as per the proper pluralization. Try that one on for size, Linda.)
Over at La Teepee De La Godlewski, Chrissy was buggin’ her sisters by insisting that all the poles should be four foot-lengths apart. As expected, Michelle and Sharon freaked out on her, and after a spate of bickering and shouting, Michelle finally sneered, “Too many chiefs and not enough, uh, what’s the saying?” And with that, Michelle then smiled and put on her “Hug Me, I’m Ironic!” t-shirt.
Well, the Linzes finished their task first and headed off to Cody, Wyoming where they’d have to find the Irma Hotel. Once there, they’d have to get dressed in period clothes and take a picture with a Buffalo Bill impersonator (and no, I’m not talking about one of those old ice cream bars. Anyone remember those? I personally enjoyed the Fat Frog ice cream bar. It was shaped like a frog and had M&Ms for eyes, chocolate on the back. Anyone? Anyone?).
Before I totally go off on a vintage Good Humor quest, let’s get back to the race. Well, the Godlewskis were nearly done with their teepee of squabbling. All that was left was to insert a few pegs through some slits. Unfortunately, those slits happened to be high up, which meant the girls had to pile onto Christine’s back. As the cameraman shot from a highly suggestive low-angle, Michelle dependably scoffed at the whole operation, saying, “There goes the teepee.” Really? Because I think the cameraman just pitched a tent. Boo-ya! I’m on fire!
“Stap looking up my shirt!”
Out on the open road, Megan Linz struggled to jog her Buffalo Bill memory. Was he a tall tale? Did he have an ox? No, silly. That was Paul Bunyon. Buffalo Bill was a real person — as well as a scary bad guy in Silence of the Lambs. And just in case we didn’t realize that, Tommy and Alex piped up with “Puts the lotion on the skin! Or it gets the hose again!” Unfortunately, the line sounded less menacing and more mentally challenged. One word: cheese doodles.
Meanwhile, the Weavers completed their teepee and offered it up for inspection, but not before telling the chief, “You’re cute.” At which point the chief then said, “And you’re all IDIOTS.” Okay, he didn’t say that, but I so wish he had. As he checked out the handiwork, the Godlewskis still struggled, with Sharon unable to get her damn peg in the teepee hole (pausing to snicker). C’mon Sharon. Poor Chrissy’s holding you up and you can’t reach that extra inch? There best not be any complaining coming out of your pie hole. Oh, what am I saying? Of course there’ll be complaining. “Chrissy, why couldn’t you have been a foot taller? CHRISSY! GROW!!!”
Eventually the Godlewskis finished their teepee and left in last place. As for the Linzes, they showed up at The Irma hotel first and got into costume. The Weavers, meanwhile, suffered from hunger cravings on the road as they salivated for Pizza Hut and other fine establishments. “I love to go to the buffet,” Rachel said. The Buffet of Jesus, that is. Hallelujah!
Well, the Linz fam emerged in 19th century Wild West garb, much to the delight of the waiting Bransens (except Wally who impatiently bristled, “Take the photo.”). After some general guffawing and Blue Steel poses, the Linzes then zoomed off to the next clue on the tenth tee of a golf course in Montana while the Bransens took their turn with Buffalo Bill, or as I like to call him, that creepy guy at the bar someone put a hat on. Surprisingly enough, the Bransen girls were all about complaining as they balked at how hideous the dresses made them look. Hey, it’s a costume, not a prom dress.
Up in Montana, the Linzes arrived at the golf course where they found the next Roadblock. Phil came out to tell us about the next challenge, but my god, the man still hadn’t flogged his dolphin. I’ve never seen Phil have such bulging issues before. I’m surprised CBS didn’t apply some pixilation. Nevertheless, the thoroughly aroused host told us that for the next Roadblock, two people from each team would have to hop into Buick Lucern golf carts (rolling eyes) and search for four golf balls of the same color on the back nine (that’s golf lingo for “second half the course”). And because a testicle innuendo needed to be said — especially in the wake of Phil’s elephantine package — Megan then asked, “All we have to do is search for balls?” Ah yes. Scrotum humor. I am satisfied.
The Bransens arrived at the golf course soon after, and when Wally chose the color purple (Oprah would be proud), his daughter snipped, “No, we’re blue, dork!” Hey, don’t be mean to WalDER!!
Meanwhile, the Weavers came and left their photoshoot, and while Linda and Rachel argued for the title of “I looked worst!”, the Godlewskis showed up and got randy with my homeboy Buffalo Billdizzy. Chrissy and Tricia performed some sultry dancing, waved their boas around, and then shimmied up on the guy, with Christine saying, “Hey there, Buffalo Bill.” Oh my gad! What a slut, doncha think? I know the girl playing Irma thought so. She looked pissed. Irma HATES waiting around!
Anyway, the Linzes had a strong lead at the Roadblock, but when Nick and Alex missed a ball hidden in a hole (darn it!), the Bransens assumed the lead and departed for Larry Arnold’s Green Acre Ranch for the next Pit Stop. A ranch? What a great idea! Let’s go to five more!
The Weavers showed up at golf course next, and not too long later, the Godlewskis arrived as well. Michelle and Sharon volunteered to seek out the balls, which of course meant that bickering would soon follow. Sure enough, the two sisters were a mess out on the fairway, and instead of keeping an eye on the prize, they spent half their time arguing about whether or not Michelle had started driving before Sharon was even fully in the Buick Lucerne golf cart. Totally exasperated, Sharon then jumped ship and decided to jog around instead, thus totally wasting even more time. By the way, was this like one of the worst golf courses ever? I’ve never seen a green that looked so yellow.
Well, the Weavers finished the Roadblock next, and as they headed off, Linda said, “I pray those sisters take a while.” Yes, praying for the downfall of others so that you can partake in riches. That’s like page one of Jesus 101.
Anyway, the Bransens arrived at the Pit Stop first, asking “Is it for real this time?” Oooh, snarky. But seriously, Phil. Tell us it’s for real. Indeed, it was. And as the family celebrated, Wally remarked, “Buick is a great vehicle.” Wow, an unsolicited testimony. That’s convenient because Bransen family, you just won A NEW CAR!!! (R.I.P. Rod Roddy). Yes, the Bransens won a Buick Lucerne, a.k.a. reality show vehicle du jour (see The Apprentice: Martha Stewart). And don’t worry — they got the real version, not the golf cart.
The Linzes showed up second, which meant it was down to the Weavers and the Godlewskis. Sadly, there was no way the bickering sisters could catch up, but we did hold out brief hope when the fuzz pulled over Rebecca for speeding (I bet Rolly never put on his seat belt so fast in his life.) Sadly, the cops only gave the Weavers a warning — of course — and even though Linda warned her daughter not to drive over 25 mph and even though that gas gauge was now near empty, we knew this was all misdirection. Sure enough, the Weavers persevered and arrived third, thus ensuring their role in the big two-hour finale next week.
Amazingly, when the Godlewskis showed up, Christine wasn’t even crying. In fact, the person who was most teary-eyed was… Sharon! Yes, that battle ax of a woman quietly attempted to hold back her emotions, but we could see the tough exterior melting away. Hey, maybe she’ll say something nice about her sister. “I love my sister Chris,” she said. Aww. Oh wait, there’s more. “It’s just, we don’t click, and I don’t expect that this experience will change that.” Oh. Okay. Then making what might have been her very first interview was Tricia who commented, “I definitely came into the race thinking that we were all going to learn to be more accepting of each other, but that’s not the way it turned out.” Wow, this is actually really depressing.
“Oh my Gad! We lost, girls!”
Then, as per Amazing Race tradition, we then saw a nifty montage of the final three teams talking smack. You know, stuff like “We’re here to win” or “We’re unstoppable” or “It’s not over until it’s over.” My favorite, of course, was Rachel Weaver who simply stated “I think it’s God’s will that we’re here.” Well, technically, couldn’t you say they’re all there because of God’s will? Let’s not get too high and mighty. Again.
So what do you think? Who do you think will take the cake? Everyone’s feeling Linzes, but I’m sensing an upset. I say Bransens, Weavers, then Linzes. What about you?
TV Social
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68 Comments
Gawdlewski”s are gone! I don’t know whether to be happy they are gone, or sad the Weavers are not. Someone help me here! Here’s hoping the Weaver’s miss a flight or something next time and finish a couple of days behind the Bransen’s and Linz’s.
I’ve never stared harder at a dude’s crotch than while watching the show this week.
Doesn’t that seam hurt his balls?
If there is a God, he will not let the Weavers win.
Balls balls…show more balls!!!
I was really hoping those idiots would run out of gas. Having driven to Cody from the Midwest many years ago I learned a valuable lesson. ALWAYS get gas in Wyoming when given the chance…it may be hours before your next opportunity.
No comments about the Godlweski thong shots? I’m disappointed! When, oh when, will the Weavers finally get kicked off?
Good lord I’m so happy that the Godlewski’s are gone.
I couldn’t stand how they all ganged up on their sister like that. Freaking bitches need a swift smack upside their heads.
Right along with the annoying ass Weavers.
They so better not win.. I’m gonna be UBER pissed if they do.
I thought it was freakin hilarious when the Linz boy did the Blue Steel thing… good lord.. I love Zoolander and that part just made me and my bf crack up.
I don’t think the Bransen’s have a chance since the previews show the Linz’s and Devil’s doing a bunch of tasks while all WalDer wants to do is kick somebody’s ass in the baseball stadium. Then again, could be more misdirection!
Thanks for the recap B-Side, you seriously make my day with these. Although I do hope I can get the image of PhilSacâžÂ¢ out of my head before the next episode or else I’ll feel pretty gay looking at his crotch.
I’ve missed a lot of episodes, but this one made me think the Godlewski’s parents must have jumped for joy when all these bickering wenches finally moved out of the house.
Can you imagine?
As Trump would say (about PhilPackage), that’s ‘Uge.
I hate the Weavers as much anyone, but I cann’t say I’m uset about the Godolewskis. They hated neach other. At least the weaver’s habe the love of jesus
This was a boring season, but now we have my favorite option… a hated team coming in last.n
I love me some Phil, walking towards me in those khaki pants, swinging that PhilPackage to the right in all his glory.
mmmm
The OhMyGadlewskis really are some wicked stepsisters.
Why is the Indian Chief staring at you Rolly? Well, maybe BECAUSE YOU ARE MOCKING HIM while you pitch your teepee? Ignorant homeschooled punk.
Weavers SUCK
GO LINZES!!!!
Mad props to BSide for the quick n tasty recap!
Yuck. This means the Weavers will win. This always happen. I always root for the wrong team. Or maybe, the wrong team always wins. This has happened in Survivor, ANTM, Apprentice etc. It’s true. Nice guys do finish last. The only exception was Uchenna and Joyce. I am totally looking forward to next week though. I saw the preview for next week and there’s Alex Linz doing a faceplant in the airport then Rolly Weaver stepping RIGHT ON TOP of him and Alex grabbing at Rolly and you hear Linda shrieking in the background “Don’t touch him!” What’s the point of Rolly getting there first anyway? Since they’re probably not paying in cash (maybe they get a special credit card or the studio just puts it on a tab)because plane tickets cost a lot usually, wouldn’t Rolly not be able to buy them since he’s underage? I mean, you have to have a passport and stuff and they probably don’t let minors buy tickets…or do they? Maybe it’s just me hoping. Therefore, Alex would be able to and Rolly wouldn’t. Whatever, Weavers suck anyway. Boo! Go Linzes! I like the Bransens too but the Linzes are more amusing. Looking forward to the final recap.
How can anyone possibly like the Linz family? If I were a female, the Linz BOYS would make me turn lesbo.
#9
LOL that made me crack up.
I thought I was the only one that noticed the Philpackage.
My eyes usually don’t go to that area but they sure did this episode. O_O
One of my favorite moments was when the Gawdlewski’s shouted to Phil after being told the leg was continuing, “you’re torturing us” and he replied, “yes, I’m torturing you. See you at the pit stop”.
One can only hope that the Weavers suffer the same fate as Romber in AR7.
I wish the Weavers had gotten some sort of time penalty for speeding and not wearing seat belts. It was hilarious when the cops came and everyone just put their seat belts on quickly.
The Christians sure make a fine advertisement for their religion…. hope others have bad experiences, don’t associate with others ( Not like us !! )…
I hope they make it to the final and come in SECOND !!!
P
My predicitons:
1. Devils
2. Linzes
3. Bransen
I think it would make a poetic ending to a trainwreck of a season.
And lets not forget which lone family did not lend any support to the New Orleans family. The only thing that would make my predicted outcome even better (read, worse) is if the religious fanatics (not the god fearing normal christian folk who follow the actual teachings of christ) embrace the Devils as their ideal family.
I would prefer the reverse order outcome, but I don’t think it will happen.
Any news when the next TAR starts? Lets get this wreck over with and move on.
I liked the non-elimation factor this month. Especially the last one when the race kept going. It provided some drama amongst all the weak detours and roadblocks. Still, the past few weeks has been a marked improvement over the bullshit they fed us during the East coast leg.
I have to go against the grain and say that I liked this season of TAR (once they left NY, Baltimore, et. al.) And I’m STILL rooting the The Grievers who will repent their sins once they see this show. I like the Linz’ too because they are Phyne and Phunny. Does anyone know what happened to the eye of the best looking Linz? It seems to always be overextended and strained. I’d still do him.
And a prominent appearance by PhillPackage. Trump would say Penis Prints are a 10 BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY! I say the bigger the better.
Upon seeing the PhilPackage(TM), I recoiled in horror…Phil! Phil! You don’t lift and separate your boys like that! My shock then evolved into marvel/fascination as to how the hell he didn’t sound like Kerri Shrug whilst wearing those cockhis, ahem, I mean khakis.
The Linz’s better win. I liked when they looked at their BB pic and complimented themselves on being such a fine looking family!
I need to pay more attention to the Philpackage too!
Could Phil be possibly promoting PhilPackageâžÂ¢ for an upcoming photoshoot in Playgirl???
The team that’s going to win is the team that CBS picks to win (see Uchenna & Joyce victory – yes I’m still bitter for Romber). Hopefully it won’t be the hypocritical, hair-challenged Weavers.
I love the Linzes. Uncle Bone needs to join the OC or something – I’d watch!
I was waiting for one of the Linz’s to realize that the ball they couldn’t find was hidden in Phil’s pants. A hole in one indeed.
I think Alex Linz has a lazy eye. He probably just needs some sleep, or an eye patch.
Nick Linz still hot as ever…
Go Linz Family!
Mmmm… I had a few too many fat frogs as a kid, they were so yummy! But my favorite was BUBALO BILL (with the bubblegum nose, of course!!)
#24 Victoria: Or Romber just sucks… stop complaining and move on.
http://www.realitytvworld.com/index/articles/story.php?s=3519
Did anyone hear Linda INVITE the Chief into the TENT for DINNER?
PhilPackage is a 20 million dollar a year industry!!!!
The PhilPackage is what has made this season of TAR worth watching. Thank you!
Didn’t Rolly say “Now we’re pimpin’ ” after the teepee challenge? Is “pimpin’” another term for being on God’s good side?
I’m not kidding. If you have it recorded, watch.
There is an article in this month’s “Great Adventures” magazine about Phil. When he was 19 he almost died when he was deep wreck diving and got stuck in the wreck. I am now certain that his dive partner thought that snake in Phil’s pants was his air hose.
Is the youngest Bransen girl a mute? Someone let me know that last time she spoke
Double L: Rob Mariano is such a tool. What pisses me off is that CBS went ahead and hired him as the “House Handiman” or maybe that was a consolation prize to keep him happy and to make him SHUT UP.
And Victoria: I guess you’re right…There never was another time on TAR that one team was given special treatment over another team (Charla and Mirna and the ferry, anyone?)
Did you see the interview yesterday on CBS morning show with the sisters? There’s THREE MORE at home. OH MY GAWD! ! ! !
GO LINZS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
DO OHIO PROUD ! ! ! ! !
Did anyone else notice that the Weavers were wearing gear that they did not have on when they “were forced to surrender everything but the clothes on their backs.” I’m calling BS on this whole lousy season and hope to God that CBS learned their lesson. I mean really, get dressed up in period costumes …. nice challenge CBS.
Didn’t Rolly also call the Indian “Chief Illiniwek”? How insensitive is that?
Family Edition Sucks: Knowing the Holier-Than-Thou Quartet they probably had clothes stashed in the camper just for such emergencies. Pricks!
My family and I played a fun game this episode. We had a pool where we predicted the ratio of Weaver religious references to negative comments about other team members. I think the score for this episode was 4 religious references to 5 negative comments, but I probably missed some. Fun times.
Uh, CBS, since this is the Family Edition, wouldn’t you presume that your audience might include, well,.. families watchinig the show together? So why did you decide that this season, it would be mandatory to air at least one team member saying “son of a bitch” during each episode? Are you now Amazing Race:NYPD Blue edition? Not to mention the family-friendly masturbation quips from the last episode. At least the kids didn’t comment on the PhilPackage ™…
Excellent re-cap,B-Side,as always. By the way,I think Phil was going “commando”.
B-side, you have officially won my heart with the use of “stadia”. *swak*
I hate to say this but even LittleTivo age 13, noticed the PhilPackage..and giggled..I’m in trouble..
Hey girls—just found out there are THREE MORE Linz boys at home! YUMMY!
TivOAteMyBaby…Best.Screen name.EVER.
I love the Phil package and boy oh boy did you do a great job of capturing it B-Side! Probably the ONLY worthwhile thing to look forward to on this show!
Weavers suck and I hope they come in last although I seem to side with #12 and her train of thought. Please NONONONONONONO!!!!!!
Here’s to the Linzes taking the prize!! yea…..
B side..I remember the Frog Bars, they were great. I think you can still find one of two at the bottom of any 7-11 freezer. It may be from 1983 and have a little freezer burn..
Speaking of burning, the Linz boys must be upset that they won’t be getting their ‘late night’ ; )
visits from the GodSlutski sisters.
I think the Bransens will win.
KH
I think the million dollar finish-line prize is actually stuffed in the PhilPackage.
By the way, does anyone know what the “guy” is singing in the theme song to AR? It’s like that music “dunh-dunh-dunh”, and then a guy sings two syllables that sounds like “Rooad Raaage!” So, whatever he is singing, I’ve now dubbed the AR theme song as “Road Rage”.
(Re: #12) “Nice guys do finish last. The only exception was Uchenna and Joyce.”
Chip and Kim too!
I don’t know what he’s singing…but I always picture Phil himself in the recording studio laying the track down, eyes closed tightly, head skyward Peter Gabriel-style.
I didn’t know who I wanted to go more – the Weavers or the Godlewskis – until the show was over and I kept hearing the Godlewskis screaming in my head for the next hour. I’m glad they are gone. I hope the Weavers get stomped.
I was surprised they didn’t take the “changing into Western garb” moment as another chance to show Nick Linz shirtless. C’mon, producers!
Fat Frogs rule
Did anyone else notice that the Bransen girls chose nice, conservative dresses, but the Weaver hags were dressed like syphillis-ridden saloon girls? That’s in Corinthians…
It was Bubbalo Bill (clever!) and the nose was a giant, tasteless gumball…my god, if I could go back in time…
I liked the Mickey Mouse one that had a gumball for an eye that fell out the second you unwrapped it….
How come no one is commenting on Momma Weaver saying how BEAUTIFUL she looked in her western garb?!
If that is beautiful, I’d rather be ugly….
When the Gaaadlewskis were building the tent and Chrissy went on her covert mission to determine how far apart the stakes were in the model teepee, did she go INSIDE the teepee to measure the distance between each stake? Like that would be a lot easier than walking around the outside of the thing.
Awesome recap, quickly done, and with PhilPackage (TM)! B-Side, you rock. Your recaps have been way better than the show this season.
I’m thinking/hoping the Linzes win, although it’d be nice for the Bransens too — Wally could be an inspiration to older chunky guys. If the L’s win, perhaps they can get an endorsement deal with cheese doodles.
Hoping the Linz’s win!
That Nick Linz is sexy, sexy! CBS website has him living in Buffalo…hmmmm….hope to see him around!
Oh my Gad, too freakin funny. The tipi measuring from the inside was the height of dumbosity. There may be a reason why the other sisters are such beeotches to her. It is said that one Native American woman could set up a tipi alone in 30 minutes. I’m here to tell you 4 burly dudes and 2 cases of SPATEN Oktobersfest can’t do it in 5 hours. That is a difficult detour.
I found it strange that the Bransen girls chose those dour outfits when those fun whorehouse getups were available.
I’m certain that the Weavers are going to win. It would be the icing on my Seasonal Affective Disorder cake. I may turn over to the prosperity gospel myself. What the hell. Creflo A. Dollar, here I come.
Regarding the Phil Package. I always miss seeing this. I’m so smitten by Phil’s gorgeous face and dreamy voice. However, the package prominence is due to the fact that Phil asks his tailor to take in the pants in the sack region.
I almost forgot (again) B-Side et al. – Great job on the prompt and hysterical posts lately. Gold stars all around.
And just when I began to hope she’d fallen off the face of the planet…lzq is back. Damn.
I’m a straight dude, and this site has caused me to watch out for PhilPackage. Thanks TVGasm.
Anyway, apparently CBS.com will show a webisode featuring the two losing families doing a challenge for a Lucerne or Yukon. Foreshadowing? Misdirection?
“One word: cheese doodles.”
Outstanding.
#20 – “Does anyone know what happened to the eye of the best looking Linz? It seems to always be overextended and strained.”
In one of the videos on the CBS website Alex says that he had really big, goofy eyeglasses when he was a kid, so that probably has something to do with it.
Anyways, I did happen to catch when Rolly said “pimpin”… that was just disturbing. I haven’t decided yet on which would be more satisfying – the Weavers losing baaaadly, or being neck and neck with the Linzs and losing in a foot race to the finish line. Oh that would be so good, coming that close and losing it all the end. Well, I can’t wait until the next episode to see whether Alex Linz does decide to break Rolly’s arm in that airport, or maybe he’ll just have to step on him (fingers crossed).
GO LINZS!!! Woo hoo!
I used to LOVE Bubbalo Bills! The Fat Frogs were good, but the green ice cream always melted and stained my skin.
“Wally chose the color purple (Oprah would be proud)” – LOVE IT!!!
Anyone else notice in the Linz van they kept zooming in on Alex? Why not more Nick shots?!!
And I never noticed before that the Bransen girls are kind of weird-looking. Not until they dressed all frumpy did you realize how odd they look.
I want the Linzes to win, but thinking back to the Colin/Christie year, you realize the spawns of Satan will probably win. (They’re so sweet an innocent that I was hoping the Indian Chief guy would punch Rolly in the face after the tomahawk dance!)
Was your “And you’re all idiots!” line a nod to Wes Studi in Mystery Men?
Re #34 and #51 – I too noticed that the Grievers were not wearing the same clothes they had on when the came in last in the non-elimination round. I also thought it was telling that the Griever girls dressed like whorehouse sluts for the Buffalo Bill picture. But hey, they’re just nice Christian girls!
Amazing Race needs to get rid of the stupid “give us your money, give us your stuff” penalty for the non-elimination rounds. Why not give them a serious penalty like making them do BOTH challenges at the next detour.
In the old-time picture, is Nick doing his best Bruce Campbell impersonation, or is that just a fly on his nose?
ha!
I thought the girl playing Irma’s pained expression at the OhMyGaadlewskis was the highlight. I knew they were axed at that moment.