American Horror Story: Asylum Recap: Spilt Milk

Recaps

By RJ | Thursday, January 10, 2013 | 1:06 pm | 15 Comments
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Posted in: American Horror Story, Recaps

Kit asks the most anti-climatic question ever regarding their baby, “Am I crazy or does he look like me?” Really? Can’t it be both? I’m pretty sure you’re crazy, and not just because you’re in a mental institution. Even if you didn’t murder your wife in cold blood, you have few, if any, questions regarding her abduction by aliens, or the subsequent abduction of your baby mama. So, yes, you are crazy, and your baby looks like you. Sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too.

Kit has questions about Alma’s abduction and Grace is sad to inform him that she was no longer alive. Grace says the aliens are not like us, as they are peaceful. Save for that flashback of the aliens trying to shove a fully developed infant back into her vagina. I’ve never had a vagina before, but I imagine having a baby shoved up there isn’t pleasant or peaceful, like trying to park a big rig in a carport.

File this photo under “peaceful” and “serenity”, Websters.

Kit wonders how their baby grew so fast, as her abduction lasted only a matter of weeks. Grace informs him that time moves differently up there, and it seemed like a hundred years to her. One hundred years in a maternity ward? There isn’t a health insurance plan on God’s green earth that covers anything more than a few days. Plus, she received some sort of weird spa treatment in a bath when she was up there. This medical bill is going to be astronomical.

Grace and Kit’s time spent with their baby is short-lived, though, as a nun shows up to take Thomas to an orphanage. Apparently, an axe murderer and alleged serial killer aren’t ideal parents. Still, they’re a straight couple. Imagine the horror if a couple like Lana and Wendy adopted Thomas. They might raise a well adjusted kid and Briarcliff would go out of business. The Catholic Church has a business plan, ladies and gentleman, and it’s to make sure there is always someone to lock up.

Relinquish your child to the Catholic Church- we’re great with children!

Jude’s one moment of clarity last week pays off in a huge way, as Mother Claudia tracks down Lana in the kitchen and informs her that she is getting her out of Briarcliff. Her clothes that she arrived in are waiting in the restroom next door. Hear that Lana? Your sensible and fashionable 1964 lesbian pants suit is waiting next door. Lucky you.

Lana agrees to leave, but only under one condition. Apparently, Lana is calling the shots and will look this gift horse in the mouth. Literally, Mother Claudia looks like a horse, bearing gifts. Lana says she’ll leave if she gets to take Thredson’s taped confession, which she has hidden in the flour in the kitchen. She dons her fashionable 1964 Sapphic and sporty suit and struts right past Thredson, who is arguing with Kit on the staircase by the entry way.

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RJ
About

I learned I was different in the third grade.  They would bring in our parents as tutors to help with difficult subjects like math, which is a testament to just how underfunded the California school system has always been.  Michael Weber's mother was tutoring me and one of my classmates in multiplication.  I did not care for the speed at which the lesson was progressing. 

I threw out a line from the most classic of movies, 'Back to the Future', when I simply stated "Let's see if these bastards can do 90!"  Michael Weber's mom was not impressed.

Its sad when the peak of your comedic career comes in the third grade, but I've never let that hinder me.  I still plug away at my boring day job while I dream of a day that I can tell the Michael Weber's moms of the world to suck it for not appreciating my sense of humor.

 

15 Comments

  1. 1
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    I thought Lana said that, “Breathing is too good for you”. I think that line is better anyway.

    You did a great recap RJ! You get them up as fast as Flipit does and I am very impressed. I have been lurking a lot this season since I just got interested in AHS: Asylum (I have to thank Nads and TVGasm for it) and now decided to comment.

    I don’t know but I don’t think the whole “Lana’s baby is Bloody Face 2″ thing is as it appears. I am sure I am wrong but I have a feeling there is going to be another HUUUGE twist we never saw coming. I mean, there are 3 babies involved in this series and it cannot be that Kit’s kids are just now out in the normal world and, well, normal. I am not looking forward to the whole Maury Povich paternity scandal talk show story line because it looks extremely boring. Unless this ties into the whole Bloody Face 2 thing, I don’t see it being remotely interesting.

    I am looking forward to seeing more Sarah Paulson. I <3 her.

    Poor Sister Jude. She will get out and her and Lana Banana will wind up being the new Thelma and Louise.

    Great recap again!!!

  2. 2
    pjpape
    Posted January 10, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    I agree RJ.. I can’t eat while watching this show.

  3. 3
    yeknom
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 9:02 am

    I want to know how Bloody Face 2 got his daddy’s house. Didn’t he say he had been moved from foster home to foster home? Or am I imaging that?

    I am so glad Sister Jude is still alive. They can kill of the entire cast as long as Jessice Lange stays alive til the end. I love her.

    @Parisi, I’m waiting for a big twist too. I want two know who Kit’s 2 kids end up being.

    And I know Monsignor killed her, but I still wish they’d bring back Shelly.

  4. 4
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 9:05 am

    RJ – you are hilarious! I hope you pick up another show when this one ends.

    Parisi – Have you gone back and watched season one of AHS?? If not, I suggest you do. It’s 10x better than this season could ever hope to be. Also, I went back and forth on this episode about Lana’s baby actually being Bloody Face II. We better find out because BF 2 killed all those mo-fo’s at the beginning of the season and strung up the fake BF’s.

    The most disgusting scene this season was watching breast milk dribble out of Johnny’s mouth. With that said, I would still totally do Dylan McDermott.

    Since Dr. Arden is dead, are we ever going to find out what he saw when he “killed” Kit and the aliens came???

  5. 5
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 9:59 am

    @plockness monster-I have not seen season 1. I heard it was great but while I love horror movies (Saw BABY!!!), I don’t like horror TV. It gives me indigestion like watching Toddlers and Tiaras. I hate supernatural scares because it seems so odd. I like the psychological, torturing people bit. To be it in simple terms, I like watching stupid people die. It makes me laugh. Which is why I like AHS: Asylum. I also liked Chloe Sevigney (sp) and I used to despise her.

    I don’t know but I think BF2 might be one of Kit’s kids or something. Maybe even the two accomplices who helped Johnny wound up killing after the two fakers killed Adam Levine and that hot chick.

    I really, really miss Lily Rabe. She was AMAZING. I want to see her come back again and kill Monsignor. That guy is hiding something bigger than just the Briarcliff secrets.

  6. 6
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted January 11, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Well, this episode has gone out of the way to establish a breast milk fetish for BF2, so I’m going with Lana breast feeding the baby, and then deserting it, hence his attachment to breast feeding . . . anyone get where I’m going . . .

    RJ, very witty cap, loved it!!!

    I still miss Devil Nun too, but I’m sure these people will all be back next season in new roles.

    Kit’s babies are alien hybrids, so I doubt they would end up anything as mundane as serial killers. I’m glad Alma made it back!

    Sadly, this wrap up episode wasn’t as good as the previous ones . . . hope there’s still some action in the final two!

  7. 7
    Miss Molly
    Posted January 12, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Pepper will save Sister Jude.

  8. 8
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted January 12, 2013 at 9:56 am

    @Miss Molly-Maybe the aliens told Pepper Sister Jude sang to her when she had “The Name Game” delusion.

  9. 9
    the_spiral
    Posted January 12, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Lana, girrrrl, WHAT the bloody(face) hell were you thinking?! First you murder a renowned serial killer/rapist (good choice) and then you carry his genetic legacy on after his death (really bad choice)?!? And then on top of this you don’t want to breastfeed or cuddle with the baby, thereby ENSURING the child has both the “nature” and “nurture” in place to become a violent psychopath himself? That’s just irresponsible!

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted January 12, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    I feel like the only way that Lana’s baby isn’t Johnny would be if Thredson impregnated someone else. J is sitting in Thredson’s house, proclaimed himself the son of BF to the psychiatrist, and has alot of the same mental problems as Thredson…I don’t see how he could end up not being Thredson’s child.
    But Thredson definitely only has that one baby with Lana, being that he presumably lost his virginity to a frozen corpse. Not sure why he couldn’t just go buy a blow up doll to practice on like everyone else; he’s a doctor, he can afford a blow up doll; but oh well.
    The corpse was free…it’s hard to say no to free things sometimes.
    But anyway, I just don’t see how Johnny could not be Thredson’s son.
    For me, the real question is whether or not Johnny was the one who slaughtered the BF impersonators in the present. Did that guy ever cop to being Bloody Face’s son or is he still unknown?

    So happy that Sister Jude has her wits about her again. That scene where she called the Monsignor out on his shit made me shiver. Jessica Lange is such a fierce bitch.
    She should have kept it cute and quiet though, because her cell at the end?
    Not the business.
    Made the other cells look like Club Med.
    I’m pretty sure that crazy santa guy even had a bigger solitary cell than what she has.
    If Pepper was to save her, I’d be so happy. I wonder what Pepper is doing with her newfound smarts actually, now that Grace and the baby are out.

    @Parisi, I think you should check out the first season.
    Supernatural horror abounds, but it’s mostly twisted, creepy, what the fuck is this shit type of horror. I like horror tv generally, but it’s definitely not like most horror tv that I’ve seen.
    Also, lots of stupid people die right before your eyes. Some good and innocent people die too, which is sad, but a fair percentage of the people kind of had it coming, so you don’t have to feel so bad all the time.

  11. 11
    yeknom
    Posted January 14, 2013 at 8:02 am

    @Miss Molly, now that would be great!

    There’s only 2 episodes left, right? I don’t know how I’m gonna handled waiting until October for another season (if there is another season). No other show has ever left me so confused, horrified, disgusted and intrigued all at once.

    Do you think they could bring Jessica Lang back for another season?

  12. 12
    RJ RJ
    Posted January 14, 2013 at 8:08 am

    A third season has already been announced, and Jessica Lange will be a part of it, but the remaining details have yet to be announced.

    Ryan Murphy has teased, though, that there have been clues in the past two episodes regarding the third season- so viewers have been scouring the episodes. One suggestion is the red slippers that Lana was wearing in the previous episode.

  13. 13
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted January 14, 2013 at 8:33 am

    They said that in season one – that there would be clues as to season 2′s location. Isn’t Briarcliff in Boston?? They talked about Boston a lot in season one because that is where the Harmons moved from.
    Just check IMDB, and the only actor confirmed for season 3 is Jessica Lange. YAY!

  14. 14
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted January 14, 2013 at 10:56 am

    @ chaos: “The corpse was free…it’s hard to say no to free things sometimes.”

    HAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!

  15. 15
    cosmonala
    Posted January 15, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    I did learn something from this episode: apparently, there are ways to fulfill your needs. Who knew you could find Chocolate Milk (love that!) on the computer-thingy, and she delivers?

    Haha–my captcha is “Box of chocolates”!

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